CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Moffat has his own terrible Christmas special coming up, but not on Netflix yet!
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Wacky Reviews: Doctor Who
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CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Well, it depends how much of a commitment you wanted to make. You could go back all the way to 1963 if you wanted (maybe some of the older stuff doesn't hold up now, but some of the newer stuff doesn't either.) But the good thing is Doctor Who offers many natural jumping on points due to the changing nature of the show. So you could start with the 2005 revival if you wanted, or when Matt Smith took over in 2010 or even wait and start with the next Doctor Peter Capaldi next year.
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Partners In Crime - A new start! A new companion! Well, one we've already seen in a terrible episode. That's not encouraging. But Catherine Tate isn't actually bad here, which is a relief. I think because she wasn't as bad as I feared (the way she was in the first half of the Runaway Bride is what I feared) I ended up being mildly pleasantly surprised by her. But really her grandad would have made a better companion.
This episode is complete nonsense though. Like, the story doesn't work as a story. The Evil Woman (Some Woman From Coronation Street I think) is planning to turn fat to Adipose then leave the planet. That's it. There's no conquering the world story here. It doesn't even seem like anyone's going to die until she accelerates the plan because of the Doctor and Donna investigating. Then the aliens kill her so the Doctor doesn't have to actually have to stop her himself or anything. There's nearly an "employee/reporter threatens to blow the whistle and is killed" scene except Evil Woman can't even be bothered killing her and just ties her to a chair. Okay? The Adipose aren't cute or memorable and don't come back as evil warriors in the future. The whole storyline is pretty pointless!
YOU COULD SAY "well Wacky the REAL STORY is Donna and the Doctor getting together!" Maybe it is, but that all just plays out incredibly straightforward and easily. She decides she wants to go with him now, he says yes after some half-hearted resistance. That's it.
Then Rose shows up for this year's ARC (also arc: some mention of bees and a planet disappearing.) Her lips have gotten bigger.
The only satisfying story line here is Wilf wanting to see an alien, Wilf missing seeing an alien and Wilf seeing an unconvincing shot of Donna waving from the TARDIS and doing a dance. That's good stuff.
SCORE: 5.5/10
This episode is complete nonsense though. Like, the story doesn't work as a story. The Evil Woman (Some Woman From Coronation Street I think) is planning to turn fat to Adipose then leave the planet. That's it. There's no conquering the world story here. It doesn't even seem like anyone's going to die until she accelerates the plan because of the Doctor and Donna investigating. Then the aliens kill her so the Doctor doesn't have to actually have to stop her himself or anything. There's nearly an "employee/reporter threatens to blow the whistle and is killed" scene except Evil Woman can't even be bothered killing her and just ties her to a chair. Okay? The Adipose aren't cute or memorable and don't come back as evil warriors in the future. The whole storyline is pretty pointless!
YOU COULD SAY "well Wacky the REAL STORY is Donna and the Doctor getting together!" Maybe it is, but that all just plays out incredibly straightforward and easily. She decides she wants to go with him now, he says yes after some half-hearted resistance. That's it.
Then Rose shows up for this year's ARC (also arc: some mention of bees and a planet disappearing.) Her lips have gotten bigger.
The only satisfying story line here is Wilf wanting to see an alien, Wilf missing seeing an alien and Wilf seeing an unconvincing shot of Donna waving from the TARDIS and doing a dance. That's good stuff.
SCORE: 5.5/10
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
The Fires Of Pompeii - The traditional early in the series travel to the past episode and like The Shakespeare Code it's a good one! Sometimes I don't know about the whole "fixed point in space and time THAT CAN'T BE CHANGED" thing. There's some episodes where I remember it annoying me. But it works here as the episode explains exactly why Pompeii is a fixed point that can't be changed. Donna isn't too annoying asking the Doctor questions here as they're reasonable questions. In fact she's perfectly fine and acts like a believable person...until she uses that voice. You know the one. That shouty voice like when she says "I BLOODY LOVE YOU" to the Doctor. She stops sounding like an actual person and becomes a character from a comedy sketch show. She should really stop it.
Peter Capaldi's here as the father of the family who help the Doctor a bit. He's good but it's not the most important part ever or anything. I'm sure he'll get bigger stuff to do in Doctor Who soon! Karen Gillan also appears as attractive soothsayer lady. Which leads me into the only real problem: there's two groups of soothsayers both, I think, working for (or possessed by) the aliens and I don't think both were needed. Like they could have done something with the men soothsayers versus women soothsayers rivalry but they...don't. So there's that. Otherwise this is a perfectly enjoyable solid episode.
SCORE: 8/10
Peter Capaldi's here as the father of the family who help the Doctor a bit. He's good but it's not the most important part ever or anything. I'm sure he'll get bigger stuff to do in Doctor Who soon! Karen Gillan also appears as attractive soothsayer lady. Which leads me into the only real problem: there's two groups of soothsayers both, I think, working for (or possessed by) the aliens and I don't think both were needed. Like they could have done something with the men soothsayers versus women soothsayers rivalry but they...don't. So there's that. Otherwise this is a perfectly enjoyable solid episode.
SCORE: 8/10
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CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
The Planet Of The Ood - This was a good episode! I liked the solid science fiction premise, the atmsophere, the stuff with Donna questioning the Doctor's morals and stuff! The Ood going "evil" could have been a repeat of the Satan episodes, but there they were just monsters of the week and this one is about them as a species. The idea of them carrying a second brain around could have come across as a little silly, but I think the episode sold it well enough. I even liked the part where the psychotic guard rather randomly decides to chase the Doctor with a big grabber thing. Good goofy but scary fun. The humans just being dicks to the Ood and being okay with treating them like slaves was executed quite well too. I mean some of the humans were over the top evil, some were just dicks, but then you had the cute woman who was just too cowardly to go against the system. Tim McInnery did a good job playing standard evil businessman. Even the singing was fine.
