Ishcabittle
New member
A Day In The Life Of Saint Lucifer:
SETTING: A dark and dirty bedroom, dawn. The sound of an alarm sounds across thick, smoky air, and a piercing shaft of the rising sun's light streaks across the filthy room. A large figure stirs in the yellow-brown bed.
LUCY: Oh, fuck. Coffee. I need coffee. He coughs, violently.
Getting up slowly, he sits at the edge of the bed. He yawns, and as he does, he looks at the large poster on the wall of Celine Dion. His penis stirs, and he growns half-hard. The decision to masturbate isn't concious, just there, and he proceeds.
Two minutes later, he gets up and makes coffee.
Coffee cup and cigarette in hand he strolls over to his PC, an Acer in an olive green case. Dust and filth chokes the fans and vents, and once in a while it coughs out a puff of dust.
LUCY: Oh my god, I am going to own so many assholes on the internet today. Look at this, they think they're making fun of me... heh. I'll show them...
As he types away, the beam of light moves slowly down the wall. The smoke from the lit cigarette and all the cigarettes from the night before hang thick in the air. There also hangs the smell of Lucy himself. It is now three hours after he has risen and he has not showered, shaved, or brushed his teeth.
LUCY: Oh fuck, I better go...
Lucy finally dresses, putting on the same uniform from his last shift. Jumping into his VW bug (lime green) he speeds off, smoking and sipping on a cup of Maxwell House.
CHOLO: Eugene, you're fucking late again. Now get on the fucking fryer and don't burn the fries today, okay? Fuck! Do something right today, will you? As a personal favor? God!
Cholo, the mexican manager, storms off to help customers at the front of the Burger King.
Lucy's mind wanders and he begins to think about TK. I am going to own so many assholes on TK tonight. They're all going to pay, and pay hard. I wonder if Mandi would consider flying up here if I bought her a plane ticket... hmm...
CHOLO: EUGENE!!! WHAT THE FUCK, MAN, YOU'RE BURNING THE FRIES!!! FUCKING MORON, GOD DAMN...
Lucy sulks by the fryer for the rest of his shift. At one point during the shift it gets particularly busy, the oil gets particularly hot and pops, splashing Lucy in the cheek. He becomes frustrated, his face becomes red, and a single tear rolls down his cheek.
As he heads home, he stops by a convenience store and picks out the new Club magazine, a pack of smokes (Camel Ultra Lights) and a six pack of Bud.
He walks into he apartment and sits down in front of the computer. He types away for about an hour, then starts as he notices the time.
LUCY: Well, an hour off for Renegade then back at it.
During Renegade, Lucy drinks two beers and smokes six cigarettes. At one point in the show his penis stirs, and the decision to masturbate imposes itself. He proceeds, cleaning up with a t-shirt he keeps in the couch for that purpose.
LUCY: Man, that was a sexy ep of Renegade. Sexy... yeah. Well, back to owning these assholes... GOD, they are so owned when I'm done with them.
All through the night, Lucy types away at his keyboard. Three times he's forced to reboot, as the system bogs down. Cursing his copy of Windows ME, he leafs through his new Club magazine as he waits. The choice to masturbate isn't a choice at all, he simply complies with his body's urges. Although he looks more at the men's genitalia, he whispers to himself, "Yeah, bitch, those tits are hot. Suck that dick, bitch. Fuck yeah." Between the Celine Dion, Renegade, and the new Club Magazine, the t-shirt becomes wet and crusty.
Lucy yawns, stretches, and shoves the wet t-shirt back into the couch. He has yet to shower, shave, or brush his teeth. Stripping off his still oily uniform, he crawls into bed.
LUCY: Work sucked today... hmm.... at least I've owned the shit outta those idiots at TK. They'll soon see... I'm the greatest troll ever... banned from everywhere.... big schlong...
As he drifts off to sleep, his hand reaches up to his face, and involuntarily, he begins to suck his thumb.
