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Vodka is EVIL

The Dork Lord

The Dork Lord

Whipping Boy
Vodka is evil
When you wake up
In your car
Unable to find
Your shirt
And some man
You’ve never met
Is telling you
To leave his house
Because he doesn’t
Believe his wife
Vodka is evil
When your friend
Finds your shirt
Lifts it up and
Lets you see
The unforeseen
Vomit
Vodka is evil
Like a girl
Sweet and cloying
Passively seductive
Innocent demeanor
To hide all of
The secrets
Vodka is evil
Because it can
Afford to wait
Sit there forever
Knowing you will
Always come back
Vodka is evil
It shoplifts memory
The last thing
You recall
Is lying down
On the couch
Vodka is evil
It won’t accept blame
You are still you
Just stripped of fear
It will remind you
In the morning
That only cowards proclaim
Vodka is evil
 
Vodka gave me one of my first blackouts ever. I was about 15, heartsick, at a party, and deadset on getting REALly drunk. There it was: a bottle of cold, delicious Moskovskaya, all shiny and new, being handed to me by a well-meaning friend. All I remember is that after two gulps, my lips and tongue were numb, two more and my stomach followed. Next morning found me lying in some other person's sleeping bag next to the fire (we were out camping), and nobody ever so much as hinted at what I have done that night.
I don't now if I should feel angry or grateful for that.

Funny stuff indeed, vodka.
 
My vodka story:

I was over at one of my (alcoholic) friend's apartments and he gave me a 20 ounce screwdriver (2 parts vodka, one part orange juice). I downed it in like five-ten seconds and followed suit with three more, then went home (not driving lol) and downed a small bottle of vodka straight from the bottle, then started getting all drunk. I vomited all over the place like an hour later and passed out.

And that's why I can't drink vodka now lol. :(
 
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