Once upon a time, Little Robbie was bored while waiting for his
mommy to get home from work. So he decided to see what was in mommy's
"special" cupboard. Although his mommy warned him to never get into it,
his curiosity got he best of him. He opened the cupboard and saw many
unusual things he had never seen before. There were stacks of magazines
with people playing together and doing lots of silly things. They were
dressed funny, and some were wearing no clothes at all. One magazine was
called "The Baron's Barnyard Bonanza" It had people playing the same
silly games with sheep, horses and sometimes porcupines. He thought this
was all very odd, and so went on to the other items in the cupboard.
Here he saw a dozen different toy spaceships that vibrated when
you turned the base. Some were smooth, some had bumps and ridges, some
even had spikes. "Wow" little Robbie thought. "A whole fleet of toy
spaceships. No wonder this is mommy's "special" cupboard."
Then he found the biggest treasure of all. A large bag of white
rock candy. "Oh boy oh boy!" shouted little Robbie with glee as he tore
into the bag. "I love candy!" He gobbled down the whole bag in no time
flat. As soon as he had finished the funny rock candy, he began to feel
very odd. His thoughts started racing, and he thought he had seen many
strange things. He suddenly had the urge to play some of those silly
games he saw in those magazines with his dog, Rover. "Here, Rover!" he
called, as he stumbled outside. The sky was a funny green color, and
everything smelled very strange indeed. When Rover finnaly showed up, he
wasn't the least bit interested in playing any of those silly games, so
Robbie decided he was going to play weather he liked it or not. He
sneaked up behind Rover and clubbed him over the head with a stick.
After he was done playing with Rover, he dragged his body to the
dumpster and shoved him in.
Then Robbie headed back to the house to play with some of those
neat little spaceships. When he was halfway down the path, a large
Jackalope bounded up to him. "Howdy, there Robbie!" The Jackalope said
in a squeaky voice. A voice alltogether too small for such a large
Jackalope. "What can I do for you, Mr. Jackalope?" Said Robbie with a
grin. "Well, little Robbie. I have a deal for you!" Replied the
Jackalope. "What is it, Mr. Jackalope?" asked Robbie, genuinly curious.
"Please, call me Raycav." Repied the Jackalope. "I have a package for
you." "A package? For me?" Asked Robbie. "Yes indeed!" Answered the
Jackalope. "What's in it?" Inquired Robbie. "Well, Little Robbie, it's a
package of beans" Robbie's face took on a confused look. The Jackalope
continued "A package of MAGIC beans." Now, Robbie was interested. "What
do they do, Mr. Raycav?" "Well, you plant them, add some water, then
watch them grow! They will grow into a tall, tall stalk that you can
climb up." Raycav explained. Robbie looked amazed. "What's up at the
top, Mr. Raycav?" "Your wildest dreams, young Robbie. Anything you
wish." The Jackalope said with a grin. Then he added "But first, you
have to do something for me." "Anything, Mr. Raycav" He said excitedly.
The Jackalope walked closer and rubbed his paws together and whispered.
"You have two competitors to your family farm, don't you, Robbie?" "Yes
sir, Mr. Raycav. Mr. Strowbridge and Mr. Dice. They each have a farm on
either side." "Wouldn't you like to have their farms too, little
Robbie?" Asked the Jackalope conspiritorily. "Yes I would, Mr. Raycav.
That would be keen!" "Here's what you do. You go to each of their
houses, knock on the door, and when they answer you ask them to sell to
you." Robbie looked concerned "But what if they don't want to sell, Mr.
Raycav?" The Jackalope gave him a menacing grin "Then you take care of
them, little Robbie." Little Robbie had never heard that strange
expression before, but he somehow knew what was meant by it. "Yes sir,
Mr. Raycav, I'll get right on it!" Robbie said exitedly as he ran toward
Mr. Strowbridge's house.
Robbie ran up the walk to Mr. Strowbridge's house, and knocked on
the door. Mr. Strowbridge answered after a slight pause. "Hey! You're
that Dalton kid! What the hell do you want?" Robbie stuck out his chest
and said "The Jackalope told me to ask you to sell your farm to me!" Mr.
