What's new
Troll Kingdom

This is a sample guest message. Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

Decisions

Mirah

Mirah

I love you
what to do
what to do
what to do
I can't decide
 
What will bring me the most peace?

The thing that is the most boring unfortunately.

The one that seemilngly has no adventure.

The safe route.
 
I stopped asking family for advice or even using them as a sounding board because they don't ask me what i want, they tell me what I should want.
 
What do I want?
 
  1. Step 1: Identify the decision. You realize that you need to make a decision. ...
  2. Step 2: Gather relevant information. ...
  3. Step 3: Identify the alternatives. ...
  4. Step 4: Weigh the evidence. ...
  5. Step 5: Choose among alternatives. ...
  6. Step 6: Take action. ...
  7. Step 7: Review your decision & its consequences.
 
What is my long term goal?

Which decision will get me closer to that goal?

Do I want short term satisfaction instead of long term rewards? Yes.
 
The best way to make a decision is to write down all of the answers on a separte piece of paper, put them each into a bowl and then draw an option out and go with that one no matter what.

Throwing darts on a board could also work,but does not seem as effective unless you are just trying to decide a roat trip destination.
 
  1. Look beyond the moment. ...
  2. Evaluate a “head choice” versus a “heart choice” ...
  3. Consider if you could you survive if disappointed. ...
  4. Respect the effect and influence of others. ...
  5. Go with what you know.
 
Think about who's affected. First and foremost, you should consider how your decision affects you. Specifically, how does your decision affect how you consider yourself as a person? What are your values and goals? Making decisions that are not "value-congruent" (i.e., they don’t align with the core beliefs that drive you) can leave you feeling unhappy and dissatisfied.
  • For example, if a core value for you, something that is a deep part of your identity, is ambition, moving to part-time could represent a misalignment because you are no longer pursuing your ambition of getting promoted and become the top person at your company.
  • Your core values may sometimes conflict with one another, too. For example, you may have ambition and family-orientedness as core values. You may need to prioritize one over the other to come to a decision. Understanding what values will be affected by your decision can help you make the right one.
  • You should also consider how the problem or decision affects other people. Will any of the possible outcomes negatively affect people you care about? Take others into account throughout your decision making process, especially if you are married or have children.
  • For example, the decision to move to part-time could have a positive impact on your kids because it would mean more time with you, but it could have a negative impact on you because you may have to give up on your ambition for a promotion. It may also have a negative on your whole family by reducing your income.
 
Mirah said:
What will bring me the most peace?

The thing that is the most boring unfortunately.

The one that seemilngly has no adventure.

The safe route.
Click to expand...
That's the route I always take until my laziness and cowardice force me to sometimes take the harder route.
 
Sounds like coaching Mirah.

Set the stage, make a safe container.

Ask yourself open ended questions, then give good reflections and affirmations.

When you summarize, focus on your change talk (i might, I can, I will) instead of any sustain talk (I don't know, I can't, I won't)
 
Can you give me an example of an open ended question? I mean i get it, not a "yes or no" question.

Say you were talking to someone making a career change and they have 2 job offers and they are trying to decide on one of them-or none of them in fact.
 
That would be end stage contemplation, so you'd want to ask open ended questions like, "How do you feel about having two job offers"? "What's that make you feel like?" 'Sounds like you have skills in more than one field" and then you would reflect whatever their answer was word for word while dropping your pitch at the last word. The important thing is to listen deeply, with curiosity and respect. When you hear change talk, respond immediately. When you hear sustain don't give it much traction. Wait for the change talk and reflect on that.

When you ask an OE question you always want to follow up the responses with two reflections.
 
I might
I can
I will
 
I went from staring at the celing to "everything must be clean!"
rearange! Clean! Organize! Make plans! Get it done!
 
Well now that I have had dinner
and that is all settled in
I am going to go back to staring at things
 
I wake up with a pit in my stomach
 
That doesn't sound very pleasant.
 
No. It hasn't been.

But I think it is part of this process of deciding what the next phase of my life will be.

I've never felt like this tho.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top