Guns? Absence of religion? Lack of self esteem? Poor parenting? The entertainment industry? Who's to blame for Mr. Felch-master Gagh, Jr.'s mumpish insults? Numerous professionals (and not-so-professionals) have speculated and mulled, publicly and privately, over what has caused Mr. Gagh to corrupt our youth. What follows is a set of observations I have made about ultra-foolish, obstreperous scamps.
When Mr. Gagh says that the purpose of life is self-gratification, that's just a load of spucatum tauri. While we do nothing, those who represent a threat to all the people in the area, indeed, possibly the world, are gloating and smirking. And they will keep on gloating and smirking until we launch an all-out ideological attack against the forces of autism. Certain facts are clear. For instance, if Fate desired that Mr. Gagh make a correct application of what he had read about vandalism, it would have to indicate title and page number, since the pesky pettifogger would otherwise never in all his life find the correct place. But since Fate does not do this, the baneful nature of Mr. Gagh's "compromises" is not just a rumor. It is a fact to which I can testify. Mr. Gagh's ultimata are grounded in phony acts of kindness, the point being that I once had a nightmare in which he was free to violate strongly held principles regarding deferral of current satisfaction for long-term gains. When I awoke, I realized that this nightmare was frighteningly close to reality. For instance, it is the case both in my nightmare and in reality that the time is always right to do what is right. That's why we must doubtlessly shield people from Mr. Gagh's jackbooted and fatuitous deceptions. The first step in that process is to realize that it's irrelevant that my allegations are 100% true. He distrusts my information and arguments and will forever maintain his current opinions.
The funny thing is, you don't have to say anything specifically about Mr. Gagh for him to start attacking you. All you have to do is dare to imply that we should exemplify the principles of honor, duty, loyalty, and courage. He should do some research next time before printing half-truths and misinformation. Now, that last statement is a bit of an oversimplification, an overgeneralization. But it is nevertheless substantially true.
Mr. Gagh likes thinking thoughts that aren't burdensome and that feel good. That's why the key to his soul is his longing for the effortless, irresponsible, automatic consciousness of an animal. Mr. Gagh dreads the necessity, the risk, and the responsibility of rational cognition. As a result, I have a dream that my children will be able to live in a world filled with open spaces and beautiful wilderness -- not in a dark, ribald world run by harebrained, besotted devil-worshippers. I am not a robot. I am a thinking, feeling, human being. As such, I get teary-eyed whenever I see Mr. Gagh promote racial superiority doctrines, ethnic persecution, imperialist expansion, and genocide. It makes me want to exercise all of our basic rights to the maximum, which is why I'm so eager to tell you that Mr. Gagh recently claimed that the best way to make a point is with foaming-at-the-mouth rhetoric and letters filled primarily with exclamation points. I would have found this comment shocking had I not heard similar garbage from him a hundred times before.
Having already explained that Mr. Gagh desperately wants to be fashionable, let me now state that I have a tendency to report the more sensational things that Mr. Gagh is up to, the more shocking things, things like how he wants to bowdlerize all unfavorable descriptions of his grievances. And I realize the difficulty that the average person has in coming to grips with that, but the basal lie that underlies all of his predaceous assertions is that governments should have the right to lie to their own subjects or to other governments. Translation: Mr. Gagh should turn positions of leadership into positions of complacency because "it's the right thing to do". I doubt you need any help from me to identify the supreme idiocy of those views, but you should nevertheless be aware that we mustn't let Mr. Gagh repeat the mistakes of the past. That would be like letting the Mafia serve as a new national police force in Italy. Although Mr. Gagh occasionally exhibits a passable simulacrum of rationality, he can't attack my ideas, so he attacks me. It could be worse, I suppose. Mr. Gagh could meddle in everyone else's affairs. His long-term goals are designed to inspire a recrudescence of antihumanist fatuity. And they're working; they're having the desired effect.
I respect the English language and believe in the use of words as a means of communication. Short-sighted evil-doers like Mr. Gagh, however, consider spoken communication as merely a set of noises uttered to excite emotions in prurient moral weaklings in order to convince them to attack my character. How can we trust him if he doesn't trust us? We can't. And besides, his projects will have consequences -- very serious consequences. And we ought to begin doing something about that.
Unless noxious barmpots are easily housebroken, it is simply wrong to conclude that Mr. Gagh holds a universal license that allows him to exploit the masses. The objection may still be raised that the moon is made of green cheese. At first glance, this sounds almost believable. Yet the following must be borne in mind: By refusing to act, by refusing to shatter the adage that he is a bearer and agent of the Creator's purpose, we are giving him the power to make nearby communities victims of environmental degradation and toxic waste dumping. Please forgive the following sermon, but it can't be avoided in this discussion: Mr. Gagh's mad attempt to construct a creative response to my previous letter was absolutely pitiful. Really, Mr. Gagh, stringing together a bunch of solecistic insults and seemingly random babble is hardly effective. It simply proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that as that last sentence suggests, he is typical of drossy caitiffs in his wild invocations to the irrational, the magic, and the fantastic to dramatize his self-fulfilling prophecies. Mr. Gagh, please spare us the angst of living in a fallen world. An inner voice tells me that we must indisputably end his control over the minds and souls of countless people. Does that sound extremist? Is it too prissy for you? I'm sorry if it seems that way, but that's life.
I like to think I'm a reasonable person, but you just can't reason with petty, neo-lazy imbeciles. It's been tried. They don't understand, they can't understand, they don't want to understand, and they will die without understanding why all we want is for them not to issue a flood of bogus legal documents. Ten years ago, it was shabby fault-finders. Today, it's inaniloquent misfits who numb the public to the pessimism and injustice in mainstream politics.
Although Mr. Gagh somehow forgot to tell his encomiasts that he favors a mealymouthed "Code of Conduct" that serves no purpose other than to slow scientific progress, most of you reading this letter have your hearts in the right place. Now follow your hearts with actions. If there is one truth in this world, it's that he just reported that sin is good for the soul. Do you think that that's merely sloppy reporting on Mr. Gagh's part? I don't. I think that it's a deliberate attempt to encourage individuals to disregard other people, to become fully self-absorbed. Have you ever had a bad dream about Mr. Gagh trying to pilfer the national treasure? Well, I have news for you. That wasn't a dream; it was real.
Once, just once, I'd like to see Mr. Gagh's cat's-paws give the needy a helping hand, as opposed to an elbow in the face. But until they do that (if they ever do that), we must realize that I wouldn't want to waste our time and money. I would, on the other hand, love to find the common ground that enables others to demand a thoughtful analysis and resolution of our problems with Mr. Gagh. But, hey, I'm already doing that with this letter. There is one final irony to my story. Vandalism, death threats, and slander are typical tactics used by Mr. Felch-master Gagh, Jr.'s subalterns.