Strowbridge looked very peeved "Get the hell off my farm, you snot nosed
brat!" Little Robbie didn't like the way Mr. Strowbridge was talking to
him. He didn't like it one bit. He felt as if a fire was burning up from
within him, all the way to his head. He walked forward. "That wasn't
very nice, Mr. Strowbridge." Said little Robbie, as he moved in closer.
"Not very nice at all." Mr. Strowbridge was hopping mad at this point.
"Nice? I'll show you nice!" He said as he raised his hand to slap Robbie. Robbie walked
forward with a very strange grin on his face. "The Jackalope is not
going to be happy, Mr. Strowbridge. Not happy at all." "I don't give a
shit what this damn 'Jackalope' of yours thinks, you....
Aggggghhhhhh!!!!!!!" Mr. Strowbridge never finished his sentence. Little
Robbie plunged the icepick he had hidden in his belt, into Mr.
Strowbridge's eyesocket. He then pushed him down, and pulled out the
pick. He jabbed it again. Over and over again, until Mr. Strowbridge's
face began to resemble his mommy's famous meatloaf. With lots of
ketchup. "You shouldn't have talked that way to me, Mr Strowbridge."
Robbie said while shaking his head. He wiped the blood off the pick, and
shoved it back into his belt. He dragged Mr. Strowbridge into the living
room, and took a log from the fireplace. It was only partially burning,
so he had no trouble at all lifting it out of the hearth. He used it to
light the couch on fire, then light Mr. Strowbridge's clothes. "This
house will have to go." Robbie said shaking his head. "I have to make
room for more pasture, if we are going to have this farm too." He walked
from the house and carefully shut the door as the house began to be
engulfed in flames. He hummed a litle song to himself as he walked to
Mr. Dice's house. "I'm sure Mr. Dice will say yes." Said Robbie. "He was
always nicer to me than mean ol' Mr. Strowbridge."
He arrived at Mr. Dice's door several minutes later, and knocked.
"Mr. Dice, open up! It's me, Robbie!" He said. Mr. Dice opened the door
and looked at Robbie. "What can I do for you, Robbie?" He said with a
smile. "The Jackalope told me to ask you to sell me your farm." Robbie
said quickly. Mr. Dice looked thoughtful, and said "Now, Robbie, I just
can't do that." That familiar burning sensation began to return. Robbie
said ever so slowly. "I'm sorry, Mr. Dice. That's the wrong answer."
Little Robbie jumped up with amazing speed and knocked Mr. Dice to the
ground. Mr. Dice had almost no time to realize what had happened,
because he quickly passed out as little Robbie held a Chloroform soaked
hankerchief to Mr. Dice's face.
Mr. Dice woke up in a haze, wondering where he was. He soon
remembered, as he saw little Robbie pacing back and forth, making odd
gestures with his hands, and shouting at the walls. However, little
Robbie's senses were accutly tuned today, and heard the rustling of Mr.
Dice waking up. He walked over to where Mr. Dice lay. "I see you woke
up, Mr. Dice." Robbie said calmly. Mr. Dice then noticed he was secured
to a large piece of plywood that was laying on top of his table saw.
"What are you doing, Robbie!" Mr. Dice said. Robbie walked forward and
said "Mr. Dice, I'm going to give you another chance to give me the
right answer, because you have been so nice to me. Mr. Dice suddenly
realized his prediciment, and lost his composure "Are you INSANE?! Get
me off of this thing now, or I'll tell your mother, Robbie!" Robbie felt
that strange burning sensation again. This time he was sweating and
shaking. "Mr. Dice, you sound like Mr. Strowbridge!" Robbie said, his
voice trembling. "I didn't LIKE Mr. Strowbridge! He made me very angry!
He talked to me like that!" He had a vacant look in his eye as he
reached for the on button. "You won't give me the right answer! The
Jackalope was right! I'm going to have to take care of you too!" Robbie
screamed as he turned on the saw, and pushed the plywood toward the
spinning blade. "Robbie! Don't!" Said Mr. Dice in horror as Robbie
rammed the plywood further into the blade. "Robbie
dooonnnaaAAAAAHHHHHHGGGGHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" It was too late for Mr. Dice,
Robbie thought to himself. He should have known better. The blade bent
and stopped about halfway through. "Oh, fiddlesticks!" Robbie said, as
he looked down in frustration. Well, the deed was done, nonetheless.
