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Wacky Reviews: Star Trek

Samaritan Snare - Wesley is going to take some Starfleet Academy tests again. Picard needs some kind of surgery and doesn't want Pulaski to do it so she orders him to a Starbase, so he travels by shuttle with Wesley. Cute Sonya Gomez makes her second and final appearance. The Enterprise responds to a distress signal from the Pakleds and...I don't want to say they're "space retards" but. Riker sends Geordi over (by himself) to help them, despite Worf's objections. Picard tells Wesley that he's having his heart replaced. The Pakleds are impressed by how smart Geordi is and Troi warns Riker that he's in a "danger, great danger!" Riker just lets Geordi stay on the ship despite this warning. Then the power goes out ont he Pakled ship. It's not the most exciting story. Wesley says he knows Picard doesn't like him and he's fine with that. The Pakleds eventually grab Geordi's phaser and shoot him. After that moment of excitement we go to Wesley and Picard eating sandwiches. But this ends up being good as Picard tells Wesley the story of how he ended up with an artificial heart: he used to be a dick and got stabbed by a Nausicaan. He laughed after he was stabbed. It would be cool to watch these events play out!

The Pakleds are sinister now (but still thick) and want Geordi to make them more phasers. Wesley makes sure Picard actually goes for his surgery. The Pakleds move on to demanding all computer information from the Enterprise. Riker comes up with a plan and does a really obvious coded speech to Geordi (obviously the Pakleds don't get it.) Worf tells him he'll die without honour. It's pretty funny. Picard's surgery goes badly (probably because his doctor is such a wooden actor.) Only Pulaski can save him! Geordi pretends to have turned against the Enterprise when they pretend to attack. The Enterprise uses a "crimson forcefield" (something Geordi made up) to beat them. This is an okay resolution to the story, but it all took up too much time. Pulaski arrives in time to save Picard. Everyone applauds Picard when he comes back and he's grumpy. Wesley passed his exams and can keep studying on the Enterprise (it was just an excuse to have Wesley go with Picard.) THE END.

This is an episode with a very good B-plot, featuring good use of Wesley and strong acting from Patrick Stewart, and a very weak A-plot. The Pakleds are amusing at first and the way they're defeated makes sense, but there's no reason it all had to take up so much time. It felt like it should have been a C-plot in some other episode. We hear "we look for things...things that make us go" about fifty times and Riker is made to look dumb for sending Geordi into a dangours situation (with a phaser that could easily be grabbed) and ignoring Troi's warnings. But again the Picard/Pulaski and Picard/Wesley stuff is actually realy good!

SCORE: 6/10
 
Up the Long Ladder - Worf is being weird. The Enterprise picks up an old Earth SOS. Worf collapses to give us some drama to end the teaser. Turns out Worf just has Klingon measels or something. Worf is pleased that Pulaski kept his secret and performs the Klingon Tea Ceremony for her. It's a nice scene and Pulaski continues to be a good character, but it's weird that they do this whole plot and wrap it up so quickly before going to the main plot of the episode. The Enterprise finds the missing colony and O'Brien (he's back!) beams them over...with their livestock. And their stereotypcial Irish music. Oh God no. Picard sees a chicken! It's hilarious! The head Irish guy wants him to marry his daughter! How can they not have changed in 250 years? His balshy Irish daughter is angry that the Enterprise put out the fire she lit and this is terrible please make it end. Riker instantly has the hots for her, of course. She asks where she can "wash her feet" which means sex. The head Irish guy reveals there's a second colony. Then he asks for Worf's help to brew some alcohol.

Picard finds the second colony, which is a SCIENCE COLONY. Troi urges caution! They're clones! Well, at least they're not Irish. We go through a really long bit of everyone saying "Twins? TRIPLETS?" before Pulaski works it out. Only five colonists made it to the planet so they had to make clones. They find sexual reproductive repulsive so Riker doesn't like them. They want to clone the Enterprise crew but Riker is disgusted by that. More than one Riker? That would never be right! Picard says everyone on the ship will feel the same way. He could at least check! I wouldn't really mind being cloned. The evil science people knock out Riker and Pulaski and steal their DNA. Riker and Pulaski go and murder their (already fully grown) clones. I'm pro choice but it's a bit dodgy since they're killing adult bodies? But I guess they don't have adult minds yet. Still...it's weird. Pulaski finally realises the super obvious solution: the Irish and the clones should mate. The two (male) heads of the colonies agree to the plan without asking anyone else if they want to have sex with a bunch of Irish stereotypes/clones. Pulaski explains the science behind why every woman has to have three babies by three different men. Again no women are there to agree to this. Picard does offer to let Irish woman stay on the Enterprise if she doesn't want to do it, but she's excited at the prospect of marrying the Prime Minister. I guess her and Riker were just a random hook-up.

