Deep Thoughts from Jack Handey

[Mandi]

Sometimes you have to be careful when selecting a new name for yourself. For instance, let's say you have chosen the nickname "Fly Head." Normally you would think that "Fly Head" would mean a person who has beautiful swept-back features, as if flying through the air. But think again. Couldn't it also mean "having a head like a fly"? I'm afraid some people might actually think that.

 

[Mandi]

Here's a good thing to do if you go to a party and you don't know anybody: First take out the garbage. Then go around and collect any extra garbage that people might have, like a crumpled napkin, and take that out too. Pretty soon people will want to meet the busy garbage guy.

 

[Mandi]

Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words "mank" and "ind." What do these words mean? It's a mystery and that's why so is mankind.

 

[Mandi]

Jack Handey The tired and thirsty prospector threw himself down at the edge of the watering hole and started to drink. But then he looked around and saw skulls and bones everywhere. "Uh-oh," he thought. "This watering hole is reserved for skeletons."

 

[Mandi]

I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then, Yahoo!, I'd have all my money back.

 

[Omega Weapon]

1

 

[Mirah]

As the sky faded from sort of a salmon grey to a deep blue I thought of the salmon I caught earlier, and how grey he was.

 

[Mirah]

I always thought a funny thing to do while taking your kids to Disneyland would be to drive by an old burnt up barn and say, "oh Im sorry kids but Disneyland is burned down, we'll have to go another time."