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Wacky Reviews: Wrestling

In Your House: Good Friends, Better Enemies

British Bulldog and Owen Hart vs Jake Roberts and Ahmed Johnson - Another look at Jake rubbing a snake on Bulldog in Germany. Bulldog is scared of snakes. Jim Cornette's lawyer Clarence Mason has a court order banning Jake's snake from ringside. Jake rips it up and scares Mason and Cornette with the snake. Arrest that man! Cornette faints. Jake does take the snake backstage. This was supposed to be a singles match between Jake and Bulldog but it turns into a tag probably because they know it's not a good idea to have Jake in singles matches. Ahmed has a bandage on his right hand. He was always getting injured. It's a broken thumb "thanks to the Bulldog" according to Lawler. Diana is watching again with that look on her face she always has (Vince: "A troubled look.") The match starts with lots of stalling. Owen tries a test of strength with Ahmed which seems oddly dumb for Owen. The heels eventually take over on Jake. Jake still can't take bumps so he lies about while Bulldog and Owen stomp him and put him in chinlocks. The fans are into this match despite it sucking. Ahmed cleans house for about ten seconds after the hot tag then stupidly tags Jake right back in. Bulldog hits Jake in the knee (three times) with Cornette's teenis racket then gets the submission win with a weak leglock thing. This was bad.

Ultimate Warrior vs Goldust - Goldust blew some gold dust into Warrior's eyes earlier, but it had no effect and Warrior chased him and Goldust fell and hurt his knee. Or so Lawler says. I guess Goldust had a legit injury but they decided to go ahead with the "match" anyway. I say "match" for reasons that will become clear. Goldust has a bodyguard with him too. Goldust runs backstage to start and Warrior starts smoking Marlena's cigar. I don't know why. He sits in Marlena's chair as the bodyguard shouts "HE'S GOT THE CHAIR!" Warrior sits in the ring smoking while Goldust stays outside FOR FUCKING EVER. The fans chant "faggot" and Warrior encourages it. Remember when Warrior died and everyone went on about what a great guy he is wihtout mentioning his insane right wing politics and homophobia? Goldust takes the mic and does the "kiss each and every one of you" line again. Warrior eventually encourages Goldust to sit in Marlena's chair (why?) then burns Goldust with the cigar and clotheslines him out of the chair. Goldust walks out and the ref counts him out and Warrior doesn't even try to stop him. Goldust's bodyguard finally attacks Warrior (shouldn't he have done this while Goldust was escaping?) and Warrior hits his moves on him. This was fucking pathetic. Why didn't they just announce that Goldust couldn't wrestle and send Isaac Yankem or somebody out to job to Warrior?

Vader vs Razor Ramon - It's Razor's last WWF match. Vader hits lots of Vader strikes early. Razor hits some punches then goes for the Razor's Edge next to the ropes which means he's going to be backdropped to the floor. But he comes right back in with more punches. Vader actually stalls outside the ring to escape Razor. Vader takes over again. Razor stays in it with a back suplex for two. Vader hits the Vader Bomb and Razor kicks out! Razor reverses a suplex. Razor is looking very competitive with the unstoppable monster. Razor slams Vader off the ropes and hits his second rope bulldog for two. Vader goes for a Vader Bomb and Razor tries to turn it into a Razor's Edge but can't hold him. Vader goes for the moonsault but Razro gives him an electic chair drop. Razor goes for the Edge again but Vader backdrops him then sits on him for the three. I'm surprised by how strong they let Razor look in his last match. He was on his way to WCW so they could have (and maybe should have given what's going to happen in the coming months) had Vader copletely squash him on his way out.

The Godwinns vs The Body Donnas - Henry hits an Attitude Adjustment early! Lawler messes up a slut-shaming joke about Sunny. There isn't much else to say about this. Zip illegally switches places with Skip and pins Henry while Sunny is distracting Phineas and Hillbilly.

Shawn Michaels vs Diesel - No holds barred! Diesel throws his vest at Vince at the start. It's a shoot, brother! Shawn hits a moonsault to the floor early and hits Diesel with the Spanish announcer's boot. Diesel takes over and continues to taunt Vince. Diesel hits a BIG sidewalk slam. Diesel chokes out Hebner with his wrist tape then takes Hebner's belt off and whips Shawn with it. He chokes Shawn with the belt and if he was Daniel Bryan he'd be fired! He ties Shawn up with the belt and hits him with a chair. He hits him across the back in the same way as the MSG match, which the announcers miss of course. Shawn makes Diesel look like a monster bouncing around for his forearms. Diesel powerbombs Shawn through Vince's table. The commentary cuts out and Vince begs Shawn to stay down. But Shawn sprays Diesel with a fire extinguisher to come back! This was all cutting edge in 1996 WWF. Shawn hits some chairshots. Diesel comes back with a big boot. Shawn counters the powerbomb and hits the top rope elbow but Diesel blocks the superkick. Mad Dog Vachon is sitting in the front row and he has an artificial leg. So Diesel pulls it off! Shawn hits a low blow, hits Diesel with the leg and hits the superkick for the win. This match was great, possibly Nash's best ever and just like Razor he still looks really strong on the way out despite losing.

This was a one match show but that one match was great, at least.
 
29/4/1996

Nitro

Sting and Lex Luger vs Harlem Heat - Tag team titles are on the line! I should mention that Booker T is already really good and smooth in thering. Whereas Stevie Ray is pretty meh. Luger seems to have switched to total face now without any doubt about his allegiance. Booker does the spinaroonie off a missed elbow into a the sidekick which always looks good. Jimmy Hart runs in and throws a towel in. Apparently it follows something that happened on Saturday Night. Sting rolls up Booker for the pin. Harlem Heat chase Hart away. The announcers don't even suggest this has something to do with Hart's associaton with Luger.

Bischoff keeps hyping the NBA coming up next which is annoying since it was 19 years ago and I wouldn't have cared about the NBA then either.

The Steiner Brothers vs Fire And Ice - Fire And Ice are Scott Norton and Ice Train (a big black guy.) He's pretty impressive here leapfrogging Rick and powerslamming him in a smooth sequence. Scott hits a belly to belly on Norton but Norton catches him coming off the top and press slams him. Fire and Ice hit some more impressive power moves before Rick pins Ice Train out of nowhere after a single clothesline. Finish was weird.

Mean Gene interviews Flair with Liz and Woman. He's not worried about The Giant tonight because he has two women who shag him. Okay. Elizabeth as usual just looks scared and confused.

"Blood Runs Cold" is coming soon to WCW!

Belfast Bruiser vs Lord Steven Regal - This is a parking lot brawl taking place in an actual parking lot. Which means there's four cars set up, basically. Finlay puts his foot through a car window early. He hits Regal with a tyre and a car bumper. Regal hits some good kicks. Finlay chokes him with a seatbelt. Both guys are bleeding and Bischoff asks the cameras to pull back. Regal goes for a piledriver on a car but gets backdropped. He comes back with a successful car piledriver to win. This was much more entertaining and brutal than my description did it justice!

Ric Flair vs The Giant - WCW world heavyweight championship is on the line. Flair continues to pay attention to Debra in the front row and Mongo keeps getting angry. But why is she sitting in the front row every week anyway? Flair goes for shoulderblocks and bounces off. Giant press slams him. Flair finally ges a thumb to the eys but Giant no sells his chops. Flair gets tossed off the top and chokeslammed. Flair's first effective move of the match is a low blow. Flair knocks him down with a foreign object. Flair gets the Figure Four on the seemingly unconscious Giant but Giant sits up, grabs him in a choke and hits the chokeslam for the win and the World title! Fans are pretty shocked by this. Match wasn't much but it made Giant look great.

RAW

Last night the British Bulldog called Shawn Michaels a pervert who wants to sleep with Diana and went to the ring to confront him after Shawn had defeated Diesel.

Mankind vs Bart Gunn - Foley is getting better at playng the Mankind character every week but Bart Gunn continues to be the most boring man alive. Mankind does entertaining things but the match is way too long for a Bart Gunn match. He keeps going after Mankind's arm. Bart does eventually hit a nice missile dropkick. Mankind eventually gets the Mandible Claw on when Bart is punching him to win after about ten minutes. Should have been half as long.

Jim Ross interviews Bart Gunn after but Mankind attacks him and puts him in the Maindible Claw again.

Stone Cold Steve Austn vs Scott Taylor - Yes, that Scott Taylor! He's just a jobber here. Savio Vega joins the commentary team and challenges Austin to a Caribbean strap match. Austin gives Taylor a Giant Swing! No wonder he likes Cesaro so much. Vega just keeps repeating the same line on commentary while Jerry Lawler acts racist. Austin wins with the Million Dollar Dream. Vega then challenges Austin over the mic, so what was the point in him saying it again and again on commentary? Vega whips Austin out of the ring.

Vince is in the ring with Bulldog, Diana and Cornette and introduces Shawn Michaels. Vince just shamelessly kisses Shawn's ass as usual! Cornette claims that Shawn "tried to sleep" with Diana. At least the constant look of disgust on Diana's face is in context for once. Cornette's delivery is great though. Diana's...is completely wooden as she says "Shawn, I know that you want me." Shawn tells her not to flatter herself and Diana slaps him. Bulldog and Shawn brawl but we quickly cut to commercial!

The New Rockers vs The Godwinns - The Godwinn's have pigs on a lead with them. That seems cruel. The Godwinns are over with the crowd for some reason. Lots of stalling to start as seems to be the style in 1996. The Rockers double team but Phineas makes a comeback against both of them. The Rockers run away which wastes more time. Sunny comes out to ringside during the match and some fans start chanting "SUNNY" really loud. She does a little dance to the chants and shakes her ass. I remember getting a big hard on from this in 1996, not just because I found her hot but also because the fans were cheering for a heel. Just seeing if anyone's reading this! (It's true though.) The (terrible) match ends on a double countout and Sunny acts like this was her plan all along!

JR interviews Mankind down some stairs about the Mandible Claw. Again it's great character work, the kind they don't do anymore.

Ultimate Warrior vs Isaac Yankem - Warrior does his entrance then runs all the way back and does his entrance again. Jerry Lawler gives Yankem advice. It doesn't help. Warrior wins with his usual in about a minute, although there's an ad break in there and Vince claims Isaac doiminated during it. Warrior celebrates for a long time.

Nitro obviously wins.


6/5/1996

Nitro

Randy Savage vs Hugh Morrus - Morrus attacks before the bell and puts the boots to him. Then dresses up in Savage's hat and jacket. Not a good idea as Savage goes nuts and is DQed for choking Morrus with his jacket. Then gives him a flying elbow and gives one to the ref as the fans go crazy.

Jushin Liger vs Dean Malenko - Haven't seen Malenko on NItro for a while. Liger comes out slapping hands with the fans even though he has heel manage Sonny Onoo with him. Ric Flair comes out in a tux with Liz and Woman and sits in the "VIP section." Malenko wins with a sitout tiger bomb in a great tv match.

Gene intervies Flair, Liz and Woman. Wooooo, Flair has lots of money and women, wooo! He takes a while to actually mention losing the World title to The Giant and doesn't seem too bothered about it.. Flair sends a cocktail to Debra McMichale who is in the audience again. She pours it on the ground.

Sting vs Steven Regal - Regal is all bandaged up after last week's street fight. Regal's move of choice here is that strangle hold thing holding both of Sting's hands. He's still selling that he's hurt from last week but gets some shots in before Sting reverses a double underhook into a pinning combination for the win.

It's supposed to be Lex Luger vs The Giant next, even though Sting's entrance music is still playing. But Luger hasn't shown up in the building and Hacksaw Jim Duggan comes out instead. So Hacksaw gets the match instead just because he came out to the ring.

The Giant vs Hacksaw Jim Duggan - Duggan's blows have no effect. He starts taping up his fist but Giant just chokeslams him for the win. Giant gives him another chokeslam. Cobra runs out and Giant chokeslams him and then the Cuban Assassin and Alex Wright. Flair runs in still wearing his tux and breaks a wooden chair over Gian'ts head. Giant no sells it and goes for the chokeslam but Sting saves Flair(!) and finally beats down Giant. Sting gets the Scorpion on Giant but Jimmy Hart hits him with the megaphone. Luger runs out with his bags like he's just arrived and Hart calls the Giant off him so the whole "are Hart and Luger in cahoots!?" thing is definitely still going. Sting and Luger get into an argument after as Mean Gene interviews him.

No Hogan again! Yes!

RAW

The episode is dedicated to Ray Stevens, who died.

Marc Mero vs 123 Kid - Hunter Hearst Helmsley is on commentary with his silly posh accet. Seriously he sounds ridiculous. The match is good as Mero is still trying to impress and Kid can still go. It does have longer sleeperholds than are normal for Kid matches though. He puts it on at least three seperate times. Hunter crotches Mero when he goes to the top rope and Kid goes for a superplex, but Mero falls on top of him for the pin. This was Kid's last appearance on RAW for two years until he returned as X-Pac.

We hear from a MYSTERY WOMAN (sitting in the dark) claiming that Shawn Michaels seduced her while she was married to another wrestler, then dumped her. I remember seeing this when it was first on and thinking it was so terrible that I considering stopping watching wrestling forever. Her acting is not good.

Fatu vs British Bulldog - Fatu has a huge ass. He should use that as his gimmick. Bulldog keeps going after Fatu's head but everyone knows you can't hurt a samoan that way (because of racism.) Bulldog does push-ups after taking control. "Some Fatu family members" (two GANGSTER LOOKING SAMOANS I think played by Samu and the future Super Hero In Training Rosey) come out and stand in the aisle. Why are they allowed to be there? This was going be a storyline where they try to lead Fatu back to a life of crime but it never went anywhere. Bulldog wins pretty easily with a powerslam. Fatu tells his "family members" that the WWF is his real family.

The Bodydonna vs Techno Team 2000 - Yes that's their real name. I sould point out for the record that Sunny is much more attractive than Sable. Lawler starts talking about Viagra (not named yet) during the match. Techno Team suck. The fans chant for Sunny again giving me a hard on in 1996. Skip hits a top rope rana and Zip falls with a bad looking axehandle thing for the win. This was bad.

The Undertaker vs Owen Hart - Goldust joins the commentary team beause Undertaker is next on his list of faces to feud with I guess. He walks off (but comes back) after being told by Vince that he will take on Undertaker in a casket match at the next In Your House. That does seem a bit random since Goldust last had a thing with Warrior while Taker's been feuding with Mankind. Goldust keeps making scared noises because of Undertaker. It's a bit much. But then he gets turned on by the death in Taker's face. Fair enough. Owen work over Taker's leg. Goldust starts feeling up Paul Bearer and Lawler calls him a "chubby chaser." Owen continues to methodically work the leg. Taker holds Owen for a chokeslam but just throws him back over the top rope in a good bump. Then Goldust touches Own's bum. Taker grabs Owen and pulls him back in and tombstones him for the win. Paul Bearer comes back out with a gold casket to scare Goldust. Again this whole feud seemed to come from nowhere.

Umm, call it a draw.


13/5/1996

Nitro

Steiner Brothers vs Public Enemy - Steiners throw them around. PE take over and do hit a nice senton combo thing. Rock misses another senton from the top. Rock later misses another senton going over the top and hits Grunge. There's a pattern here! Scott hits the Frankensteiner for the win. Match was fine but PE never go beyond "fine" in a regular match.

Squire Dave Taylor vs Chris Benoit - Taylor hits a Scott Hall style fallaway slam! Benoit pins him with a Dragon Suplex. The fans seem to like Benoit. He keeps making the Four Horsemen sign.

Mean Gene interviews Macho Man, who's been locked out of the building. Mongo comes back and says he sympathises with Savage and says "darling" a lot. Mongo is weird. Gene points out that Savage must team with Flair at Slamboree, but Savage says he doesn't mind dragging a dead tag team partner to the ring. Ooooooh yeah!

BLOOD IS STILL RUNNING COLD.

V.K. Wallstreet vs Ric Flair - Haven't seen much of Wallstreet on Nitro. Which I'm fine with, because he sucks. It's a heel vs heel match but Wallstreet has to do face spot beause Ric Flair has to take the same moves in every match. But it's not like the fans are going to cheer for Wallstreet anyway. Wallstreet works over Flair's leg, but after the ad break he's just punching him. Wallstreet actually shows some fire here and Flair does that thing where he walks halfway around the ring and does a Flair flop. Wallstreet hits a Samon drop and Woman puts Flair's foot on the ropes. Wallstreet misses a knee lift into the ring post and Flair gets the figure four in the ring for the win (and it's basically Flair's first move of the match.) AGAIN I'm not saying Flair wasn't great at bumping and making his opponent look good (this was entertaining for an IRS match) but the way he takes the same bumps and goes through the same signature sequences in every match is a bit distracting.

Flair makes some incromphensible American Football references about Mongo.

The Giant vs Lex Luger - Bischoff mentions Luger knocking out Yokozuna with his forearm, which is weird. He's basically saying Giant is tougher than Yoko because he wasn't effect by it. It's a short match (they don't even get entrances) and Giant is DQed for chokeslamming Luger through Flair's buffet table (after clearing all the plates and stuff.) Bischoff says Luger has proven to the world that he's a stand-up guy! Luger camped outside all night to get this match apparently. Gene tries to interview Sting but Sting tells him to fuck off (not in those words.) Again Giant was booked very strongly here.

RAW

Ahmed Johnson vs Skip - Ahmed kind of speaks before the match (I don't know what he said) and Sunny starts feeling him up, but Ahmed calls her trash! Sunny comes out to yell at Ahmed and we get a good look at her ass. Seriously why did anyone prefer Sable. Ahmed wins with the Pearl River Plunge despite Zip and Skip switching places at one point. Sunny was hot.

There's an advert for "Warrior University." I don't even know what it is!

Vader vs Duke "The Dumpster" Droese - Cornette is on commetary, which is good, but kind of shows up how bad Jerry Lawler is. Vince tries to sell that Vader's a bully who is a monster when in control but a coward when his opponent starts fighting back. I don't feel like that is the right way to get Vader over? Vader actually puts a chinlock on for a while which looks weird, but he switches it to a neck vice thing. Then back to chinlock. Dumpster breaks with a chinbreaker to no reaction. Dumpster knocks Vader down with a dropkick. Dumpster misses a top rope splash and Vader hits the Vader Bomb for the win. Droese wasn't bad in the ring, but he was never going to get anywhere as a wrestling garbage man.

Vince interviews Undertaker in the ring. Paul Bearer does his Paul Bearer thing. Goldust is used to being in the spotlight but he'll cross over into the darkside. Vince says Goldust is the most "bizarre" individual in WWF but Taker says "you're asking US about bizarre?" Good point. Goldust and Marlena come out. Goldust quotes movies and indicates that he wants to have sex with Undertaker in his coffin. "Do you know what rigor mortis is? It's a STIFFENING of the muscles!" Racy. Mankind attacks Undertaker and puts him in the Mandible Claw. Goldust rubs himself all over the laid out Taker, until he sits up. This was an entertaining segment!

Justin "Hawk" Bradshaw vs Aldo Montoya - Zekekiah joins commentary! We the people! Wait, not yet. He says Shawn Michaels is scared of Bradshaw. I'm surprised they didn't give Bradshaw a bigger push at this point as he's huge and pretty good in the ring. Though having said that he does use a bearhug on Aldo. Aldo hits some dropkicks but Bradshaw wins fairly easily with the Clothesline From Hell.

WWF did a show in Kuwait where the Bulldog attacked Shawn Michaels on the beach and kind of held him under the sea for a bit.

Shawn Michaels vs Hunter Hearst Helmsley - DX explodes! Hunter out wrestles Shawn to start. Shawn lets his hair down(!) to take over. He then stares at Hunter's date for the night as Lawler claims this proves Shawn is a womaniser. Shawn works over Hunter's big nose for a while but Huner takes control by punting Shawn off the top turnbuckle and out of the ring. Mr Perfect comes out to watch the match. BUT WHY. Shawn is great at selling Hunter's offence. It makes Hunter look great. Shawn is great at professional wrestling. Hunter controls for a long time and hits lots of stuff. Shawn makes a spirited comeback and hits the top rope elbow for two. They do some nice reversals then Shawn hits the superkick for the win. This was a very good match and I'm sure them being real life friends helped.
 
Slamboree 1996

Tony, Bobby and Dusty hosting! They're much better than the Nitro team. So the Lethal Lottery is werid. There's 32 men and their names are "randomly" drawn to create 16 tag teams who then meet in eight matches. Then we have another round (after another drawing) and the winning teams then meet in a battle royal and the winner of that gets a title shot. Okay? That means there's going to be a lot of matches tonight.

Animal and Booker T vs Hawk and Lex Luger - See? This is the kind of crazy match the Lethal Lottery can give you! Luger and Animal exchange power moves. Booker comes in and gets Luger in a chinlock for a while. Just gives us Animal vs Hawk! Hawk saves Booker after a Booker axe kick and for some reason Luger gets made and brawls with Hawk. He saved you! All four teams get counted out which is a really lame copout because it means we don't get to see Hawk and Animal fight each other.

Public Enemy vs Kevin Sullivan and Chris Benoit - Yes the "random" drawing resulted in PE teaming up and enemeis Benoit and Sullivan on the same team. Rocco hits a rana on Benoit then dances over him. He goes for another but Benoit powerbombs him then does a mocking dancing over Rocco. So if you've ever wanted to watch a murderer dance, watch this match! PE try to put Sullivan through a table but Benoit saves. PE try to put both through the table but Sullivan moves and Benoit takes the full blow. Benoit is pinned in the ring. This was a very short match. Sullivan claims to have hurt his knee to explain not helping Benoit.

Criag Pittman (with Teddy Long, so I guess he did find a manager eventually) and Scott Steiner vs Booty Man and Rick Steiner - It's the luck of the draw! Of the fixed draw. This time both teams actually work together to have a proper match. Rick and Pittman exchange suplexes. Pittman wants a tag and Scott finally excepts it and we get Rick vs Scott. They do some friendly technical wrestling! Then Scott suplexes his brother on his head. Rick comes back with a clothesline. Rick gives him a dragon suplex! Scott gives him a belly to belly off the turnbuckles. Booty Man briefly comes in to ruin it, but Scott tags out to Pittman anyway. He gets his armbreaker on Booty but Booty makes the tag to Rick who pins Pittman with a German. This match was okay.

Steven Regal and Dave Taylor vs Hacksaw Jim Duggan and VK Wallstreet - Originally Regal was supposed to team with arch enemy The Belfast Bruiser (it's the luck of the draw!) but he's gone back to Ireland with injuries so Regal gets to team with one of his regular partners. But Duggan and Wallstreet are also "arch enemies" according to Tony. Regal abuses his butler Gives ("Chives" according to Dusty.) Regal's facials are great. Regal threatening fans ("sunshine") is great. Hacksaw and Wallstreet don't get along. Duggan punches him off the apron then pins Taylor after hitting him with a taped up fist. It was a short match.

Dick Slater and Robert Eaton vs Disco Inferno and Alex Wright - Guess what? It's a short match! Disco dances and Slater hits him from behind with his cowboy boot for the win. Why does taking his boot off and hitting someone with it hurt more than just kick him with it?

Diamond Dallas Page and Barbarian vs Meng and Hugh Morrus - DDP is back thanks to a "mystery benefactor" despite losing a "loser leaves forever" match. Meng and Barbarian go at it with each other without hesitating. DDP and Barbarian actually use some double team moves. Barbarian pins Morrus with a big boot while Meng tries to pin DDP (even though they're not legal.) This was slightly longer than the previous couple of matches but it was heel vs heel so the fans didn't react to anything.

Big Bubba and Stevie Ray vs Fire And Ice - Bubba is the newest member of the Dungeon of Doom and has a new look (leather pants!) Fire and Ice are teaming up thanks to the luck of the draw! It's heel vs heel again. Lots of clubbering. Fire and Ice pins Bubba with a double shoulderblock. Seriously, a double shulderblock. This was not good.

Eddie Guerrero and Arn Anderson vs Ric Flair and Randy Savage - Flair doesn't come out when his music plays. He finally comes in and attacks his own partner after Anderson laid him out. Flair and Eddie have a fun exchange then Flair forces a tag to Savage so Anderson can beat him down again. Eddie taps Flair on the shoulder when he's beating down Savage then thumbs him in the eye, which is funny. Savage attacks Flair so Anderson gives Eddie a DDT so Flair can pin him. This was fun while it lasted but it didn't last very long. Liz slaps Savage after (which is kind of hot) and Flair and Anderson destroy him. Woooo!

We finally get a break from the action (the first round has been non stop matches for over an hour) with Tony, Bobby and Dusty talking. Then Mean Gene and some girls from Hooters (yes, really) do another random drawing for the second round. Fire and Ice are randomly selected to get a bye because of the double countout in the first match. Gene then slowly announces another math for the second round. And acts like a dirty old man. No one cares.

Dean Malenko vs Brad Armstrong - Malenko is the NEW Cruiserweight champion so that's a thing now. Tony calls Dean a "youngster" which is a bit of an exaggeration when he was born in 1960 and this is 1996. The start with chain wrestling then Malenko goes to work on the leg in his usual sooth way. Malenko works the leg for a long time while "boring" chants start here and there. They cut away to show the Spanish announce team even. I appreciate Dean's flawless exectuion but he could have give Armstrong more hope spots at least. Brad finally makes a comeback with punches and a powerslam and gets Malenko in his own Texas cloverleaf. Maleko comes back with the super gutbusters from the second rope for the win. It picked up a bit by the end but this wasn't very good on the whole.

Blood Runs Cold is coming to WCW!

