S. SaDiablo
New member
New "game." Very simple. Provide reasoning.
Sex on the first date is okay. Agree or disagree?
Sex on the first date is okay. Agree or disagree?
Donovan said:Oh OK, you twisted my arm. I will disagree with the statement that sex on the first date is okay, and here's why.
Dating is, for the sake of this argument, NOT the same as "hookups". Nameless pickup sex is a fine hobby and certainly a great form of exercise. For the sake of argument we'll define "first date" as the initial contact between two persons who are attempting to forge a deeper relationship of longer duration. What follows are the reasons why "first-date sex" doesn't work.
1. Dating is about compatibility. Two people are attempting to discover if they can tolerate each other's company in the longterm sense. It is, at its core, the ancient art of courtship. Since sex is an instinctive act, it is one of the easiest forms of compatibility to fake and is not a true measure of the person.
2. Sex by its nature is an act of ultimate intimacy and "invasion" of the most primal sense. Completion of the act frequently causes a sense of entitlement in the female that may not be matched in the male. This leads to lowered self-esteem in females, many of whom already suffer from culturally-based low esteem difficulties. Likewise, the male may have the sense of entitlement and decide that sex = ownership, which can lead to many difficulties for an uninterested female.
3. Reproduction, and spreading the seed within as many willing females as possible, is a primal male instinct. First-date sex completes this drive and often leads to distraction and non-interest in the days after the sex. Forcing a delay of gratification allows other emotions to build in the male, creating longer term bonds and emotional connections that would not otherwise be present.
4. In even the very best long-term relationships, sexual activity fades over time. If sex occurs too quickly, a couple may confuse the pleasant feeling for true compatibility and find themselves saddled with a loser they can't quite get rid of. Delay of the act allows time for two people to truly get a better sense of the other, and can prevent mistakes such as unwanted pregnancy and unwanted relationships.
5. Nothing worthwhile ever comes so easily. When sex is proffered as an eventual reward for both male and female, the tendency is to put extra work into the relationship in the form of mutual respect, good treatment and even love. When gratification is instant and often, men and women are inclined to laziness and fail to put any work into actual deeper feelings. This can lead to all sorts of "social decay" issues like divorce, unwed parenthood, and poverty in children.
6. Foreplay is an act which increases desire exponentially. If a dating couple engages in sex immediately, it can be akin to mutual masturbation; nice, but not spectacular. A couple who refrains from actual intercourse while engaging in various forms of sexual foreplay and petting increases the level of endorphins and anticipation for the act itself when it finally occurs, creating an explosive sexual experience neither party will soon forget.
7. Socially speaking, people have a better chance of enjoying other aspects of the date without sex in the equation. A male who is preoccupied with getting a little is generally unable to focus on much else during the date; most of his conversation will center of physical compliments and lame double-entendres designed to signal his attraction and "turn on" the female. Once sex is removed from the equation, the male will either focus on other topics with the date, or simply end the date. Either way, both parties are saved from wasting an evening trapped with a bad date.
8. Sexual power is currently firmly in the hands of females, by the laws of supply and demand. Women have it, men desperately want it. Like the saying goes, women have half the money and all the pussy; there is no reason they shouldn't be ruling the world. Giving up sex so easily negates that power for the female. Remember, withholding sex is what gave you the right to vote. That's why they called it "suffrage". They weren't talking about suffering women.
9. Conversely, women who use sex as a weapon to hold men at bay can be defeated by a male who declines sex on the first date. Women do not ever expect to be declined when they offer sex. It's kind of a given that men will want some. When a man refuses first date sex, he steals some of that power by triggering the female's aforementioned insecurites and self-esteem issues. By the second date, she will have worked hereself into a frenzy wondering what she did wrong and will practically throw herself at the male.
Okay, that ought to cause enough ruckus for one post. Have at it, folks.
S. SaDiablo said:Okay, here's a new one (once told to me by an ex):
Guys don't care if a woman's breasts are real or fake so long as they're big. Agree or disagree?