*Quietly notices thread and grins*
Cait and Morrhigan have summed up a lot of things very nicely. I'll add just another two cents on my observations on the submissive psyche.
As cait had mentioned, there is a balance between the Dominant and the submissive. The basics are this: the Dom should (ideally) provide a structured and safe place for the submissive to react in. This includes the Dominant already knowing what he/she wants from the submissive or the scene. The submissive, on the other hand, is giving up the control in a situation in return for GREATER freedom to react, with less inhibition because the responsibility for the scene is no longer theirs.
Ideally, a submissive is allowed to Obey and React. Obedience removes responsibility, Reaction allows them to be "more themselves". One can keep this sort of relationship within the bedroom, or one can extend it outside of the bedroom, it's up to the people involved in the relationship as to how far to take the power exchange.
A further note: one cannot "give" what one doesn't already posses. While Miss Friday doesn't appear to have an issue there, a submissive should have a healthy self-image in order to submit. Submission out of desperation is a path to being victimized...not cherished.
-SB