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- Thread starter Collina
- Start date
Collina
Look into my eyes
Spanish Inquisition
Animated titles. Music: Black Dyke Mills Band playing a slow dirge.
Stock shot of mill town at the turn of the century - at night.
SUBTITLE: 'JARROW - NEW YEAR'S EVE 1911'
SUBTITLE: 'JARROW 1912'
Mix through to mill-owner's opulent sitting room at the turn of the century. Lady Mountback sits with her crochet. There is a knock on the door.
Lady Mountback Come in.
Enter Reg, cap in hand.
Reg Trouble at mill.
Lady Mountback Oh no. What sort of trouble?
Reg One on't cross beams gone owt askew on treddle.
Lady Mountback Pardon?
Reg One on't cross beams gone owt askew on treddle.
Lady Mountback I don't understand what you're saying.
Reg (slightly irritatedly and with exaggeratedly clear accent) One of the cross beams has gone out askew on the treddle.
Lady Mountback Well what on earth does that mean?
Reg I don't know. Mr Wentworth just told me to come in here and say that there was trouble at the mill, that's all - I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.
Jarring chord. The door flies open and Cardinal Ximinez of Spain enters, flanked by two junior cardinals. Cardinal Biggles has goggles pushed over his forehead. Cardinal Fang is just Cardinal Fang.
Ximinez Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our three weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our four...no... amongst our weapons.... amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.... I'll come in again. (exit and exeunt)
Reg I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.
Jarring chord. They burst in.
Ximinez Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms - oh damn! (to Biggles) I can't say it, you'll have to say it.
Biggles What?
Ximinez You'll have to say the bit about 'Our chief weapons are ...'
Biggles I couldn't do that...
Ximinez bundles the cardinals outside.
Reg I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.
They all enter.
Biggles Er.... Nobody...um....
Ximinez Expects.
Biggles Expects... Nobody expects the...um...the Spanish...um...
Ximinez Inquisition.
Biggles I know...I know! Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. In fact, those who do expect...
Ximinez Our chief weapons are...
Biggles Our chief weapons are...um...er...
Ximinez Surprise.
Biggles Surprise and...
Ximinez Stop. Stop there! Stop there. Whew! Our chief weapon is surprise, blah, blah, blah, blah. Cardinal, read the charges.
Fang You are hereby charged that you did on diverse dates commit heresy against the Holy Church. My old man said follow the...
Biggles That's enough. (to Lady Mountback) Now, how do you plead?
Lady Mountback We're innocent.
Ximinez Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
SUPERIMPOSED CAPTION: 'DIABOLICAL LAUGHTER'
Biggles We'll soon change your mind about that!
SUPERIMPOSED CAPTION: 'DIABOLICAL ACTING'
Ximinez Fear, surprise, and a most ruthless... (controls himself with a supreme effort) ooooh! Now, Cardinal, the rack!
Biggles produces a plastic-coated dish-drying rack. Ximinez looks at it and clenches his teeth in an effort not to lose control. He hums heavily to cover his anger.
Ximinez You....Right! Tie her down. (Fang and Biggles make a pathetic attempt to tie her on to the drying rack) Right! How do you plead?
Lady Mountback Innocent.
Ximinez Ha! Right! Cardinal, give the rack (oh dear) give the rack a turn.
Cardinal Biggles stands their awkwardly and shrugs.
Biggles I....
Ximinez (gritting his teeth) I know. I know you can't. I didn't want to say anything. I just wanted to try and ignore your crass mistake.
Biggles I...
Ximinez It makes it all seem so stupid.
Biggles Shall I, um...?
Ximinez Oh, go on, just pretend for God's sake.
Biggles turns an imaginary handle on the side of the rack. The doorbell rings. Reg detaches himself from the scene and answers it. Outside there is a dapper BBC man with a suit and a beard, slightly arty.
BBC Man Ah, hello, you don't know me, but I'm from the BBC. We were wondering if you'd come and answer the door in a sketch over there, in that sort of direction... You wouldn't have to do anything - just open the door and that's it.
Reg Oh, well all right, yes.
BBC Man Jolly good. Come this way.
Cut to film of them coming out of the front door of the house and walking to BBC van. Conversation is heard throughout (slightly faintly)......and then on to another sketch..