SCORE: 8.5/10
SCORE: 8.5/10
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CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
The Sontaran Stratagem - Another two parter with a new villain...and it's much better than the Cybermen two parter! And last year's Dalek two parter (by far.) It does start with the "reporter reveals she knows the DARK SECRET to the villain!" scene (why didn't she just go straight to UNIT?) but at least you can say she probably wasn't epecting the evil Sat Nav to actually murder her. Martha is back and she works for UNIT now. She's quite good in this episode. Her and Donna get on and don't fight. It's nice. I liked the scene where Donna said she was going home and the Doctor starts going on one of his big meaningful speeches but she was just going home for a visit and he's silly! Bernard Cribbins is very good as Wilf. We all agree on that, RIGHT? Donna's mum is annoying though as she fills the typical "mother of companion doesn't trust the Doctor" role. But her acting's fine. So I enjoyed the Donna going home stuff (other than when she started having flashbacks, which felt like padding to fill the two-parter. And one of the flashbacks was her waving to a fucking Adipose.)
The Sontara commander is well played by Mike from the Young Ones. The American (played by British actor?) kid is well acted too even though I wish they'd actually got Danny Strong to play him. Okay plotwise it's vaguely similar to the Adipose story (evil corporation hide something in huge selling product) but executed a lot better. A good episode.
SCORE: 8/10
The Poison Sky - The second part mostly lives up to the first. I'll get the bad stuff out of the way: Freema Agyeman, bless her, doesn't do a great job as EVIL MARTHA CLONE but I think it's because the script doesn't give Martha much to do other than stand about trying to look evil for most of the epiosde. The Doctor obviously knows she's not the real Martha so it feels a bit stretched out. The scene where Martha Clone suddenly starts acting human is a nice idea but it feels like an afterthoght (it's okay though.) Also we hear about the WORLDWIDE PANIC OF BIBILICAL PROPORTIONS caused by the posion gas but all we see is Wilfe and Donna's mum and Kirsty Wark reading the news (but not on Newsnight.)
On the plus side the Sontaran continue to be entertaining (I like the one saying "glorious!" or whatever when he dies), the Valiant does something useful, there's a "are you my mummy?" reference that's actually funny, Bernard Cribbins does another dance again and the resolution is satisfactory. The evil American kid ends up sacrificing himself (after a quite good team where all his "friends" walk out on him because he's mad and the Sontarans cruelly mock him) but then they don't really acknowledge his death at all. Like I know he was evil and all into killing people for most of the story but they should have at least said something about him after he died.
But it's another good episode and hey series 4 is looking good at the moment.
SCORE: 7.5/10
The Sontara commander is well played by Mike from the Young Ones. The American (played by British actor?) kid is well acted too even though I wish they'd actually got Danny Strong to play him. Okay plotwise it's vaguely similar to the Adipose story (evil corporation hide something in huge selling product) but executed a lot better. A good episode.
SCORE: 8/10
The Poison Sky - The second part mostly lives up to the first. I'll get the bad stuff out of the way: Freema Agyeman, bless her, doesn't do a great job as EVIL MARTHA CLONE but I think it's because the script doesn't give Martha much to do other than stand about trying to look evil for most of the epiosde. The Doctor obviously knows she's not the real Martha so it feels a bit stretched out. The scene where Martha Clone suddenly starts acting human is a nice idea but it feels like an afterthoght (it's okay though.) Also we hear about the WORLDWIDE PANIC OF BIBILICAL PROPORTIONS caused by the posion gas but all we see is Wilfe and Donna's mum and Kirsty Wark reading the news (but not on Newsnight.)
On the plus side the Sontaran continue to be entertaining (I like the one saying "glorious!" or whatever when he dies), the Valiant does something useful, there's a "are you my mummy?" reference that's actually funny, Bernard Cribbins does another dance again and the resolution is satisfactory. The evil American kid ends up sacrificing himself (after a quite good team where all his "friends" walk out on him because he's mad and the Sontarans cruelly mock him) but then they don't really acknowledge his death at all. Like I know he was evil and all into killing people for most of the story but they should have at least said something about him after he died.
But it's another good episode and hey series 4 is looking good at the moment.
SCORE: 7.5/10
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
The Doctor's Daughter - After a run of good episodes...there's this. The Doctor is cloned by touching a thing in the teaser. His clone instantly emerges fully grown and fully clothed and says "hi dad!" It's stupid. Martha and Donna aren't cloned because...well, it's not menitoned. Jenny only knows MILITARY THINGS (but also knows that the Doctor's her dad and how to be sassy) and she clashes with the Doctor's pacificist beliefs. For a bit. Then she turns into a pacificist herslef despite being cloned with only military knowledge. Georgia Moffet is very attractive and does as good a job as anyone would playing Jenny. She's a likable presence but there's nothing to the character.
Martha's here because...they had to include Martha in a certain number of episodes? She has a subplot where she makes friends with an underdeveloped Fishman then the fishman drowns despite being a fishman and she cries in a scene there's painful to watch.
Donna is okay here and she figures out the BIG TWIST because she's "good with numbers" from being a temp. Of course the big twist makes NO FUCKING SENSE...
I mean it's something that probably sounded like a good idea. The war's actually only last seven days! But...what? Everyone who was alive seven days ago died without telling any of their clones what the date was? They have the weird habit of stamping the date in every section of the complex they built and they keep that up even into the war (maybe?) but then forget about it? It doesn't hold up to any kind of scrutiny. Why is one of the clones an old man (and terrible actor)? Why would they grow a clone to old age?
Then they end up in the Genesis Cave, the old clone (who's actually only a few hours old or something, I guess he was born with a full beard) shoots Jenny for no reason, the Doctor says "maybe she'll regenerate!" but gives up on her after five minutes (he cared more about the Master than her and he'd killed millions of people) Jenny regenerates in front of two people but somehow she appears in the shuttle and the two people are outside, she flies off for more WACKY ADVENTURES that we'll never see...this is a bad episode.