Let's have pervy Gene talking to the Hooters girls some more! Listen to them giggle! Why is this shit on ppv? He draw the finally matches eventually and even tries to get a pop out of announcing "Public Enemy will be in one of the matches!" after drawing their name. We KNOW they'll be in one of the matches, they won their first round match. He keeps getting the girls' names wrong as they stand around giggling. This is death.

Dick Slater and Robert Eaton vs Jim Duggan and VK Wallstreet - Duggan and Wallstreet fight each other right away. Tony randomly shouts "WHAT A MATCH UP" to make this seem exciting. It's not. Slater pins Wallstreet with a roll up. Duggan chases Wallstreet away with his 2 by 4. This was bad.

Public Enemy vs Ric Flair and Randy Savage - Liz throws Savage's money to the fans on the way out. Savage attacks Flair in the aisle and PE win by forfeit. Yep.

DDP and Barbarian vs Rick Steiner and Booty Man - Fans spend most of the match whistling at the Booty Babe. DDP hits a sneaky elbow drop on Booty Man and Barbarian pins him. After an elbow drop. DDP says "self high five" after.

Konnan vs Jushin Thunder Liger - Mike Tenay replaces Dusty for this match because he knows the names of moves. Lots of mat wrestling. The build up to some bigger moves. Konnan kicks out of the Liger Bomb, unlike Tyler Breeze. Konnan wins with the Splash Mountain powerbomb. This was a decent match but completely heatless.

Mean Gene interviews Flair. Mongo comes out to challenge Flair and has Kevin Greene as his tag partner.

Battle Bowl Final - It's a battle royal with DDP, Barbarian, Public Enemy, Dick Slater, Robert Eaton and Fire and Ice. Yeah. Do those seems like finalists to you? Oh and they're all heels again. Wouldnl't it have been better booking to put at least one popular face in there so the fans have someone to support? The action is not thrilling. Guys hitting each other and the fans don't give a shit. They break out the split screen. It doesn't make it any better. Rocco Rock is eventually the first man eliminated. Eaton is eliminated after Slater hits him with his boot, then Slater goes out. Eaton attacks Robert Parker and Slater ends up brawling with him. Scott Norton is out next. DDP gives all three Diamond Cutters and pins Grunge and Ice Train. Wait, what? No one mentioned that pins counted until now! Barbarian kicks out of the pin and he and DDP exchange nearfalls (in a battle royal.) Barbarian hits a tomstone for two. And a powerbomb. He misses a top rope headbutt and DDP hits the Diamond Cutter to win. So DDP is the "Lord of the Ring" and is supposed to get a title shot at the next ppv.

The Giant vs Sting - Lex Luger and Jimmy Hart are hand-cuffed to each other at ringside to stop interfernece or something. Again they do a great job of showing Giant as the huge monster that he is as Sting struggles to hurt him. WWE never booked the Giant this well (okay sometimes they did but then the next match they'd ruin it again.) Giant uses a body scissors holding the ropes for leverage. Giant tries to chokeslam Sting through a table (that's just sitting at ringside for some reason) but Luger puts Jimmy Hart on the table so Giant can't use it. Sting makes a spirited comeback and puts Giant down with multiple Stinger Splashes. Luger "accidentally" hits Sting with the megaphone and Giant hits the chokeslam for the win. The match was only about ten minutes so it was energetic and entertaining but didn't really feel like a ppv main event.

FIFTEEN MATCHES in two hours 45 minutes. The only real excitement from Battle Bowl was when the Steiners fought each other and the Savage/Flair stuff. This was not a good show.
 
20/5/2015

Nitro

Just Bischoff and Heenan on commentary as Mongo is in "serious training" for his first wrestling match. This is a special 90 minutes Nitro (one hour and nine minutes on the Network) and next week it'll be two hours every week!

The Steiner Brothers vs Fire and Ice - Another enjoyable power match between these teams. Lots of clotheslines and suplexes. It ends in a double countout.

Eddie Guerrero vs Ric Flair - Eddie was screwed by the Horsemen last night so this match makes logical sense! This will be interesting because Eddie can't give Flair a million press slams so he'll have to mix it up from his usual match. Eddie controls with a headlock to start and they do fun headlock sequences. Flair hits chops but Eddie keeps fighting back. Eddie hits a backdrop and two dropkicks but Flair escapes the over the turnbuckle plancha. Heenan says it wouldn't surprise him if Eddie was World champion one day. Not in WCW. Eddie mocks Flair with a strut. The fans love Eddie. Flair drags the match down a bit with a pointless Flair Flop. Eddie gets a top rope sunset flip for two and we get to see Flair's pasty white arse. They keep going back and forth. Flair keeps giong back to chops. Eddie gets the figure four on Flair. Eddie dives to the floor but hits the guardrail. Flair starts working the leg. Eddie keeps getting hope spots in (though the fans have calmed down quite a bit by now.) Bischoff says Flair's two WWF world title wins don't count because they're not "wrestling titles" which is stupid and petty. Eddie gets a tornado DDT for two. Eddie hits the frog splash but hurts his leg. Flair gets the figure four on and gets the pin with Woman holding him for leverage. This lasted nearly twenty minutes and was a great match for free tv. Much better than Flair's repetitive matches with Sting and Luger. Eddie was great.

Mean Gene interviews Flair about how he likes to have sex with women.

Flair joins commentary too and talks about sexing the women some more. I mean okay he talks about the upcoming match with Mongo as well.

Sting and Lex Luger vs Meng and Barbarian - Meng and Barbarian both his headbutts from the top rope at the same time! Luger pins Barbarian after Sting gives him a top rope splash. This was actually a good match! Everyone worked hard to have a solid, entertaining tag match.

Randy Savage has been locked outside the building again. But he's in his full wrestling gear. So he just dresses like that all the time even when he doesn't have a match? I can believe it.

BLOOD RUNS COLD is still coming soon. Still.

Diamond Dallas Page vs Brad Armstrong - DDP's selling is still pretty comical. It's hard to take him seriously. He wins with the Diamond Cutter. He does an interview after where he calls the fans "jerks" and says "self high five" again. Mean Gene shows confusing footage and says DDP got the pin last night "with his foot on the floor." Then shows a clip of him hanging over the rope with one foot on the floor, but not scoring a pin. And you're allowed one foot on the floor! Lex Luger will get the title shot at the next ppv instead for no apparent reason. What? What was the fucking point of that whole boring Battle Bowl thing I just watched if DDP isn't even getting a title shot? Why can't WCW ever just book a straightforward title match?

The Giant vs Arn Anderson - Kevin Sullivan comes out with Arn. Even though Giant's in the Dungeon of Doom. Sullivan "explains" what's going on to Jimmy Hart, but it makes no sense like everything Kevin Sullivan says. Nothing much happens in the match. Giant hits a few Irish whips and bodyslams, Anderson goes after the leg for a few seconds, goes for the DDT, Giant blocks it into the chokeslam for the win. This seemed kind of pointless.

RAW

Stone Cold Steve Austin vs Marc Mero - Mero's entrance is already more about Sable than about him. The match is fine but unspectacular. The fans aren't reacting at all because you can tell this is still a taped show because that same fat security guy is still visible on camera from the last few weeks. The fans most be tired after sitting there for four hours. The canned heat is pretty obvious in places. Vince spends the whole match plugging upcoming house shows. Savio Vega runs in and starts whippig Austin with a Caribbean strap for the DQ. Mero is angry with Savio after.

Back to Kuwait. Ahmed Johnson won the first (and last) Kuwaiti international invitational tournament.

Warrior launched his comic book in New York. I guess Warrior had it in his contract that they had to promote this and whateer the fuck "Warrior University" was. Vince claims the (bad nineties) artwork will "revolutionise" the comic industry.

Savio Vega vs 1-2-3 Kid - Okay, I was wrong about the Mero match being Kid's last appearance on RAW. The Million Dollar Man joins the commentary team and talks about how when Vega loses the strap match he'll be his chauffeur. Vega hits his spinning heel kick in the corner taking both men over the ropes, which I always liked. But then Vega puts on two lengthy chinlocks. Boring. Kid takes over but he's not at his usual level. Maybe because this is his last RAW match! He does do a crotch chop, two years before he's X-Pac. I like Kid's sliding legdrop. Vega hits a Rock Bottom(!) Kid misses a splash off the top and Vega rolls him up for the pin. The match did end up getting pretty good but again it was completely heatless. Stone Cold and The Kid double team Vega after and tie him up with the Caribbean strap. Ted puts the chauffer's hat on him too. Pretty weird to think that we're just a month away from Austin 3:16.

We see footage from the last night's Madison Square Garden house where the Godwinns won the tag titles after Phineas kissed Sunny.

Jim Ross interviews Paul Bearer who is standing in front of a casket. JR keeps saying "your Undertaker!" to Bearer like he works for him or something. Undertaker is lying in the casket and Ross gets some words with him. From the casket. But Mankind and Goldust come out and tie the casket up with a rope, locking Taker inside! Kind of serves him right for doing an interview lying down in a casket, really. Mankind bashes the casket up with a pipe as Vince calls him a "deranged idiot!"

Bulldog, Cornette, Clarence Mason and Diana in the ring. Cornette says there's a restraining order against Shawn Michaels so he can't do commentary on the upcoming match. Gorilla comes out and has Howard Finkell anounce that he was comply with the restraining order...by having Diana Smith leave the ringside area! She does that face she does.

British Bulldog vs Jake Roberts - Lawler spends the whole match asking Shawn if he's a WOMANISER. He says Shawn had "a thing" with Pamela Anderson. Meanwhile Bulldog works over the leg. It's boring. Jake makes a brief comeback but Bulldog counters the DDT by hitting the leg. Lawler reveals that Shawn has posed for a spread in PlayGirl magazine! That proves he's a womaniser! What? Bulldog just keeps putting that leglock on. Bulldog just keeps beat him down boringly and Diana eventaully comes out and argues with Shawn. Shawn punches out Cornette, Bulldog jumps on Shawn...and that's it. Out of time. No end to the match. This was bad.

Nitro easily wins. Compare that Flair/Guerrero match to Bulldog/Jake and weep.


In Your House: Beware of Dog

OKAY I should point out that they lost power in the arena during this show. They had the matches but they weren't shown on ppv until they got power back for the main event. So a few of the matches on this show were taped on the Tuesday after. But the show is all here as one so I'm just going to review it that way instead of skipping back and forth between this and RAW. It's not like anyone's reading this anyway.

Triple H vs Marc Mero - Hunter attacks before the bell but Mero puts him over the top with punches. Mero hits a slingshot legdrop for two. Hunter goes to the eye but gets flipped over the turnbuckles. Like his hero Ric Flair? Mero runs shoulder first into the ringpost. He hits a single arm DDT and works over the arm. There's fans still arriving in the arena due to storms and Vince mentions we could experience technical difficulties later. He's not wrong! Hunter slams the arms into the ringpost. You could say it's becasue of Mero's knockout left hand but he only had that in WCW. The arm work is really starting to drag (no pun intended!) Hunter does get a Del Rio armbreaker on. Hunter hits a kneedrop to the arm. I appreciate that he's using a lot of different moves but Mero isn't getting anything to keep the fans in it. Hunter just keeps working that arm. He's really really working that arm. I hope I'm getting across just how much he's doing to the arm. Mero does do a great job selling the arm. Finally some excitement when Mero hits a top rope rana. Mero sells his arm all the time during his comeback. Top rope sunset flip gets two. Mero misses a plancha to the outside and hurts his knee. Hunter goes for the Pedigree (after forcing Sable to watch) and Mero reverses to a catapult to the ringpost for the win. Despite my complaining this did end up being a good match.

There's an interview with Camp Cornette and then we hear Steve Austin's music playing...then we go straight to the main event. Vince thanks the fans for their patience. So if you watched this the first time it aired you would have waited an hour between that Cornette interview and this match.

Shawn Michaels vs British Bulldog - World title is on the line! Owen Hart has a manager's license for one night only so he's at ringside. With his arm in a cast. Clarence Mason talks before the match and it goes on too long. Vince starts shouting "LET'S GET THE MATCH UNDER WAY" over him. Mason serves Shawn with a summons for "attemtped alienation of affection." Shawn rips it up. Well I guess that's that settled then! They can't go to court if Shawn ripped up a piece of paper. They have a good fast exchange to start ending with a Shawn plancha to the floor. Shawn uses a headlock. Diana is caught SMILING(!) on camera so quickly goes back to her usual face. Shawn uses some nice moves. Shawn gets a short-arm scissors on which means Bulldog is going to power out and pick him up by one arm which is what always happens when anyone uses a short-arm scissors. Sure enough that does happen! Bulldog takes over and does his usual poudning and chinlock. Bulldog is pretty good but clearly not on the level of Shawn and not as up for having a great match as Michaels always is. Bulldog uses an over the shoulder backbreaker which is different at least. Weird spot where they're running each other and Shawn just slides out of the ring like Bulldog did something to him when Bulldog didn't really touch him. Shawn makes his comeback. The ref gets bumped. Owen comes in and eats a Superkick. A second ref comes out. Bulldog goes for the powerslam and Shawn reverses to a German. One referee counts Shawn's shoulders down, the other Bulldog's. So the match is a draw. It felt like the match was cut short (probably because of the production problems) but it still wasn't great. Bret got a better match out of Bulldog than Shawn. That must have annoyed him.

Stone Cold Steve Austin vs Savio Vega in a Caribbean Strap Match - It's Tuesday now and Jim Ross and Mr Perfect are on commentary. Million Dollar Man has added a stipulation where if Austin loses Ted will leave the WWF! You have to touch all four corners to win. They keep trying to whip each other but missing early. It's good to draw out that first strapping. Vega strikes first with the strap. Austin's selling of it is great. Austin lays the strap shots in too when it's his turn. It's a really good, stiff match. JR claims Vega is 31-0 in Caribbean strap matches. Austin backdrops Vega over the top but goes flying over too because of the strap. They have a long fight on the top turnbuckle and Vega finally hits a top roper superplex. Austin blocks him from hitting the fourth turnbuckle with a spinebuster. Vege ends up on the outside and Austin goes to the top turnbuckle and Vega pulls him off to the floor(!) into the guardrail. Austin stops Vega at the last second from touching the fourth turnbuckle. Austin hits a piledriver but DiBiase tells him to hit a second and Vega reverses. Austin gets the Million Dollar Dream on and Vega tries to touch the buckles carrying Austin on his back. Austin wraps the strap around Vega's neck and drags him around as he touches the buckles, unaware that Vega is touching them behind him. They fight over the fourth and Austin accidentally pulls Vega into it and Vega wins. Or did Austin do it on purpose to get rid of the Million Dollar Man!? This was Austin's first great WWF match and probably Vega's best WWF match ever. Savio sings the "hey hey hey goodbye" song to Ted after, as is tradition.

Vader vs Yokozuna - There by clubberin'! Then stalling. JR mentions the "Vader is a bit of a coward" thing which I hate. Eventually they run into each other and Vader falls over. Exciting. Vader hits some Vader Strikes and Yoko goes to work on his leg with an elbow as revenge for Vader breaking his leg that time. Then they do the exact same sequence again. Vader goes for a slam but can't lift him and Yoko hits a Rock Bottom. JR claims the only man to ever slam Yoko is Ahmed Johnson, which is the kind of petty shit I except from Bischoff. Yoko hits a Samoan drop and goes for the Banzai and Cornette has to save. Yoko goes for the Banzai on Cornette but Vader pulls him out of the way and hits the Vader Bomb for the win. Why are they so reluctant to just let Vader destroy people? His first appearance when he beat up Gorilla was very good but it's like they've had cold feet since then.

The Undertaker vs Goldust - This is a Casket Match is their first meeting for reasons which still make no sense to me. The match isn't very interesting. Goldust doesn't do his gay stuff because Taker wouldn't sell it anyway. Goldust does hit a Tombstone which is something at least. But Taker "sets right up" according to JR (why can't JR say the word "sit"?) I should have pointed out that these last three matches have been taped at a house show with an "In Your House" banner hung up to make it look a bit like a ppv. But in this match it really looks like a house show. Funny that I didn't notice during the great action of the Austin/Taker match. Goldust uses a sleeper to put Taker down but still can't get the casket lid shut. Goldust goes for a pin after a top rope clothesline because he's dumb. Goldust goes for Taker's rope walk but Taker throws him off. Taker hits the Tombstone but when he opens the casket Mankind is inside and he puts Taker in the Mandible Claw, giving Goldust the win. So Mankind has magical teleporting powers too!

This show is worth watching for HISTORICAL REASONS and the first three matches are all at least good with the strap match being a forgotten classic.
 
27/5/1996

Nitro

So here it is. The first ever two hour Nitro. I wonder if anything newsworthy will happen! Tony Schiavone and Larry Zybysko are hosting the first hour.

Ric Flair and Arn Anderson vs The American Males - The match is okay. American Males are pretty basic. Lots of backdrops (because they're wrestling Flair) and dropkicks. They lead the fans in THE CLAP at one point. Anderson and Flair use dastardly tactics to take over and work on Riggs' leg. Tony and Larry are served champagne by the Horsemen during the match. Larry is annoying me on commentary with his over the top heel act by the way! Riggs eventually makes the hot tag and Bagwell cleans house then they kind of fuck up some pinfall reversals and eventually Woman rakes Bagwell's eyes and Arn hits a DDT to give Flair the pin.

Flair and Anderson do the usual interview with Gene after. Wooo they'll beat the football players. Flair sings Afternoon Delight! He implies that he's been sexing Debra as well.

There's a training video with Mongo and Kevin Greene lifting lots of weights.

Steve Doll vs The Mauler - Steve Doll was one half of Well Dunn in the WWF. I can't remember if he was Well or Dunn. Or care. The Mauler is the former Blake Beverly, managed by Robert Parker. This doesn't seem like a very interesting match-up. Mauler does hit a fallaway slam off the second turnbuckle. Razor Ramon used to do that sometimes. We taker a commerical break and when we come back...Razor Ramone is in the crowd! Does he wants revenge for Mauler using his move. He jumps the guardrail and asks for a mic. He goes in the ring (the match just ends) and asks where Billionare Ted and the Nacho man are (lol.) Then he says he has a scoop for Scheme Gene. He says if WCW wants a war they're going to get one. In case you don't know this is giong to be the start of something big.

Craig Pittman vs DDP - DDP shoves Teddy Long then hits the Diamond Cutter on a distracted Pittman. Nothing else to say.

Mean Gene interviews The Shark who has fallen out with the rest of the Dungeon of Doom. He's been thrown out and tonight he's going to hurt Kevin Sullivan and take the title from The Giant. Sure he is...

Then we take a "special" (sickening) look at Hulk Hogan.

Thankfully Bischoff and Heenan take over commentary for hour two. I mean I'm not a big fan of Bischoff's commentary but he's more tolerable than Larry, who was terrible. Bischoff says he won't even dignify Scott Hall's earlier appearance.

The Giant vs The Shark - Shark is announced as being "from tsunami." That's not a place. It's a type of weather. That makes no sense. Shark actually comes off the second turnbuckle but can't slam Giant. Giant slames Shark easily. Giants wins with the chokeslam. Big Bubba comes out after and cuts Shark's hair. Bischoff says it's the most shameful thing one wrestler can do to another. He doesn't have much of an imagination.

Lex Luger vs Maxx - TV title is on the line. Who the fuck is Maxx and how did he get a title shot? I guess he's always been on Saturday Night up until now but the two hour Nitros allows more time for these scrubs to appear. Maxx is certainly fucking huge. Maxx hits a powerslam then some terrible stomps. Maxx can't even do a cover right. Luger comes back with the loaded forearm and Bischoff says it's beaten many people "including Yokozuna" as if Yokozuna is the WWF's biggest star or something. Luger does get Maxx up for the Torture Rack which is impressive. Otherwise a bad match.

Mean Gene interviews Lex after. Luger says he'll put every big man in WCW in the Rack to prove he can do it to the Giant.

Hardwork Bobby Walker vs Bad Armstrong - You know I was excited about the two hour Nitros because I thought it would mean more long, good matches between some of the great wrestlers WCW had at the time. Instead we get...this. Walker tries to land on his feet off a monkey flip and fucks it up, then fucks up running up the turnbuckle. Walker uses an armbar and head scissors. Walker against messes up jumping up the turnbuckles then hits a shit looking shoulderblock thing for the win. Absolutely terrible. Walker later took out a racial discrimination lawsuit against WCW, claiming they didn't push him because he was black. When this match clearly shows he was terrilbe in the ring.

Steven Regal vs Alex Wright - Heenan is being really weird on commentary here. Laughing randomly and stuff. Meanwhile Bischoff is going on about "the great Hulk Hogan." Bring back Larry! Well, just have Tony calls it by himself, maybe. Match is interrupted by a BLOOD RUNS COLD promo. They hit European uppercuts and Regal puts an STF on. Fans chant "USA" to support...no one? They exchange more moves and uppercuts and Regal blocks a monkey flip and rolls through for the pin. This was fine because Regal is good and Wright is okay, probably the best match on this show. But nothing special. Gene interviews Regal after and says "It's Memorial Day, my father will be happy I beat Junior Adolf there!" Jesus. He challenges Sting to a match and says he wants a shot at "that bloody cricus freak" The Giant.

Sting vs Scott Steiner - Sting does his Sting stuff. Scott hits a double underhooker and a belly to belly suplex. Steiner runs into a big boot on the corner and Brain cracks up laughing, but comes back with an overhead belly to belly. Steiner uses an STF. Then, randomly, a crossarmbreak. This is getting absolutely no heat at all. Sting comes back with an inverted DDT, that will later be called the Scorpion Death Drop. Was this the first time he did it? Probably! Scott comes back with a dragon suplex and Luger comes out. Then Rick. You can see where this is going. Steiner hits a Samoan Drop from the second rope. They end up suplexing each other to the floor (kind of) then Luger and Rick get involved. All the jobbers run out to break up the fight. This didn't really work as they just started brawling randomly and the match lacked intensity.

Razor Ramon (he's still doing the voice) joines Bischoff and Heenan. He says "we" are sick of Bischoff's big mouth and says Billionaire Ted should get three of his best wrestlers to take them on. "We're taking over." He flicks his toothpick on Bischoff. They were blatantly trying to make this look like WWF wrestlers were invading WCW. No wonder WWF sued.

The first two hour Nitro was a poorly paced show with bad and dull matches. But all anyone remembers of course is the start of the NWO angle that would change wrestling forever. So there's that!

RAW

Ultimate Warrior vs Goldust - This is a King of the Ring qualifying match. Vince has the cheek to call this a "rematch" from the non-match at Good Friend, Better Enemies. Warrior uses punches, clotheslines, atomic drops, messed up backdrops and randomly no sells some of Goldust's comebacks (but not all.) Vince says Warrior's comic book is the number one best selling comic book in the world. I'll have to look that up. Goldust tries to run away but Ahmed Johnson carries him back to the ring. Why? Goldust works over Warrior's leg. For a minute anyway. Warrior blatantly pokes Goldust in the eyes like he's Hogan or something. Goldust throws Warrior between the ropes and he lands on Marlena's chair. Goldust then starts going after Warrior's arm. Pick a body part! Warrior just makes a comeback right away anyway. Goldust stops it with a low blow. Goldust hits the chinlock. I guess he's given up going after the leg and arm. Warrior wouldn't have sold them anyway. Warrior hits a powerslam and starts shaking the ropes. Hit hits his flyng shoulderblock but Goldust goes outside. Warrior slowly goes after him and both kind of stand in the aisle and are counted out. Then Jerry Lawler blocks Warrior's return to the ring with Marlena's chair. But only AFTER the countout! Warrior chases Lawler away as if he's to blame for the loss when really he had nothing to do with it. This match is kind of interesting because it's the only longer match Warrior worked on tv in 1996. It's not a good match, no, but at least it's interesting!

Last night, Sunny showed up as the new manager of the Godwinns (and looked fucking hurt) but then made out with Bart Gunn leading to the Smoking Gunns defeating the Godwinns for the tag titles. Then we get to see some of the matches that took place in the dark. Well, I say "see"...

Ted DiBiase announces he will leave the WWF if Stone Cold loses to Savio Vega tomorrow. Well we already know what happens there.

The Smoking Gunns vs The Body Donnas - Okay, forget the NWO. The REAL reason May 27th 1996 is remembered is right here as the Smoking Gunns come out with Sunny as their manager and Vince utters the immortal words which I still repeat to Gagh 19 years later...wait he hasn't said them yet. I was sure he was about to. I continue to approve of the fans chanting for Sunny. She deserves it. Harvey Wippleman comes out to take notes on the referee. The match has good action, particularly a fast-paced exchange between Billy Gunn and Skip. The Body Donnas are still working as heels here even though I think the Gunns are supposed to be evil now that they have a fit manager. Bart takes a good bump over the top rope then Skip grinds his crotch at Sunny. Phineas comes out to stalk Sunny. I bet he's saying "I'm a nice guy!" Billy comes in illegaly but the Bodies destroy him, then Bart, but Bart pins Skip by rolling through a crossbody from the top. And at no point did Vince say the words "Sunny now with the Smoking Gunns, say it ain't so!" Which means I must have made it up.

The Sega Saturn Slam Of The Week(!) is the two referees not being able to decide who won the Shawn/Bulldog match. That's not a slam. No wonder Sega died.

Ahmed Johnson vs Vader - This is another King of the Ring qualifying match and Owen Hart (with cast) has joined the commentary team. Ahmed beats Vader down in the corner to a big reation and trips over his own feet. Vader comes back with his strikes. Ahmed takes Vader over the top with a crossbody. Ahmed isn't good in the ring but he's entertainingly wreckless. Vader takes over but Ahmed reverses a suplex. Vader misses the moonsault. Ahmed hits the spinebuster but Owen comes off the top with the cast to give Vader the win. Ahmed's first loss in the WWF. This was much more entertaining than the Warrior/Goldust match.