The Irish stuff is really bad. Why do Americans think the Irish are like this? Why would they think this is a good idea? I know it's supposed to be funny but it's pretty offensive really! The main Irish guy in particular. The woman has an annoying accent but the actress is okay at least. I did actually like some of the science plot stuff though. I liked Pulaski talking about the hard science behind cloning. The Riker killing his and Pulaski's clones scene is at least very memorable. Then we get the two colonies thrown together but we don't get to see what that would actually be like and the episode is over. There also isn't much point in Riker and the Irish girl getting together. I mean I have no problem with them finding each other hot and having sex, it's just weird that it's forgotten after it happened and has no story purpose. And it's weird that the Worf tea ceremony thing happens at the start and has nothing to do with the rest of the episode. So yeah, not as bad as I remembered but not very good.

SCORE: 4.5/10
 
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Manhunt - Some fish people come onboard for a conference. They're in stasis so O'Brien gets to watch them. Worf says "what a handsome race" which is funny. Then Lwaxanna Troi arrives to ruin our day. She instantly does the "all men are constantly lusting over me and I know it because I'm reading their minds" thing that it quite problematic! And surely a lie. Riker gossips with Wesley and Data about Lwaxanna and Data does a fake laugh. Picard goes to a dinner in Lwaxanna's quarter which he thinks everyone else is going to. Homm drinks a whole bottle of alien alcohol! Of course it's just Picard and Lwaxanna and she keeps trying to shag him and he keeps acting awkward. If she really is a telepath then surely she can tell he's not inerested? Picard invites Data to join them to cockblock and it's pretty funny (Data talks a lot!) But is this episode ever going to have a plot? Deanna explains to Pulaski (a doctor) that Lwaxanna is in Betazoid menopause which actually makes her extra horny. Deanna explains that Lwaxanna's condition means her telepathy isn't working right or something, but really it's no excuse for constantly trying to shag a guy who obviously doesn't like her, is it? Picard goes to hide out in Dixon Hill land. Maybe the holodeck will malfunction or something! Nope, just another slow scene of Picard walking about. Then Lwaxanna being annoying again.

A guy comes in with a gun and Picard tells the computer he's here to relax and doesn't want this. The computer keeps getting it wrong (Robert "Gowron" O'Reilly makes his first Trek appearance in here.) Patrick Stewart is funny. I'm still not sure why this is happening. Lwaxanna considers fucking Wesley and Worf. Picard's holodeck adventure poinlessly continues with him giving spoilers for the second world war. Seriously it's just Picard talking to Dixon Hill people there's literally no plot. Lwaxanna then announces that she's marrying Riker without asking him first. It's funny because she's a horny older woman! Data dresses up in a suit to join Riker and Picard in the holodeck. The barman in the holodeck doesn't know his own last name which is another kind of funny bit in a completely pointless episode. Lwaxnna goes to the holodeck too (she doesn't know what it is) and the barman hits on her. She likes that the barman can't be read and has a drink with him. She wants to marry him. Lwxanna reveals that the fish people are assassins. That cures her horniness I guess?

So I did mention that there were a few funny parts in the episode. But that's like six funny parts in 45 minutes. Probably anyone could come up with six funny parts in that time. It's not really that impressive! And it's mostly due to the cast being good. Otherwise...the plot of this episode is literally just "Lwaxnna wants to shag everyone so they hide on the holodeck." And about a minute of fish people. It's slow and boring and without Patrick Stewart being funny it would be completely worthless. As it is...just look at gifs on tumblr of the funny parts I guess.

SCORE: 2.5/10
 
The Tomtrek said:
"Up The Long Ladder" is a pretty shit episode but the Klingon Tea Ceremony music that Ron Jones wrote is legitimately some of the best music ever written for TNG.



Just a shame they never used it in the actual episode!
Click to expand...

Wow. I wish Ron Jones had written more music for the show (He scored 42 eps, the last being The Drumhead).
 