SCPRE: 3/10
Martha's here because...they had to include Martha in a certain number of episodes? She has a subplot where she makes friends with an underdeveloped Fishman then the fishman drowns despite being a fishman and she cries in a scene there's painful to watch.
Donna is okay here and she figures out the BIG TWIST because she's "good with numbers" from being a temp. Of course the big twist makes NO FUCKING SENSE...
I mean it's something that probably sounded like a good idea. The war's actually only last seven days! But...what? Everyone who was alive seven days ago died without telling any of their clones what the date was? They have the weird habit of stamping the date in every section of the complex they built and they keep that up even into the war (maybe?) but then forget about it? It doesn't hold up to any kind of scrutiny. Why is one of the clones an old man (and terrible actor)? Why would they grow a clone to old age?
Then they end up in the Genesis Cave, the old clone (who's actually only a few hours old or something, I guess he was born with a full beard) shoots Jenny for no reason, the Doctor says "maybe she'll regenerate!" but gives up on her after five minutes (he cared more about the Master than her and he'd killed millions of people) Jenny regenerates in front of two people but somehow she appears in the shuttle and the two people are outside, she flies off for more WACKY ADVENTURES that we'll never see...this is a bad episode.
SCPRE: 3/10
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
The Unicorn And The Wasp - On the surface this episode has a lot of similarities to The Shakespeare Code. It's written by Gareth Roberts, set in Earth's past with a historical figure (Agatha Christie) part of the plot and it's (supposedly) a more lighthearted episode. The big difference though is that this episode is shite. For a start, where The Shakespeare Code did a good job establishing its setting this one feels really cheap. It's all inside an English country house. Okay it's supposed to be like an Agatha Christie murder mytery so the setting makes sense I guess. But the actual mystery is terrible. Like, it's so bad. Oh, the "unicorn" of the title is a thief mentioned in passing a couple of times who suddenly reveals that she's there in the house and...that's the end of that subplot. There's no reason for her in the episode. It's supposed to be funny but it's not. This is shown in the endless flashback scene which is just hugely embarrassing when you get to the Doctor's flashback of doing something "funny" that isn't funny at all. There's also the miming scene. It's not funny. I don't know why people like it (apparently they do.) If you want to watch people mime go play charades with your drunken family at Christmas. You cunts.
Then they have a "parody" of a Christie reveal scene which just goes on and on and fucking on and isn't funny. It turns out Felicitiy Kendall (WASTED IN THIS EPISODE) has a son who's a giant bee pretending to be a vicar and he's been imprinted on Agatha Christie books and so he's murdering people and he keeps going "BZZZZZ" and why does anyone like this episode. The giant bee dies and Agatha Christie loses her memory for some reason and we don't know what the other characters think about any of this but who cares about them anyway. It's revealed that Agatha Christie is the best selling author in the history of the world in what seems like a parody of the closing Dickens scene in The Unquiet Dead and apparently she designed the covers of her books and put a giant wasp on one.
This is bad.
SCORE: 2.5/10
Then they have a "parody" of a Christie reveal scene which just goes on and on and fucking on and isn't funny. It turns out Felicitiy Kendall (WASTED IN THIS EPISODE) has a son who's a giant bee pretending to be a vicar and he's been imprinted on Agatha Christie books and so he's murdering people and he keeps going "BZZZZZ" and why does anyone like this episode. The giant bee dies and Agatha Christie loses her memory for some reason and we don't know what the other characters think about any of this but who cares about them anyway. It's revealed that Agatha Christie is the best selling author in the history of the world in what seems like a parody of the closing Dickens scene in The Unquiet Dead and apparently she designed the covers of her books and put a giant wasp on one.
This is bad.
SCORE: 2.5/10
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Silence In The Libarary - Series 4 gets back on form with a Moffat two-parter. I like the set up for this one with the big planet-sized empty libarary and the mystery of the little girl (with Colin Salmon!) I like the science fiction feel.
So there's River. There are times when I find River really annoying, but not until later. She's basically ideas from two of Moffat's best episodes combined: the love stoy from The Girl In The Fireplace and the non-linear storytelling of Blink. It's really quite ambitous. I don't think it always works but I can't fault anything about her here. It's interesting how much more subdued she is compared to later (EARLIER FROM HER POINT OF VIEW) River. Maybe old age mellowed her out a bit. There's no dressing up as a sexy Nazi, so that's good. I don't think the continuity holds up though? She has her diary and has met the Doctor many times by now...but she doesn't know the order of his regenerations? (Surely if he got around to telling her what happened do Donna he'd get around to telling her the order of his regenerations.) She asks him if they've done things she did with Matt Smith yet, but surely she should know Smith comes after Tennant? She knows Smith is the first Doctor she meets...oh, I don't know. It's hard to keep it all straight. She seems to imply that Smith was also an "early" Doctor for her so that means she must meet Capaldi at least and possibly a lot more. Even though it seemed like her story was tied up in The Name Of The Doctor. But we still haven't seen her learn the Doctor's name (or marry him since their wedding was just a fakeout wasn't it?) so there's loose ends...anyway, none of this is the fault of this episode or even relevant so...
This episode attempts to make shadows scary the same way Blink made statues scary. I don't think as an enemy shadows work quite as well as statues, but there's good creepy moments like Miss Evangelisa's death. Tennant is good here and works well with Alex Kingston. Sadly Donna does That Voice when she says "it doesn't work on WOOD!?"
SCORE: 9.25/10
Forest Of The Dead - I like the parts with the little girl watching on tv. Just like we're doing at home! It's another strong episode. I don't think the Donna subplot is quite as good as the rest though. Like I just kind of laughed when the stuttering guy is teleported away before she sees him. It seemed needlessly cruel rather than tragic. But it does have the part with Miss Evangelisa's face all screwed up!
I think Alex Kingston desrves credit for how convincing she is in River's final scenes. You do believe that she's known the Doctor for years and loves him.