Ahmed is carried backstage on a stretcher and Goldust gives him mouth to mouth. LOL. Well Ahmed started it with Goldust by interfering in his match earlier. Ahmed goes crazy after and wreckes the bakstage area, spearing a jobber through a door and picking up Bob Holly around the throat to question him like he's Darth Vader.

Without the Scott Hall appearance I'd actually give the win to RAW this week. But I have to give Nitro the win for doing something very different.


3/6/1996

Nitro

Tony and the horribly smug Larry host the first hour.

The Shark vs Big Bubba - Mean Gene talks to Shark before the match. Gene says Bubba shaving half of Shark's head made him "literally sick to his stomach." Why? Shark won't shave the other half of his head because he wants to be reminded of what Bubba did to him. "I'm not a shark, I'm not a fish, I'm a man! John Tenta!" Tenta hits a powerslam right away then threatens Bubba with the scissors. Bubba is counted out. Larry keeps acting like he's never heard the name "John Tenta" before even though they work together.

The Faces of Fear vs High Voltage - High Voltage's name are "Ruckus" and "Chaos". I'm sure they'll go far. Larry says Meng and Barbarian are only "one generation" away from cannibals. Barbarian hits a top rope belly to belly, they hit the double top rope heabutt and Meng finishes with a superkick. Nearly a total squash.

Mean Gene talks to tag champions Lex Luger Luger and Sting. Did Luger lose the TV title? I have no idea. The Steiners barge in wanting to know why Luger cheapshotted them.

Another Hulk Hogan hype video. He hasn't been seen in a while. Thankfully.

Disco Inferno vs Craig Pittman - Disco punches Pittman in the head and hurts his own hand. Because racism? Pittman hits a battering ram headbutt but Disco quits before Pittman can even get the armbreaker on because he won't be able to Disco dance with an injured arm. Pittman moves so weirdly in the ring.

Steven Regal vs Hacksaw Jim Duggan - Lots of stalling to start. Probably because Duggan can't do anything but clothesline. He hits some clotheslines then we get more stalling. This is pathetic. Regal misses a flip senton in the one athletic moment of the match. Duggan hits the clothesline, then tries to use the 2 by 4 but Dave Taylor grabs it for him. He then tapes his fist and punches Roberts Eaton. So he tried to cheat twice, basically. Regal rolls him up for the pin. Regal's supposed to be going into a feud with Sting and he can't even beat Hacksaw Jim Fucking Duggan.

Mean Gene interviews Regla after and we see footage of him slapping Sting on Main Event. The scoundrel!

We take a look at the issues between Chris Benoit and Kevin Sullivan.

Kevin Sullivan vs Prince Iaukea - This is Iaukea's Nitro debut. He's squashed by Sullivan who wins with a double foot stomp. Is there ever going to be any good wrestling on this show? Sullivan cuts a boring, rambling promo after. Sullivan sucks.

Ric Flair and Arn Anderson vs The Rock And Roll Express - Yep the Rock and Roll Express make their Nitro debut, somewhat randomly. I remember thinking they looked old when I saw them in the WWF in 1993. We have a countdown to the second hour during the match, then we switch to Bischoff and Heenan as fireworks go off. During the match. Obviously these guys know how to have a good match and have lots of sequences to run through that they've been doing for years. This would have bee a lot better in 1986 but it's still entertaining here. Rock and Rolls get figure fours on Anerson and Flair at the same time and the fans are into it! That Ric Flair guy sure likes to use chops. Ricky Morton plays Ricky Morton. They're doing an angle where there's speculation that Bobby Heenan will manage the Horsemen for their match with the football players. The match goes on a bit too long as the fans start losing interest in Morton being chinlocked. Heenan eventually goes down and whispers something to Woman and Elizabeth. Gibson gets the hot tag and cleans house. The Rock and Rolls hit their deadly double dropkick but Woman rakes Gibson's eyes and Arn DDTs him for the win. She needed Heenan to tell her to cheat? This started off good but fizzled out a lot by the end.

Gene interviews Flair and Anderson after. They talk about having big cocks. Heenan says he only told Woman of a place where she can get her diamonds polished. Heenan says he won't be managing the Horsemen. Flair starts screaming "WHAT ABOUT THE GIRLS?" Heenan says he won't manage...but he will coach! Oh Heenan! Is it wrong to find Elizabeth hot?

Another Hogan video fuck off.

Blood runs cold. Glacier is coming.

THEN WE GET ANOTHER FUCKING HOGAN VIDEO. FUCK'S SAKE.

The Giant vs Ice Train - Giant chokeslams him instantly to win. He then gives Ice Train's partner Scott Norton two chokeslams as well.

Gene interviews Giant and says he doesn't want to see anymore Hulk Hogan video packages. Thank you!

Scott Norton vs Hugh Morrus - Turns out Norton had a match set with Morrus and it's going ahead despite Norton taking two chokeslams. Morrus gives him loads of elbows. Nobody cares. Morrus sucks. Norton is supposed to catch Morrus coming off the top with a moonsault into a powerslam but they completely fuck it up. Biscoff puts over Norton huge. Is he getting a big singles push? Or is this just some WCW randomness?

Another Mongo and Greene training video. They both say "baby" a lot and it's annoying. They decide to get Macho Man to be their coach. Then say "baby" more. Is this how football players talk?

Lex Luger and Sting vs The Steiner Brothers - We got to a split screen because Randy Savage is talking on the phone. Why do we need a split screen WHEN HE'S TALKING ON THE PHONE? So Bischoff and Heenan ignore like the first three minutes of the match and it's hard to see what's happening because of the stupid split screen. Rick hits a belly to belly from the second rope. Sting gets the Scorpion on Rick but Scott breaks it. Scott hits a top rope rana on Sting. Sting hits the reverse DDT. Lex gets the Rack on Scott but Rick breaks it. Giant randomly walks out and hits a weak chokeslam on Rick on the floor. Luger, Sting and Scott beat up the Giant together and Luger clotheslines him over the top to a big shawhizzle from the fans. This could have been a good match with more time and wihtout all the other stuff going on.

Finally it's Razor Ramon time. He's not doing the accent as much but he's still saying "mang" and "chico" and has a toothpick. Sting interrupts and says "you're in the jungle, baby!" He wants to fight Hall right now but Hall says nobody tells him what to do and next week he'll have a BIG surprise...

RAW

Stone Cold Steve Austin vs Bob "Sparkplug" Holly - Oh great,the video's started buffering again. It hasn't done that for a while. This is a first round King of the Ring match. Austin works over the leg in a disappointingly dull fashion. I will say that Austin feels more like the proper Steve Austin now. He's showing a bit more personality in the ring. Holly puts a chinlock on. Austin hits a nice backbreaker and gives an evil smile to the fans. See, personality! The fans end up quite into the match and I feel it's due to Austin's taunting. He does use a chinlock too. Everyone loved chinlocks. Holly makes a comeback but Austin shoves him off the turnbuckles when Holly's doing the ten punch countalong and gets the Million Dollar Dream on for the win. This wasn't great or anything but it was good to see Austin get to be himself.

Revisionist history blames Jerry Lawler for getting the Warrior counted out. Even though that's not what happened.

Barry Horowitz vs Mankind - We have Jim Ross backstage giving his examination of Mankind. Why not just have him on commentary? Mankind wins with the Mandible Claw. What did you expect?

We get excluisve ppv footage from Beware of Dog but I've already talked about that.

Goldust is in "his den" stroking his chest and stuff. He says he saved Ahme Johnson's life last week. He's a hero!

The Godwinns vs Techn Team 2000 - Who the fuck cares? At least Sunny's on commentary! And we get any inset of the Body Donnas searching for a new manager. The fans chant for Sunny again. She was probably my most wanked over girl of 1996. Techno Team are playing heel now. Most of their offence is slamming Phineas' head into the turnbuckle. Henry pins one of the Technos with the Slop Drop.

Hunter Heart Helmsley vs Jake "The Snake" Roberts - Aother first round King of the Ring match. AS YOU ALL KNOW HHH was originally going to win this King of the Ring but he took part in the MSG curtain call incident (where he and Shawn broke character with Diesel and Razor) and was punished by losing in the first round and Austin winning instead. Jake works the arm. Vince points out during the match that Diesel and Razor Ramon are no longer part of the WWF and not to believe them when the claim to be representing WWF on WCW. Well that should shut that whole angle down then! Hunter eventually takes over. This has been a slow match. Hunter isn't doing anything interesting but as I always point out Jake can't actually take bumps. Jake goes for the DDT but HHH rams him into the corner. Hunter goes for a slam but Jake sneaks out behind and hits the DDT for the win.

It's getting harder to judge which show "wins" every week because the two hour Nitros have been poorly paced so far but have at least felt like important shows. Whereas RAW is easier to get through but nothing important happened really. So let's say Nitro wns.
 
10/6/1996

Nitro

Scott Steiner vs Booker T - A future World title match here. Scott is already ridiculously big but not at Big Poppa Pump level (and still good in the ring.) Booker's scissorcs kick and sidekick look good. Scott wins in slightly anti-climactic fashion with an overhead belly to belly in a good match.

Gene interviews Scott Steiner after but Debra McMichael interrupts and and says she has to talk to Gene about her husband. Then stumbles over her words. I never really got the appeal of Debra. She can't talk and she isn't even that good looking (I mean compare her to Sunny!) How did she end up doing so much in wrestling?

STOP FUCKING SAYING "DUMMY" SO MUCH LARRY.

DDP vs Jim Powers - Jim Powers used to be jobber in WWF and looks roided as fuck here. I should have mentioned by now that DDP's entrance music is over-dubbed. Because the original music sounded too much like Nirvana. But the song they've replaced it with also sounds like a Nirvana rip off anyway. And why did middle aged DDP come out to a Smells Like Teen Spirit knock-off anyway? How does that fit his character? DDP wins with the Diamond Cutter (which is starting to get a good reaction from the fans.) BANG, etc.

Another video recap of the issues between Kevin Sullivan and Chris Benoit. They're now claiming that Sullivan ran Brian Pillman out of WCW.

Three shirtless boys have written the letters "W", "C" and, you guessed it, "W" on their backs and they proudly show this to camera.

A video look at Konnan doing arm drags and stuff then Gene interviews him. He'll go up against "El Gato" who Konnan calls "a legend in South American of legendary proportions!"

Sting vs Meng - Sting wins a short match with a poorly applied Scorpion. Meng got nothing here other than one shoulderbreaker.

Debra pleas with Bobby Heenan for mercy on Sunday. Debra gets into the Horsemen dressing room then runs out right away because Flair tried to rape her something. Then Flair and Anderson randomly attack Renegade and Joe Gomez, who they were supposed to have a match with tonight.

Hacksaw Jim Duggan vs David Taylor - Duggan is looking for revenge because Taylor stopped him from using a 2 by 4 in a match last week. What a hero. Duggan hits clotheslines. Taylor gets his foot on the rope after the finisher clothesline but Duggan comes back withthe taped fist to win.

Video hyping the coming match between Dean Malenko and newcome REY MYSTERIO JUNIOR this Sunday!

Big Bubba says that John Tenta is half a man and a beached whale. That doesn't make sense!

Gene interviews Scott Norton about his coming world title match with The Giant. He ain't scared of the Giant is about all he says.

The Giant vs Scott Norton - Giant hits a chokeslam on the floor then rolls Norton back in to pin him in under two minutes. So much for the great Scott Norton push of 96! Giant goes for another chokeslam after but Luger makes the save. Giant goes to chokeslam Luger through a table again but Luger kicks him low and hits him with a chamapgne bucket (because it's Ric Flair's table that every arena sets up for him for some reason!)

Steven Regal vs Billy Kidman - The Nitro debut of Kidman! Kidman misses a 450 and Regal makes him submit to a Liontamer standing on Kidman's head(!) Sting runs out after and slaps Regal and as always Regal's facials are great.

Nasty Boys vs Public Enemy - Yeah it's this match again. We get the crappy split screen again where both screens are viewed at a stupid angle and nothing looks good. But this isn't even a hardcore match? They wrestle "normally" and make tags and everything. Saggs hits a piledriver. Heenan and Bischoff spend the entire match talking about the Horsemen and the footballers. Glacier is still coming soon. Johnny Grunge is wearing a cast and hits one of the Nasties then they seem to fuck up kicking out of a cover. Then the Nasties use a trashcan and get DQed. Bad, pointless waste of time.

Hogan video again.

And a video about the Horsemen/footballers match even though they'd been talking about it all night.

Sting and Lex Luger vs Ric Flair and Arn Anderson - Flair and Anderson get rewarded for beating up Joe Gomez and Renegade by getting a shot at the tag champions instead. Bischoff says there's "Nitro parties" going on all across the country. It's a good match because they're all wrestled each other so much but yes they do the usual moves. Maybe every match is made up of the usual moves and I'm just picking on them. Luger cleans house but the Giant comes strolling in. Scott Steiner comes out to save and he, Sting and Luger hold the Giant at bay with chairs.

We finish with Brain ranting at the table about Savage, then he walks out right as Hall arrives again. The big surprise is here and it's Kevin "Diesel" Nash. It's the famous "look at the adjective: play!" moment! This feels like the real start of the NWO.

This was a better paced two hour Nitro than the previous two but it still dragged a bit with all the talking about the tag match and the PE having to wrestle.

RAW

Jerry Lawler has painted a portrait of The Ultimate Warrior and framed it.

Yokozuna vs Owen Hart - Another Kind of the Ring first round match. Former tag partners EXPLODE. Yoko misses an elbow and Owen knocks him down with a spinning heel kick while the fans chant "we want Bret." Yoko makes his comeback and goes for the Banzai drop but loses his balance on the ropes and Owen pins him with his feet on the ropes. So same finish as Yoko's match with Bret at WrestleMania 10 but with added feet on the ropes. Match was what it was.

Clip from an interview with Jake Roberts talking about doing too much cocaine and choking on his vomit.

Marc Mero vs Skip - I guess Skip's a heel again this week? Jake is on commentary and Vince starts talking about how much he does't like Clinton and Lawler makes stupid topical jokes. Who cares? No wonder WCW started winning the ratings every week at this point. Lawler mentions "Zig Ziglar" durig the match. So I had to Google that. I'm too bored to tell you who he is. Mero blocks the top rope rana and hits the top rope sunset flip but Skip kicks out so that's not a finisher anymore. Skip misses a plancha to the floor. Mero hits his flip dive. Mero gets two with a slingshot splash. Mero wins with a top rope rana. Fine action but Skip is not a credible opponenet at this point.

Vince has Jerry Lawler in the ring and brings out the Warrior. Who's wearing a baseball cap. I guess it's a Warrior brand baseball cap available from his website. Lawler tries to present the painting to Warrior. Warrior won't accept it so Lawler smashes it over his head. Seems fair. Warrior no sells it and shakes the ropes.

The Undertaker vs The British Bulldog - Shawn is interviewed "live from the studio" and since this was filmed last week he's obviously in the arena. There will be a special referee at the King of the Ring rematch picked by Jim Cornette, who is on commentary. The match is okay. Bulldog's a bit more lively than sometimes. He hits a good vertical suplex and a rare non-running powerslam. Sadly after the break he's put his favourite chinlock on. Bulldog hits a spinning neckbreaker and legdrop. Bulldog doing moves! Bulldog puts him down and puts the chinlock on again. Even Cornette gets in on the weird topical references. Then do the "ref checks the arm" thing while Bulldog has a headlock on. Taker suplexes out. Bulldog escapes the tombstone, Taker escapes the powerslam and Taker out-punches him. They brawl on the floor and Taker whips Bulldog into the steps. Taker throws Bulldog into the ring but Taker is counted out because Mankind is under the ring hoding onto Taker's ankle. Mankind gives Taker a piledriver in the ring. This match was a lot better than I feared it would be and Bulldog actually looked like a credible main event level wrestler here.

Still, have to give Nitro the win.


Great American Bash 1996

Just Tony and Dusty on commentary as Heenan is "coaching" later.

The Steiner Brothers vs Fire and Ice - This is a perfectly fine tag match. I mean it's obvious the Steiners will win but they give Fire and Ice a lot of hard hitting offence. Scott hits some impressive suplexes too. Norton gives him a huge shoulderbreaker. Rick keeps kicking him in the face to break an armbar but Norton won't let go at first. Rick gets the hot tag and German suplexes Norton. Norton powerbombs Rick and Ice Train splashes him for two. The Steiners hit their double team bulldog on Norton then Scott finishes with a messed up Frankensteiner for the win. Good opener.

Konnan vs El Gato - For the US title. I looked it up and El Gato is just Pat Tanaka in a mask because they couldn't find a real Mexican. El Gato keeps doing martial arts poses because he's used to playing one half of the Orient Express. They exchange holds to boring chants. El Gato misses a baseball slide to the floor and takes a weird bump from it. Konnan gives him a sunset flip powerbomb to the floor then pins him with an Alabama Slam in the ring. This would have been fine for a tv match but there was no reason at all for it to be on ppv.

Diamond Dalls Page vs Macus Alexander Bagwell - DDP's Lord Of The Ring ring is on the line, for whatever reason. Is it worth anything? Bagwell won a coin toss to be in this match over his tag partner. Bagwell gets crotched on the top rope and Dusty suggests Tony straddle himself on a washing line to see what that speaks like. This is again perfectly acceptable (if sometimes sloppy) wrestling but it only seems to be on ppv because DDP's getting a push now. DDP misses a kick to the ribs and takes a wacky bump in a silly spot. DDP wins with the Diamond Cutter. DDP's comedy stagger selling and sloppiness stops me from taking him seriously.

Gene interviews Jimmy Hart and The Giant. He still wants to know what's going on with Hart and Lex Luger.

Dean Malenko vs Rey Mysterios Junior - This is more like it. For the Cruiserweight title, so Mike Tenay joins the announcers. This is Rey's debut so he gets no reaction. His music is oddly ominous and heelish. Some great chain wrestling to start then Rey takes him down with a Luchaarmdrag better than anything Konnan's ever done. The fans who didn't care at first quickly get into the fast, smooth action. Malenko works the arm in a ruthless, mechanical way. He cuts Rey off after a backflip with a hard clothesline. Dean continues to work the arm with a variety of moves and holds. He cuts off Rey's attempts at comebacks by going to the arm. The fans do start to lose interest as Dean uses an armlock thing for a while. Rey finally comes back and hits a spectacular springboard to the floor. More good exchanges and Rey hits the West Coast Pop for two. Malenko counters one of Rey's moves with a stiff powerbomb and gets the the three with his feet in the ropes. They won the fans back around by the end and it was a very good match. Rey lost but it was an impressive debut.

Gene interviews Lex Luger who says some stuff.

Big Bubba vs John Tenta - Bubba uses an invisible foreign object to hit punches. Tenta tries a slam but Bubba falls on him. Bubba rams Tenta's leg into the ringpost. Bubba hits a back suplex in the first exciting moment of the match but Tenta catches him coming off the top with a powerslam to win. Other than the finish this wasn't good. I always liked Bossman but he's slow and bad now and I guess his injuiries caught up with him. Tenta cuts Bubba's beard off, kind of.

Gene interviews Mongo and McMichael who say "baby" a lot. Seriously was that an inside joke or something?

Chris Benoit vs Kevin Sullian in a falls count anywhere match - A wild brawl in the aisle from the start, then out into the crowd and up the stands. They fight into the men's room and Sullivan slams the stall door onto Benoit's head. Then we get one of the all time greatest Dusty calls "THERE IS A WOMAN IN THE MEN'S BATHROOM! THERE IS A LADY IN THE JOHN! SHE STOPPED OFF TO GET SOME RELIEF!" They hit each other with plunda and Dusty begs them to go into the women's bathroom. Sullivan throws Benoit down the steps back in the stands. Sullivan crotches Benoit on the guardrail. Benoit does the same to him. Benoit pulls a table out from under the ring. He sets the table up on the top turnbuckle and superplexes Sullivan off of it which I guess hurts more than a regular superplex. This was wild and very entertaining. Benoit keeps destroying Sullivan after until Arn Anderson stops him...then joins Benoit in destroying Sullivan.

Gene interviews Woman and Elizabeth and perves over their breasts. Anderson and Benoit arrive and Arn explains that Sullivan was trying to poison the Horsemen so they cut his head off.

Sting vs Steven Regal - This is a "special challenge match." How is that different from a regular match? Regal is great begging off but then hitting a cheapshot and stiff uppercuts. Really Regal is on fire here with his facials and mannerisms and good looking offence. They do a cool test of strenght sequence into a cobra clutch from Regal. He uses a full nelson as well. And then another cool looking thing with added stiff left hands. Regal says "is this America?" as he hurts Sting. Sting suplexes out of a headlock. Regal stays on top of him with holds and bends Sting's fingers back. Regal rubs Sting's face in the mat and rubs his elbow in his ear. Heels should do stuff like this today. Sting randomly gets an abdominal stretch on but Regal comes back with a head scissors. Sting comes back with BABYFACE FIRE but Regal gives him a weak double underhook suplex off the top for two. Regal gets the Regal Stretch on. Stings escapes and Regal destroys him in the corner with good strikes. He backhands him and Sting is pissed off and beats Regal down. Regal gets his knees up on the Sting Splash but Sting backdrops him into the Scorpion Deathlock right after to win. This was very good as Regal was great and DARE I SAY even better than Dean Malenko earlier as he showed more character while going through his cool moves.

Ric Flair and Arn Anderson vs Steve McMichael and Kevin Greene - Well this has had a lot of build-up and it's a celebrity match so let's see how it fares. The question when it comes to celebrities wrestling is always how much will they do in the ring. Bobby Heenan gets his own introduction and it's good to see him as a manger again (okay, as a "coach" here.) Kevin Greene's wife is there too with Debra I should probably mention. Savage gets a much bigger reaction than the footballers. Huge "MONGO SUCKS" sign. Adnerson out-wrestles Mongo to start, which makes sense! Mongo comes back with a flying shouldertackle off the turnbuckles. Greene an Mongo "stomp a mudhole" (Dusty's words) into Arn. Greene is fine the ring. He sells well enough and can hit a good shouldertackle. Flair tries to run out but Macho beats him up and drags him back. Which should be a DQ but whatever. Flair bounces off Mongo to make him look good. Mongo gets the figure four on Flair and Greene gets one on Anderson. Elizabeth and Woman chases the wives away and Elizabeth is not very threatening. Heenan gets a cheapshot in on Mongo. Mongo is beaten down a bit but makes the hot tag to Greene. He hits some basic stuff until Arn takes out his leg. They work the leg and cheat a bit so Savage comes out to stop them. Benoit attacks Savage. Debra comes back out IN A DRESS with Liz and Woman and gives Mongo a briefcase of money and a Four Horsemen shirt. Mongo hits Greene and Flair pins him. So Heenan as the Coach didn't end up meaning anything because the big story is Mongo turning heel for the money. This was a very entertaining match on the "non-wrestlers" scale.

Bischoff is here to interview Scott Hall and Kevin Nash (still not named at all.) Bischoff asks them if they work for the WWF (the "F" is censored for some reason) and they say no. Obviously that was put in because of the WWF's lawsuit. They will take on WCW's three men at Bash at the Beach next month. Bischoff won't tell them who they're wrestling so Hall punches him in the gut and Nash powebombs him off he stage through a table. That as unexpected! Angles like this weren't as common at the time so it's pretty shocking. They do a good job selling it like this wasn't supposed to happen with Tony going to check on Bischoff and Dusty being left alone on commentary (which would never normally be allowed to happen for obvious reasons!)

The Giant vs Lex Luger - For the title. Fans seems a bit muted for this at first, probably because of what they just saw. Luger puts Giant over the top rope but Giant lands on his feet and presses Lex back in. Sting stops Jimmy Hart from using the megaphone. Giant throwing Luger around is impressive. He uses an over the shoulder backbreaker, then the less impressive "knee in the back pulling back both arms" move. Luger hits a Stone Cold Stunner(!) but Giant falls on him when he tries a slam. Giant keeps working the back and Luger's had little offence. Luger comes back with some clotheslines and forearms and Giants ends up on the top turnbuckle after missing a charge. Luger tries the Rack from there but Giant falls on his head and hits the chokeslam for the win. Well again Giant was booked really strong here but this wasn't much of a ppv main event as Luger barely looked like a threat and the match was pretty short.

There was some crap on this show as always, but this was on the whole a very entertaining ppv with some great matches and angles!
 
17/6/1996

Nitro

Tony and Larry recap the Great American Bash to start. Like a full recap of every match. It seems a bit much to start the show with. We see the Bischoff angle again which is worth showing.

Rick Steiner vs Stevie Ray - It's over six minutes into the show before Stevie starts walking to the ring. A short mach which Rick wins with a clothesline. Booker T attacks Rick after. Scott runs into protect Rick and gets beaten up too.

Disco Inferno vs Joe Gomez - Finally the debut of Joe Gomez! He's not very good. Disco hits a swinging neckbreaker then does a dance. He makes a slopper cover which of course means Gomez will roll him up for the three. What a debut!

Arn Anderson and Chris Benoit vs The American Males - The fans mostly cheer the Horsemen here. Benoit looks so crisp and intense in the ring with his execution of everything. He could fucking wrestle. Shame about him turning out to be evil. He hits a crazy diving headbutt on Batwell, which kind of shows how he ended up doing so much damage to his body. Benoit pins Riggs after suplexing him gut first onto the ropes in a good match.

John Tenta vs Big Bubba - Rematch from last night's classic! Tenta hits his dropkick to absolutely no reaction, which is kind of sad. Bubba crotches Tenta into the ringpost and says "once a man, always a man!" What does that even mean? Tenta comes back with some avalanches in the corner. Jimmy Hart hits Tenta with the megaphone but he slams Hart. He then hits Bubba with a powerslam but stops at two, walks around, powerslams him again and covers with his feet the ropes for the win. Weird, bad finish. Bubba then beats up Tenta with a LOADED SOCK. He empties the sock to reveal SILVER DOLLARS.