Robbie started humming again as he reached for a nearby can of gasoline,
and poured it all over Mr. Dice and the rest of the workshop. He struck
a match, and threw it on to the saw table. He walked out, and carefully
shut the door. Soon enough Mr. Dice's workshop and house too were
engulfed in flames. "More room for me. More room for me." Robbie chanted
to himself as he skipped down the path toward his house.
He saw the Jackalope waiting for him. "Mr. Raycav! I did what you
told me to!" "Very good, little Robbie!" The Jackalope replied. "I saw
what a good job you did. You really earned this." He said as he dropped
the bag of beans in Robbie's hand. "Now all you have to do is plant
those, add some water, and you'll have everything you could ever want!"
Said the Jackalope as he started hopping away. "Where are you going, Mr.
Raycav?" Robbie asked. "My work here is done. I'm going off to find
other little boys to play with." The Jackalope said. "So long, Mr.
Raycav! Thank you!" Shouted Robbie.
Robbie went into his front yard, dug a small hole and dropped in
the magic beans. He grabbed a watering can and began to water the beans.
Almost instantly a huge beanstalk sprang up in front of his eyes.
"Wow!" He exclaimed. Robbie started to climb the beanstalk as fast as
his little legs could carry them. He was feeling unusually strong today,
and made it up in no time. He looked around and saw a field of clouds
with a castle in the distance. He ran toward the castle, and banged on
the gate when he got there. The gate opened up, and he walked toward the
entrance.
When he got there, he banged and banged at the door. Nobody
answered, so he pushed it open. He sniffed the air. "I know that
smell!" Robbie said excitedly. "DONUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He ran up to
a giant table filled with donuts of all kinds. And at the top of it all
was a hen that seemed to be laying the donuts instead of laying eggs! He
immediately started eating everything in sight. Just when he thought he
couldn't eat any more, he heard a THUD! THUD! THUD! THUD! Robbie looked
around, and saw the biggest man he had ever seen walk around the corner
and stop. The giant looked around and sniffed the air. "FEE FI FO FUM! I
SMELL THE BLOOD OF A DAL-TON!" Robbie hid behind an apple fritter. The
giant walked around still talking loudly. "BE HE ALIVE OR BE HE DEAD,
I'LL GRIND HIS BONES TO MAKE MY BREAD!" Robbie felt that funny burning
sensation again, this time the shaking and nausea were worse. "He sounds
like Mr. Strowbridge!" He mutered to himself. "I have to take care of
him!" Robbie stealthily climbed down from the table, and found a roll of
twine in the corner. He ran quickly around the legs of the giant who was
standing still at the moment, and wrapped the twine around and around.
Then he tied it in a knot. Little Robbie then ran toward the door
yelling "I'm here, Mr. Giant! Come get me!" The giant turned around "NO
ONE GETS AWAY FROM WEEMADANDO THE GIANT!" He roared as he tried to run.
That's as far as he got, because he tumbled to the floor and knocked
himself unconcious. Little Robbie ran up to him, and noticed he was
still breathing. "No, no this will never do! What if he wakes up? I have
to take care of him!" He ran into the kitchen, grabbed a knife and began
cutting the pants off of the giant. Then Robbie grabbed some twine and
headed to the other side of the house where he found several sticks of
dynamite. He dragged them back one by one and shoved them into the rear
end of the fallen giant. Robbie lit the fuse on the dynamyte, and ran
back up the table where he took the donut laying chicken. He ran for the
door, but he had badly misjudged the length of the fuse. The dynamite
went off before he had time to reach the door. The explosion threw him
back toward the beanstalk. He tried to grab a branch, but to no avail.
He began falling and falling.
When the nice men from the fire deparment got there, they found a
very strange sight indeed. Two farmhouses burned, with their occupents
badly mutilated, and a little boy fallen from the top of the tallest oak
tree in the yard. The funniest thing of all was the satisfied smile on
the face of the dead boy. There was no sign of the nice old Jackalope,
Raycav. The firemen had never seen anything like it. It was indeed a
very unusual day.
The End