I don't think this two parter is quite as good as Moffat's best but it's certainly a high level of Doctor Who storytelling.
SCORE: 9.25/10
So there's River. There are times when I find River really annoying, but not until later. She's basically ideas from two of Moffat's best episodes combined: the love stoy from The Girl In The Fireplace and the non-linear storytelling of Blink. It's really quite ambitous. I don't think it always works but I can't fault anything about her here. It's interesting how much more subdued she is compared to later (EARLIER FROM HER POINT OF VIEW) River. Maybe old age mellowed her out a bit. There's no dressing up as a sexy Nazi, so that's good. I don't think the continuity holds up though? She has her diary and has met the Doctor many times by now...but she doesn't know the order of his regenerations? (Surely if he got around to telling her what happened do Donna he'd get around to telling her the order of his regenerations.) She asks him if they've done things she did with Matt Smith yet, but surely she should know Smith comes after Tennant? She knows Smith is the first Doctor she meets...oh, I don't know. It's hard to keep it all straight. She seems to imply that Smith was also an "early" Doctor for her so that means she must meet Capaldi at least and possibly a lot more. Even though it seemed like her story was tied up in The Name Of The Doctor. But we still haven't seen her learn the Doctor's name (or marry him since their wedding was just a fakeout wasn't it?) so there's loose ends...anyway, none of this is the fault of this episode or even relevant so...
This episode attempts to make shadows scary the same way Blink made statues scary. I don't think as an enemy shadows work quite as well as statues, but there's good creepy moments like Miss Evangelisa's death. Tennant is good here and works well with Alex Kingston. Sadly Donna does That Voice when she says "it doesn't work on WOOD!?"
SCORE: 9.25/10
Forest Of The Dead - I like the parts with the little girl watching on tv. Just like we're doing at home! It's another strong episode. I don't think the Donna subplot is quite as good as the rest though. Like I just kind of laughed when the stuttering guy is teleported away before she sees him. It seemed needlessly cruel rather than tragic. But it does have the part with Miss Evangelisa's face all screwed up!
I think Alex Kingston desrves credit for how convincing she is in River's final scenes. You do believe that she's known the Doctor for years and loves him.
I don't think this two parter is quite as good as Moffat's best but it's certainly a high level of Doctor Who storytelling.
SCORE: 9.25/10
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Midnight - This is an episode that could have been great. The idea has a lot of potential. There's some genuinely good parts. But it's also quite annoying to watch. It's another one where the Doctor's on some alien planet in the future and all the characters just happen to look and act exactly like present day humans. There's Business Bitch, a know-it-all Professor who doesn't know much, his put-upon assistant, Ricky Gervais lookalike embarrassing dad and...Merlin? As a goth? Okay. Goth Merlin is kind of entertaining when he acts like a dick but really it's a waste of Colin Morgan and his good cheekbones. Anyway, they could still have been good characters even with this but...
The Doctor's usually really good at dealing with panicky people but this time he isn't. For some reason. I like the idea that the humans turn on each other in the tense envirnoment but this plays out with quite a lot of shouting? The part where the alien first appears and repeats everything, then starts talking at the same time as everyone, then finally only talks at the same time as the Doctor is good. It's interesting. But the other characters kind of drag it out by speaking too much and it all gets annoying. It's a shame. I still think it's a good episode on the whole because of the good stuff in there, but with better execution it could have been great.
SCORE: 7/10
The Doctor's usually really good at dealing with panicky people but this time he isn't. For some reason. I like the idea that the humans turn on each other in the tense envirnoment but this plays out with quite a lot of shouting? The part where the alien first appears and repeats everything, then starts talking at the same time as everyone, then finally only talks at the same time as the Doctor is good. It's interesting. But the other characters kind of drag it out by speaking too much and it all gets annoying. It's a shame. I still think it's a good episode on the whole because of the good stuff in there, but with better execution it could have been great.
SCORE: 7/10
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Turn Left - Another RTD episode that has some really good stuff and some ropey stuff. On the good side the main plot with Donna living in a world where she never met the Doctor and everything turning to shit is strong. Catherine Tate is mostly good (other than the shouting), her mother finally gets a bit of depth and Bernard Cribbins does the expected great job with everything he does (especailly the saying goodbye to the Italians thing.) The way the various alien attacks play out without the Doctor are pretty convincing with the Sarah Jane Gang (but not Rani as she hadn't joined yet, yay!) and Torchwood (haha fuck Torchwood) dying in his place. And millios of Americans being turned into fat aliens.
On the other hand, there's Rose. Billie Piper's teeth are just incredibly distracting when she first shows up. It's really hard to make out what she's saying at times. The stuff with Rose working with UNIT is good but Rose now appears to have super powers and knows everything about Donna somehow (seriously does it make sense?) How did she know Donna was going to throw herself in front of a truck? Who knows. And how about that bit with the stars going out? How does that even work when the light from them is millions of years old? If they're just being erased from all of history why is the Earth still there? And then there's the "Bad Wolf" ending. Does Rose making "BAD WOLF" appear everwhere for the Doctor make any sense? I guess we have to wait until the next episode to find out but I have my doubts!
SCORE: 8/10
On the other hand, there's Rose. Billie Piper's teeth are just incredibly distracting when she first shows up. It's really hard to make out what she's saying at times. The stuff with Rose working with UNIT is good but Rose now appears to have super powers and knows everything about Donna somehow (seriously does it make sense?) How did she know Donna was going to throw herself in front of a truck? Who knows. And how about that bit with the stars going out? How does that even work when the light from them is millions of years old? If they're just being erased from all of history why is the Earth still there? And then there's the "Bad Wolf" ending. Does Rose making "BAD WOLF" appear everwhere for the Doctor make any sense? I guess we have to wait until the next episode to find out but I have my doubts!