Animated titles. Music: Black Dyke Mills Band playing a slow dirge.
Stock shot of mill town at the turn of the century - at night.
SUBTITLE: 'JARROW - NEW YEAR'S EVE 1911'
SUBTITLE: 'JARROW 1912'
Mix through to mill-owner's opulent sitting room at the turn of the century. Lady Mountback sits with her crochet. There is a knock on the door.
Lady Mountback Come in.
Enter Reg, cap in hand.
Reg Trouble at mill.
Lady Mountback Oh no. What sort of trouble?
Reg One on't cross beams gone owt askew on treddle.
Lady Mountback Pardon?
Reg One on't cross beams gone owt askew on treddle.
Lady Mountback I don't understand what you're saying.
Reg (slightly irritatedly and with exaggeratedly clear accent) One of the cross beams has gone out askew on the treddle.
Lady Mountback Well what on earth does that mean?
Reg I don't know. Mr Wentworth just told me to come in here and say that there was trouble at the mill, that's all - I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.
Jarring chord. The door flies open and Cardinal Ximinez of Spain enters, flanked by two junior cardinals. Cardinal Biggles has goggles pushed over his forehead. Cardinal Fang is just Cardinal Fang.
Ximinez Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our three weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our four...no... amongst our weapons.... amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.... I'll come in again. (exit and exeunt)
Reg I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.
Jarring chord. They burst in.
Ximinez Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms - oh damn! (to Biggles) I can't say it, you'll have to say it.
Biggles What?
Ximinez You'll have to say the bit about 'Our chief weapons are ...'
Biggles I couldn't do that...
Ximinez bundles the cardinals outside.
Reg I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.
They all enter.
Biggles Er.... Nobody...um....
Ximinez Expects.
Biggles Expects... Nobody expects the...um...the Spanish...um...
Ximinez Inquisition.
Biggles I know...I know! Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. In fact, those who do expect...
Ximinez Our chief weapons are...
Biggles Our chief weapons are...um...er...
Ximinez Surprise.
Biggles Surprise and...
Ximinez Stop. Stop there! Stop there. Whew! Our chief weapon is surprise, blah, blah, blah, blah. Cardinal, read the charges.
Fang You are hereby charged that you did on diverse dates commit heresy against the Holy Church. My old man said follow the...
Biggles That's enough. (to Lady Mountback) Now, how do you plead?
Lady Mountback We're innocent.
Ximinez Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
SUPERIMPOSED CAPTION: 'DIABOLICAL LAUGHTER'
Biggles We'll soon change your mind about that!
SUPERIMPOSED CAPTION: 'DIABOLICAL ACTING'
Ximinez Fear, surprise, and a most ruthless... (controls himself with a supreme effort) ooooh! Now, Cardinal, the rack!
Biggles produces a plastic-coated dish-drying rack. Ximinez looks at it and clenches his teeth in an effort not to lose control. He hums heavily to cover his anger.
Ximinez You....Right! Tie her down. (Fang and Biggles make a pathetic attempt to tie her on to the drying rack) Right! How do you plead?
Lady Mountback Innocent.
Ximinez Ha! Right! Cardinal, give the rack (oh dear) give the rack a turn.
Cardinal Biggles stands their awkwardly and shrugs.
Biggles I....
Ximinez (gritting his teeth) I know. I know you can't. I didn't want to say anything. I just wanted to try and ignore your crass mistake.
Biggles I...
Ximinez It makes it all seem so stupid.
Biggles Shall I, um...?
Ximinez Oh, go on, just pretend for God's sake.
Biggles turns an imaginary handle on the side of the rack. The doorbell rings. Reg detaches himself from the scene and answers it. Outside there is a dapper BBC man with a suit and a beard, slightly arty.
BBC Man Ah, hello, you don't know me, but I'm from the BBC. We were wondering if you'd come and answer the door in a sketch over there, in that sort of direction... You wouldn't have to do anything - just open the door and that's it.
Reg Oh, well all right, yes.
BBC Man Jolly good. Come this way.
Cut to film of them coming out of the front door of the house and walking to BBC van. Conversation is heard throughout (slightly faintly)......and then on to another sketch..