The Emissary - The first episode of DS9 already! That was quick! Wait, no, it's just the TNG crew playing poker. The Enterprise is ordered to to meet with a special emissary for a secret mission. She arrives in a Class 8 probe to save time (I'm not sure how a probe travels at Warp 9 with no engines, I guess it's launched at warp or something) and her name is K'Ehleyr (Suzie Plakson who previously portrayed Doctor Selar.) It's a cool intro scene for a cool half Klingon. She and Worf have a sexy history! A ship of Klingons who have been frozen for 75 years has woken up and they think they're still at war with the Federation. K'Ehleyr thinks they'll have to be destroyed by Picard says they will find another way. K'Ehleyr and Troi talk about being mixed race. Worf and K'Ehlery talk about how they never actually had sex before and they obviously want to do it now! They have a race-related argument then K'Ehleyr smashes a table. She struggles with her Klingon side! Troi advises her to go for a workout on the Holodeck and she goes into Worf's monster fighting program with a big glove for killing things. Worf is all tense on the Bridge so Picard orders him to relax so he heads to the Holodeck as well.

They fight monsters together (on level 2!) and have Klingon sex. Worf says they were too young before and lacked commitment...and tries to marry her. Well they are mated! K'Ehleyr doesn't take this well. Does this mean if Riker had slept with the Klingon girls when he was on the Klingon ship he would have had to marry them? Worf takes Data with him when he next has to talk to her. This is the second episode in a row where Data has been used to prevent sex. We finally get back to the Klingon sleeper ship plot. K'Ehleyr is still all about killing them but Worf thinks he has a better idea. Worf and K'Ehleyr dress up as Klingon warriors and Worf pretends to be Captain of the Enterprise. Worf acts all Klingon and it's pretty hot. He gets them to give him command of their ship. It's a strong scene! K'Ehleyr admits that the sex did have meaning and she was tempted to take the oath with him. Worf says he won't be complete without her.

It's a really strong episode! K'Ehleyr is a great character thanks to the writing and especially the performance of Suzie Plakson. It's the best Worf's been yet and his traditional Klingon beliefs (ironic since he was raised by humans) clash with K'Ehleyr's liberal beliefs. The actual sleeper ship plot doesn't take up much time but that's fine since the main point of the episode is the Worf/K'Ehleyr dynamic. And the Captain Worf scene is great. This is all very good stuff.

SCORE: 9/10
 
Peak Performance - The Enterprise is going to take place in a wargames exercise. A strategist named Kolrami comes onboard for this and he's a bit of a dick. Riker will Captain an old broken down ship (named after actress Anne Hathway) to oppose the Enterprise. Kolrami doubts Riker's abilities. Riker recruits Geordi, Worf and Wesley. He challenges Kolrami to a game of Strategema (Kolrami is the best in the galaxy at it.) Riker loses quickly. The Hathaway is a mess and Riker makes Worf his first officer. Pulaski gets Data to play Kolrami at Strategema. I like how Pulaski is now pro Data. It's proper character development! Worf and a girl come up with the idea to project holograms of enemy ships and fool the Enterprise. Wesley sneakily beams over one of his experiments to help give Riker an edge. Pulaski tells Data to "bust him up" but Kolrami still wins. Kolrami disses Riker one too many times and Picard asks him what's up. Data is upset because he made no mistakes and yet still lost. He thinks he's damaged and tries to find a malfunction.

The wargame STILL hasn't started so Troi and Pulaski go to Picard to ask him to give Data a pep talk. Picard tells him it's possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. Data gets back in the game and the simulated battle finally begins. Riker uses his hologram and Kolrami is impressed by him. But then a real Ferengi vessel shows up and attacks the Enterprise. Kolrami wants Picard to sacrifice the Hathaway to escape. Quark is one of the Ferengi again! He thinks the Hathaway must be important. Riker tells Picard that they have two seconds of warp speed (thanks to Wesley) and they can use that to escape maybe. The Enterprise fakes destroying the Hathaway when really it just warps away after they fired torpedos. The Hathaway uses the hologram trick again to scare away the Ferengi. Data his his rematch with Kolrami and plays him to a stalemate before Kolrami walks out in anger. He busted him up!

This is a lightweight episode but a fun one! There's good character stuff for everyone and Kolrami is a good guest dickhead. It's satisfying when Data busts him up. The only criticism I have is that we don't actually get much of the simulated battle at all. I would have liked to have seen more of Picard and Riker facing off. But it's hard not to like this episode and it would have made a good season finale. Except...

