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The Queen is now the tallest woman to ever live
- Thread starter CaptainWacky
- Start date
headvoid
Can I have Ops?
Russell Brand also apparently said "I'll kick you in the Vadge, your most honourable madje" before doing that twirly hand thing that old fashioned victorian fops did while holding a hanky.
Prince Harry speared him with his secret horn (which is actually made entirely from Ginger hair like a Rhinoceros)
Prince Harry speared him with his secret horn (which is actually made entirely from Ginger hair like a Rhinoceros)
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
"Look, Sir, is it absolutely necessary that I put the whole thing in..." asked David Cameron, tired from fucking eighteen pigs already that day.
"YES," barked Prince Philip. "IN ITS MOUTH, BOY."
"And you're sure the Queen will grant me immortality when she gets back?" asked Cameron, thrusting into the pig's opened mouth.
"Sure," giggled Prince Philip. His phone rang and he left the room. "Hahaha, what's up, babe? Me? Just fucking with Cameron, making him shag some more pigs."
"Oh yes, Cameron," said the Queen on his phone. "Remind me to melt him when I get home. I'm chasing down Corbyn. He fled into the Forest of Despair with help from Russell Brand. But I'll find him soon..."
"The...the Forest of Despair?" asked Philip, worried.
"Yes?" said the Queen. "Spit it out, man."
"It's just...the traitor was spotted running towards the Forest of Despair. If he and Corbyn teamed up..."
"I'LL BURN THEIR EYES!" boomed the Queen.
Corbyn made his way through the forest. He heard a noise above him. Someone was watching him from a tree.
"Do you seek a way to kill the Queen?" asked a voice from the tree.
"Yes, but who are you?" asked Corbyn, clutching a sharpened stick he had as his only weapon. A man backflipped down from the tree and turned to face Corbyn. He gasped. "You!"
"Me," said Prince Charles. "Let's kill my mum!"
"YES," barked Prince Philip. "IN ITS MOUTH, BOY."
"And you're sure the Queen will grant me immortality when she gets back?" asked Cameron, thrusting into the pig's opened mouth.
"Sure," giggled Prince Philip. His phone rang and he left the room. "Hahaha, what's up, babe? Me? Just fucking with Cameron, making him shag some more pigs."
"Oh yes, Cameron," said the Queen on his phone. "Remind me to melt him when I get home. I'm chasing down Corbyn. He fled into the Forest of Despair with help from Russell Brand. But I'll find him soon..."
"The...the Forest of Despair?" asked Philip, worried.
"Yes?" said the Queen. "Spit it out, man."
"It's just...the traitor was spotted running towards the Forest of Despair. If he and Corbyn teamed up..."
"I'LL BURN THEIR EYES!" boomed the Queen.
Corbyn made his way through the forest. He heard a noise above him. Someone was watching him from a tree.
"Do you seek a way to kill the Queen?" asked a voice from the tree.
"Yes, but who are you?" asked Corbyn, clutching a sharpened stick he had as his only weapon. A man backflipped down from the tree and turned to face Corbyn. He gasped. "You!"
"Me," said Prince Charles. "Let's kill my mum!"
Eggs Mayonnaise
All In With The Nuts
Makes sense. She broke Vicky's record, she's got no use now.
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
"But why would you want to kill your mother?" asked Corbyn, as he and Prince Charles made their way through the forest. "Unless...you want to be king!"
"No shit, Sherlock!" said Charles. "I've waited all my life to be the bloody king. Nearly 90 years old and she still hasn't died...and now she's become an unstoppable giant who can shoot death rays from her eyes! I'll never get to be king unless I bump her off and take her power as my own."
"Then why should I help you? How do I know you'd be any better in power than she is?"
"Because you have no choice, you socialist twat!" said Charles. "We won't be fighting her alone anyway. We need to create another giant."
"How did the Queen get to be so tall anyway?"
"Because she is worshipped. Every time you sing God Save The Queen you're adding to her power! She stored all that worship up and used it to become the monster she is today. We need someone else just as worshipped, just as popular, to become our giant. We'll use a dark ritual to transform them."
"But who?"
"You may not like this...it's someone who is loved for the outrageous, un-PC things they say."
"Dear God, you don't mean Katie Hopkins, do you?" shuddered Corbyn.
"No! We're not that desperate. This person isn't as bad as her. Well...not quite anyway. Here we are at his home." They had come to a tent in a clearing in the forest. Two men were standing guard, one tall, one short. As they got closer Corbyn recognised them as Richard "The Hamster" Hammond and James May of that show about the LEGO house fame. He knew now who resided in the tent.
Jeremy Clarkson stepped out, holding a pint of beer in one hand and a cigartte in the other, his knuckles bloody from punching a scared underling, a dead fox slung over his shoulder. "About bloody time you got here, Charles, you paedo!" he said, a sick grin on his face.
"I need you to kill my mother," said Charles, calmly.
"Good! I've always secretly wanted to punch a giant woman in the face!" said Clarkson.
"No shit, Sherlock!" said Charles. "I've waited all my life to be the bloody king. Nearly 90 years old and she still hasn't died...and now she's become an unstoppable giant who can shoot death rays from her eyes! I'll never get to be king unless I bump her off and take her power as my own."
"Then why should I help you? How do I know you'd be any better in power than she is?"
"Because you have no choice, you socialist twat!" said Charles. "We won't be fighting her alone anyway. We need to create another giant."
"How did the Queen get to be so tall anyway?"
"Because she is worshipped. Every time you sing God Save The Queen you're adding to her power! She stored all that worship up and used it to become the monster she is today. We need someone else just as worshipped, just as popular, to become our giant. We'll use a dark ritual to transform them."
"But who?"
"You may not like this...it's someone who is loved for the outrageous, un-PC things they say."
"Dear God, you don't mean Katie Hopkins, do you?" shuddered Corbyn.
"No! We're not that desperate. This person isn't as bad as her. Well...not quite anyway. Here we are at his home." They had come to a tent in a clearing in the forest. Two men were standing guard, one tall, one short. As they got closer Corbyn recognised them as Richard "The Hamster" Hammond and James May of that show about the LEGO house fame. He knew now who resided in the tent.
Jeremy Clarkson stepped out, holding a pint of beer in one hand and a cigartte in the other, his knuckles bloody from punching a scared underling, a dead fox slung over his shoulder. "About bloody time you got here, Charles, you paedo!" he said, a sick grin on his face.
"I need you to kill my mother," said Charles, calmly.
"Good! I've always secretly wanted to punch a giant woman in the face!" said Clarkson.