SCORE: 8/10
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
The Stolen Earth - Hey it's another pretty good set-up episode that'll be totally letdown by the finale! Rose is back and she's brought her teeth. And a stupidly big gun. Remember when she appeared at the end of Partners In Crime and didn't talk to the Doctor for some reason? That's not explained, even though her story here is that she's been trying to get back to the Doctor for a long time. How did she appear on the tv screen in Midnight? Who knows. Why did "BAD WOLF" appear all over the place at the end of Turn Left? Who the fuck knows. I guess you could say Rose did that when she was Bad Wolf because she saw all of the future and remembered she had to do that. But that's stupid.
Loads of other people show up. There's Martha with the Oscar Hotdog key travelling the world in a repeat of her story in Last Of The Time Lords (she even finds another old woman who nearly betrays her in the second pack.) There's Sarah Jane (whose fear of the Daleks is well acted and a nice touch) and Luke and even the Mister Smith fanfare, there's Torchwood (except Owen and Tosh died lol) and Harriet Jones returns and kind of "redeems" herself (even though she didn't really need to) then dies. And Wilf and Donna's mum. The stuff with all the companions is fun. There's a good shot of loads of Daleks attacked the Valiant. There's the tradiational, non-sensical REAL PEOPLE bit (why would they have Richard Dawkins, an evolutionary biologist, talking about the Earth moving and not someone like Brian Cox (was he famous yet) or Patrick Moore? Why would Paul O'Grady still be on tv after THAT?) It's not a great episode, even if you don't know the follow-up is terrible, but it's entertaining...
SCORE: 7/10
Journey's End - This episode is really long. It didn't have to be so long. It gets bogged down with a lot of talking and explaining the plot. Mickey and Jackie show up just because we need ALL THE COMPANIONS (yeah Jackie's a companion fuck), Jack gets thrown into an incinerator but comes out with his clothes intact...anyway, Donna. We find out eventually that Dalek Caan has been manipulating Donna's life to ultimately destroy the Daleks. Of course we get no explanation as to how exactly he's been influencing events, but's a RTD finale so we need a "IT'S ALL CONNECTED" moment. Except it's bollocks because anyone could have touched the hand and created the (urgh) Meta-Crisis Doctor. Jackie could have fucking touched the hand. The whole thing about Rose scanning Donna and her giving off SPECIAL RADIATION or something (seriously it was mentioned in Turn Left but I can't remember what it was now) means nothing.
Then we have The DoctorDonna which is Catherine Tate talking in an annoying voice ("ha!") and the DoctorFuckToy and David Tennant suddenly forgets how to act whenever he's around Billie Piper...and Sarah Jane pulls a McGuffin out of nowhere but it's all just so Davros can make a speech about the Doctor turning people into killers (Davros is trying to END ALL LIFE EVER at this point and isn't really in a position to lecture)...I quite like the look of the eyeless Davros with the rotting body and metal hand and stuff but...DoctorDonna pulls some levers in Davros' prison (not in the command centre or anything even) and that makes the Daleks spin around. Because she's clever now. OH AND SHE USED TO BE AT TEMP SHE SAYS THAT A LOT. I mean the IDEA I guess (and there's a line going something like this ) is that she's the best of the Doctor but with the best of humanity in her too so she can see things he can't...but this is shown in the episode by having her flick a few switches that are right next to where she was standing anyway. It's terrible.
The Doctor and all the companions tow the Earth back and maybe this isn't QUITE as bad as I remembered because I do like the kind of goofiness and hopefulness of it and K-9 is there and Martha smiles into the camera and she's pretty but also the FUCKING MUSIC IS SO LOUD and towing the Earth like that would kill millions of people (we see everything shaking but only in a "fun shaking!" kind of way...)
Then Fucktoy Doctor gets to stay with Rose's teeth and Mickey and Martha join Torchwood (except they don't!) and Luke is only fourteen and FINALLY Donna forgets everything and becomes shallow again. So what was the message of Donna's story arc? Don't try to be a better person because you can't be, thicko! Bernard Cribbins does some good acting and the Doctor goes away on his own and it is kind of sad but come on RTD you can do better than this.
It's still not as bad as Last Of The Time Lords though!
SCORE: 5.5/10
Loads of other people show up. There's Martha with the Oscar Hotdog key travelling the world in a repeat of her story in Last Of The Time Lords (she even finds another old woman who nearly betrays her in the second pack.) There's Sarah Jane (whose fear of the Daleks is well acted and a nice touch) and Luke and even the Mister Smith fanfare, there's Torchwood (except Owen and Tosh died lol) and Harriet Jones returns and kind of "redeems" herself (even though she didn't really need to) then dies. And Wilf and Donna's mum. The stuff with all the companions is fun. There's a good shot of loads of Daleks attacked the Valiant. There's the tradiational, non-sensical REAL PEOPLE bit (why would they have Richard Dawkins, an evolutionary biologist, talking about the Earth moving and not someone like Brian Cox (was he famous yet) or Patrick Moore? Why would Paul O'Grady still be on tv after THAT?) It's not a great episode, even if you don't know the follow-up is terrible, but it's entertaining...
SCORE: 7/10
Journey's End - This episode is really long. It didn't have to be so long. It gets bogged down with a lot of talking and explaining the plot. Mickey and Jackie show up just because we need ALL THE COMPANIONS (yeah Jackie's a companion fuck), Jack gets thrown into an incinerator but comes out with his clothes intact...anyway, Donna. We find out eventually that Dalek Caan has been manipulating Donna's life to ultimately destroy the Daleks. Of course we get no explanation as to how exactly he's been influencing events, but's a RTD finale so we need a "IT'S ALL CONNECTED" moment. Except it's bollocks because anyone could have touched the hand and created the (urgh) Meta-Crisis Doctor. Jackie could have fucking touched the hand. The whole thing about Rose scanning Donna and her giving off SPECIAL RADIATION or something (seriously it was mentioned in Turn Left but I can't remember what it was now) means nothing.