SCORE: 8/10
 
Shades of Grey - Something has jabbed Riker on the calf. O'Brien can't beam him up because he's infected with microbes. Pulaski says she doesn't like "comical transport chiefs" and beams down and they beam him up and this is all very badly written. I mean the cliffhanger at the end of the teaser is Riker saying "my leg just went dead!" It's all very strange! Data and Geordi capture a microbe in an unexciting sequence. Picard and Riker have a boring conversation. This is terrible. Troi says "Imzadi" and it makes Riker go into a coma. Pulaksi has to stimulate Riker's neurons to keep him alive. This casues him to watch a clip from 'The Last Outpost'. He also remembers visiting the holodeck for the first time in 'Farpoint', which reminds us that Data used to look weird(er.) Next he remembers the funny scene of flirting with Guinan. Then saying goodbye to Troi. Next he remembers being a pervert in that "Wesley gets executed for falling on some flowers" episode. Then Minuet. Then having sex with that evil sexist woman. Then the Irish woman. This just isn't going to end. Pulaski changes it so he remembers bad memories like Yar dying and Troi's alien kid dying (why would he even remember that?) Troi cries and tells Pulaski to save him. I'm pretty sure she's been trying. Next he thinks about beating up a Klingon. Then being beaten up by an old man (which was awesome, let's face it.) He even fucking remembers the drug episode. Being enerygy whipped by Ferengi. Being eaten by Armus. Setting the auto destruct sequence. More Klingons. Hey, I just noticed something: everything Riker remembers is from the first two seasons of TNG! It's like he had no life before that! All the while Troi and Pulaski are standing over his body talking about the "growth rate" and stuff and I feel sorry for them. Finally he experiences a montage of action scenes, which is what saves him. The moral of the story seems to be that Riker loves explosions. Riker pretends to be Captain Picard when he wakes up and Picard says Data is an Admiral. Data says Picard doesn't have the authority to promote him! Everyone laughs and smiles into the camera! This was shit!

I know this episode only came about because of the writers strike and was filmed in three days to save money. That's not excuse! Clip shows are always bad, but the bridging scenes between the clips are SO BAD that it makes me think the writers and director made it bad on purpose as a protest against having to do a clip show. There isn't actually anything good about this episode at all.

SCORE: 0/10
 
Evolution - It's the third season! Dr. Stubbs (Dr. Kelso from Scrubs) is onboard the Enterprise to launch an egg into an explosion in a binary star system. It's scientific! The Enterprise is dragged towards the binary stars for unknown reasons. Doctor Crusher is back (I liked Pulaski) and is surprised by how much Wesley has grown. Other things go wrong on the ship too. Beverly wants Picard to update her on Wesley's sex life. There's another glitch where Worf detects a Borg ship (it's a bit like 'Contagion' but not as fun.) Stubbs doesn't want the Enterprise to leave since his experiment means everything to him. Wesley tells Guinan that he thinks everything that's gone wrong is because of his nanites. He let two of them interact with each other and they've escaped. They're supposed to be super basic though! 'Stars and Stripes Forever' plays on the Bridge in the latest hilarious malfunction. Stubbs and Wesley bond over being geniuses. Stubbs loves baseball, a dead sport in the 24th century. He plays baseball games in his head, which is kind of sad.

Wesley finally tells his mom what he did. His nanites have evolved super fast through many generations. Stubbs wants to kill them but Beverly says they're a civilisation now. It's a bit silly. Stubbs tries to kill the nanintes so the nanites try to poison everyone on the Bridge. Troi tries to counsel Stubbs. He sits in his room alone imagining baseball and the nanites try to murder him. Picard is ready to kill all the nanites but they start talking to Data. They talk through Data and explain they weren't attacking the Enterprise, just exploring it. Stubbs apologises for murdering some of them and gets them a planet to live on. Guinan tells Beverly she has a lot of children. Wesley has a girlfriend? What!?

There's good things about this episode. The character of Dr. Stubbs is a believable person, he doesn't just come across as a science dick. The Beverly/Wesley stuff is pretty good but doesn't have much screentime (and where the fuck did Wesley's girlfriend come from?) The nanite story just doesn't quite work. I like that Star Trek's all about finding strange new lifeforms but I find it hard to believe Wesley created a whole new species by letting two nanites talk to each other. And it's weird that Wesley isn't involved in the story more considering he was their creator. So it's not a bad episode just not all that good yet, even though it does have the more polished season three feel already.

