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I'm Captain Obvious.

I am a real person, though my identity must be kept secret lest the hordes of the underdark led by none other than General Chaotics and his motley crew of coyboy-warrior-monkeys try to inact vengence on my daywalker shoes.
 
You've signed onto an internet forum with the avatar and nick "captain obvious," and stated you have "journeyed far." You are a real person, right?
 
I don't follow you. You just stated that:

I am a real person, though my identity must be kept secret lest the hordes of the underdark led by none other than General Chaotics and his motley crew of coyboy-warrior-monkeys try to inact vengence on my daywalker shoes.
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yet you imply that I am in need of care.

Can you just answer the question?
 
Captain Obvious said:
Yes, I am real, sir. We've established that. Can I perhaps speak to the ones that look after you?
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I don't remember us speaking, either.

Now then: Are you human?
 
dog.jpg


Is this what you see? Do they attack in mobs, or . . ?
 
Not ones that are alive anymore, no. I am Captain Obvious though, the cosmic balance, the only one that can stand up to General Chaotic and whatever he has to offer. I am a superhero, sir.
 
You're not making any sense. You said you were human, and that you were fighting coyboy-warrior-monkeys, yet you said that ugly dog looks like them.

I don't get it. First you're a human, then you're a superhero . . .

Can you just start from the beginning? Just break it down for me, once and for all.
 
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