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TK'rs..I need some advice

starguard

starguard

Unluckiest Charm in the Box
I'm tired of my neighbors. How can I burn down their house (with them inside), without getting caught by the police?


I've tried contacting both O.J. and Robert Blake for their experienced opinions on these type of matters, but so far neither has answered.
 
No, Starguard, you can not burn down their house with them in it. Instead, you should camp out on the their front porch. They will burn down the house themselves just to get rid of you.
 
Someone just gave me a great Idea. If I got inside their home and started the fire from INSIDE the house, the police would think they were smoking crack and started it themselves. But first, I have to figure out how to get in.


I tried beating on the door, but they only run upstairs and pour hot water down on me. I've tried disguising myself with everything from the Pizza man, to Jehovahs witness, and still they won't open the door. Then I got an idea?


After watching a movie scene from "The Trojan War", I thought "what if I build a big wooden, hollowed out horse and leave it on their lawn (while hiding inside), maybe they'll take it in as a peace offering.. and then I can get them good. :twisted:

I tried building it, but before it was finished, they fired a flaming arrow out from their window and burned it to the ground ( spent over a half hour rolling on the ground trying to beat out the flames)

So. I came up with a better idea. I managed to find a two piece horse suit, but I need an ass for the rear end, and all the asses I know are already in jail.

So.. In order for this to work, I need an ass to pull this off. What should I do? :huh:
 
Try the ol' "Trojan Crack Rock" trick instead. At least something their interested in. Personally, I just get out the snowblower and zing frozen dogshit into my neighbors yard for about 5 months.
 
In the spring, when the neighbors dogs come over and shit in our backyard, I get rid of it by pouring bacon grease on it.
 
Hire a homeless ###### to do it for you. You then have an alibi... unless he gets caught and dimes you out.

But then you can always claim you have no idea what he's talking about... your word against his. Who would believe a homeless ######?

BTW: this is all theoretical. I'm not encouraging you to do it, and if you do, I don't know you.
 
jack said:
In the spring, when the neighbors dogs come over and shit in our backyard, I get rid of it by pouring bacon grease on it.
Click to expand...
Doesn't this attract rednecks? The last time I took the car for a grease job, the mechanic said, " Lady, yer all filter looks like a piece a shit.!" Then he yelled into the other room," Nadine! You'd better stop burnin' that bacon grease, cuz lunch tasted like a pile a shit."
 
jack said:
In the spring, when the neighbors dogs come over and shit in our backyard, I get rid of it by pouring bacon grease on it.
Click to expand...
Where have I been, Jack? Over at the Scifi.com board in the Battlestar Galactica and Lost Room Forums. They have their resident trolls, but strictly amateur stuff.
 
starguard said:
I'm tired of my neighbors. How can I burn down their house (with them inside), without getting caught by the police?


I've tried contacting both O.J. and Robert Blake for their experienced opinions on these type of matters, but so far neither has answered.
Click to expand...

Set yourself on fire, and then go running into the house. Or try jumping into the nearest window. If you can't get in, rolling around on the front doorstep is bound to still do some major damage.
 
NeonMercuryASH said:
Where have I been, Jack? Over at the Scifi.com board in the Battlestar Galactica and Lost Room Forums. They have their resident trolls, but strictly amateur stuff.
Click to expand...
Hey NMA, do you go to the Fuselage? Best Lost discussion forum on the net.
 
I wouldnt go the fire route, too messy. Instead, get them busted by the police. Obtain common meth lab equipment and supplies and plant them in their basement when they are not home. After that is done then call the police and report a strange odor coming from the house. The police will investigate, find the meth lab stuff and put them in jail. Even if they are not convicted they will have to sell the house to pay for legal assistance.
 
Today I kept seeing these strange lights flashing on and off from inside their house. I went and got my binoculars and lo and behold, they had a kettle in their front room with different colored sparks popping out of it. I thought to myself:

Egad.. they're over there practicing witchcraft trying to cast some kind of spell on me :huh:


They've had this big black cloud floating over their house for about three days now..


Im thinking.. maybe I can dig a tunnel over there and get them from beneath.

What do you all think?
 
I think you need to lay off the comic books and spend a little more time with reality. Otherwise, if you dig a tunnel you must plan for someplace to store the dirt and you'll need to shore up the sides with lumber.

P.S. Dig during the part of the day they are at work.
 
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