SCORE: 7/10
 
The Ensigns of Command - The Enterprise receives a message from the Sheliac for the first time in a hundred and eleven years. They've found humans on one of their planets and want them removed, and only give the Enterprise four days to do it. Data is sent to the planet because humans aren't supposed to be able to live there. There's fifteen thousand of them and the transporters won't work on the weird planet. So they need more time to evacuate. The colonists don't want to leave because they're so proud of their settlement. Their leader's voice is over-dubbed by another actor for some reason and it's distracting. There's a girl too with a fringe who geeks out over Data. O'Brien and Geordi try to get the transporter to work but it keeps fucking up. Data keeps warning the colonists about the Sheliac but they say they won't be bullied off their planet. Picard decides to intercept the Sheliac colony ship. Data admits to Riker that he isn't good at dealing with people. Geek girl kisses Data for some reason. Bad dubbed actor and Data have a debate. Data tells them they're all going to die, but at least they'll be dying for land. Bad actor guy somehow wins the debate, though some of the colonists are on Data's side.

Troi teaches Picard about language since the Sheliac are very alien and precise. The Sheliac look a bit like they're made of rocks? Data has a secret meeting with colonists on his side, but jerk leader shocks him with a stick. Picard and Troi meet with a Sheliac. It's a decent scene. Data's girlfriend wakes him up and Data realises that actions speak louder than words. He needs to build a phaser. Data shoots some of the colonists (at last!) and blows up their aqueduct. He makes the point that he did all that with one phaser and that the Shelica have whole starships that can destroy them from orbit. Picard finds something in the treaty he can use against the Sheliac: he demands third party attribution from a species which is currently hibernating. That Picard! Geordi reports that he can solve the transporter problem in a hundred years but Picard says it's fine now. Geek girl is sad that Data has no feelings but he kisses her to cheer her up.

Season three continues to not be all that great yet. It's a decent episode, about the same level as the previous one, just a bit dull. The main guest villain is bad (possibly because of his voice being changed) and Data's relationship with the girl doesn't really sparkle. It's just a basic "Data learns a lesson" episode with a couple of amusing parts involving Picard and the Sheliac. It's fine, I found it reasonably enjoyable to watch, it just isn't anything special.

SCORE: 7/10


The Survivors - The Enterprise responds to a distress call from a colony and finds all eleven thouands colonists dead...except for two. There's one house left standing amongst all the destruction. Riker leads an away team to the house but is caught in a booby trap by an old man named Kevin (John Anderson) and his wife Rishon (Anne Haney, who I remember appearing in loads of tv shows.) Data starts playing a music box and Troi hears the music in her head. The old people refuse to leave their home. Troi keeps hearing that damn music during a briefing and runs out. You'd think she'd just tell Picard? I mean it's pretty unusual to start hearing music in your head right after finding two old people alive under mysterious circumstances. Picard even goes to see her and she even lies at first before telling him. A mysterious evil spaceship shows up and attacks. The Enterprise easily chases it off. Picard realises something is up and goes down to give the old couple a replicator himself. Troi is going completely insane now. Worf utters the classic line "Good tea. Nice house." Picard tries to find out why Kevin and Rishon were spared by the aliens. Rishon explains that she wanted to fight the aliens but Kevin refused and she stayed with him.

The aliens return and attack with more power this time. The Enterprise has to retreat, but Picard suspects that Kevin and Rishon are in no danger. He and Worf go to the house again and Picard confronts Kevin. He tells him the Enterprise will remain in orbit for as long as they're alive. The aliens show up again but this time Picard just sits back and lets them do what they want. They seem to kill Kevin and Rishon. The Enterprise destroys the aliens with a single torpedo and Picard says they have no reason to remain now. The house shows up again later. Picard beams Kevin and Rishon up because he's had enough of this. Kevin admits that he fucked up Troi's brain. Then the big twist: Rishon isn't real! Kevin fixes Troi's brain and says he did it because she was sensing what he really was. Kevin admits he is an alien named a Dowd and he fell in love with a human woman and lived as a human. He had the power to stop the aliens (the Husnock) but refuses to kill and tried to trick them instead, but they killed everyone else in the colony, including Rishon. He lost it and destroyed the Husnock...all of them. Like Anakin killing all the sand people! It's a powerful scene. Picard says he has no power to judge Kevin and that he should be left alone on the planet with his pain.