Gene interviews Macho Man. Savage says a woman therapist told him he's "OCD...One Cool Dude!" He's insane.

Randy Savage vs Ric Flair - Heenan joins commentary for the second hour, as Bischoff was murdered last night. Flair mocks Savage at the start as usual. Debra McMichael(s) is with Flair along with Liz and Woman. Savage attacks him before the bell while they're both still in their entrance gear. Savage's intensity is great. Flair throws him over the guardrail but Savage just slides back under and uses Flair's buffet table against him. He empties champagne all over Flair. Savage misses a double axe to the floor and hits the guardrail. Fans actually boo Savage and cheer Flair. Ric uses a foreign object. Savage uses a low blow when the ref is bumped. He hits two flying elbows and piledrives Benoit when he runs in. Mongo hits Savage with the briefcase and puts Flair on top for the pin. This was a very entertaining and crazy match.

Gene interviews Giant, Sullivan and Jimmy Hart. Giant is really tall.

BLOO RUNS COLD. GLACIER IS COMING. STILL.

Gene talks to Rey Mysterio.

Dean Malenko vs Rey Mysterio - Another ppv rematch. Malenko doesn't shake Rey's hand this time which is a nice subtle touch. This is another really good match with Rey using his amazing speed and smoothness and Malenko heeling a little and hit some great lookin moves including a brainbuster. I think my problem with the match last night was Malenko worked the arm so much that he should have come close to actually winning the match by doing something to the arm. Malenko hits a hard powerbomb but doesn't use the ropes this time and Rey kicks out. Rey comes off the top to the floor with a rana. Rey gets two with a sunset flip powerbomb from the top. Malenko wins with a reverse DDT. So Rey's lost his first two matches for WCW.

The Giant vs Scott Steiner - World title is on the line even though Scott's done nothing to deserve a shot! Scott has injured ribs so he tries to slam the Giant and Giant falls on him and further hurts his ribs. Nobody ever accused Scott Steiner of being smart. Giant keeps stepping on the ribs and stuff. It goes on for a while. It's boring. Giant pulls a wooden chair out from under the ring. Scott crotches him on the ropes and gets a sleeper on. Scott hits a crazy suplex on Giant which gets a huge pop and makes the rest of the match worthwhile. Scott breaks the wooden chair over Gaint but it has no effect and Giant hits the chokeslam for the win. The last minute was very good, but the ten minutes before that could have been cut and it would have made no difference.

Gene announces the six men in contention to face the Outsiders are Hulk Hogan (LOUD BOOS), The Giant, Ric Flair, Lex Luger, Sting and Randy Savage. The final three will be the three in the match. The Outsiders don't appear on this show at all.

RAW

Stone Cold Steve Austin vs Savio Vega - This is a quarterfinals match in the King of the Ring tournament. Austin is so great now as he just attacks Vega with amazing intensity right away. Then he goes after the leg. He puts Vega outside the ring but Vega comes back by ramming Austin's leg into the ring post. Vega works the leg and both men sell their legs. Austin takes a crazy bump when Vega pulls him out the corner. Savio does that spot where he goes for a splash just so his opponent can get his knees up. Their heads collide before the ad break. They have a slugfest. Vega knocks him down with a stiff chop. Vega hits his spinning heel kick but Austin gets his foot on the ropes on the pin. Vega starts pounding on Austin from behind but Austin reaches back...and hits him with the Stone Cold Stunner for the first time on RAW! That gets the pin. This was a good match! And now Austin has a good finisher. I bet Vega wishes he could've wrestled Austin every week.

Marc Mero vs Owen Hart - In another quaterfinal match. Austin joins commentary team. His accent doesn't sound as strong and his voice not as deep? But it was 19 years ago so maybe that's why. Sega Saturn Slam of the Week is Jake Roberts hitting the DDT on Bradshaw to get to the KotR semi finals. There's a brief tribute to Dirk Murdoch who died. This is a technically good match though lacking the intensity of the opener and lacking crowd heat (there's some fake crowd noises inserted as this was a taped show and the fans have probably been there for four hours.) Mero works the arm in good babyface manner. Mero misses the top rope sunset flip. Owen gets a chinlock on. Owen doesn't seem at his best here. The he hits his spinning heel kick that always looks really good and I regret typing that. Austin: "I'm sure Marc Mero is a credit to the human race, but personally I can't stand him." Owen uses a Boston Crab. Owen tries a splash off the top and hits knees. Mero pins Owen with that "hooking with the feet from behind" pinning combination thing. Owen hits Mero with the cast after. Match wasn't as good as it should have been.

Jim Ross has Bulldog and Diana in the ring and says his match with Shawn Michaels is "the most talked about rematch in decades." That's not very credible, JR. Bulldog calls Diana his "most prized possession." Bulldog is an awkward interview. Bulldog says "I don't give a frog's fat arse where Shawn Michaels is." Okay that was funny! Shawn runs in and they have a pull apart brawl with jobbers and officials holding them back.

Aldo Montoya is in the ring for a match or something (or he's just there for a laugh?) and Jerry Lawler gets in the ring and hits him with a microphone and beats him up to send a message to the Ultimate Warrior. Jake the Snake slowly makes his way to the ring and saves Aldo, so they're already setting up Lawler's next feud after Warrior.

Press conference announcing the signing of Brian Pillman. That's right, someone actually jumped from WCW to WWF! It's a tearful Pillman talking about how signing with the WWF was a dream come true after he nearly died in a car accident days earlier.

Jake Roberts vs Goldust - I do not have high hopes for this. Harvey Wippleman is a referee now. Typical Goldust stalling to start. Seriously it's like three minutes of stalling. This is terrible. I'd be turning over to Nitro by now. There's an inset promo with Jake talking about helping the younger wrestlers not make the same mistakes he did. And will make again in the future. You want to play 21? Jake kind of works the arm for a few seconds but Goldust touches him up then runs away agan. WCW's fucking changing the business and this is what's on RAW! I actually skipped forward a few minuts to get to the action and Goldust's STILL stalling. Goldust eventually puts Jake into the ring post and Jerry Lawler spoils the entire plot of the new Mission Impossible movie on commentary. Why? What was the point of that? Did Vince tell him to do it because he thought movie spoilers would help them beat Nitro? Jake hits an inverted atomic drop. Wow, a move. In this match. Inset promo with Mr Perfect announcing who the guest referee is at King of the Ring but Vince stops him the first time because Jake is going for the DDT. Goldust slowly beats down Jake and rubs his crotch in his face as Vince says "EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED" in a desperate fashion. Jake randomly makes his comeback but Goldust throw GLITTER in his eyes and pins him. Yes that's right, GLITTER IN THE EYES was enough to beat Jake. But Harvey Wippleman notices the glitter (possibly becaue he's the only referee to wear glasses) and gives Jake the DQ win. Jake gives Goldust the DDT.

Cornette announces Perfect will be the guest referee. EXPECT THE UNEXPETED!

This RAW actually started off good with the Austin/Vega match. But the "main event" was fucking terrible and Nitro easily wins by being far more exciting and lively.


King of the Ring 1996

Owen Hart(!) joines Vince and Jim Ross on commentary!

Stone Cold Steve Austin vs Marc Mero - This is a KotR sem final as they're only having the semis and the final on the ppv this year for some reason. Owen claims he slipped off the apron when he hit Mero with his cast. Good technical wrestling to start. Austin is showing so much more personality in the ring now and gets a face pop when he hits a Thesz Press. They do a test of strength and Austin just kicks the shit out of him of course. Why does nobody do the test of strength anymore? Austin throws Mero over the top. Austin pulls up the mat and presses Owen face first onto the congrete as that fat kid with the bowl cut goes nuts in the front row. Is that the same kid who ate his mother's shoulder one time, Menty? You're not reading this so I'll never know! Austin hits a cool press into a backbreaker in the ring. He never did half these moves again! He puts a Boston Crab on. Mero powers out of it twice, the second time into a pinfall reversal sequence. Mero uses the move he used to beat Owen but Austin kicks out. Owen claims Mero pulled the tights when he beat him. Mero gets a sleeper but Austin reverses to a jawbreaker and bites his own tongue. He'd be rushed to hospital after this. You can see the blood. Mero hits his flip dive to the floor. Then a tope on the other side. He's going all out! Missile dropkick gets two. Top rope rana gets two. Austin could really bump before the Owen Hart injury. Austin comes back by picking Mero up for a powerbomb and dropping him throat first on the top rope for two, then hits the Stunner for the win. This was a great opener. Austin's mouth looks a mess as he walks backstage.

You know I always associate wrestling crowds with signs but there's no signs at all in the crowd here. Were signs just not cool in 1996 or was it that the WWF didn't have any characters fans cared enough about to make signs for?

Dok interviews Jake Roberts who talks a load of bible shit and says he can't lose because he has God on his side. GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.

Vader vs Jake Roberts - The other semi final. Vader should just destroy Jake easily, surely. Instead Jake gets a lot of stuff in and even hits the DDT, but Vader pushes the referee as he goes down and Jake wins by DQ. So Vader at least wasn't pinned by the old man but he was still beaten by him. What the fuck was Vince thinking? Vader destroys him after with a Vader Bomb, injuring Jake's ribs.

The Smoking Gunns vs The Godwinns - Vince fucking loves the Godwinns for some reason. The Body Donnas have a new manager named Cloudy, revealed on the Free For All. She's a man in drag. It should be pointed ou that Sunny is fucking hot. JR says the Smoking Gunn refused to sign autographs for a couple of little Smoking Gunns fans "who had their hats on and everything." We get an inset promo with Cloudy. Oh dear. Henry is decent in the ring but still a Godwinn. Phineas fucking sucks. As heels the Gunns don't hit any of the cool moves they used as faces. So this match is pretty dull! The Gunns beat down Henry and it last forfuckingever. Bart hits Phineas with Billy's cowboy boot to give Billy the pin.

Dok Hendrix with Bulldog, Cornette, Mason and Diana and her facial expression. Mr Perfect is getting ready the Camp Cornette locker room! WHAT COULD THIS MEAN! Bulldog: "Shawn Michaels, you're mine, in less than a few hours AWAY!!!" Bulldog is a weird interview.

The Ultimate Warrior vs Jerry "The King" Lawler - Lawler walks out with a microphone insulting the fans. Their local sports team sucks! He starts insulting individual fans on his way to the ring, which is actually pretty funny. Lawler hits Warrior with a sceptre before the bell. Lawler chokes him and punches him with TAPED UP FISTS (so he's stealing from Jim Duggan now?) Lawler chokes him down with tape as the referee just watches. Warrior no sells a piledriver, hits three clotheslines and pins after the flying shoulder tackle. He didn't even both with a splash. This was Warrior's last ever WWF ppv match and it was terrible.

Will Jake be able to wrestle in the finals? Gorilla says it's up to Jake.

The Undertaker vs Mankind - The lights go out for Taker's entrance but Paul Bearer walks down the aisle by himself. When the lights come back on, Taker is perched on the toprope and hits a flying clothesline, then beats Mankind down in the corner. It's a great start to the match, instantly making it feel more special than the usual Taker match. Mankind comes back and beat Taker down. He hits an elbow from the apron to the floor (but without the running start.) Mankind tries to use a chair but Taker kicks it back in his face then backdrops Manking onto the concrete and the chair. He hits Mankind with the chair back in the ring. The referee has to just randomly argue with Paul Bearer to be "distracted" during all this. Mankind uses a nerve hold, which is mildly annoying, but Taker breaks it with fast right hands which is exciting! Mankind does his running knee strike but with Taker's head against the steel steps and running halfway around the ring. He triest he running elbow off the apron but Taker holds a chair up then hits Manking with a chairshot to the head. Mankind comes back with his piledriver. Mankind tries to his Taker with the urn but Paul Bearer grabs it. Mankind gets the Mandible Claw on Taker. Taker counters with a choke but Bearer swings the urn at Mankind and misses and hits Taker. Mankind beats Taker with the Mandible Claw. When you consider how many objects Taker hit Mankind with, this is just about a clean win for Mankind. I guess I could criticise the match by saying the action was a bit start and stop, with some amazing intense moments then nothing happening for a few minutes. But really this was a very good and important match as it started a change in Taker's character as he began selling more and having better matches. And he made Mankind a star by putting him over huge here. And of course Foley was still great in the ring at this point and gave a great performance. So this is a big success all around!

Goldust vs Ahmed Johnson - For the IC title. Ahmed runs down to the ring and flattens Goldust right away. He had great intensity. He's a far more entertaining Ultimate Warrior at this point. Ahmed hits a crazy dive over the top where he lands on his head. JR says "government mule"! Goldust takes over and throws the steps onto Ahmed's back. Goldust uses a camel clutch. Goldust works the back. Then switches to a chinlock for no reason. The fans were into this at the start when Ahmed was going crazy but they start to tire now when Ahmed has to sell. It does make sense to not have Ahmed totally squash him since Goldust is one of their few strong characters. It's just not very exciting. Goldust hits a weak piledriver then touches up Ahmed. JR askes Owen how he liked being fondled by Goldust and Owen says "Goldust told me he's never met a man he didn't like and we patched our differences behind us!" It cracks me up for some reason. Ahmed just isn't suited to a long match and this is seriously dragging. Goldust gets the sleeper on. Goldust lets go after the hand drops twice and givesAhmed mouth to mouth again. Ahmed comes to life and goes nuts and hits the Pearl River Plunge to win the title. This was a match where the beginning and end were good but there was a long and boring middle to keep Goldust strong.

All the babyfaces celebrate with Ahmed Johnson by emptying liquid over him.

Brian Pillman comes down to the ring on crutches and argues with fans. JR interviews him. Pillman doesn't give a damn about his own family and cares even less about this sewer of human race! He makes a Jeffrey Dahmer reference and calls JR a "stupid son of a bitch." Vince apologises but it's clear WWF is getting a bit more edgy. Just a bit though. He says he's going to "rape, pillage and plunder this entire Federation!"

Steve Austin vs Jake Roberts - This is the final of the tournament. JR: "Jake Roberts, his heart is huge!" Owen: "And old!" Austin goes after the ribs right away. He takes the tape off Jake's ribs. Gorilla comes out to stop the match but Jake wants to continue. Jake goes for the DDT but Austin counters by going to the ribs. He hits the Stunner for the ring. This was not much of a match and I wonder why they bothered putting Jake in the finals instead of just booking the Austin/Mero match as the finals. But I guess without it we wouldn't have gotten the following promo...

Dok talks to Austin. "You sit there and you thump your bible and it didn't get you anywhere! Talk about your psalms, talk about your John 3:16...Austin 3:16 says I just whooped your ass!" That's catchy!

Shawn Michaels vs British Bulldog - Okay I can see some signs now. People do care about Shawn. Mostly girls? Gorilla makes Perfect the "outside the ring" referee at the start of the match, ruining that storyline right away. The fans chant "USA" and Owen pretend they're chanting "UK". Standards wrestling to start when Shawn skins the cat into a headscissors on Shawn. There's some good wrestling but a bit of awkwardness as Bulldog can be a bit awkward. Shawn works the arm but Bulldog takes over with Irish whips to the corner and a chinlock. Shawn comes back with a single arm DDT. Bulldog comes back with a press slam dropping Shawn over the top rope. Vince starts yelling that Bulldog should be DQed. Why? It's not WCW, there's no rule against throwing someone over the top rope! Bulldog doesn't sell his arm at all after this, of course. Bulldog uses the surfboard that he only ever uses against Shawn and Owen. Bulldog hits moves and keeps going back to the chinlock. Bulldog and Shawn both have Goldust's Goldust stuck to them from fight on the floor, which is kind of funny. To me. I'm easily amused. Bulldog hits a good looking clothesline after Shawn gets a nearfall, perfectly sold by Shawn. They block each other's finishers. Bulldog hits a piledrive but then misses a top rope headbutt where he slips off the tope rope. See what I mean about Bulldog being a bit awkward? Bulldog hits a slightly sloppy top rope superplex for two. They do some double knockdowns then Bulldog gets a sitout powerbomb for two. Bulldog takes a flip bump into the turnbuckle. Shawn does his flying forearm and kip up. The ref takes a kind of bump? Shawn hits a superkick for the slightly anti-climactic three. Perfect comes into the ring to count as well but Owen pulls him out at two. I don't think this ended up meaning anything and I can only assume Perfect was going to wrestle Shawn but it got called off. Owen attacks after. Ahmed tries to save but Vader runs in to give the heels the advantage. The fans chant for the Warrior and he EVENTUALLY runs in to make the save and shove Vader off the top rope. But only after Shawn's been destroyed. This was to set up the main even of the next ppv but Warrior was gone by then.

This was a good show. It's mostly remembered for Austin's speech for there's three very good matches here and it's definitely worth watching!
 
24/6/1996

Nitro

We're in Charlotte so the fans chant "WE WANT FLAIR" from the start. We ONCE AGAIN start by repeating the Bischoff angle from the Great American Bash. I mean it was a great angle but we've seen it three times now. I know they want to recap the Outsiders thing at the start of every show but they really need to develop the ability to create slick video packages!

Gene interviews Sting, Savage and Luger who are all "unified as a unit" as Luger says and have all painted their faces like Sting. The Steiners and then Harlem Heat interrupt because they both want tag title matches after being screwed previously. Luger's cheating ways are catching up with him.

Public Enemy vs Steven Regal and David Taylor - The commentary completely cuts out during PE's entrance so I assume their music has been over-dubbed. It's a bit annoying. Regal comedy dancing like PE is good. Then he just casually moves out the way when Rocco tries a moonsault and mocks him again. Robert Eaton trips Johnny Grunge from the floor and he hits his head on his own cast in a pathetic piece of selling. But then he hits Taylor with the cast to win. PE were shit.

Kevin Sullivan vs Kip Abee - Sullivan drags the jobber into the crowd and backstage right away, which isn't very believable given than the jobber is much bigger than him. I guess that's a DQ. Gene talks to Sullivan and Hart after who vow to defeat the Horsemen as the fans chant "we want Flair" again.

Blood Runs Cold is coming. In July?

Dean Malenko vs Hardwork Bobby Walker - Walker is sloppy and botchy again. Dean gets a hold on and...holds it. Disco Inferno comes out with a gold record (he's sold a million copies!) Then they play the music and he dances in the ring. During the match. Malenko dropkicks Disco into him and gets the pin with a northern lights suplex. Gene interviews Maleko and Disco after and Disco says he is there for television ratings. They will wrestle at Bash At The Beach because Disco deserves a title shot based on...dancing?

The Barbarian vs Eddie Guerrero - Barbarian comes out slapping hands like he's a face. That seems out of character. It's the nigth of styles clash matches. Barbarian hits power moves and Eddie kicks out. Eddie hits a terrible rana. Barbarian hits an overhead belly to belly from the top but Eddie rolls out of the ring. Barbarian tries a superplex but Eddie falls on top of him to pin him (but Barbarian kicks out right at the three.) Larry just buries Eddie's victory on being down to luck and nothing more. I fucking hate Larry.

Arn Anderson and Chris Benoit vs The Rock And Roll Express - Fans are solidly behind the Horsemen. This one's a bit of a styles clash too when Benoit's trying to chop the Rock and Rolls. Mongo hits Robert Gibson with the brieface and Benoit gets the pin. Joe Gomez(!) runs in after but gets slapped around. Kevin Green and Savage run off the Horsemen and get booed. It seems they're keeping Flair off the show because they don't want him to get cheered, which is stupid. He does get interviewed backstage by Gene but not in front of the crowd.

DDP vs Alex Wright - DDP does that silly spot where he misses a kick to the ribs and takes an exaggerated bump again. DDP wins with the Diamond Cutter and despite me making fun of DDP's weird selling this was a decent match as DDP always works hard to put together good matches so maybe I should give him some credit! DDP will take on Jim Duggan in a "taped fist match" at Bash At The Beach and tells Gene that it's unfair. He has a point, really!

The Glacier videos are just so ridiculous.

Mean Gene talks to Kevin Green. He's going to go away and play football for the rest of the year then get revenge against Mongo. He still says "baby" a lot.

Randy Savage vs VK Wallstreet - The fans chant "WE WANT FLAIR" at Savage. Ouch. Wallstreet misses something pathetic looking from the top. Savage goes for the flying elbow but Wallstreet rolls to the floor. Kevin Green throws him into the ringpost and Savage hits the flying elbow to win as the fans boo. Well he did cheat to win so he deserves to be booed.

Sting and Lex Luger vs Harlem Heat vs The Steiner Brothers - This is a "triangle match" so there's two men in the ring at a time. The action is fine but not great. Booker goes for the sidekick but misses and crotches himself on the top rope in a well-timed spot. That's about all that's worth mentioning other than that the fans still want Flair. Sting is beaten down Luger gets the hot tag but the Outsiders are coming out through the crowd with baseball bats. Cops run into the ring with GUNS to hold them back and this is a pretty great angle. Harlem Heat roll up Luger to win the tag titles in the middle of all this.

This was a poor episode of Nitro with most of the matches being bad but that closing angle was something!

RAW

Ahmed Johnson vs Hunter Heart Helmsley - No lengthy, talky intro to RAW, which is one thing it has over Nitro. This is a non-title match though, whereas on Nitro the titles are always on the line. "ERIC SUCKS DICK" sign in the crowd. Well, it's actually three signs. Ahmed keeps talking in the ring. I can't tell what he's saying because it's Ahmed. He takes an awkward bump over the top. Inset promo with Goldust who says he made a mistake by trying to save Ahmed's life and now he vows to end it. It's a so-so match as Hunter isn't really that interesting on offence. Ahmed goes for the Pearl River Plunge and Hunter backdrops him. He keeps slapping Ahmed around and Ahmed gives him the Pearl River Plunge for the clean win. Dok interviews Ahmed in the ring. He is the first ever African American Intercontinental champion! He calls Dok "Mike" and says he's proud to be the first African American champion "of the world" and will defend the belt for everyone "black, white, red or green!" Lawler: "Look at al the green people!" Ahmed says that "Sweetlips" (Goldust) can find him in the hood hanging with the homeboys.

The Body Donnas vs Brooklyn Brawler and Jobber - Sunny is on commentary, Cloudy is with the Bodies. They keep acting like Cloudy is an ugly woman rather than a man in drag. Sunny says she'll be bringing a singles wrestler in soon. Who could it be! The Body Donnas win with a top rope rana followed by top rope butt drop. Sunny claims all the fans are cheering for the Body Donnas now even though they're silent. This is sad. Cloudy chases Sunny away.

Vader, Bulldog and Owen vs Savio Vega, Aldo Montoya and Barry Howowitz - Owen makes Aldo submit to the sharpshooter in a short match.

Brian Pillman is interviewed by Vince at ringside. He wants to know who he has to see about getting his money. So Vince can't afford to pay him, I guess.

The Undertaker vs Stone Cold Steve Austin - The first of many, many, MANY matches between these two. Austin attacks Undertaker from behind to start but Taker's in no mood for this and no sells and takes over. Jerry Lawler goes over to hassle Paul Bearer during the match. Taker is in a bad mood and throws Austin into the steps and chokes him and throw him into the ringpost. He beats him down for quie a while, really! Even after the ads Taker is still in control and choking Austin. Austin goes after the leg to take over. He works the leg and not in as varied a way as Dean Malenko would. Goldust and Marlena come out as he's taking on Undertaker at the next ppv. Taker misses a flying clothesline. He comes back with a chokeslam. Goldust throws gold dust into Taker's eyes for the DQ.

Nitro wins because of the closing angle even though the rest of the show was bad.


25/6/1996

ECW Hardcore TV

Okay I noticed the Network has added more Hardcore TV episodes so I've decided to watch that as well. It's not like anyone's reading this anyway. Joey Styles announces that tonight's matches were taped at Hardcore Heaven 1996. Then introdocues Baron Von Stevie, Bluedust and Patricia. It's the BWO before they were the BWO! That's Stevie Richards, The Blue Meanie and some woman if you don't know. This is already more anarchic that any RAW I've watched for a while. Stevie says he's going to show the world what women in society are all about. Blue Meanie wants to go down on Joey Styles.

Joel Gertner is pretending to be Michael Buffer in the ring so Sandman comes out and canes him and the fans chant "EC DUB." Sandman drinks a beer and canes Gertner some more. Sandman is certainly popular! The fans chant "one more time" so he canes him one more time. Then again. They only asked for one! He brings out a ring announcer (Bob Artise) who hasn't been seen for a while. That' what I'm picking up anyway. And Missy Hyatt who makes out with the ring announcer.

We seen "fan cam" footage of Sabu wrestling Shane Douglas. Rob Van Dam cost Sabu the match.

Shane Douglas vs Mikey Whipwreck - Mikey is a small guy who as I recall got some fluke wins over big stars. A bit like the 1-2-3 Kid but in ECW. Shane wants to shake hands and Mikey accepts! Sportsmanship! Shane certainly feels more natural in the ring here than as Dean Douglas. Mikey hits some plucky dropkicks. Shane straight up kicks Mikey low because there's no DQs in ECW. But then Joey says the referee could DQ Shane, so maybe there are? Douglas uses a texas cloverleaf. Shane chopblocks the leg and Joey says "Mongo who?" Mikey hits a dive from the top turnbuckle to the outside and over the guard rail. Shane uses a figure four but then in an ironic twist of fate Mikey gets one of his own on minutes later. Douglas hits the referee but Joey explains that the ref won't DQ him because he doesn't want to give Shane the easy way out. Mikey hits a missile dropkick for two and a DDT. Douglas comes back with a belly to belly to win. It was a perfectly fine match.

