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Lily Allen has tits.

iirc, Lily said something like "your mother must be so proud of you, wearing next to nothing and doing sexy dances on stage". She missed out Cheryl Tweedy's punching of bathroom assistants.
 
and instead of "you're fired!" it's "you're dumped!" and then paul comes in and dumps on her simultaneously ending their relationship aka dumping her omg the possibilities GRIMEY TO WIN
 
Mentalist said:
lilyallennipslip0304as2.jpg
Lovely girl. I like her.
 
CaptainWacky said:
Simon could win, mabye, he's a good rapper, kind of!

Grace Dent's Apprentice blog is funny again

http://www.radiotimes.com/content/features/tvod/

"Jadine's team's design is all about "the street". "It's all about the B-boy and the bump and grind" says Tre. "But what is the bump and grind?" says Margaret, sounding like she's giving the lead-in line to a big musical number.

"It's a dance!" says Jadine, which isn't strictly true, it's more a period of standing in a very dark room being bombarded by a Sean Paul remix while some hormonal youth presses his dangly bits in your back and slobbers in your ear. It's not like the foxtrot at all. "And B-boy is like breakdancing. It's what all the kids are doing now!" says Tre, peering down a time tunnel to 1983."
 
Lily Allen has a track called Cheryl Tweedy as a B-Side to the Smile Single.

I wish I had one good reason why
I should stay
How'd I get myself
Into this place?

I wish had qualities like
Sympathy
Fidelity
Sobriety
Sincerity
Humility
Instead I got lunacy
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah

I wish I could fit myself in my pocket
And tie myself to a rocket
And send myself to outer space
I wish I had a different face
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah

I wish I had one good reason why
I should stay
How'd I get myself
Into this place?

I wish my life was a little less seedy
Why am I always so greedy?
Wish I looked just like Cheryl Tweedy
I know I never will
I know I never will
I wish my life was not so boring
Every weekend four to the flooring
Don't get me started on Monday morning
Get with the other girl
Get with the other girl

I wish I had one good reason why
I should stay
How'd I get myself
Into this place?

I wish I could apologise
Be dignified
Wish I could look you in the eye
And tell you that I never lie
And wish that I could stop the cries
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Don't wake me up today
Under my duvet's
Where I wanna stay
Don't wanna come out to play
Doesn't matter what you say anyway

I wish my life was a little less seedy
Why am I always so greedy?
Wish I looked just like Cheryl Tweedy
I know I never will
I know I never will
I wish my life was not so boring
Every weekend four to the flooring
Don't get me started on Monday morning
Get with the other girl
Get with the other girl

I wish I didn't smoke so many cigarettes
Another programme on antiques on the TV set
Wish I had blonde hair
Wish I had green eyes

So many things about myself that I despise
(I wish my life was a little less seedy)
So many things about my life that I despise
(I wish my life was a little less seedy)
So many things that I despise
(I wish my life was a little less seedy)
So many things that I despise

Helps that I was in this long, dark tunnel
Helps that I was in this long, dark tunnel
Helps that I was in this long, dark tunnel
Helps that I was in this long, dark tunnel


Seems relatively complementary to me. No wonder the thick, vacuous twat that is Cheryl Tweedy-Cole has picked a fight with the gobby Cockney wench. We're the only winners in this one.
 
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