TNG season three has arrived! It's a great mystery episode and the great ending scene with Kevin's confession is a worthy payoff. I do have some nitpicks: Kevin could have just made his house invisible in the first place and I don't get why Troi initially denied hearing the music in her head. But still, it's all very good have strong guest performances and a story that holds your interest the whole way. I hope there's more episodes like this!

SCORE: 9/10
 
Who Watches The Watchers - There's a Federation science team in a duckblind spying on some proto-Vulcans. Their ducklbind explodes to the Enterprise rushes to help. Proto-Vulcan Liko (Ray Wise) and his cute daughter spot the duckblind. He witnesses the Enterprise away team beaming someone up then falls down some rocks. Crusher beams him up to the Enterprise because it was their fault he was hurt (Picard isn't sure about this) and uses Pulaski's short term memory erasure technique (yes they mentioned Pulaski by name! Bring her back!) Liko sees Picard when he wakes up. He retains his memories when he's beamed down (Crusher isn't as good as Pulaski confirmed) and tells his daugher of his experience. Riker and Troi beam down disguised as proto-Vulcans to search for a missing scientist named Palmer. They find Liko and his daughter spreading their new religous belief in The Picard. Troi and Riker tell him it was all a dream (father and daughter can share the same dream, says Troi!) But some other villagers find Palmer, who Picard mentioned in front of Liko. Because they're proto-Vulcans they use logic to deduce that The Picard is real. Troi distracts them so Riker can tie up an old man and save Palmer, but it goes wrong and Troi is captured.

Picard listens from the Bridge as Liko considers punishing Troi to make The Picard happy. Picard, Riker and the head duckblind guy talk about how the species will now become religious again and it could lead to holy wars and stuff. Picard doesn't want to send them back into the dark ages. They beam the female leader of the villagers up. He tries to convince her he's just a person. The automatic doors don't really help his case. He shows her her planet from orbit. Picard logically explains the whole advanced technology appearing like magic thing to her. It's a nice scene. There's a storm and Liko thinks The Picard is punishing them. The leader still doesn't quite get it and asks Picard if he can bring some children who drowned last year back to life. Picard shows her one of the scientists dying (it's lucky timing, really) to convince her once and for all that he's not a God. Liko is about to shoot Troi with a bow and arrow when Picard beams down to tell him the truth. He has to let himself be shot by an arrow first. As always, being shot solves everything. Picard shows the duckblind to the aliens and explains the Prime Directive.

This is pretty much the definitive Prime Directive episode. They've tried it a few times in season one and two but this one does a better job of laying everything out there. It's a good episode, I like the scenes with Picard reasoning with the aliens. I like that they're proto-Vulcans and not just humans like usual. I wonder if it angered religous people? Probably! So yeah, it's good, but it has the Star Trek problem of using one small village to represent an entire planet. Would the entires species really have started believing in The Picard as God just because of one guy? But I guess that's kind of how Jesus got started! So yeah, solid Star Trek stuff here.

SCORE: 8/10
 
The Bonding - Troi warns Picard to beam an Away Team up right as Worf requests they be beamed up. Troi didn't help, basically. The ship's Archaeologist is killed by some kind of booby trap that Wof missed. She has a twelve year old son named Jeremy (his father's dead too.) Picard goes to tell the lad and Wesley remembers when he did the same for him. Picard questions the wisdom of having children on a starship and I have to agree with him. Jeremy doesn't really show much emotion when he's told. Data asks Riker why it's worse when someone your familiar with dies. Troi talks to Worf about his guilt. Worf wants to do a Klingon bonding ceremony with the lad. Those last two scenes are pretty good. Jeremy watches video of his mum and Patches the cat and seems fine with her being dead. He's a bit weird. Worf comes to see him. Troi says Jeremy has to get angry and he's being too brave. Then the sci-fi part kicks in as Troi senses a lifeform on the planet. Wesley and Beverly talk about Jack's death. Then Jeremy's dead mum shows up alive!?