Stevie Richards get to talk again. Raven has challenged Stevie to find the sluttiest woman in the world, or something. He brings out the Sandman's ex-wife Peaches. She starts sniffing around Raven's crotch. Sandman comes out and says he's already pimped her out to the whole locker room. Damn the nineties were awful.

Raven vs Terry "Bamm Bamm" Gordy - Terry Gordy has been named the number one contender by the IWA promotion in Japan. He's a mystery challenger for Raven's ECW world title here. They fight into the crowd right away. Raven is busted open and Gordy hits him in the head with several chairshots. Gordy just keeps beating him with the chair all over the crowd. It keeps the fans happy at least. Gordy beats him up more in the ring as Raven keeps bleeding. Stevie Richards provides a distraction and Raven takes over. For a few seconds. Gordy gets the "oriental spike" on Raven but Richards and Nova try to pull him off. Tommy Dreamer comes out and beats up Stevie and Nova. Gordy uses barbed wire on Raven's forehead. Stevie hits a Stevie Kick and Raven pins Gordy with a DDT. This wa utter garbage. Sandman makes the save for the faces but Raven hides behind Sadman's kid who Peaches has dressed up as Raven. Sandman's son says "Daddy, you're a drunk, I worship Raven!" LOL. Beaulah challenges Peaches to a cat fight but Raven drags her away. This was fucked up. Bluedust comes out after and Beulah gives him a DDT.

My first episode of Hardcore TV and...it was certainly aimed at a certain type of fan. The fans who were in the building (99.9% male I should note!) loved it anyway.


1/7/1996

Nitro

DDP interrupts Tony and Larry to start and says someone has stolen his Lord of the Rings ring. MAYBE IT WAS GOLLUM LOL. Larry says there will be a "New World Order in professional wrestling this Sunday." Spoilers!

The Steiner Brothers vs Harlem Heat - Harlem Heat won the tag titles last week and Booker T is talking to someone on a massive cell phone as they make their way to the ring. The Four Horsemen are using Flair's VIP section for once. Normally it's only there for someone to destroy his table. This match features lots of clotheslines and suplexes and sidekicks. Colonel Robert Parker comes out to watch. Scott hits the Frankensteiner but he's not legal. Colonel Parker crotches Rick and hits him with his cane and Harlem Heat win.

Mean Gene talks to the Four Horsemen. Gene's on this show more than anyone else every week. Debra is an awful talker. Everyone gets a chance to speak and to be honest I've heard them all say the same stuff so many times that I kind of gloss over it.

Glacier is coming soon. He was supposed to be debuting in July! It's July now!

Disco Inferno vs Kurasawa - Disco kicks the steps and hurts his foot. An Elvis impersonator comes out and dances to Disco's music to distract Kurasawa and Disco hits him with a giant disco ball to win. I'm not making this up. That is how the match ended.

Diamond Dallas Page vs Scotty Riggs - DDP checks random people for his ring on the way to the, umm, ring. DDP hits a Stone Cold Stunner at one point. He hits a nice pump-handle backbreaker too. Riggs finally gets some moves in and hits a springboard crossbody on the floor, but DDP slides out of a slam attempt in the ring and hits the Diamond Cutter for the win. Another solid DDP match.

Gene interviews DDP after and DDP accuses him of stealing the ring.

Macho Man Randy Savage vs Greg The Hammer Valentine - Well, this is pretty random! I do like the random appearances by guys like Greg Valentine. But this match isn't very good. Valentine does hit some good chops and elbows. It's more the fact that it's one of those lazy Savage matches where he hardly does anything. Tony wonders if Valentine will be the third man on Sunday. Umm, no. Hammer hits a back suplex and knocks himself out(?) and Savage hits the flying elbow to win.

We kick off hour two with Bischoff returning to Nitro on commentary, along with Bobby Heenan. Bischoff thanks all the people who sent in cards and letters when he was out with injury. I'm sure there were a lot of them! Hall and Nash make their way out through the crowd again. They've bought tickets! They sit in the front row eating popcorn. There's security all around them.

The Giant vs John Tenta - Fans are not into John Tenta. Giant bodyslams him. The match goes way too fucking long. Giant just keeps choking him and chopping at him. It goes on forever. Giant holds him in the corner for literally three minutes. Tenta comes back with clothesline and his dropkick gets a pop. Kevin Sullivan and Big Bubba come out and Giant hits the chokeslam to win. They could have cut literally five minutes from this match and it would have turned out decent, but as it was this was terrible. Bubba shaves half Tenta's beard after. Why doesn't Tenta just completely shave his head and beard and let them grow back again?

Gene talks to the Dungeon of Doom afer (are they even still called that?) and they say some stuff. Okay Giant says "Dungeon of Doom" so they still are called that. He says Bubba will shave Tenta's entire body one day. Umm. He also says "never trust a horse" about the Four Horesmen. Umm. Then Kevin Sullivan drones on in his boring monotone.

We took a special look at Rey Mysterio Junior.

Hall and Nash jump the barricade and most of the WCW roster come down to face them down, with security in between. Nash mocks the facepaint of Sting, Savage and Luger ("look at the clowns!") The fans chant "DIESEL" and Bischoff pretends they're chanting for "Weasel" Bobby Heenan because they can't say "Diesel" on WCW programming.

Gene talks to Hacksaw Jim Duggan who claims he found DDP's ring in the toilet. Duggan says it doesn't fit him becaue he wears A MAN'S SIZED RING. DDP comes in and accuses Duggan of being a thief. Duggan drops the ring on the floor then punches out DDP with a taped up fist. HOOOOOOOO!

Ric Flair, Arn Anderson, Chris Benoit and Steve McMichael vs The Rock And Roll Express, Renegade and Joe Gomez - All four of the opponents have had issues with the Horsemen in recents weeks so that's good continuity! Benoit beats the shit out of Renegade in the battle of people who killed themself. Renegade still doing his Warrior knock-off when the real Warrior's on RAW is something. Joe Gomez gets beaen down rather than Ricky Morton, even though Ricky Morton invented playing Ricky Morton (not literally invented)! Gomez eventually gets the hot tag to Renegade. What was the point of having the Rock and Rolls in this? They've done fuck all. Flair makes Gomez submit to the figure four.

Gene talks to the Horsemen. Don't care about football stuff. WOOOOO, etc.

Bash at the Beach is this Sunday and they've done a great job building up the big tag match. As ppv hype, this Nitro is a success.

RAW

Shawn Michaels vs Marty Jannetty - As we all know, they were tag partners for years and had some great matches in 1993, but Marty's career has gone to shit since then and Shawn's from strength to strength. Marty has Leif Cassidy in his corner and Jim Cornette is hanging around too. Shawn has Jose Lothario. They do some nice sequences to start and Shawn does make Marty look good. Shawn always out-wrestles him in the end, of course, but that's how it should be. Lief gets involved outside the ring. Vince does a lot of hyping of house shows during the match. Jannetty lands on his feet off a monkey flip in a nice moment, but generally the match is a lot slower than their classics from three years earlier. Shawn starts his usual comeback but they do some nice reversal sequences. Shawn hits a piledriver and flying elbow and finishes with the superkick. Lief attacks Shawn after but gets a superkick too. Cornette goes to hit Shawn but Jose punches him out. It felt like Shawn was trying to have a better than average match here but Jannetty wasn't quite up to it and looked blown up by the end.

We take a look at this week's Superstars where Sunny pretended to be sorry for how she treated Phineas, but then slapped him. The Smoking Gunns then attacked Phineas but Henry and Hillbilly Jim made the save and Phineas slopped her. Vince really sells this "BIG CHUNKS AND ALLLLLL! SUNNY HAS BEEN SLOPPPPPPED!" Well, forget the NWO, I'll only be watching RAW from now on!

Mankind vs Duke The Dumpster Droese - Jake Roberts is on commentary as he'll face Mankind at the next ppv (OR WILL HE?) Lawler mocks Jake for being a drunk, of course. Mankind works Duke's arm for some reason. Duke hits a spinebuster. He puts Mankind in a bearhug but Mankind gets him in the Mandible Claw from there to win in a nice finish. Lawler is still going at Jake and really Jake should fire back by brining up the time Lawler was accused of raping a fourteen year old girl. Jake chokes Lawler but Mankind puts him in the Mandible Claw.

Goldust vs Marc Mero - Steve Austin is on commentary again. It's good that they're letting him talk more. Lawler claims that Merlena felt Sable's ass up in a parking lot. Lawler and Austin make more jokes about Jake. The match is dull and full of chinlocks and the crowd don't care. At some point late in the match Mero just randomly starts going after Goldust's arm. Well nobody's watching anyway. God this is boring. The WWF just feels like a dying company here. Marlena eventually comes over to look at Sable's arse and this distracts Mero and Goldust hits the curtain call to win.

Nitro easily wins.

2/7/1996

Hardcore TV

Raven is walking around a park at night talking about stuff. He controls the children now. Sandman's son is there and if you get uncomfortable about children being featured in wrestling angles you probably won't like this!

Joey Styles recaps everything from last week. I skip it. I don't really like the extreme close-ups of Joey's face either.

Chris Jericho vs Pitbull Number 2 - Pitbull 2 is the TV champion. Hey it's Chris Jericho! I know that guy. Pitbull hits a crazy gorilla press into a tombstone like a minute into the match. Jericho reverses a later attempt to a rana. Pitbull seems confused after Jericho hits his springboard dropkick and wanders around a bit. Jerich hits a springboard moonsault to the floor. Pitbull comes back by just hitting Jericho in the head with a chair. Jericho hits a lot of slaps to the chest here. I guess because they make a good noise. Pitbull hits a stun gun and fallaway slam from the second rope. Shane Douglas comes out and kisses Francine (Pitbull's manager) and she slaps him. Pitbull accidentally clotheslines Francine. Pitbull 1 carries Francine away as Pitbull 2 hits a powerbomb and Joey calls this match a "classic". Let's not go nuts. The messe up a tombstone reversal spot. Jericho reverses a top rope powerbomb to a rana to win the TV title in a good looking finish. Pitbull 2 was obviously quite limited in the ring and got lost a few times in the match, but Jericho was very good here and put together a good match. I wouldn't call it a classic like Joey but it was very good and the fans in the building absolutely loved it. Jericho and Pitbull shake hands after. Shane Douglas keeps shouting at them and stuff.

For some reason we then get a recap of the entire match from Joey Styles, complete with extreme close-ups of his face. The shaky camera makes me feel a bit sick too. Styles says Jericho will win more world titles in his career but this was his first.

We see a clip of Bubba Ray Dudley speaking without stuttering before a match with the Full Blooded Italians. We get clips of the match where D-Von turned on Bubba and hit him with a chairshot to the head and ran away.

Tommy Dreamer vs Brian Lee - This is a weapons match. Dreamer's entrance music is playing for the entire match? Or they added music over the match. I don't really know. They hit each other with stuff. It's not good. They fight outside and all the fans go out and crowd around them so we can't see anything. Lee smashes Dreamer's head into a garage door a few times and Dreamer's bleeding. There's loads of drunk, shirtless men shouting "ECW!" standing around them. I mean it's choatic and stands out but it's not actually good to watch in 2015. They go back inside and back to the ring and at least the music has stopped playing. They hit each other in the head with more stuff. The ring is full of crap. Lee goes to break a cinder block over Dreamer's balls (yeah) and Beulah stops him. Lee goes to chokeslam her but Kimmona Iwannalaya (yeah) flashes her tits at him (we don't see them on camera) and distracts him and Dreamer hits a DDT on a stop sign to win. The Bruise Brothers attack Dreamer and then Lee chokeslams him off the balcony through two tables in an absolutely ridiculous bump.

I understand that stuff like this was popular at the time and it's different from anything WWF or WCW was doing, but it's really not comfortable to watch now. Or maybe that's just me.

It's lucky they had Chris Jericho on this episode providing some actual wrestling.
 
WCW Bash at the Beach 1996

Tony, Bobby and Dusty host. Eric Bischoff has gone missing.

Psychosis vs Rey Mysterio Junior - Mike Tenay joins the commentary team for this because he knows the names of moves. I don't really get Lucha, but I don't think it's right to call this a "lucha style" match. Real lucha is confusing and scary. This is a WCW style match but with lucha moves. They do mat stuff and arm drags, but Psychosis hits a great tope early. Rey comes back a few minutes late with a rana on the floor. Rey hits the West Coast Pop for two because it's not his finisher yet. Psychosis hits a crazy senton from the top rope to the floor. Rey does the 619 (but not to air) then cartwheels into a rana, then hits a rana from the apron to the floor. Rey hits all kinds of great springboard stuff. He tries another springboard rana but gets caught in a sitout powerbomb for two. Psychosis tries a splash mountain (Razor's Edge from the top rope, basically) but Rey reverses to a ran for the three. A lot more happened here than I recapped and it was all executed perfectly. A great opener.

John Tenta vs Big Bubba - It's a Silver Dollars on a pole match. There's a sock of silver dollars hanging on a pole. Really. This is shit, as you might imagine. They're both too fat to climb the pole. So why book them in a pole match? Because WCW! Bubba hits a back suplex when Tenta's on the top rope, which looks bad for both of them. Bubba tries to climb the pole but gets crotched. Bubba chokes Tenta with a belt. He tapes Tenta to the ropes and whips him, a bit. Not much, really. He tries to cut Tenta's hair AGAIN but Tenta gives him a low blow and uses the scissors to cut the tape. He tries to cut the pole down becaue he can't climb it. Fuck's sake who booked this. Jimmy Hart climbs the pole for Bubba but Tenta gets up first and takes the sock from him and hits Bubba to win. The fans actually pop for this so WHO AM I TO COMPLAIN about how shit it was.

Gene talks to Team WCW and asks who the third man is. They're all wearing face paint again.

Diamond Dallas Page vs Hacksaw Jim Duggan - This is a taped fist match for Duggan's ring. Yeah another stupid gimmick match. DDP tries to tape Duggan's legs to the ringpost. We just had a taped up spot in the previous fucking match! The referee just un-tapes him. Duggan punches and clotheslines and says "USA" a lot. Duggan crotches DDP on the top rope. DDP kicks the middle rope into Duggan's crotch then hits the Diamond Cutter to win. Duggan punches him out after with a taped fist because he's a sore loser.

The Nasty Boys vs The Public Enemy - This is a dog collar match. Saggs it chained to Rock and Kobbs to Grunge, if you care. We get the annoying split screen again, or, if you're Dusty the "double trouble Bash at the Beach bubble!" They fight outside the ring and hit each other with stuff and end up at the beach set and hit each other with a rubber shark. And a surf board and other beach related objects. As far as "hitting each other with stuff" matches go this is a bit more entertaining than that gross Tommy Dreamer/Brian Lee match. Saggs piledrives Rock on the concrete. Saggs goes through a table, eventually. They use another table in the ring and Rock is supposed to go through it but it doesn't break. Saggs tries to elbow him through but it still won't break. The match completely falls apart until the Nasties hit a clothesine with the chain to win. Tony calls the match a mess. They keep fight after and this time a table breaks too quickly and Roco hits an eblow on Saggs on the already broken table.

Dean Malenko vs Disco Inferno - For the cruiserweight title. Disco has earned a shot by...being annoying. Dean destroys him from the start including a great looking brainbuster that only gets two. Malenko hits him with a variety of moves and submissions but Disco won't quit. Disco show his toughness by coming back and hits a stun gun. Dean comes back and puts on a hold but Disco fights for the ropes. Disco comes back with a neckbreaker and a swinging neckbreaker and even stops himself from dancing. Malenko hits a springboard dropkick to the back of the head but Disco reverses a Cloverleaf attempt to a small package for two. Dean comes back with a tiger bomb and wins with the cloverleaf. This was the first time Disco actually looked like a serious wrestler and it turned out to be a good match.

Steven McMichael vs Joe Gomez - I'm guessing this isn't going to be good. Debra is with Mongo and his a small dog. This is bad because Mongo isn't good and Joe Gomez isn't much better. Gomez hits some dropkicks, a fan shouts "BORING" and they fuck up an Irish whip. Mongo hits a tombstone (I wouldn't trust him to hit that move) to win.

Gene talks to Ric Flair who says of Konnan "they say you're the man of a thousnd holds!" No they don't, that's Dean Malenko. Woman flirst with Gene while Flair says "wooo" a lot.

Konnan vs Ric Flair - Konnan's US title is on the line! This feels like a styles clash but Konnan always feels awkward to me anyway. He does use a nice surfboard type move but then uses a press slam because it's a Ric Flair match. Flair does his begging off stuff and Konnan presses him agan. Why do Flair's opponents always feel the urge to press him? Elizabeth is bumped in what seems like an accident as she gets up right away and then Woman shakes the ropes as Konnan stands on them right in front of the ref to give Flair the advantage. Somehow this isn't a DQ. Woman walks right in the ring and kicks Konnan low which gets a bigger pop than anything Konnan's done. Flair uses a chinlock which is unusual for him. Konnan randomly comes back and Flair does my least favourite flair spot: The Flair Flop. Then the match goes to an odd standstill. Konnan gets a figure four on Flair. Flair gets pressed off the top and Dusty even brings up that Flair has a "real bad habit" of doing that. Woman hits Konnan with a weak looking shoe shot after a horribly contrived series of moves and Flair covers him for the pin with his feet on the ropes. This was a bad match. They did not work well together at all.

Kevin Sullivan and The Gian vs Arn Anderson and Chris Benoit - They fight in the aisle right away. Mongo runs out and the Giant chases him away so Sullivan gets the shit kicked out of him. Sullivan and Benoit bite each other. Benoit really lays the chops in. Benoit tries the top rope superplex on Sullivan but Giant comes in. Benoit goes to dive on him but Giant easily catches him and tosses him into Anderson. Giant seems to be a babyface with the crowd here. Sullivan takes more of a beating. There's a messed up spot leading to Sullivan finally getting the hot tag to Giant. Benoit just grabs Sullivan and drags him away to keep killing him. Giant chokeslams Anderson to win while Sullivan and Benoit fight behind the announcers. Benoit dives off the stage onto Sullivan, breaking a fake palm tree. Benoit gives Sullivan a top rope back superplex in the ring as Giant has just walked off. Woman comes out and begs Benoit to stop beating up Sullivan. This is because Woman is Sullivan's real life wife and this is the start of an angle that will lead to Benoit and Woman getting together in real life. And we all know how that ended. Giant carries the unconscious Sullivan backstage and nearly trips stepping over the top rope.

Sting, Lex Luger and Randy Savage vs Kevin Nash, Scott Hall and ??????? - And here we GO! They build up to this has been great and the fans in the arena are RRRRRRRRRRREADY (just a Michael Buffer impression there, don't worry.) Nash and Hall come out without the third man. They're announced as "The Outsiders." Sting's music starts then stops and Gene comes out looking confused. He asks Hall and Nash where their partner is. They say the third man is here but they can handle things themselves for now. The comentators still can't even say "Hall" or "Nash" apparently so just call them "the Outsiders". Mere seconds into the match Nash is holding Luger in the corner and Sting hits him with a Stinger Splash and Luger is knocked out. Luger is carried away on a stretcher. How odd that this hardly ever happesn then happens right at the start of the most important match ever! Oh Tony finally calls them "Nash and Hall" at last. Sting does well against Hall but makes the mistake of tagging in Savage who instantly gets his ass kicked. Just like he always does. Sting does get back in not long after but gets his ass kicked too. Tony starts begging WCW to send out a replacement for Luger, even though it's two on two! The beating on Sting lasts a while but he gets some hope spots in including a dropkick to Nash's knee. Sting eventually gets the hot tag and Savage kicks some butt until Nash gives him a low blow. But Hulk Hogan is here! And Heenan ruins the surprise by shouting "whose side is he on!" Yeah you could say Heenan has never trust Hogan so it's in character, but he could have shut up for a minute at least. Hogan hits three leg drops on Savage and they just toss the referee out and the match is over. The fans throw trash into the ring. Mean Gene comes in to for a rather famous interview! It's worth pointing out that Hogan has been getting booed for months so it's not THAT huge of a riks for him to turn heel. He had to do it to keep his career going. It's still a great angle, of course! Mean Gene getting covered in trash is funny. Hogan cuts a great heel promo where he tells the fans they can stick it, brother! And mentions "the New World Organisation!"

The show closes with Tony saying Hulk Hogan can go to Hell. Straight to Hell.

This is obviously a must watch show, so watch it!


8/7/1996

Nitro

We're outdoors in the Disney/MGM Studios in Orlando. You can see someone standing at ringside telling the fans when to cheer, which kind of ruins the atmosphere.

Dean Malenko vs Rey Mysterio Junior - Cruiserweight title is on the line. Rey hits loads of great, perfectly executed flying moves to start. Dean finally hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker to slow Rey down. Malenko hits some nice moves and uses wear down holds. Tony talks about all the "telegrams" they've received about Hogan's heel turn. Larry has called Hogan "unmanly" about fifty times because he can't think of anything else to say. Rey misses an Asai moonsault to the floor but I guess it was supposed to hit and Malenko sells it. Dean hits the super gutbuster but pulls Rey up at two. Then does the same after a throw. Well, this is a mistake! Rey reverses a tilt-a-whirl to a rana to win the title. It was a good opener. Larry buries Rey by saing he got lucky because Larry is a bitter piece of shit.

Gene interviews The Nasty Boys and The Steiner Brothers who say some hard to understand stuff and bark a lot.

GLACIER IS STILL COMING SOON IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING.

Big Bubba and Hugh Morus vs The Blue Bloods - Regal's push has died after that match with Sting. The fans chant "USA" to support the evil Satanists or whatever the Dungeon are supposed to be. Loads of stalling, some forgettable action, John Tenta comes out to fight with Bubba on the floor (why? He won last night) and the Blue Bloods get the pin. The fans just keep mindlessly chanting "USA" and I wonder if a MGM employee is holding up a card telling them to chant.

Eddie Guerrero vs Psychosis - There's an inset promo with Rey talking about how the little kids were disappointed that Hogan turned heel. Psychosis hits something like Jeff Hardy's Whisper in the Wind to Eddie on the floor. He works over Eddie's right arm in the ring. Eddie hits a top rope superplex and frog splash to win,still selling his arm. It was a good match.

Gene talks to The Giant, Kevn Sullivan and Jimmy Hart. He asks them about Hogan. Hart says he's lost for words. Sullivan is angry that he didn't get to end Hulkamania himself. Giant says not to worry about Hogan because he's still the champion.

The Steiner Brothers vs The Nasty Boys - A rather weak fireworks display kicks off hour two during the match. Eric Bischoff (who was missing last night) and Bobby Heenan are hosting now, so we get a break from Larry saying "unmanly" at least. Robert Parker and Sheri come out during the match and hit one of the Nasties with a cane (by accident? I don't know) and the Steiners win. This match was pretty dull. More fireworks go off after the match so maybe they went wrong before. Gene talks to the Nasties who say "stinking" a lot and say they have to change.

Ric Fliar vs Jim Powers - This if for the US title. Why does Jim Powers deserve a shot? A reward for all the roids he's taken? Flair hits a thumb to the eys and loads of chops, then runs through his usual bumps. I know he's trying to make Powers look good but Powers doesnt' deserve it. Flair standson the top rope for a few seconds waiting for Powers to press him off, which looks bad. Flair takes out the leg and wins with the figure four. Bischoff is battling depression after Hogan's heel turn.

Gene talks to the Horsemen and the girls. Anderson is disgusted by Hogan.

Chris Benoit vs Craig Pittman - Pittman hits some nice suplexes and Benoit takes great bumps. It turns into an awkward styles clash after that, as Pittman's matches often do. Teddy Long throws the towel in when Benoit gets the crossface (first time I've seen him do that) on.

Sting vs Arn Anderson - GLACIER IS LOL. Like all wrestling fans, I like Anderson's spinebuster. A limo arrives during the match. Hall and Nash come out of it towards the end. Sting and Anderson stop fighting to face them down and Savage comes out. Anderson goes after Sting again but Sting wins with the Scorpion Deathlock. Sting cuts a good fired-up promo after. Hogan was too busy making movies and "walking on the darkside" for the last year. Sting isn't known for his promos but he does a great job here. YOU stick it, Hulk!

Gene talks to Hall and Nash after that. It's a good interview but rambles a little.

RAW

The show opens with Gorilla Monsson announcing the "indefinite suspension" of the Ultimate Warrior for failing to show up for some house shows.

The Ultimate Warrior vs Owen Hart - So this show was taped several weeks ago, before Warrior was suspended, but they can't tell us that so they have to pretend Gorilla made him wrestle here. Lawler says we're seeing the Warrior for the last time and Vince says he hopes not. Why not just edited this match out if they knew Warrior was leaving? Inset promo with Shawn and Ahmed who say they've already replaced Warrior for the six man. Why are we watching him wrestle then? Owen takes some good bumps. Owen hits a spinning wheel kick that Warrior no sells so Owen keeps clotheslining him. Warrior hits a suplex but splashes Owen's knees. Owen chokes him on the ropes and stuff. He does hit the enziguri and a missile dropkick. Warrior powers out of a Sharpshooter attempt and goes into rope shaking and clotheslining mode. Bulldog runs in for the DQ. Vader runs in too and they beat Warrior down three on one. Bulldog hits him with a powerslam, Owen with his cast and Vader with a Vader Bomb. This was as good a match as you were going to get out of Warrior in 1996.

During the break Warrior was carried off.