------------
Karma for the first to post his predictable reply!
SETTING: A dark and dirty bedroom, dawn. The sound of an alarm sounds across thick, smoky air, and a piercing shaft of the rising sun's light streaks across the filthy room. A large figure stirs in the yellow-brown bed.
LUCY: Oh, fuck. Coffee. I need coffee. He coughs, violently.
Getting up slowly, he sits at the edge of the bed. He yawns, and as he does, he looks at the large poster on the wall of Celine Dion. His penis stirs, and he growns half-hard. The decision to masturbate isn't concious, just there, and he proceeds.
Two minutes later, he gets up and makes coffee.
Coffee cup and cigarette in hand he strolls over to his PC, an Acer in an olive green case. Dust and filth chokes the fans and vents, and once in a while it coughs out a puff of dust.
LUCY: Oh my god, I am going to own so many assholes on the internet today. Look at this, they think they're making fun of me... heh. I'll show them...
As he types away, the beam of light moves slowly down the wall. The smoke from the lit cigarette and all the cigarettes from the night before hang thick in the air. There also hangs the smell of Lucy himself. It is now three hours after he has risen and he has not showered, shaved, or brushed his teeth.
LUCY: Oh fuck, I better go...
Lucy finally dresses, putting on the same uniform from his last shift. Jumping into his VW bug (lime green) he speeds off, smoking and sipping on a cup of Maxwell House.
CHOLO: Eugene, you're fucking late again. Now get on the fucking fryer and don't burn the fries today, okay? Fuck! Do something right today, will you? As a personal favor? God!
Cholo, the mexican manager, storms off to help customers at the front of the Burger King.
Lucy's mind wanders and he begins to think about TK. I am going to own so many assholes on TK tonight. They're all going to pay, and pay hard. I wonder if Mandi would consider flying up here if I bought her a plane ticket... hmm...
CHOLO: EUGENE!!! WHAT THE FUCK, MAN, YOU'RE BURNING THE FRIES!!! FUCKING MORON, GOD DAMN...
Lucy sulks by the fryer for the rest of his shift. At one point during the shift it gets particularly busy, the oil gets particularly hot and pops, splashing Lucy in the cheek. He becomes frustrated, his face becomes red, and a single tear rolls down his cheek.
As he heads home, he stops by a convenience store and picks out the new Club magazine, a pack of smokes (Camel Ultra Lights) and a six pack of Bud.
He walks into he apartment and sits down in front of the computer. He types away for about an hour, then starts as he notices the time.
LUCY: Well, an hour off for Renegade then back at it.
During Renegade, Lucy drinks two beers and smokes six cigarettes. At one point in the show his penis stirs, and the decision to masturbate imposes itself. He proceeds, cleaning up with a t-shirt he keeps in the couch for that purpose.
LUCY: Man, that was a sexy ep of Renegade. Sexy... yeah. Well, back to owning these assholes... GOD, they are so owned when I'm done with them.
All through the night, Lucy types away at his keyboard. Three times he's forced to reboot, as the system bogs down. Cursing his copy of Windows ME, he leafs through his new Club magazine as he waits. The choice to masturbate isn't a choice at all, he simply complies with his body's urges. Although he looks more at the men's genitalia, he whispers to himself, "Yeah, bitch, those tits are hot. Suck that dick, bitch. Fuck yeah." Between the Celine Dion, Renegade, and the new Club Magazine, the t-shirt becomes wet and crusty.
Lucy yawns, stretches, and shoves the wet t-shirt back into the couch. He has yet to shower, shave, or brush his teeth. Stripping off his still oily uniform, he crawls into bed.
LUCY: Work sucked today... hmm.... at least I've owned the shit outta those idiots at TK. They'll soon see... I'm the greatest troll ever... banned from everywhere.... big schlong...
As he drifts off to sleep, his hand reaches up to his face, and involuntarily, he begins to suck his thumb.
------------
Karma for the first to post his predictable reply!