Then we have The DoctorDonna which is Catherine Tate talking in an annoying voice ("ha!") and the DoctorFuckToy and David Tennant suddenly forgets how to act whenever he's around Billie Piper...and Sarah Jane pulls a McGuffin out of nowhere but it's all just so Davros can make a speech about the Doctor turning people into killers (Davros is trying to END ALL LIFE EVER at this point and isn't really in a position to lecture)...I quite like the look of the eyeless Davros with the rotting body and metal hand and stuff but...DoctorDonna pulls some levers in Davros' prison (not in the command centre or anything even) and that makes the Daleks spin around. Because she's clever now. OH AND SHE USED TO BE AT TEMP SHE SAYS THAT A LOT. I mean the IDEA I guess (and there's a line going something like this ) is that she's the best of the Doctor but with the best of humanity in her too so she can see things he can't...but this is shown in the episode by having her flick a few switches that are right next to where she was standing anyway. It's terrible.
The Doctor and all the companions tow the Earth back and maybe this isn't QUITE as bad as I remembered because I do like the kind of goofiness and hopefulness of it and K-9 is there and Martha smiles into the camera and she's pretty but also the FUCKING MUSIC IS SO LOUD and towing the Earth like that would kill millions of people (we see everything shaking but only in a "fun shaking!" kind of way...)
Then Fucktoy Doctor gets to stay with Rose's teeth and Mickey and Martha join Torchwood (except they don't!) and Luke is only fourteen and FINALLY Donna forgets everything and becomes shallow again. So what was the message of Donna's story arc? Don't try to be a better person because you can't be, thicko! Bernard Cribbins does some good acting and the Doctor goes away on his own and it is kind of sad but come on RTD you can do better than this.
It's still not as bad as Last Of The Time Lords though!
SCORE: 5.5/10
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
The Next Doctor - This is an episode of two halves. Or of two subplots. The Doctor goes to London (in 1851) because he always feels like going there at Christmas I guess. The actual next Doctor plot with David Morrissey is pretty good! I mean I never really bought that he was actually a future regeneration, but he's fine as a "could have been" Doctor. I liked that he had a balloon (shame about what it was used for.) And the scene where he remembers his wife dying was very well acted by Morrissey. It has more heart than other Christmas episodes, in this part anyway (of course there's no reason any of this has to be taking place at Christmas. There's nothing Christmasy about the episode other than snow.)
On the other hand, there's a plot with a woman in a red dress. AT FIRST I thought she was actually a decent villain. The scene at the graveyard where she reveals the Cybermen is good. But then she enslaves children? Like she hates the world because of the evil men do, but not because men are evil, just because she think she could do evil better than them? And then she screams at the end and the Cyberman blow up because that's the way Cybermen are always defeated. It seems to be saying she isn't really evil and she was just being influencd by being cyber-connected but there's no hints of that up until that point...
Then there's the Cyber King. When people complained about it for years sometimes I thought "maybe it wasn't THAT bad." And it's not really the worst thing ever. But it looks silly, the effects haven't aged well (and probably were bad at the time) and it kills loads of people. At Christmas. Again. Not very jolly!
And the Cybermen monkey things look really bad.
So yeah...this is still the best Christmas episode so far. That's not saying much at all, I know, but it has good stuff in it.
SCORE: 6.5/10
On the other hand, there's a plot with a woman in a red dress. AT FIRST I thought she was actually a decent villain. The scene at the graveyard where she reveals the Cybermen is good. But then she enslaves children? Like she hates the world because of the evil men do, but not because men are evil, just because she think she could do evil better than them? And then she screams at the end and the Cyberman blow up because that's the way Cybermen are always defeated. It seems to be saying she isn't really evil and she was just being influencd by being cyber-connected but there's no hints of that up until that point...
Then there's the Cyber King. When people complained about it for years sometimes I thought "maybe it wasn't THAT bad." And it's not really the worst thing ever. But it looks silly, the effects haven't aged well (and probably were bad at the time) and it kills loads of people. At Christmas. Again. Not very jolly!
And the Cybermen monkey things look really bad.
So yeah...this is still the best Christmas episode so far. That's not saying much at all, I know, but it has good stuff in it.
SCORE: 6.5/10
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
The Planet Of The Dead - This is an episode I think I made worse in my mind because I remembered the bad parts and used them in my "RTD is bad" type arguments. I'm not saying it's good or anything, there are some pretty bad parts, but as a story it's...decent. I guess. Except the "why didn't UNIT just throw the TARDIS through the wormhole?" issue.
It's kind of boring until they get to the flying sand worm things. Though even they don't do very much. The flying bus loks really bad in some shots. Like when it lands. But I don't really have a problem with the flying bus, it's a fine "fun" idea for a "fun" episode.
I don't really like the cheesey "I'm going to get you home" and "chops" stuff but maybe these scenes appeal to people who don't have autism?
The old black psychic woman with an accent is probably the worst thing. I mean I know it's already been established that some humans have psychic powers. But the writing is so lazy and the "HE WILL KNOCK FOUR TIMES IS THE ARC PHRASE" bit is so tacked on.
Lee Evans. Urgh. I don't like Lee Evans. I don't understand why anyone finds him and his stupid face and his sweating funny. He's Welsh here for some reason. It's bad.
Why didn't UNIT turn the wormhole off as soon as the Doctor came through? Why did they have to be told?
The best thing about this episode is Michelle Ryan, who I think actually had good chemistry with Tennant and did a good job playing a poor character. She steals things for fun. And she's posh. And she says things like "you clever boy!" because that's how "sassy" women talk to the Doctor. Yet I actually liked her thanks to Michelle Ryan. It's a shame she can NEVER BE IN ANOTHER EPISODE (it's the law) after being in this one.
SCORE: 5.5/10
It's kind of boring until they get to the flying sand worm things. Though even they don't do very much. The flying bus loks really bad in some shots. Like when it lands. But I don't really have a problem with the flying bus, it's a fine "fun" idea for a "fun" episode.