Savio Vega vs Justin Hawk Bradshaw - Brian Pillman comes out on crutches during Savio's entrance so Vince can say "anything can happen!" The fans don't care about this at all. They're literally silent, even when Vega hits his nice leg lariat over the corner. Lawler keeps making stupid jokes about who the mystery partner is. This match lasts a long time and is pretty dull and the fans are asleep. It's pretty embarrassing. The WWF feels like a dying company compared to what's going on in WCW. Lawler and Vince give up on the match and start talking about a jobber named Who who recently debuted. Anything can happen in the WWF! Seriously this match feels like it's gone twenty minutes with no end in sight. A long sleeper by Bradshaw doesn't help. Mr Perfect phones in because there's nothing happening in the ring. He says nothing important. Then they lose the call. This match is still going! Uncle Zeb accidentally trips Bradshaw and Savio hits a spin kick to win. Bradshaw brands Vega after so this feud will never end!

Shawn and Ahmed are still in the studio but still won't reveal who their partner is. It's impossible to understand anything Ahmed is saying.

Bulldog and Vader vs The Godwinns - Our main event is a Godwinns match. That'll save the show! Why do the Godwinns wrestle on RAW so often? They're never good. At least Cornette joins commentary. Henry suplexes Vader, so that's something. The Godwinns get a lot of offence in. Even after the heels take over the Godwinns regain control shortly. So it's another match that goes on forfuckingever. I mean it's not as bad as the Vega/Brashaw shitfest but it still feels like filler. Bulldog uses a long chinlock, of course. Vince says due to "time constraints" we won't be able to see the promised Undertaker video. Time constraints! With these two endless matches. Vader hits the Vader Bomb on Henry's back and Henry KICKS OUT! Why!? Henry does hit an impressive powerslam on Vader too. If they were going for a Vader/Henry singles match this would make sense, but they weren't. Bulldog pins Phineas with a standing powerslam.

Shawn and Ahmed are still standing shirtless in the studio and will reveal their partner...AFTER THE BREAK.

It's shirtless Sycho Sid!

Nitro easily wins again coming after such a huge angle the night before, while RAW seemed unimportant.


9/7/1996

Hardcore TV

We start with a replay of Tommy Dreamer being murdered last week. We see several replays of it while Dreamer is treated and eventually carried away on a stretcher. The concerned fans chant "ECW" as Dreamer is carried away.

Then we get an extreme close-up of Joey Styles' face, of course. Did no one find that annoying at the time? He talks to Tommy Dreamer briefly.

The Eliminators vs The Gangstas - For the tag titles, held by The Eliminators. The Samoan Gangsta Party and then the Bruise Brothers attack the Gangstas on the way to the ring for some unexciting brawling. New Jack bleeds a lot because he can't actually wrestle. Saturn calls out the Bruise Brother for a fight since the Gangstas can't compete. They brawl in and around the ring. I don't know if it's a match or not. They break tables and fight in the fans and bleed all over the place. The Gangstas run back in and throw a trash can into the ring and hit everyone with weapons and stuff. Eventually the Gangstas' music starts playing so I guess this is over, whatever it was.

Samoan Gangster Party vs Axl Rotten and Hack Meyers - The fans chant "YOKOZUNA" for fun. The Samoans uses lots of headbutts because of racism. They hit a double middle rope headbutt but the Gangstas come running out again. And the Eliminators. So more of that type of brawling. And the Bruise Brothers come in too. Yeah it's chaotic but it's not particularly good in any way. The Dudleys and some others run in too and the fans throw garbage into into the ring. Is that a sign of approval? Also it goes on for ages. It's shit. It's as boring as that Vega/Bradshaw match from RAW. The Gangstas stand around in the end and their music plays again.

Joey runs down the card of an upcoming show which isn't on the Network because ECW didn't have ppv yet at this point. ZOOM IN ON JOEY'S FACE, SWAYEY CAMERA, I REALLY LOVE THAT. This takes up a lot of tv time, even when I skip most of it.

Sabu vs Rob Van Dam - Sabu stomps RVD's legs because they have a personal issue. Oh, this is just clips. The ring breaks, that's why they're showing it. The ropes are hanging down but Sabu still hits his triple jump moonsault. They continue doing spots using the broken ropes. RVD hits the Van Daminator. Sabu hits a springboard DDT through a table outside the ring. Sabu tries another triple jump and crotches himself. Sabu hits a front flip legdrop with a chair and gets the win. Both are carried away on stretchers. This was just clips and the match was a spotfest in a broken ring, but it was a lot more entertaining than the tag team crap that opened the show.

We go to the ECW Pulp Fiction bit where they cut between interviews with various wrestlers. It's well edited and far more watchable than all those Joey Styles segments. You can see from stuff like this why ECW was a cool alternative from the WWF and WCW in 96. Shane Douglas annoyingly says "it's a shoot now!" regarding the Pitbull busting him open. No it isn't. Young Chris Jericho with earrings is funny. Blue Meanie dresses up as various people in Todd Gordon's office. Sandman's son says "now I suppose know...know what a real father's supposed to be like" and Raven kisses him. It's a bit weird.
 
15/7/1996

Nitro

We're at the MGM studios again. We take a look at Hogan's heel turn again. That means we get to hear Larry say "unmanly" another forty times. Great.

The Steiner Brothers vs Fire And Ice - Aother pretty good match between these teams with Scott Steiner impressing with a huge belly to belly on Norton. Teddy Long comes out to watch for some reason. Rick gives Ice Train a belly to belly right on his head. Ice Train accidentally splashes Norton and Rick pins Train with a German suplex.

Mean Gene talks to Kevin Sullivan, Jimmy Hart and Big Bubba. Sullivan is still really boring.

The Glacier promos HAVE to be a joke by now, right?

Gene talks to Fire and Ice who have had a falling out. Teddy Long comes over and says they're a great tag team and he doesn't want them to split up. Norton pushes him down. I don't see the point in splitting up Fire and Ice as they're a pretty good tag team and neither guy will go anywhere as singles,but that's WCW for you!

Billy Kidman vs Dean Malenko - Kidman looks young AS FUCK. Jimmy Hart is talking with Dean on his way to the ring. Kidman gets a missile dropkick in early but this is mostly a destruction job by Dean. Which is fine as it's an an entertaining one. Kidman hits a runt he ropes bulldog for two but misses the shooting star press. Malenko KILLS HIM with a brainbuster, then a powerbomb, then a double underhook powerbomb then finally the Texas Cloverleaf. Brutal finish.

Gene talks to Kevin Greene again. Why? If he's not going to wrestle again all year why do we need to keep hearing him speak? He was a Hulkamaniac but was let down and he wants Mongo TONIGHT. He keeps stumbling over his words. He has gigantic fingers.

Harlem Heat are angry at Colonel Robert Parker. Sucka.

Harlem Heat vs Rough And Ready - Rough and Ready are Dick Slater and Mike Enos, a new team managed by Robert Parker. Sherri is with Harlem Heat again. Then Parker joins her walking to the ring. Stevie Ray locks an exciting bearhug on Slater early. Then does a test of strength with Enos. Stevie Ray sucks. Booker is much, much better but he gets beaten down by Rough and Ready. Enos slams him on the concrete in front of a bunch of kids in wheelchairs. Booker his good leg-based moves. Harlem Heat beat down Enos briefly but Slater stops it and the match stalls. The fans chant "Heat, Heat, Heat" a bit so at least they have someone to support. Parker distracts the ref and Sherri kisses Dick Slater. Booker rolls him up to pin him so Harlem Heat win.

Madusa vs Malia Hosaka - Larry is both horribly racist and horribly sexist on commentary. Fuck off, Larry. Madusa wins with the German suplex. Hosaka looked more impressive than her to be honest.

Bischoff and Heenan host hour two and we see that the dastardly Outsiders have covered up the "WCW" logo with sheets with "NWO" written on them. It's slightly lame to be honest.

Arn Anderson vs Meng - Lots of stalling to start and the fireworks for hour two are still going off. Meng uses lots of chops. Meng's constant grunting can get annoying sometimes. Anderson goes after the leg. Meng keeps pounding. It's pretty boring. The Barbarian walks out to watch this for some reason. Hall and Nash are still watching with their sheets. Meng stays in control and this is getting nearly as bad as the infamous Savio Vega/Justin Bradshaw match. Meng wins with a superkick (with a little help from Barbarian) after Anderson gets a single elbow in as his comeback. Absolutely awful.

Mean Gene talks to Mongo and Debra. Kevin Greene is on his way to the airport now and Mongo has shown up. Debra talking is worse than death.

Chris Benoit vs Eddie Guerrero - This is more like it. A typically good match between those two with Benoit bringing the violence and intensity and Eddie being plucky and high flying. Benoit uses something that looks a lot like the Liontamer and a sick powerbomb. Eddie hits a top rope superplex. Eddie takes both over the top with a rana. Dean Malenko runs out and rams Benoit into the ringpost. Eddie gets the countout win.

OUR WORLD IS ABOUT TO CHANGE. ENTER THE REALM. BLOOD RUNS COLD. IN EACH OF US BURNS THE FURY OF A WARRIOR. GLACIER!

Lex Luger vs Big Bubba - Luger's the only big star actually here as Sting, Flair, Savage and Giant are on tour in Japan. Hall and Nash watch on their limo. Luger's selling is pretty hammy. I guess all the "are Luger and Jimmy Hart in CAHOOTS!?" stuff is finally over? Luger uses lots of clotheslines and the loaded forearm. Hall and Nash attack Luger to end it as Hogan finally walks out smiling evily. He's in all back. It's the dark side of Hullkamania, brother! They beat up Bubba too to show it's not just a face/heel thing. Gene interviews Hogan again. Every man, woman and child on the face of the Earth is disgusted by Hogan! They can all stick it, brother! Fans throw garbage in the ring as Hogan says he's the reason Randy Savage can't get an erection, brother. He will take on The Giant at the next ppv Hog Wild and take the WCW belt and make it the NWO belt, brother. The Steiners, Meng, Barbarian and Arn Anderson come out and surround the ring.

RAW

Ahmed Johnson vs Bart Gunn - The IC title is on the line. The camera spends a lot of time on Sunny, naturally. The match is pretty boring. It's Ahmed Johnaons vs Bart Gunn,what do you expect? Bart works the arm for a long time. That's it. That's the match. Were they even trying to compete with Nitro? Sunny pulls Bart's hands to help him a bit and Vince demands she be sent back to the locker room. She's the only good thing about the match! Ahmed runs shoulder first into the ringpost. Why do people with arm injuries always try that shoulder in the corner move? Ahmed hits a powerslam but his shoulder is hurt. Bart hits a bulldog for two. Then a bad looking bulldog from the ropes. Ahmed crotches Bart on the top and hits one of his crazy moves where he flies over the top and nearly kills himself. That livens things up anyway. Ahmed hits the spinebuster and Pearl River Plunge to win and his shoulder is fine now.

Shawn Michaels cuts a lame babyface promo about his match with Billy Gunn tonight and the big six man tag on Sunday.

Marc Mero vs TL Hopper - Goldust's usher brings Sable a gift but she throws it down without opening it. Ungrateful! TL Hopper is a jobber with a gimmick so that this doesn't seem like a jobber match. But it is. Why would a plumber want to wrestle anyway? He's already got a job as a plumber. Hopper beat Duke Droese on Superstars and plunged his face. This is another boring match with no crowd heat. It just goes on and on. Hopper gets a chinlock in. There's an inset promo with Stone Cold who'll take on Marc Mero on Sunday. He tells Vince to "shut up" but that's about it. You can literally see the bored looks on the faces of the fans. Mero wins with a big left hand. Yeah, he wins with a punch. Appropriate ending for this shit.

Camp Cornette talk about International Incident. Cornette is a great talker but it's impossible to get excited about this.

Now we get a long video look at The Undertaker to fill time.

Shawn Michaels vs Billy Gunn - It is kind of funny that Shawn has an old man in his corner for all his matches. The opening few minutes of this are alrady the best wrestling on the show. And it's just headlock spots. Ahmed cuts an incomprehensible promo during. Shawn kisses Sunny twice and chases her around the ring acting like he's going to grab her ass. Billy clotheslines Shawn over the top while Vince shouts "WHAT DOES SEX HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?" and I'm not going to explain the context. Billy doesn't have any interesting offence when he's in control, but shows some cockiness. Shawn makes his usual comeback and wins with the superkick. Watchable match anyway!

Shawn hugs Ahmed backstage but Cornette throws a drink over them and Camp Cornette ambush them in the parking lot. Sid instantly makes the save (he was just sitting there waiting?) by crashing his car into some boxes.

Nitro obviously wins it's not even a contest at this point.


16/7/1996

Hardcore TV

Recap of last week's tag mess to start. I still don't give a fuck.

The Gangstas vs The Samoan Gangsta Party - Complete squash with the Gangstas destroying the Samoans with foreign object. The referee stops it as the Samoans are left lying in their own blood. This was worthless!

Mikey Whipwreck vs Paul Lauria - Lauria is an "old enemy" of Mikey's who I've never heard of. He's short too. Mikey wins in about a minute with a top rope rana. The Eliminators give Lauria Total Elimination after, just for fun. Saturn says Mikey respects "mighty Sab" and challenges them to team up for a match. Well, okay.

The Eliminators vs Sabu and Mikey Whipwreck - Tag titles on the line. Sabu is over with the fans who chant "Sa-fucking-bu" and he hits his springboard stuff without messing up. Mikey hits some good armdrags and Sabu comes off the top in a well-timed spot. Saturn hits some stiff moves on Mikey. Saturn is so obviously carrying his team with Kronus. Mikey gets destroyed but hits a rana and makes the tag. And Sabu starts fucking stuff up. He goes for the DDT through the table but Saturn moves and Sabu goes through. Total Elimination finishes Mikey. This was pretty good.

There's a "world premiere video" about The Eliminators.

Raven, Lori and Tyler. Raven's inflicting his own parents' divorce on Tyler. He tells Tyler the divorce was Sandman's fault and Tyler does the Raven pose lol.

D-Von Dudley hits all his brothers in the head with chairshots because he loves them.

Bill Alfonso vs Tod Gordon in a reverse lumberjack match. Fonzie hits Gordon with a bat while Taz distracts him. Next please.

Fonzie and Taz talk about Sabu and how he's too scared to face Taz.

Pulp Fiction bit. New Jack says Jim Cornette is racist and owes him money. Even this has the swaying camera and Joey's face. Oh we get Shane Douglas' face too. This isn't as good as the Pulp Fiction bit on the previous episode. The Samoans arrive and attack the Gangstas. New Jack takes a brainbuster on concrete.


In Your House: International Incident

JR joines Vince and Jerry on commentary! We're in Canada so that's the "international" part.

The Smoking Gunns vs The Body Donnas - This is non title for some reason. Cloudy is no more and the Body Donnas say she showed them that they don't need a manager, just the fans. What? Sunny gets more cheers than them. Skip and Billy try to redo their great sequence from that RAW match a few weeks ago but it's not quite as good. Sunny fakes injury then slaps a distracted Skip to a face pop. Bart catches Skip coming off the top with a powerslam to another face pop. I don't think the fans know they're supposed to like the Body Donnas. The Gunns use their size to double team and Skip keeps fighting to the fans do get behind him a bit. Hot tag to the weird looking Zip but the Gunns take over again quickly. They go for the Sidewinder but Billy is out of position due to Sunny and Skip dropkicks Bart off the top so that Zip gets the pin. But again it's non-title and therefore pointless.

Mr Perfect talks to Camp Cornette. What happened to the Perfect/Michaels story? It's just been forgotten. Bulldog says Diana is going to stay in the locker room as the match will be so gruesome.

Mankind vs Henry Godwinn - This was supposed to be Manked and Jake Roberts but Jake is injured. Lawler of course suggests that Jake is just too drunk to wrestle. For some reason the Godwinn's "don't go messing with a country boy" music is dubbed over. Did they not want to pay Hillbilly Jim for the rights? Godwinn is a decent wrestler but he's also a tag team guy so this doesn't feel like it belongs on ppv. Of course it's probably a better match than the match with Jake would have been. They do some good brawling and Mankind hit a neckbreaker on the conrete after pulling up the mat. Then Mankind takes a crazy bump when Henry slams him off the apron onto the concrete. This felt like Foley wanting to give the fans their money's worth. Mankind blocks the Slop Drop and gets the Mandible Claw on to win. This was pretty good!

Brian Pillman on the Superstar line talks about the Gunns wanting to "double team" Sunny. Edgy!

Stone Cold Steve Austin vs Marc Mero - Austin has a desing on his bum. That won't last long. Austin shows some good cocky heel stuff here. He catapults Mero into the ring post outside the ring. They have a good match but nowhere near the level of King of the Ring. Marlena and the usher come out to hassle Sable. Mero hits a moonsault off the apron to the floor. Some of the Canadians boo him and cheer Austin. Bizarro World! Austin wins clean with the Stunner after Mero blocks it the first time.

The Undertaker vs Goldust - So after starting with a casket match, the rematch is a regular match. Taker's entrance takes forever. Lots of stalling to start, including Goldust hiding behind the referee. Taker finally gives him a week chokeslam on the steps. He threatens to drop the steps on Goldust but Marlena gets between them. The fans boo when Taker doesn't murder her. Taker controls for several more minutes. Goldust uses the exposed steel turnbuckle. Goldust uses the steps too, then a camel clutch. Taker actually uses a small package(!) before making his comeback. He hits the Tombstone quickly (the match feels like it was cut for time or something?) then does a really slow cover. And the referee doesn't count right away. The reason? They're waiting for Mankind to cut his way out of a hole under the ring and drag Taker down. So the match doesn't have a finish. Then Taker's music plays and smoke rises from the hole. Which means...I don't know. This was a bit better than the terrible casket match but the finish was even worse. Taker appears in the ring again and brawls with Mankind up the aisle. Then brawl all the way back to a boiler room. Like some kind of...boiler room brawl.

Shawn, Ahmed and Sid are interviewed. Oh dear. Who knows what Ahmed actually said. Sid is also insane.

Shawn Michaels, Ahmed Johnson and Sid vs Vader, Owen Hart and the British Bulldog - Good fast sequence between Shawn and Vader to start. The fans chant for Sid so he comes in and hits his weird punches on everyone. Sid IS over despite always looking awkward in the ring. Ahmed hits three rolling Germans(!) on Owen. So that's who Chris Benoit stole it from? Ahmed hits the Pearl River on Bulldog but Vader breaks it up. Vader hits some good strikes on Ahmed. Ahmed hits some not so good strikes on Vader. Ahmed beats up Owen then tags in Sid, who beats up Owen. Bulldog hits his stalling vertical suplex on Sid, which is impressive, and Sid plays face in peril for a while. Well, until he just hits a punch then tags Shawn. Owen does a nice rolling pin combination on Shawn that Earl Hebner doesn't get. Shawn and Owen do a great sequence and I'm a bit surprised the Canadian fans aren't cheering Owen. I guess it shows what a good heel he was. The pace of this match is pretty non stop. Owen hits Shawn in the back of the head with his cast and Bulldog takes his head off with a clothesline. Shawn and Vader do some loud spot calling. A fan jumps the barricade and gets all the way up to the ring ropes before being chased away. Ahmed comes in illegally to clothesline Vader when Shawn is in trouble. Bulldog hits the powerslam but Sid breaks with an elaborate leg drop. Owen misses a missile dropkick on Shawn and hits Bulldog. For some reason this hurts Owen too. Why? If he'd hit Shawn it wouldn't have hurt him! Sid gets tagged in and chokeslams everyone. Shawn gets tagged back in and goes for the Superkick but Cornette holds his leg and Vader hits a splash and Vader Bomb to win. Jose punches out Cornette outside the ring. Sid powerbombs Bulldog and Owen after, but Vader is pulled out. Shawn hits a great dive over the top onto Vader. Of course you could say this is Shawn being a dick as he should be selling the fact that Vader beat him. Still this was a very good match!

The main event is definitely worth watching. Nothing else is essential on the show.
 
22/7/1996

Nitro

We're still at Disney/MGM Studios.

Scott Norton vs David Taylor - Norton is DQed for throwing Taylor over the top rope. Stupid WCW rules. Norton tries something on the floor but drops him so just walks away. Okay?

The Horsemen, except Flair, are in the VIP area. So Mongo gets to talk. Mongo is not a good talker. Benoit is even worse.

VK Wallstreet vs Konan - Oh dear. Wallstreet must be the sweatiest wrestler ever. Konan actually looks decent here but Wallstreet is boring working the leg and sweating all over him. He also uses a chinlock. That doesn't hurt the leg! The fans mock Wallstreet with "Irwin" chants. That's not his name anymore! Wallstreet hits a Samon drop and lays back for the pin but Konan rolls him up to win.

Gene talks to Sting, Luger and Savage.

Glacier video that ACTUALLY SHOWS GLACIER!!!

A video of Joe Gomez, Jim "Roided as Fuck" Powers, Alex Wright and Reneage walking down the beach taking their shirts off. Yeah.

Gomez, Powers, Wright and Renegade vs Hugh Morus, Barbarian, Kevin Sullivan and THE LEPRECHAUN - Yeah. He's a short guy dressed like a Leprechaun who runs around like crazy. We cut away right away to show Hall and Nash in the production truck, being jerks. The result of this is that we miss most of the match. I guess that shows how disruptive the NWO are. Or something. Then Giant just walks in and chokeslams all the faces anyway. Gene interviews Giant after who says while Hogan was "off in Hollywood trying to win an Oscar" (really?) he was the "cancer" in WCW running wild. He accepts Hogan's challenge for Hog Wild.

DDP vs Prince Iaukea - DDP wins quickly with the Diamond Cutter.

We take a video look at the feud between Chris Benoit and Kevin Sullivan.

Dean Malenko vs Chavo Guerrero Jr. - Chavo's Nitro debut here. We get the hour two fireworks during the match. And it's a long match almost completely controlled by Malenko. He hits some nice moves, yeah, but this is the problem I have with his matches sometimes. He does a million movs and his opponent gets nothing. There's also some restholds in here. Really there's no reason why this match had to be so long. Jimmy Hart comes out to cheer for Malenko, who wins with the Texas Cloverleaf in a ten minute squash.

Meng vs Ice Train - Well this isn't going to save the show. Bischoff talks about his Ice Train could be one of the biggest stars in the history of wrestling one day. Also Meng is a cannibal. Teddy Long is managing Ice Train now because they're both black. Hey, Bischoff, nobody cares that Scott Norton is good at arm wrestling and that he "wrecked havoc" at your local bar. He hasn't done anything actually impressive in WCW where we can see it. Norton runs in and attacks Meng. He explains to the camera it's because he doesn't want Ice Train to have any excuses when they meet at Hog Wild.

We take a video look at the NWO.

Eddie Guerrero vs Psychosis - Finally a good match on this show. Eddie wins with the frog splash. Actually the last few minutes were a bit sloppy, but it was still by far the best thing on this episode.

Sting, Lex Luger and Randy Savage vs Arn Anderson, Chris Benoit and Mongo - Ric Flair was supposed to be in this match but doesn't show up. So Bischoff and Heenan speculate that he's joined the NWO. Interesting seeing Sting and Benoit in there together. Not a match you see often. Sting works nearly the whole match for his team for some reason. Luger eventually gets the hot tag and Savage steals back the briefcase of his own money and hits Benoit with it to give Luger the pin. Fans are going nuts for this, at least, but it wasn't much of a match.

This was a bad Nitro. Most of the matches were bad and the NWO only appeared once being slightly annoying in the production truck.


RAW

We're actually in a big arena for once for RAW! It looks more impressive than usual.

Shawn Michaels and Ahmed Johnson vs The Smoking Gunns - Tag titles are on the line this week. Sunny brings out a birthday cake. It's Shawn's birthday. The Gunns attack before the bell. Shawn superkicks Billy. Sunny tries to hit Shawn with the birthday cake but Ahmed shoves it back on her face. Shawn licks it off her face. This is filthy! The match will take place later now.

Marc Mero vs The Goon - Latest jobber with a gimmick is the Goon who is a hockey player. Steve Austin thankfully comes out to join commentary during the match. He mentions Bret Hart on commentary so that's the start of the slow build for that feud. Jake calls in too and Lawler and Austin make fun of him for being a drunk. Then Austin goes on an AMAZING classic rant about the Lex Express. "You painted a school bus red and blue and had a guy kissing babies. Why don't you give me a school bus and send me out there to whip some ass?" Meanwhile the Goon puts a chinlock on. Mero fucks up a head scissors as Bob Backlund comes out to do something. Goon slips on Sunny's cake and Mero hits him with a painful flip dive. Mero wins with a slingshot legdrop. Match was terrible but Austin was awesome on commentary.

Bob Backlund is campaigning in the crowd.

Mankind vs Freddie Joe Floyd - Another jobber with a gimmick, the gimmick this time being...he's from the South? Meanwhile Clarence Mason has a client who commited a crime who he wants to bring back to the WWF. They recap the entire Undertaker/Goldust match at the start of this, so there was no point actually watching that match! This is much better than the previous squash as FJF (Tracy Smothers) is a good wrestler and gets some nice moves in (even a nearfall with a top rope elbow smash) and Mankind is obviously a lot better than Marc Mero. He puts the Mandible Claw on with Floyd on the top rope and drags him down to win.

Goldust vs Barry Horowitz - Brian Pillman joins commentary. Adding entertaining people to the commentary team is a good way to make the overall show more entertaining. Mero cuts a terrible inset promo about his match with Vader next week, calling him a "big cat" or something. Wow Mero was awful. Pillman says he can't say anything bad about Horowitz as it'll be misconstrued as anti-semitism. Goldust wins a nothing match with the Curtain Call.

Sunny is still wiping the cake off.

Slam of the Week is Vader pinning Shawn from last night. No point in ordering that replay!

Vince talks to Vader and Jim Cornette in the ring. Vader gets Shawn Michaels at SummerSlam. Vader is a school bully all grown up.