She tells Jeremy that they're going to go and live on the planet together. Worf wants to shoot her. O'Brien's like what the fuck? Picard confronts her and she disappears. Jeremy's angry. At least he has emotions now! She turns Jeremy's quaters into their house on Earth, complete with Patches. Jeremy wants to stay with her despite Troi telling him it's all fake. Geordi comes up with a technobabble way to get rid of her and she nearly kills O'Brien. Bitch. More stuff happens, it's not very interesting. Finally she explains that she's an energy lifeform who won't allow anymore suffering because of the war the aliens on her planet fought, or something. Picard explains that death is part of life and Jeremy must accept it and move on because humans are mortal (even in the 24th century no one's cured death, which is annoying!) Wesley comes in to talk about his father's death. Wesley admits he was angry at Picard. Jeremy finally shows some emotion shouting at Worf. Worf talks about his dead parents too and the alien gives up. Worf and Jeremy do some Klingon thing, the end.

It's Ron Moore's first Star Trek story! In his version, Jeremy did have problems accepting his mother's death and recreated her on the Holodeck. There was no alien. Gene rejected it because (sigh) children don't grieve in the 24th century and had Michael Piller rewrite it. So we get this weird alien injected in the story and it isn't needed at all. I'm sick of all the "alien tries to help humans but doesn't understand how to!" stories now. This is one of the weakest. It's a shame because there's good stuff in the episode. A lot of the discussions of death between characters like Worf, Wesley and Picard were good (and hit pretty close to home.) It has stuff to say. But it's let down a lot by the alien story and frankly the fact that the actor who plays Jeremy just wasn't very good. I know you could say he wasn't showing emotions on purpose for most of the episode, but even when he did get angry it wasn't convincing at all. So this is a potentially good episode that still has some very strong parts but is hurt a lot by Gene being crazy.

SCORE: 6/10
 
That original story would have been really interesting to see. A much better idea than another alien taking human form and being creepy.
 
Booby Trap - Geordi's on a date with a girl on the Holodeck. It doesn't go well. The Entrprise is at the site of an ancinet space battle with lots of dead spaceships and responds to an outdated distress siganl. Picard wants to investigate it himself because he used to build ships in bottles. Riker is confused but O'Brien knows what's up! (Worf: "I did not play with toys." Data: "I was never a boy.") Picard geeks out over the ancient ship. Geordi asks Guinan to explain women. She's attracted to bald men because one was kind to her once when she was hurting (foreshadowing!) Picard watches the Captain's log of the long dead alien. The Enterprise starts to lose power and seems to have fallen into the thousand year old booby trap. Geordi tries to find a solution and discovers a woman named Leah Brahms who wrote the book on propulsion. He talks to voice recordings of her at first. He goes to a Holodeck simulation of the Enterprise's engines when they were first built to help him and a hologram of Leah shows up to help him out (Geordi didn't actually ask for her, the computer did it, so it's not like he said "give me a hot holodeck engineer!") Geordi asks the computer to give her a personality because he's sick of her standing around blankly.

Geordi instantly gets the hots for her and they work on some technobabble together. She talks about how Geordi must know her "inside and out" because he knows the engines she designed inside and out. Sexy. But it is good to have the character stuff to break up the tech talk. The Enterprise tries to escape but it doesn't work and the Holodeck shuts down because they're losing power. Picard starts it back up again and Geordi and Leah get serious about working the problem. But also she massages his neck and shoulders. They find out they can escape if they let the computer fly the ship. Simulations show there's a big chance it won't work, but they're facing fatal radiation levels. Instead they shut everything down and Picard takes the conn to manually fly the Enterprise out. He gets the Enterprise out using some nifty flying in an exciting sequence! Geordi says goodbye to Leah and she tells him he'll see her and touch her every time he looks at and touches the engines. They kiss!

It's the "Geordi falls in love on the Holodeck!" episode. And while that sounds a bit creepy, it somehow isn't all that creepy in the episode thanks to Levar Burton, who is always one of TNG's strongest actors. It seems pretty okay that Geordi would be in love with this hot hologram engineer. I mean it's still a bit weird because she's a real person, but let's be honest if the Holodeck was real we'd all be shagging real people and female celebrity holograms. So those scenes are pretty good even though there's a LOT of tehcnical talk and it's also a good episode for Picard with him geeking out over the old ship and piloting the Enterprise at the end. It does feel like it hasn't been that long since the last "Enterprise shut down by ancient weapon" episode (was it 'Contagion'?) and like I said there's too much tehcnobabble, but it's a good episode. The music also stands out as very strong.

SCORE: 8/10
 
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