I don't really like the cheesey "I'm going to get you home" and "chops" stuff but maybe these scenes appeal to people who don't have autism?
The old black psychic woman with an accent is probably the worst thing. I mean I know it's already been established that some humans have psychic powers. But the writing is so lazy and the "HE WILL KNOCK FOUR TIMES IS THE ARC PHRASE" bit is so tacked on.
Lee Evans. Urgh. I don't like Lee Evans. I don't understand why anyone finds him and his stupid face and his sweating funny. He's Welsh here for some reason. It's bad.
Why didn't UNIT turn the wormhole off as soon as the Doctor came through? Why did they have to be told?
The best thing about this episode is Michelle Ryan, who I think actually had good chemistry with Tennant and did a good job playing a poor character. She steals things for fun. And she's posh. And she says things like "you clever boy!" because that's how "sassy" women talk to the Doctor. Yet I actually liked her thanks to Michelle Ryan. It's a shame she can NEVER BE IN ANOTHER EPISODE (it's the law) after being in this one.
SCORE: 5.5/10
The Tomtrek
Love Wookiee
Yeah despite really liking Michelle Ryan I have to say that Lady Christina de Souza is probably one of the worst (if not the worst) characters in Doctor Who and one of the only times I dislike an episode on a moral level.
She's a stupidly wealthy aristocrat, she comes from a disgusting level of privilege and yet she steals things from public buildings. Not because she needs to - so she can feed herself or her family - but because she's bored. She's a rich person who takes things away from poor people because she can because she's rich. She's fucking disgusting.
And yet throughout the entire episode there's never really a moment where The Doctor goes "Hey you're a massive piece of shit please stop", it's all smug back patting and "OH YOU'RE SO GREAT STEAL FROM THE COMMON FOLK". She never learns her lesson, that what she does is bad. When she gets arrested for a crime that we as the audience know she committed there's no acceptance that what she did was wrong and she should pay for it, but instead we're supposed to cheer when she gets away and laugh at the stupid policemen (who were right to arrest her because she is a criminal).
RTD is basically saying "Rich people are great and so should get away with crime because they're so good".
She's a stupidly wealthy aristocrat, she comes from a disgusting level of privilege and yet she steals things from public buildings. Not because she needs to - so she can feed herself or her family - but because she's bored. She's a rich person who takes things away from poor people because she can because she's rich. She's fucking disgusting.
And yet throughout the entire episode there's never really a moment where The Doctor goes "Hey you're a massive piece of shit please stop", it's all smug back patting and "OH YOU'RE SO GREAT STEAL FROM THE COMMON FOLK". She never learns her lesson, that what she does is bad. When she gets arrested for a crime that we as the audience know she committed there's no acceptance that what she did was wrong and she should pay for it, but instead we're supposed to cheer when she gets away and laugh at the stupid policemen (who were right to arrest her because she is a criminal).
RTD is basically saying "Rich people are great and so should get away with crime because they're so good".
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
The Waters Of Mars - This is a good episode. I liked the setting and the serious tone. Lindsay Duncan made a good one-off sort of companion and the rest of the actors were all at least decent (the German woman did some really good crying.) The monsters were quite creepy. I mean they were just people with water dripping down from them, but something about the way they looked with their mouths open really worked. AS STATED BEFORE I don't always like the "fixed point in space and time!" stuff and here's a good example of why. The scene with the Dalek looking at the little girl and flying away is well done and quite eery. But it makes no sense! The Daleks were trying to END ALL OF EXISTENCE so why would they respect a fixed point in time? How can they ever do an "END ALL OF EXISTENCE" story again if we know that can never happen due to the fixed points in time? BUT I think I just have to go for it and in the context of this episode and the story being told it worked. So, David Tennant in this episode...some scenes he's good. But then the scene where he's saving the people with the robot (and the "gadget gadget" is a bit annoying) he starts adding "AAAAAH" to the end of every word. Like he keeps going "HA!" but he can't even say it "HA!" he has to say "HA-AAAAAH!" It's a shame, because the final scene back on Earth is good. You can see why the survivors would be scared of him and even suicide doesn't seem too over the top.
SCORE: 8/10
SCORE: 8/10
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
The End Of Time Part 1 - There's a lot of stuff in this episode. People complain about Moffat's episodes being too complicated, and maybe sometimes they have a point, but I challenge anyone to remember everything that happened in this episode and what the point of some of it was. There's Wilf seeing a Mysterious Woman. There's EVERYONE IN THE WORLD having dreams about the Master returning (why?) and repeated clips of him laughing. There's the really creepy father and daughter who I guess are evil or something. There's the Ood who know everything that's going on and set-up the plot in a scene that exists to recap prior events. Which is fine, I guess, but we get the hint that the Ood are ACCELERATING FAST and it's never returned to ever so why is it in the episode? Why waste Brian Cox as the voice of an Ood? Then they tell the Doctor this is all happening RIGHT NOW (shame they didn't tell him this when they were appearing to him as a ghost) and he has to rush back to Earth...even though he has a time machine. Why is he running when he has a time machine? Then there's the way the Master is resurrected. How did the woman know where the Doctor was burning him to get his ring? Who cares, they have magic potions because of a book and they can take the Master's "imprint" from Lucy Saxon's lipstick because she hasn't changed it in a year or something. Oh but also Lucy has CONNECTIONS with money who have made an ANTI-POTION. Why didn't he connections like get her out of jail and away from the Cult of Saxon? Anyway she dies and now the Master can fly and he has skeleton power and can shoot force lightning. Oh and Wilf recruits a gang of old people to find the Dotor. And Donna's in the episode even though she isn't really needed (I guess it makes sense to have her since Wilf is there.) And there's cactus aliens.
See what I mean about all the stuff?