Shawn Michaels and Ahmed Johnson vs The Smoking Gunns - Gunns runs int and attack because they're mad about the cake attack earlier. Shawn hits a good fllying headscissors on Billy. Why does no one do that anymore? When he tries it again, Bart hotshots him on the top rope and the Gunns start working the heat on Shawn. Which is good because Shawn is great at selling, unlike Ahmed. Fans are very into this match. Ahmed gets the hot tag in and goes nuts but FAAROOQ (in gladiator helmet!) runs out and kicks Ahmed right in the kidney. Faarooq is FAT AS FUCK here and messes up ramming Ahmed into the ringpost. Lawler "he looks like Ron Simmons!" Fat Faarooq is Sunny's new man! This was an entertaining match.

RAW WINS! It was better than Nitro for once! Really! This probably won't happen again for a while.


23/7/1996

Hardcore TV

Joey Styles urges the Samoan Gangsta Party to turn themselves into the police for what they did to the Gangstas last week.

Raven, Lori and Tyler segment. Raven is transferring all of Tyler's joy of youth to himself.

Chris Jericho vs Scorpio vs Shane Douglas vs Pitbull 2 - Four corners match for Jericho's TV title. This is a rather famous match. Douglas hits Pitbull with a chair as he's making his way to the ring. Good exchanges between Jericho and Scorpio to start. Then Jericho and Douglas. Pitbull is naturally mad about the chairshot (and is bleeding) and wants in with Douglas but has to wait. Jericho hits a Lionsault to the back for two. Jericho tags Pitbull so Douglas naturally tags out to Scorpio. Pitbull uses power moves but Scorpio takes him ove the top and uses a chair. Douglas tags in now that Pitbull is hurt. Everyone works over Pitbull's head because he took that chair shot. Jericho gets a German for two on Pitbull but Pitbull keeps powerbombing him and stuff. Jericho hits a crazy super rana on Scorpio with both standing on the top rope. Douglas gets a sneaky two count on Scorpio so Scropio destroys him in and out of the ring. Things go on with everyone tagging in and out (it's a long match, I'm not going to mention everything.) Jericho dives on Douglas and Pitbull on the floor, Scorpio follows. They all fight in the crowd for a while. It's easily the least interesting part of the match. Everyone hates the Franchise and wants to pin him. Jericho uses a figure for on Douglas for a while. Scorpio dropkicks the back of Jericho's head when he goes for the Lionsault in a cool looking but risky spot. Scorpio hits a tombstone and twisting legdrop to pin Jericho and eliminate him after 27 minutes. Scorpio rather randomly puts Douglas in an abdominal stretch. Douglas hits his DEADLY belly to belly suplex (it's not even as good as Bayley's) but can't get the pin. Douglas and Pitbull work together to eliminate Scorpio with Pitbull's superbomb. Pitbull powerbombs Douglas through two chairs. Douglas hits the belly to belly and sexually assaults Francine. Then Francine turns on Pitbull because it's ECW and women can never be trusted and takes her skit off to reveal Franchise pants. The other Pitbull runs out and and they superbomb Franchine through a table. Like two minutes after the turned heel. Douglas hits Pitbull with the belt for two. He hits him with part of the table for two. He hit him with knux for two. He hits him with a chain for two. He hits the belly to belly...for three. This was the most ECW thing ever. It was an entertaining storyline based match. I wouldn't call it great because there were some dead spots and fucked up moves and stupid parts. But it was good. I did enjoy it, in an ECW way.


29/7/1996

Nitro

We're still at Disney MGM. Larry says "New World ODOUR." HOW CLEVER.

The NWO filmed themselves attacking Sting in the parking lot after calling away Luger with a prank phonecall.

Hacksaw Jim Duggan vs Mike Enos - Why? Enos is so ROUGH AND READY that he wrestles with his vest on to start. This match is bad. The fans like Hacksaw, at least. But I don't. Enos uses a chinlock. The match just goes on and on and neither guy are suited for long matches because they're both old and fat. Hacksaw FINALLY gets the pin after taping up his fist. I don't know if I've properly expressed how bad this match was. Mean Gene talks to Hacksaw after about Hogan and I've seen enough of Hacksaw.

Ric Flair, Chris Benoit and Mongo vs Sting, Lex Luger and Randy Savage - So Flair is back with the Horsemen and he just missed his flight last week and didn't join the NWO. That's that cleared up then. Brawl outside the ring to start. Savage wants to kill Flair. We interrupt the match to see Glacier doing Glacier things! Savage and Flair fight at Flair's VIP table. Yes that still exists. Flair runs back in to the ring to escape and gets press slammed by Sting. Again. Savage and Flair go at it but Flair keeps running away. Then we get Mongo vs Luger which isn't something I ever want to see. Luger is sweating like fuck. I guess it's because they're outside and it's hot. Flair takes another press slam. Luger selling for Benoit is funny. Sting bites Flair and gives him a superplex. The Horsemen work over Sting's leg and Flair gets the figure four. Benoit uses the Liontamer on Sting. Sting starts to no sell Flair when Jimmy Hart runs out and asks for a camera man to come to the back because the Outsiders are doing something. And the match (which has been all action and enjoyable) just ends when Jimmy Hart begs everyone for help...

MEANWHILE the Outsiders have destroyed Arn Anderson and the American Males with baseball bats. Rey Mysterio tries to help by jumping onto Nash but Nash throws him head first into the trailer in the famous "lawn dart" moment. The Outsiders drive away in their limo and crazy Randy Savage jumps into the roof and hangs on as they drive out. Then it's chaos with people screaming and crying over the injured. Everyone's there, faces and heels, tending to the wounded together. The commentary just completely cuts out for a while. Ambulances arrive. Rey tells Eddie (in Spanish) that four men attacked them. We spend A LONG TIME on this. But that's makes it feel more important and special. This kind of backstage angle neve happened at this time, so it's gruondbreaking tv. Whereas today we'd just complain about how much time it was taking up. The paramedics take Rey's mask off to treat him but he covers his face with his hands. Eddie keeps saying "what does he mean about four!" Benoit cries as Arn is stretchered out. I should repeat that this is taking A LOT OF TIME but it was the right thing to do at the time as people would tune in to see what the fuck was going on. Couldn't have been fun for the fans in the studio though!

We take another advert break and Bischoff and Heenan take over. Heenan refuses to do the broadcast unless he's guaranteed safety as he has a history of neck injuries, so he walks out. The fans are chanting "BORING" now as we again go back to people back stretchered out. We're frantically trying to get a "standby match" going on in the ring. The "BORING" chants are really loud now. Maybe they actually should have set up monitors before? But I guess it would have felt less real if they had. And it's still not over as we get another five minutes of people being helped into ambulances. Again this is historically significant and was the right thing to do at the time, but watching it back now it obviously doesn't have the same impact and even I want them to just put another matchon.

The Steiner Brother vs High Voltage - All this waiting...for a High Voltage match! This is their debut. We even cut backstage again during the entrances. We also have the hour two fireworks going off during the match which is distracting as usual. High Voltage (RAGE AND CHAOS) take advantage of a distracted Rick Steiner. Scott gets the pin with the Steiner Screwdriver.

Eddie Guerrero vs Big Bubba - Another standby mach as Eddie was supposed to meet Rey for the Cruiserweight title but Rey obviously can't compete. The match starts off decent then slows the fuck down when Bubba takes over. He hits several different punch variations and shoves Eddie around. It feels like they're stalling for time. It just goes on and on. We even get a chinlock. Eddie eventually hits a tornado DDT and wins with a roll up. This was not good.

The more history is made as we get the first "the following announcement has been paid for by the New World Order" segment. It's all shot in black and white and looks completely different from anything else on the show. And has Hogan being super evil. You can see how this would catch the eye in 1996. This show is breaking ground!

We take another look back at the events of earlier tonight.

The Giant vs Greg "The Hammer" Valentine - This was supposed to be Arn Anderson challenging the Giant but we have Greg Valentine as a replacment. Which shows how much chaos there is going on backstage if Greg Valentine is the best they can come up with. Giant wins easily with two chokeslams. What else did you expect? Mean Gene talks to the Giant who does a Hogan impersonation. Like The Showster would do years later!

So it's over. Looking at this in 2015 it's not a good show. 45 minutes on one angle! Crappy matches! Greg Valentine! BUT it felt real. It was the best version of "something has gone wrong backstage" a wrestling show has done. It was a stroke of genius.


RAW

Sycho Sid vs Justin Hawk Bradshaw - Sid hits a chokeslam right away. Bradshaw hits him with his bullrope for the DQ. Sid makes a comeback against both Bradshaw and Zeb and powerbombs both. Fans are going nuts for this. I mean some of it might be canned heat but you can actually see the fans going nuts so at least some of it is real.

Sunny and Faarooq Asad talk about Ahmed Johnson. Faarooq talks about being "from the street" but he's dressed like a Roman gladiator. He's going to take the IC title at Summerslam!

Marc Mero vs Vader - Vince: "Here comes that CLASSY, SWEET SABLE!" Let's not go nuts. Cornette is on commentary so him and Lawler have fun talking about Sable's looks. Match is an okay big man/smaller man match. Mero hits his flip dive to the floor. Then he completely misses a top rope sunset flip and Vader has to back up to get in position. Oh dear. Vader catches Mero coming off the top with a powerslam for the win. Mero's already looking less and less like a potential future star.

Slam of the Week is Sid chokeslamming and powerbombing Bradshaw and Zeb from eariler on this same show. What if that hadn't happened? What would have been Slam of the Week then?

Vince has Jose Lothario and Jim Cornette in the ring. The last time they were in the ring Cornette swung his tennis racket at Jose and got punched. Cornette claims Jose has come to the WWF because he's a no good stinking hasbeen. Cornette is pretty great here, as always. Jose punches him again. But while this is going on, MANKING attacks Michaels backstage and puts him in the Mandible Claw!

This past week on Superstars, Aldo Montoya scored an upset win over Jerry Lawler with a DDT. Lawler challenges him to a rematch on RAW next week.

British Bulldog vs Henry Godwinn - Inset with Aldo Montoya, but it's mostly Lawler making fun of Jake's drunkness again. At least there's more going on each week on RAW now. It's not always good, but it's progress. I feel like I've seen this match before. Owen Hart is on commentary, at least. Henry hits Vader's reverse powerbomb thing early. Bulldog beats him down in standard fashion. Including the exciting chinlock. Owen claims his wrist is taking longer to heal because he's wrestling so often. He tells Vince to tell guys to stop headbutting his cast. Henry goes for the Slop Drop but Owen distracts him by tipping up his bucket of slop (that's really distracting to a farmer!) and Bulldog hits the powerslam to win.

The WWF is sponsoring power-lifter Mark Henry in the 1996 Olympics! I wonder how that'll turn out.

Mankind has taken to calling Goldust "Mommy" as Goldust lies down stroking him. He mentions the "Joe Joe Miller incident."

The Undertaker vs Stone Cold Steve Austin - Mankind is now rocking back and forth in the boiler room. Austin still has that design on his bum and it still feels wrong. Austin blocks the rope-walk by crotching Taker on the top rope. He also uses a mule kick low blow when they start brawling. Lawler says that Austin is "stomping a mudhole" in Undertaker "and walking it dry!" So JR stole it from him!? Taker comes back and ties Austin up in the ropes. Austin takes over again when Taker misses that elbow he always misses. He has a chinlock on after the adverts. Ausitn hits a piledriver and goes to the top, but Taker sits up and crotches him, then hits a chokeslam off the top. Mankind comes out and attacks Taker outside the rng. Somehow this isn't a DQ and Undertaker is counted out. Austin gets the win. The match was fine. Nothing spectacular but Austin felt like he belonged in there with a top guy. Of course Taker comes back out after and Tombstones Austin that kind of takes away from what I just said. Vince talks to Undertaker after but he just says his usual.

This was a perfectly fine RAW, but Nitro has to win for historical reasons.


30/7/1996

Hardcore TV

Joey's in the ring to start, but we still get a camera at an odd angle zooming into his face. This is Heatwave 96, apparently. Tazz comes out with Fonzie and "Team Taz." Fonzie abuses Joey Styles while Taz stands there looking scary. Joel Gertner comes in as the "new host" of ECW. He interviews Taz while the fans chant "FUCK YOU, TAZ." Taz threatens fans and says if Sandman's son was his son he'd beat him up to teach him respect. Taz starts choking Joey and 911 comes out. He chokeslams Gertner. 911 (he's a tall guy who chokeslams people, that's all he does) chokeslams Taz to a massive pop but Taz no sells, German suplexes and chokes out 911.

We get the intro after that and then the traditional "Joey talking backstage with annoying camera work" stuff. I just skip over this stuff now, sorry.

There's fan cam footage of Sandman caning people but Raven hiding behind Sandman's son.

Louie Spicolli vs El Puerto Ricano - Short squash with Spicolli hitting a death valley driver and chair shot to win. But then Sabu runs out and he'll have a match with Spicolli now.

Sabu vs Louie Spicolli - Sabu has an injured neck so Spicolli works over it with various neckbreakers. Sabu comes back with a crossbody over the guardrail. Then a springboard plancha into the crowd with a chair shot. Back in the ring Sabu lands ass first on a chair. Spicolli counters the triple jump moonsault by just throwing a chair into Sabu's face. Sabu comes back with a moonsault through a table to the floor. Sabu hits the triple jump moonsault this time. Spicolli blocks a top rope rana and hits a senton type thing. Sabu comes back with a DDT from the top and the Arabian facebuster to win. If you like Sabu's spots you'd like this, but it didn't really do much for Spicolli in his debut. Sabu does give him a handshake of respect after.

Another look at the Samoans trying to murder the Gangstas. The Samoans supposedly have a warrant out for their arrest, but still jumped the Gangstas again on a house show. Twice. Seems likely! This goes on a while but I find this whole storyline horribly boring. There's extended "fan cam" footage of the Bruise Brothers brawling with the Gangstas.

Seriously did no one else ever hate the way the way the camera sways in and out on Joey's face?

Yet MORE fan cam footage of some match involving Tommy Dreamer, Terry Gordy, Brian Lee and Stevie Richards. It's just hard to watch because it's another shaky camera. A lot of Hardcore TV is just hyping up future shows and clips like this. It's hard to ge through.

Seriously should I just give up on Hardcore TV? I know no one's reading this anyway, but please tell me!

More people talking about an upcoming match and such. Tommy Dreamer has found someone to tag team with him who Taz might be scared of.
 
5/8/1995

Nitro

We're still at Disney MGM Studios. Still! The wrestlers are hadling their own security this week, with Scott Norton, Big Bubba, Meng and the Barbarian patrolling for the NWO. Also there's four empty seats in the front row and are they for the NWO!?

Harlem Heat vs The Rock And Roll Express - This is for the tag titles even though Rock and Roll haven't actually beaten anybody since they've been on Nitro. The fans are actually supporting Harlem Heat here even though I think they're supposed to be heels. Lots of stalling to start. Not much of a match really. The only notable thing is the fans cheeting Harlem Heat even when they cheat. Parker is sweating a ridiculous amount at ringside considering he's just standing there. It must not have been fun wrestling in this humidity. Harlem Heat win after Booker hits some kind of kick.

Gene talks to the Nasty Boys. They shout about how Hulk Hogan is their friend and their getting a lot of beef. Sting and Luger come out to ask them where they stand. "We don't condone what Hulk Hogan is, but we don't say there's nothing wrong with it!" Umm, isn't that condoning it?

Glacier...

Malia Hosaka vs Madusa - Madusa looks really awkward in the ring. Like she has pre-planned spots but doesn't know what to do in between. Hosaka gets a messed up figure four on her. Then just lets it go. Hosaka gets the pin with Sonny Onoo holding Madusa's legs, even though Madusa has the big ppv match coming up. And the match was terrible.

Chris Benoit vs Alex Wright - Benoit uses typically aggressive Benoit tactics. Wright hits some of his nice flying headscissors that somebody should steal. Jimmy Hart comes out and tries to talk Woman into coming with him. He says she's driving "someone crazy" backstage. Malenko comes out too (Jimmy Hart is paying him to take out Benoit) so Benoit jumps on him and is counted out.

Randy Savage vs Steven Regal - Regal does some nice mat wrestling to start. Savage resorts to racking his eyes across the top rope and choking him. What a hero. Regal fights fair with uppercuts and holds. We get the hour two fireworks during the match but Bischoff and Heenan are missing! Regal hits some nice forearms as Sting and Luger walk out. They sit down in two of the empty seats in the front row. Macho comes back and wins decisively with the flying elbow. Match was good when Regal was in control.

Sting and Luger head off to investigate a limo. There's no one in it. But there is a wreath leading "condolences on the death of WCW." Gene talks to Savage who will get a title shot against whoever wins at Hog Wild. Sting and Luger come in to read the wreath. This goes on for a while before they make a big deal about destroying flowers. You know I don't think the NWO will actually care that you destroyed the flowers, Sting.

Ric Flair vs The Booty Man - Oh, the Booty Man's still a thing. I hate him. The match is just Flair hitting a load of chops and Booty Man being shit. Heenan finally comes out to the announce position during. But Bischoff is still missing. Flair gets the figure four on and Benoit and Mongo just randomly run in and attack Booty Man. Larry says it's because Booty is friends with Hulk Hogan. Arn hits Booty in the leg with a chair. Flair puts the figure four back on even when Gene is trying to interview them. Anderons says about the NWO "you send one of ours to the hospital? We send one of your to the MORGUE." But they don't actually murder the Booty Man. Flair says Hogan crossed the line with what he did to Arn.

We take a look back at what happened last week. This takes up some time.

The following announcement has been paid for by the New World Order. They do that "scary" finger thing a lot. After nearly the entire video has played, the tape stops. Sting and Lex Luger are in the production truck and have forced them to stop the tape. But it was paid for! And they played nearly the whole thing anyway.

The Giant vs Craig Pittman - Giant wins easily with the chokeslam,as you might expect. Giant chokeslams Teddy Long after. Gene talks to Jimmy Hart and Giant. The NWO limo moves a bit.

Let's just play tht Glacier video again. We haven't seen it enough yet.

Sting and Lex Luger vs The Nasty Boys - The Steiners come out to watch. There's always someone coming out to watch in every match. They mess up a spot where the Nasties are supposed to trip up Sting so he has to run over again to let them trip him up. The Nasties drop lots of elbows on Sting. Saggs accidentally hits Rick Steiner so Rick clotheslines him back. Then Sting makes him submit to the Scorpion. A pretty basic match.

There's still a limo! STILL! Some kids join Sting and Lex Luger in the ring. Sting and Luger do a weird comedy routine before going to check on the limo. Gene really oversells this. Someone throws a bag out of the limo. And, umm, that's it.

Not a great Nitro this week. They should have had the NWO make a live appearance at some point to follow up last week.


RAW

Jim Ross is on commentary with Vince McMahon this week as Lawler is wrestling. Why not have this every week? JR on commentary, that is, not Lawler wrestling.

Jerry Lawler vs Aldo Montoya - Lawler does his usua "Jake's a drunk" stuff. Lawler just keeps talking even after the match starts. Aldo hits some punches and dropkicks to obvious fake crowd noise. Lawler comes back with a piledriver then a second to win. Lawler pours a bottle of whisky down Aldo's throat after. It's an outrage!

The Body Donnas vs The New Rockers - Hillbilly Jim joins commentary. Great? Why haven't the Body Donnas had a title match yet after beating the champions at International Incident. The Rockers attack before the bell. Inset promo with Faarooq and Sunny as Faarooq will take on Skip next week. Faarooq talks a load of loud shit. I think he's saying he's a tiger? They haven't even bothered adding fake crowd heat to this match so it's extra boring. Marty hits diamond dust on Skip but Skip comes back with a diving headbutt. It's worth mentioning that they're actually hitting big moves in this pointless match. Leif hits a swinging neckbreaker on the floor which is quite good too. But the match goes on too long and again nobody cares about it. We also get an inset with Gorilla Monsoon re-instating Clarence Mason's client to the WWF. Lief keeps pulling Skip's tights down. Skip hits a top rope rana but the Smoking Gunns run in and attack the Body Donnas. Hillbilly "that's not fair! That's not believable!" The Godwinns run in to make the save.

Kevin Kelly talks to Shawn Michaels. He'll beat Vader at SummerSlam because that's what he does. Kelly asks him if Shawn has any words for Bret Hart. Shawn says he hopes Bret returns to the WWF. He doesn't really say anything interesting.

RAW Invitational Battle Royal - For a future WWF title shot, the day after SummerSlam. Ahmed Johnson, Sycho Sid, Goldust, Mankind, The Undertaker, Marc Mero, Owen Hart, The British Bulldog, Savio Vega, Bradshaw and Steven Austin are in there. Well, Mankind and Taker aren't in for long as they eliminate each other right away and brawl to the back. Ahmed eliminates Bulldog quickly. Sid backdrops Bradshaw out. Mero throws Owen over but he skins the cat back in. And Mero just clotheslines him out. Which is disappointing since Owen is one of the most entertaining guys in the match. Goldust backdrops Mero out. Then Savio stupidly eliminates himself with his spinning kick over the top. Taker and Mankind come back out and fight through the ring and through the crowd. Just halfway through the match it's down to Ahmed, Austin, Goldust and Sid. So we get to watch those four for quite a long time. Sid eventually powerbombs Goldust. Ahmed is staggering around getting in the way because he injured his kidney earlier in the taping. Sid powerbombs Austin and Goldust hits the Curtain Call on Ahmed, which can't help the kidney. Sid then stupidly puts a CAMEL CLUTCH on Austin instead of just throwing him out. What the fuck? I guess it's so they can show Taker and Mankind brawling backstage and hitting each other with stuff. When we come back Austin is beating up Sid despite earlier taking his finisher. This is a poorly laid out match. Owen Hart and Bulldog come out to distract Sid and Austin eliminates him. Ahmed is obviously fucked and Vince and JR even start talking about his bad kidney. I guess they added the commentary in later and didn't know how bad the injury was at the time. Another problem with taping four shows in one night. The match just goes on and on with Ahmed falling apart. They eliminate Austin together and Ahmed's also managed to break his nose now. It's a trainwreck! Goldust gives Ahmed a piledriver. Ahmed graves him in a choke. YOU'D THINK by now it would be obvious that Ahmed's badly hurt so they'd change the finish of the match. Ahmed and Goldust both go over the top and Ahmed hangs on with his feet to win. I have no idea if that was supposed to even happen. So the guy with the broken nose and raptured kidney wins and of course he'll never get his title shot because he's injured. Vince talks to Ahmed (who has a wedgie) and Ahmed says he'll be sad to go against Shawn as Shawn's like a brother to him. Faarooq runs out in his helmet and they have a pull apart.

Both shows were bad this week. Give the win to Nitro I guess.


6/8/1996

Hardcore TV

JT Smith is out and pushing around those fans who are in the front row every week. You know, that guy with the hat? His hat falls off. JT is a black guy who thinks he's Italian. He announces that KISS are here. It's Stevie Richards, Blue Meanie and Nova dressed up. They say they'll sing. I don't know why I'm watching this. It's not good. Then the sound is dubbed over when they "sing" anyway. Sandman comes out and hits them all with his cane. Raven comes out and Sandman challenges him to fight right now. Raven still has a foot in a cast. Stevie attacks Sandman from behind and Raven hits him in the eye with the cane.

After the opening titles everyone is checking on Sandman's eye. Sandman is bleeding but refuses to leave on a stretcher.

Now it's the swaying camera and Joey Styles. You know how I feel about that.

D-Von Dudley vs Axl Rotten - Lots of stalling with D-Von holding a chair. Axl takes a while finding a chair of his own. Axl wins the chair duel then D-Von gives him a low blow. Bubba Dudley comes out and hits D-Von with a chair shot. D-Von punches him in the dick too. D-Von hits all the other Dudleys with chair shots then brawl with Bubba. D-Von hits the Dudleys again, Buba hits D-Von...it keeps starting and stopping and it's bad. I hate this shit. Axl Rotten just sits in the corner begging the whole time. Why doesn't he just leave? D-Von refuses to his Big Dick Dudley with the chair and walks out. Finally Bubba hits a dive over the top onto D-Von which is impressive but hardly makes up for all this shit.

So it's supposed to be Sandman vs Raven. Raven says Sandman is faking his eye injury, just like Lori faked it in bed with Sandman all those years! Tod Gordon comes out and tells Stevie Richards some good news. Stevie explains to Raven that since Raven has a broken foot, Stevie will defend the world title on his behalf. Raven gives him a DDT. Sandman comes out for the match and hits everyone with his cane agan. His eye is bandage up. So I guess we have...

Sandman vs Stevie Richards - Stevie hits a Stevie kick for two right away. He goes after Sandman's eye. Sandman comes back with a DDT for two. Sandman legdrops him on the guard rail. Blue Meanie somehow accidentally moonsaults Stevie. Stevie Kick gets two. Meanie accidentally gives Stevie a tiger driver. That Meanie! The referee is bumped,which is always pointless in ECW when it's no DQ anyway. Mistty Hyatt stops Raven from interfering but Lori hits her with a LOADED BOOT. Sandman gvies Raven a DDT. Raven hides behind Tyler again. Stevie hits Sandman with the loaded boot...and Raven gets the pin. Raven, who wasn't in the match. That's pretty dumb!

The Eliminators vs The Gangstas vs The Samoan Gangsta Party vs The Bruiser Brothers - I'm not expecting much out of this. Eliminators and Bruise Brothers fight before the other teams arrive. Gangstas come out last because they're the most popular. They throws a trashcan of weapons into the ring and hit everyone. Oh yeah I should have mentioned the Samons are handcuffed because they were arrested earlier or something which makes you wonder why they're allowed to wrestle. This match is garbage and I can't be bothered watching it all, sorry. It's just eight guys hitting each other. Sometimes in the crowd. They go outside too. That doesn't make it good! I'm just going to skip to near the end. The Eliminators eliminate the Bruise Brothers with Total Elimination. I guess the Samoans are gone too. All New Jack ever fucking does is bleed and hit people with weapons. Mustafa powerslams Kronus and New Jack follows with a chairshot from the top to win. It makes the fans who were there in 1996 happy! Doesn't mean it's a good wrestling match to watch in 2015.


