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I could take a pill

Mirah

Mirah

I love you
Maybe this is what being content feels like
if only
just for a few moments
I felt so good
I feel so fucking good
but my back still hurts a little
and I will feel restless
trying to go to sleep
so I thought
"I could take a pill"
and then I thought,
"I could take so many"
then I would not wake up
but it wasn't out of
hatred
or fear
or sadness
it was
really
out
of
laziness
and
contentment
and
a
little
bit
of
selfishness
but then
I realized
this
is
what
it feels like
this
is
why
they
do
it
maybe
I'm not sure
But really, for a moment I got a glimpse into the happiness, the contentment, its okay if they die thing. I understood.
It was a peace too

What the fuck was in that food I ate tonight?
Just kidding
I have no idea where these thoughts came from really.
 
Somebody offered me a house that I feel like I don't deserve.

A lady is kicking me out where I currently live (she gave me time to move/I am being slightly dramatic-but really the other day she says, "You don't have to stay the whole time")

Its like I feel like, "How the fuck do I get into these situations?

How the fuck do I think that living with others will be a neat idea and people will be normal fucking human beings?!?!? or that they won't think I am completely fucked up or abnormal or something.

And then this
A house
All on my own
My own fucking place
and my uncle asks, "Are you going to get a roommate?"
FUCK NO!
Jesus Christ I think I will finally love being on my own again.
Fuck people!
LOL

I feel like I got really lucky for the time being, I thought I was lucky last year
So now I am concentrating on getting a better career, and or going back to school once again-
maybe this time for computer science or something,
or some kind of fucking trade school
I don't know.


just ramblings
 
I did not wake up peacefully.
I am going to have to fix that.
 
the drugs don't work
they just make you worse
 
Not if you don't wake up. Then it is better!
 
My work is becoming increasingly frustrating.
He says he hired someone to take care of all web advertising, as he likes to say it. The web.
He has a family member in charge of the social network sites, so they can feel involved but they do nothing.
And
Ugh
 
Don't go to sleep without waking up!
 
I will put my head upon the pillow tonight
and
think
about
such things
 
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