Also Obama's come up with some plan to end the recession (worldwide apparently!?) and even homeless people know about it. Then the Master eats the homeless people. Oh and the Master is fucking obsessed with food. He's all about food. We get lots of disgusting shots of him eating. Wilf and the old people find the Dotor (somehow) and June Whitfield touches his bum BECAUSE IT'S CHRISTMAS and this is all a bit embarrasing. Bernard Cribbins is excellent throughout. The Doctor does the same "why do I always come back to you THE UNIVERSE IS DOING IT" thing with Wilf that he did with Donna. He then just walks into the junkyard again and finds the Master right away even though the Master was running away earlier and the Master talks about food some more...
I can't recap this whole thing because I need to get up tomorrow for CHRISTMAS let's just say it's a pretty bad episode. Like maybe not as bad as I remembered but still pretty boring and silly and the Master just isn't a great villain at all. Then he turns all of humanity into himself (THE MASTER RACE HAHAHA) and I guess that means millions of people die in car and plane crashes worldwide like in Flashforward?
SCORE: 4.5/10
The End Of Time Part 2 - Yes Timothy Dalton does spit a lot. He's still much much better than John Simm in this episode. It's a shame he doesn't have anything to do but appear as a panto evil villain in two scenes. Did I mention the previous episode had a cliffhanger with Donna getting her memories back WHICH WILL KILL HER except the Doctor says "nah it won't kill her!" here?
The Master ruling Earth plot ends up being kind of dull with lots of scenes of the Master talking to himself. The part where the cactus ship is dead in space and the Doctor talks to Wilf about death is at least quite good? Bernard Cribbins is the real star of these two episodes anyway. Then the Doctor flips some levers and suddenly the ship is okay again and they can shoot down all the Earth missiles with lasers like in Star Wars. Then the Doctor falls a really long distance and only has a few bruises. There's no explanation as to how he survives.
Timothy Dalton has a magic glove that can undo the Master's plan and then the Doctor has a MORAL DECISION about who he's going to shoot but he just shoots a reset button machine instead. We never find out who the Mysterious Woman was.
The Doctor dying to save Wilf is a nice idea. The part where they're talking is decent, even though the set-up of the radiation machine is stupid. But then the Doctor goes on a 20 minute world tour. I don't think RTD was being racist by sticking Martha and Mickey together as a married couple (he usually has everyone as mixed race couples) but he was being lazy. We even get Jessica Hynes' grandaughter for some reason but at least it stops short of Kylie's ghost.
Remember when the Doctor was telling Wilf he doens't want to die? You'd think maybe there would be a character arc here where he accepts his death and is happy for his next regeneration and the fun adventures he'll have. But no, he just whines all the way and says "I don't want to go" and no wonder Tennant fanboys gave Matt Smith so much hate when the episode is practically telling them to. Compare to how great Christopher Eccleston's regeneration (BY THE SAME WRITER) was. The part where Christopher Eccleston says "but not like this" was better than anything in Tennat's regeneration (I'll find a Youtube clip sometime.)
The final scene with Matt Smith is fun at least!
SCORE: 4.5/10
See what I mean about all the stuff?
Also Obama's come up with some plan to end the recession (worldwide apparently!?) and even homeless people know about it. Then the Master eats the homeless people. Oh and the Master is fucking obsessed with food. He's all about food. We get lots of disgusting shots of him eating. Wilf and the old people find the Dotor (somehow) and June Whitfield touches his bum BECAUSE IT'S CHRISTMAS and this is all a bit embarrasing. Bernard Cribbins is excellent throughout. The Doctor does the same "why do I always come back to you THE UNIVERSE IS DOING IT" thing with Wilf that he did with Donna. He then just walks into the junkyard again and finds the Master right away even though the Master was running away earlier and the Master talks about food some more...
I can't recap this whole thing because I need to get up tomorrow for CHRISTMAS let's just say it's a pretty bad episode. Like maybe not as bad as I remembered but still pretty boring and silly and the Master just isn't a great villain at all. Then he turns all of humanity into himself (THE MASTER RACE HAHAHA) and I guess that means millions of people die in car and plane crashes worldwide like in Flashforward?
SCORE: 4.5/10
The End Of Time Part 2 - Yes Timothy Dalton does spit a lot. He's still much much better than John Simm in this episode. It's a shame he doesn't have anything to do but appear as a panto evil villain in two scenes. Did I mention the previous episode had a cliffhanger with Donna getting her memories back WHICH WILL KILL HER except the Doctor says "nah it won't kill her!" here?
The Master ruling Earth plot ends up being kind of dull with lots of scenes of the Master talking to himself. The part where the cactus ship is dead in space and the Doctor talks to Wilf about death is at least quite good? Bernard Cribbins is the real star of these two episodes anyway. Then the Doctor flips some levers and suddenly the ship is okay again and they can shoot down all the Earth missiles with lasers like in Star Wars. Then the Doctor falls a really long distance and only has a few bruises. There's no explanation as to how he survives.
Timothy Dalton has a magic glove that can undo the Master's plan and then the Doctor has a MORAL DECISION about who he's going to shoot but he just shoots a reset button machine instead. We never find out who the Mysterious Woman was.
The Doctor dying to save Wilf is a nice idea. The part where they're talking is decent, even though the set-up of the radiation machine is stupid. But then the Doctor goes on a 20 minute world tour. I don't think RTD was being racist by sticking Martha and Mickey together as a married couple (he usually has everyone as mixed race couples) but he was being lazy. We even get Jessica Hynes' grandaughter for some reason but at least it stops short of Kylie's ghost.
Remember when the Doctor was telling Wilf he doens't want to die? You'd think maybe there would be a character arc here where he accepts his death and is happy for his next regeneration and the fun adventures he'll have. But no, he just whines all the way and says "I don't want to go" and no wonder Tennant fanboys gave Matt Smith so much hate when the episode is practically telling them to. Compare to how great Christopher Eccleston's regeneration (BY THE SAME WRITER) was. The part where Christopher Eccleston says "but not like this" was better than anything in Tennat's regeneration (I'll find a Youtube clip sometime.)
The final scene with Matt Smith is fun at least!
SCORE: 4.5/10