SB, Dear

[Gonad]

I didn't have a specific question; I was just looking for your generalised pearls of wisdom. However:

I'm depressed and withdrawn, I don't really have any friends in the area and the few that I do have just use me or are otherwise pathetic. I let people walk all over me because frankly, I'm too schizoid and traumatised to stop them. I feel vastly superior in just about every way, but my (once vast) intelligence is so far distant and living in its own, separate narrative that I'm effectively operating in autopilot. I don't have any real emotions anymore; they were robbed from me when I was 15 by an evil psychiatrist in Idaho and they never came back. Now all I have left inside me is a vast anger about my experiences. What should I do?

You really shouldn't spend time associating with those people. You know who "those people" are; we all know. The only people worth being around are people whom you wish to emulate. TK excepted, of course. Quitting bad friends is like quitting a bad habit. Or several bad habits at once. Some people are just not up to it for varying reasons. Seriously, though. You're better off spending your days alone than with a bad element. I think you need something to live for. Have you considered isolating yourself and creating a great work? Then you will be able to utilize the vast intelligence you have amassed over your short life. You can spend your energies creating a unique legacy, like Henry Darger. Only not like Henry Darger at all since you probably know what naked females have under their clothes.

 

[Gonad]

Or, if you've already tried the "screw society and live for yourself alone" path and found it not to your liking, have you considered living for someone else? I don't know what you have going on with your lady-friends, but I imagine it might be difficult to find just the right match. What the hell, why not try a mail-order bride? It is crazy but perhaps it could be crazy in a good way. And unlike so many females, she probably won't come with a sense of entitlement.

 

[Dual]

Or, if you've already tried the "screw society and live for yourself alone" path and found it not to your liking, have you considered living for someone else? I don't know what you have going on with your lady-friends, but I imagine it might be difficult to find just the right match. What the hell, why not try a mail-order bride? It is crazy but perhaps it could be crazy in a good way. And unlike so many females, she probably won't come with a sense of entitlement.

The screw society path has been attempted (almost a year of agoraphobia); didn't work out too well. Girlfriends are hard because (as you know) I'm ugly, non-charismatic, and weird. I had one once but she was borderline and ended up making my life even worse, so the whole situation kind of turned me away from seeking it out again. Maybe a mail order bride would work, but I'd imagine it'd be hard logistically (I'm planning to be moving in a year, I've got tons of illegal activity going on, and I probably won't be settled in anywhere for a couple decades, at which point I'll inherit my house in Tacoma). Quitting bad friends around LA is hard because I don't have very many friends in this area at all, and all of them are assholes. I feel really lonely and depressed usually, and without them I wouldn't have anybody. All of my actual friends are clustered around Sea-Tac and the Bay Area.

I lack any useful skills to create something great. Despite having had a spectacular vocabulary since lower school, because of the trauma/recovery process from my agoraphobia and subsequent schizoid personality disorder, I'm universally prolixity challenged and thus any conversation or writing I engage in seems artificial and shallow. I've nothing left of any of my once vast potential aside from a talent for history. Gone are my days as a math whiz, my days as a budding writer. All that managed to survive my tortured adolescence was, of all the possibilities, history. What can one do with history? Write dull books few will ever read... except my lack of verbosity and ability to write interestingly destroys that option. All that's left is teaching and archiving. Teaching's a possibility, but again, my weirdness would hurt that option, although it's likely that that's what I'll eventually try professionally. Being an archivist is probably my best option. From what I've read, it's a relatively in demand profession with good pay, especially at the national level. But what sort of great work can an archivist create? A new codification of national archival procedures?

 

[Sadistic Bastard]

You could always devote your life to hunting down and disposing of the annoying elements of society?

If you need a "starter list" I can help provide one...

-S(MM)B

 

[Gonad]

Research. Research. History has a lot of potential. What about science? What about designing and building a found city of Atlantis? I suppose Dubai's got that one covered, though.