Hog Wild 1996

So if you don't know this event takes place at a biker rally at Sturgis. They say there's a quarter of a million people there. So it's an outdoors event with bikers sitting around ringside on their bikes revving their fucking bikes. That's going to get annoying quickly. Hey, at least it's unique. WWE would never do anything this different in 2015. Tony, Dusty and Heenan host.

Rey Mysterio Junior vs Ultimo Dragon - Well, he's announced as "The Ultimate Dragon." Mike Tenay joins because none of the others have bothered learning the names of moves yet. The fucking idiot biker twat start chanting "USA" in a match involving a Mexican and a Japanese guy. Dragon uses an over the shoulder backbreaker and a surfboard while Heenan does he usual racist jokes. The ring is up on a stage kind of so Rey kicks Dragon down onto the dirty then hits a plancha from the ring all the way down to the floor. Dragon comes back with a dive of his own. "USA, USA!" Dragon hits a nice German and moonsault each for a two count. There's a fucking helicopter or something distracting from the match now. Rey hits a run up the ropes top rope rana to win. A good match but they're both capable of better and I blame the unusual setting.

Scott Norton vs Ice Train - This is a "special challenge match" whatever the fuck that means. Ice Train's arm is all taped up. He seems to be the only black guy in Sturgis at this point. They punch, chop and headbutt each other. Norton works the arm. Ice Train hits a powerslam but Norton goes right back to the arm and wins with an armbar. Okay. This got almost no reaction from the bikers. Not a good match.

Madusa vs Bull Nakano - Winnter gets to smash up the loser's bike. Bull hits Madusa with a NUN-CHUK to start, to the delight of Dusty. The "USA" chants make a bit more sense this time but they're still annoying. Madusa hitting moves gets the best reaction of anything so far tonight. Nakano brieflyuses Paige's PTO move! Paige must have travelled back in time and taught her. Lots of bike revving. Madusa hits a rana. Nakano hits a back supelex but her own shoulders are down and Madusa lifts her shoulder to wn. Stupid finish. Why use a move that puts your own shoulders down? Madusa smashes up Nakano's biker and it still hasn't been announced who won so everyone's confused. That ending was terrible and I don't care about bikes.

Chris Benoit vs Dean Malenko - Elizabeth in leather is, umm, interesting. And by that I mean hot. Right, I'm not going to recap this whole match because it's long and they do a lot of moves and nobody's reading it anyway. The first thing to note, even in the opening minutes, is that the fans don't care about it at all. Obviously both these guys are great at executing wrestling moves and selling wrestling moves. They're not good at getting a bunch of bikers to care about wrestling though. They do some good wrestling though! There's a kunckle lock spot in there. Why does no one do that anymore? And a short-arm scissors from Malenko with Benoit deadlifting him. But all goes on way too long and Benoit even uses a regular chinlock for a while. I don't blame the wrestlers, they just shouldn't have been booked to have such a long, technical match in front of this crowd. Benoit hits the diving headbutt for two. Malenko hits a tombstone for two. Benoit hits a crazy top rope superplex. Malenko hits a great German. Benoit was just crazy with what he put his body through. And I kind of feeling guilty enjoying his matches because the end result was him fucking his brain up and murdering his wife and son. But you can't deny the guy could take a bump! By the way the match is just going on and on. They're still doing lots of moves but yeah it's too long in front of his crowd. We get an announcement that there's five minutes until the time limit, which means it'll definitely be a time limit draw. Benoit uses a Liontamer. Benoit just pulls out every move he can remember but Malenko keeps escaping. Benoit hits a powerbomb. Malenko hits a superplex. They got to a time limit draw. They get five minutes overtime and the fans boo becasue they don't want to keep watching this match. As I said, this was not the right crowd for this kind of match. Benoit gets the Texas Cloverleaf on Malenko. They do a double knockout spot. It does look like they're stalling for time a bit now. Benoit gets a leglock on, which obviously isn't going to lead to a win. This whole overtime period has been kind of bad because they should have been picking up the overtime but it's mostly been Benoit holding a leglock on. Much louder boos when another five minute overtime is announced. Dragon suplex gets two for Benoit. Malenko gets the Texas Cloverleaf on. Woman distracts Malenko and Benoit rolls him up for the pin. Yeah, after all that it ends on a roll up. I guess it shows that they couldn't beat each other. But this was just a bad idea to have a 30 minute match here and really even though I enjoyed the first twenty minutes they could have booked it to to end then as the overtime sections weren't as good.

The Steiner Brothers vs Harlem Heat - Harlem Heat get a huge negative reaction as the match starts. I know they're heels, but I'd heard before about the racist reaction the bikers gave them. We can't quite hear what the taunting fans are shouting but I'm sure there's a few N words in there. Shirtless rednecks rev up their fucking bikes so we can't hear anything. It's quite a while before the match actually starts. Oh there's a Confederate flag being waved. Harlem Heat do heel it up and keep shouting at the fans to milk the reaction. Shut your fucking bikes up! The Steiners control for quite a while, including Rick yelling "SHUT UP, BITCH" at Sherri when she screams at ringside. Harlem Heat work over Rick and the revving up bikes drown everything out again. Rick takes a painful sounding bump over the top when Harlem Heat pull the rope down. Booker crotches himself on the top rope with a missed sidekick. Somehow they stay in control on Rick. Lots of revving as they chinlock him. Stevie also uses the devestating nerve hold. Scott gets the hot tag. A few seconds later, Parker throws powder at him but it hits Booker. Sherri then powders Scott and Parker hits him with the cane and Harlme Heat win. Weird finishing sequence as Scott hardly got to do anything before being pinned. A long mach (not as long as the previous one, of course!) and it got a reaction from the crowd...but it was an uncomfortable reaction this time. So yeah, moving on...

A video of wrestlers on bikes. I don't give a shit.

Ric Flair vs Eddie Guerrero - US title on the line. They mess up some spots on a headlock sequence early. I think they were distracted by the helicopter. They do a lot of chop exchanges. Too many for me? It develops into a good match but I think their Nitro match a few months ago was better. How did Flair never retire the "thrown off the top rope" spot? We also get the "Flair's tights pulled down on sunset flip attempt" spot if you like looking at Flair's pasty ass. Flair hits a clothesline(!) to set up the figure four then gets the pin holding Woman's hands. This wasn't great, to be honest. But I think some people just automatically think anything with Flair in it is a good match.

Sting and Lex Luger vs Kevin Nash and Scott Hall - Dusty's annoyed by the helicopter too. Hall and Luger go at it first, each controlling for a minute or so, and then Sting and Nash are tagged in. Nash cheap shots him early but Sting comes back with a slam. Nash hits Snake Eyes and Razor hits a clotheline from the apron to start the heat on Sting. Hall and Nash are good with their cocky heel stuff here as they go through all their moves on Sting. Sting eventually knocks Nash down and hits an accidental headbutt to the groin but can't get the tag and Hall beats him down again. Sting backdrops out of the Razor's Edge and makes the tag. Sting gets the Scorpion on Nash outside the ring. Luger goes for the Torture Rack (several times) on Hall and Nick Patrick stumbles and clips Luger's leg then maks a fast count to give the Outsiders the win. It's the start of Nick Patrick as the HEEL REF then.

The Giant vs Hulk Hogan - Hogan gets cheered despite being the most evil man alive because all the bikers recognise him. This is actally the most over Hogan has been as a face all year. Hogan stalls forever to start. The problem with heel Hogan is that he doesn't actually have any moves he can do to the Giant. None. So he just keeps running out of the ring. Seriously he comes up with every kind of stall imaginable. He's actually working harder to stall than he would be if he just wrestled. Eventually they do a test of strength. This takes up some time, until Giant gets a top wristlock on. Hogan pulls the hair to get his own exciting armlock on. Giant has to sell this now, despite being an unstoppable monster up until this match. Seriously this whole match has been stalling, a test of strenght and wristlocks. Giant hits some headbutts. Giant hits a backbreaker in the most exciting moment of the match. Giant misses an elbow. Giant does Hogan's own no sellng routine but the bikers don't get it. Giant hits a big boot and goes for a chokeslam but Hall and Nash run in. They both get chokeslammed and Hogan hits Giant with the title belt to win. Match was a disgrace. Fans throw trash in the ring despite cheering Hogan the whole way.

Post match Giant is left knocked out in the ring. Remember when he FELL OFF A BUILDING and wasn't hurt? I guess that wasn't as bad as a belt shot! The Booty Man brings out a birthday cake (unhurt from the Horsemen beatdown on Nitro) and he's wearing an NWO shirt now. Hogan cuts a promo while standing over the dead Giant, then Booty Man licks his arse for a while. They eventually beat up Booty Man and hit him with the belt too. Hogan tells Flair "if I do that to my best friend, what will I do to you." Then Hogan spray paints "NWO" on the title belt. The birthday cake is just forgotten! Giant was lying knocked out FOR TEN MINUTES. There was no reason at all to have him in the ring all this time.
 
12/8/1996

Nitro

We're FINALLY out of Disney MGM and fucking Larry says "here we are in the middle of nowhere!" Way to put over the promotion! It just makes them look smalltime to have one of their announcers say the show is coming from some shithole.

High Voltage and Rough and Ready vs Kevin Sullivan, Hugh Morus, Meng and The Barbarian - Larry's still doing his "Meng and Barbarian are cannibals" shit. I fucking hate Larry. Fat midget Kevin Sullivan runs wild on everyone. The Dungeon win of course and Rough and Ready turn on their partners after just for fun.

Luger and Sting come out and challenge the Outsiders to a match tonight.

STOP FUCKING RUNNING THE GLACIER VIDEOS.

DDP vs Renegade - Every time Renegade shows up I think "huh, he's still around?" Usual perfectly acceptable standard match between the two as DDP wins with the Diamond Cutter.

Hogan, Hall and Nash are backstage and says they'll accept the match with Sting and Luger on their own terms.

Konnan vs Jim Powers - Konnan wins with his feet on the ropes. Powers' body is scary. Gene says how Konnan won was "shades of Hulk Hogan" and Konnan tells him to shut up. But then he stumbles over his words and badmouths the NWO and stuff. Konnan sucks.

Chris Benoit vs Ron Studd - Studd is the really tall guy who played THE YETI before. Studd is not good. Benoit works over his leg. Studd goes to the top rope but Benoit dropkicks his leg and hits an impressive top rope superplex to win. Seems weird to use such a huge man as a jobber but that's WCW for you! Benoit will take on The Giant at Clash of the Champions on Thursday. Benoit praises Dean Malenko's talents.

Hour two kicks off not in the middle of a match for once. Eric and Bobby are back on commentary together.

The Steiner Brothers vs Harlem Heat - Standard formula tag match, much shorter than last night's. Sherri pulls Scott's foot on a suplex attempt but Parker stumbles comically into the ring and trips over the wrestlers to cause a DQ. Harlem Heat are angry with Parker after.

Rey Mysterio Jr. vs Ultimo Dragon - Or Ultimate Dragon, I guess. Dragon sprays mist before the match. Dragon just hits awesome move after awesome move from the start, including a running Liger bomb. Rey comes back with a springboard rana and plancha. Dragon comes back with a great tope. Tiger suplex gets two for Dragon. Moonsault gets the same. Rey reverses another powerbomb attempt into a sunset flip for the win. Great stuff while it lasted.

Ric Flair vs Randy Savage - For the US title. Savage was supposed to get a world title shot tonight but that's just been dropped. Why didn't they put this match on the ppv, given all the build to it? Savage shows intensity to start but not at his most crazy level. Lots of the usual spots in here. Lots of backdrop bumps from Flair, naturally. Flair gets the figure four on. Savage press slams him off the top (yawn.) Ref takes a bump, Savage his the double axe from the top to the floor. Hulk Hogan hits Savage with a chair twice. Flair gets the pin with his feet on the ropes and evil ref Nick Patrick counts the three. IS FLAIR IN THE NWO!?

We get a replay of the Booty Man's death.

Gene talks to Hogan. He still says "brother" a lot even though he's evil now. He can't say "categorise." Ric Flair will soon be known as the "stupid little man, brother" rather than The Nature Boy.

Sting and Lex Luger vs Kevin Nash and Scott Hall - Nash and Hall come out through the crowd. Luger comes out on his own and hits a double clothesline. Sting then comes out through the crowd(?) and hits a flying clothesline on Nash. So the faces get the upperhand for a while. Hall and Nash take over on Sting for a few moments but Luger just comes in and all four fight without bothering with tags. Sting is thrown over the top rop but Nick Patrick doesn't call for a DQ. Nick Patrick seemingly pulls Hall out of the way when Sting goes for the Stinger Splash. The Horsemen run out and the NWO run away. Gene talks to the Horsemen after.


RAW

We start with news of Ahmed Johnson's kidney injury. If the bleeding returns he could need kidney removal!

Faaroqq Asad vs Skip - We get a close-up on Lawler's pervy face as Sunny walks out. Faarooq is wrestling wearing a fucking helmet. Faarooq hits Scott Hall's fallway slam. I don't remember him doing that often. Faarooq hits a powerslam, Skip hits a few punchs, Faarooq hits another powerslam and wins with the Dominator. An extended squash. Vince and Lawler talked about Sunny having tits more than the actual match. And can I just repeat again that Faarooq wrestled wearing a fucking helmet?

Savio Vega vs Crush - Crush is the former wrestler with legal problems who Clarence Mason got rehired. He has PRISON DREADLOCKS now. The problem with this is that Crush has always sucked. He hits lots of punches and kicks to no reaction. Crush is "methodically" taking Vega apart according to Vince. I'd call it boringly. Lawler makes fun of Vince's own legal problems which is a bit rich considering he was once arrested for raping a teenage girl. Savio's comeback gets absolutely no reaction. Crush uses a neck vice and a camel clutch. How the fuck did they expect to compete with Nitro? Crush eventually wins with a full nelson.

Sunny is trying on bikinis behind a screen while stripper music plays. It's really desperate.

Another reminder of how ridiculous it was that they let Ahmed Johnson wrestle in the battle royal last week. Kevin Kelly talked to Ahmed at home. Ahmed is...naked in a big red robe. He seems to be saying the mental pain hurt more than the physical pain, but it's always hard to tell with Ahmed. Ahmed doesn't know if he'll ever be able to defend "that interconinental title or that world title again." But...he's not the world champion? I guess his kidney exploding has confused him.

The Godwinns vs TL Hopper and Who - Another fucking Godwinns jobber match! Just because the jobbers have lame gimmicks doesn't mean they're not jobbers. Bob Backlund joins commentary. Who is Jim Neidhart in a mask, I guess because Vince thought that would be funny. Backlund goes absolutely nuts on commentary and says schools teach children how to not catch AIDS by using "a condominium." Amazing. Vince even starts cracking up. Shame the match is shit. Oh we also get an inset with Gorilla because this match really means nothing. Why put it on tv then? The IC title is vacant.

Bret Hart's on the WRESTLE VESSEL with Curt Hennig (A HEEL!?) and he won't say if he'll return to the ring. He says if he does come back, he'll bring a shovel. Umm....why?

Shawn Michaels vs Owen Hart - These two are incapable of having a bad match together, despite this being hour four of a four hour tv taping. Shawn does some nice spots avoiding Owen's signature moves and keeps working on Owen's "broken" arm. I like Owen's belly to belly suplex. And his missile dropkick. Owen mocks the Sweet Chin Music set-up but misses the ensiguiri and Shawn makes his comeback. Shawn hits the flying elbow but Vader runs out. Shawn dropkicks him off the apron, hits a blown superkick on Owen then a proper one to win. Vader attacks after with a distraction from Owen. He hits the Vader Bomb, twice, then goes up for the moonsault just as the show cuts out.

Good main event,but Nitro wins.


13/8/1996

Hardcore TV

We're in Japan! Sadly we still get Joey's face and the motion sickness camera to start.

Raven cuts a promo, claiming they took him to Japan to get the belt off him, like they did to Mike Tyson.

Japanese fans buying ECW shirts. Joey talks about how far ECW has come since its bingo hall beginnings. Have I mentioned lately that I hate the extreme close-ups of Joey's face!?

Keisuke Yomada and Takashi Okano vs The Eliminators - But before the match we get to see Joey's face again and a reply of the Eliminators losing the tag titles to The Gangstas. We see the Eliminators having a "tense moment" before the flight to Japan. Twelve minutes into the show the match begins. Saturn declares "E C FUCKING W" before hitting a top rope knee drop. Some good suplexes and stuff from Saturn and Okano. Then they fight in the crowd a bit because it's ECW. Kronus and Yomada have some awkward exchanges. Kronus really isn't very good. Saturn uses a Crippler Crossface on Yomada! Kronus hits a good flipping legdrop, so that's something. We sometimes cut to weird shots of the crowd that look like stock footage and don't seem to match the match? I don't know if I'm explaining it. The Japanese guys hit some high cross bodies. They put a double STF on Kronus and Saturn breaks it with a double elbow. Saturn is CRISP tonight. Saturn hits a crazy diving headbutt all the way across the ring. The Eliminators win with Total Elimination in about fifteen minutes. The match was almost a showcase for Saturn more than an actual match at times, but it was entertaining.

Raven vs Tommy Dreamer for the ECW championship - It's a war that started when they were in summer camp together! We get a Japanese guy reading something in Japanese for a while before the match. Paul Heyman is there to witness the match and holds the belt up. Raven controls from the start until Dreamer knees him in the balls and the fans chant "he's hardcore!" Dreamer baseball slide dropkicks a chair into Raven's face. The fans hold chairs and stuff for Dreamer. They're getting the authentic ECW experience! Raven hits a suplex in the stands. Raven is busted open. He tries to put Dreamer through a table but it doesn't break. That's Japanese tables for you! Dreamer bangs Raven's head against the wall and throws him down the stairs. Stevie Richards is disguised as a fan and he Stevie Kicks Dreamer. Tommy is busted open too. Another Stevie Kick gets two. A third hits Raven. Steview powerbombs Dreamer and puts Raven on top for two. Stevie is crotched on the top rope. Dreamer gives him a terrible superkick. DDT gets two for Tommy. Steview is busted open too. Dreamer hits a jumping DDT on Raven but Blue Meanie's girlfriend runs in this time. Dreamer piledrives her. Raven hits him with a chairshot to win. Your standard Raven/Dreamer match.


Clash of the Champions 33

Rey Mysterio Junior vs Dean Malenko for the Cruiserweight title - Rey is just so good here with his fast flying and Malenko is smooth as fuck. I'm not going to recap this but rest assured they hit a lot of moves. Malenko eventually downs him with a chinlock. A crazy sequence leads to a pinning combination for two from Rey. Malenko uses a leglock. Rey hits a somersault senton over the top and a moonsault off the guardrail. He gets more two counts until Malenko hits the super gutbuster. The ref counts three but Rey gets his foot on the ropes. The bell rings but the ref restarts the match and Rey gets the pin with a roll-up. Another strong match between these two but a weak finish.

GLACIER IS STILL NOT HERE.

Hacksaw Jim Duggan vs VK Wallstreet - Hacksaw tries to tape his fist, Wallstreet rolls him up for the win. Pointless, nothing more to say.

Ultimo Dragon vs Konan - Konan wins with a roll up (yes, again) holding the tights in a short, pointless match.

Scott Norton attacks Ice Train backstage.

Macho Man Randy Savage vs Meng - Mean Gene comes out and says Savage isn't here so Meng wins by forfeit. We get a replay of Savage being injured by Hogan on Nitro and that's why he isn't here. Then they say doctors ruled Savage can't compete. So why even having Meng come out and play Savage's music?

The Dungeon of Doom talk a bit and the Leprachaun runs about.

Bull Nakano vs Madusa - Nakano throws her around by the hair then uses the nunchuks while Sonny Ono distracts the ref. Madusa comes back by pulling the hair. Sonny accidentally kicks Bull and Madusa ROLLS HER UP (seriously) for the three. Another nothing match.

Ric Flair cuts a promo on Hulk Hogan.

Diamond Dalls Page vs Eddie Guerrero - DDP's Battle Bowl ring is on the line! Would you really want it? Eddie wins clean with the Frog Splash in four minutes. Rushed match (and about a minute of it was a DDP chinlock) but it had some nice moves. Eddie wants a handshake but DDP gives him three Diamond Cutters instead. Chavo tries to safe but doesn't really make a difference. Which is a metaphor for Chavo's career really.

Hulk Hogan forces Mean Gene to interview him. Hogan roughs up Gene for badmouthing him.

FUCKING GLACIER.

The Giant vs Chris Benoit - ELIZABETH IS HOT. And dead. But she was hot when she was alive. Sorry. Anyway, the match: Woman tries to take Benoit's ring jacket off and it gets stuck, Giant hits a dropkick(!) and the BEST CHOKESLAM EVER to win in twenty second. That made Giant look amazing.

The Steiner Brothers vs Lex Luger and Sting vs Harlem Heat - Two men in the ring at one time. Lots of the usual triple threat tag stuff with blind tags and pinfalls being broken up and the Steiners all out with Sting and Luger early. Steiners have no problem throwing big guys around with their suplexes! Scott hits the Frankenstiner on Booker but the Outsiders attack everyone else outside the ring and Nick Patrick calls for the DQ after counting two. But if Nick Patrick is with the NWO, why would he want Harlem Heat to keep the tag titles? What difference does that make? Anyway, the match was good until the finish.

Gene talks to Nick Patrick. Gene seems to think that because the Outsiders were outside the ring it doesn't count as outside interference. But they still attacked people who were in the match! I don't get his argument here. Nick Patrick says he's proved to the world that he's a great referee.

Hollywood Hulk Hogan vs Ric Flair - I guess Flair's the face here but they both get cheered and booed about equally. Flair does work as the face, but still doing Flair stuff. He chops Hogan all over the place. They blow an Irish whip then Flair takes his usual bump over the corner. Flair comes back by taking the same bump but landing on the apron and hitting a punch, then hits a suplex. Then Hogan Hulks Up. A heel Hulk Up. This is just confusing. Hogan misses the leg drop and Flair gets the figure on and Hall and Nash run in for the DQ. Another short match and half of it was stalling, but the crowd heat was great. Anderson, Mongo Sting and Luger make the save. The Horsemen have a stare down with Sting and Luger.

There really wasn't much difference between this show and a regular two hour Nitro. Clash of the Champions would end forever the following year.


SummerSlam 1996

Vince, Perfect and Jim Ross host as Lawler is wrestling. Lots of signs supporting Shawn Michaels so he was popular with people who made signs anyway.

Savio Vega vs Owen Hart - Owen still has the cast. Owen rips up some signs on the way to the ring. You probably couldn't do that these days because of PC GONE MAD. Savio goes after Owen's cast to start. Noticably large number of fans cheering for Owen. All Owen's moves and bumps look great, and he yells "OWW, MY ARM!" when Vega keeps going back to it. Owen goes after Vega's arm as payback. Clarence Mason comes out to watch. Vega takes a flip bump from an enziguiri. Vince's "IT'S OVER" stuff is really annoying. JR says "government mule" but doesn't explain what it means. Lots of moves back and forth from both. m Savio hits a back suplex from the second rope but hits his own head on Owen's cast. Owen then takes the cast off and hits Vega with it RIGHT IN FRONT of the referee. Like the most blatant thing ever. He gets the win with the Sharpshooter as Vega is out. This was a good match but the referee looking right at Owen as he used the cast hurt the finish a lot. Bradshaw comes out and yells at Vince then hits Vega from behind.

Todd Pettingzoo talks to Mankind in the boiler room. He licks the boiler room.

The Smoking Gunns vs The Godwinns vs The Body Donnas vs The New Rockers - It's an elimination match. Skip is in a neck brace. JR claims that this match will "resemble one of those Jackie Chan movies!" WHAT THE FUCK? All the fans care about in this match is Sunny. That's the WWF's tag division in 1996. Phineas and Zip tag in both Gunns and JR and Vince insist that they Gunns have to wrestle each other. Which is stupid. Then Bart just tags out without touching Billy despite JR shouting "THEY MUST MAKE CONTACT" a seconds before. This is awful. Zip is pinned OFF A TRIP to send the Body Donnas out and what a jobber team they are. Of course Skip probably couldn't wrestle at all with his neck injury. The heel teams beat down Henry as the fans chant for Sunny. The Rockers accidentally hit the Gunns and Henry pins Marty with the Slop Drop. The Gunns continue a dull beatdown of Henry after that. Seriously they don't even do any moves, they just punch and kick him for five minutes. Phineas gets the hot tag and the referee suddenly decides to be distracted by Hillbilly and Sunny before they even do anything and the Gunns win with illegal double-teaming. Terrible match.

Lots of stuff that happened in Cleveland over SummerSlam weekend. The Godwinns and Smoking Gunns had a race where the Godwinns were on a train and the Gunns were on a horse. I don't care. Jerry Lawler did some baseball thing. I don't care. Some wrestlers painted a building or something. Including the fucking Godwinns agai. The Undertaker and Paul Bearer gave away a funeral(?) Stridex, the sponsor of SummerSlam, had a party with the fucking Godwinns again. Fuck the fucking Godwinns.

Sycho Sid vs The British Bulldog - Sid is over like rover. A pretty basic, short match. Bulldog hits the hanging vertical suplex and Clarence comes out again. Bulldog clotheslines Sid over the top then off the apron then does a front flip taunt. He drops Sid gut first on the top rope from the suplex position for two. Bulldog hits the powerslam but Cornette comes out to argue with Mason and distracts him. Sid slips out of a second powerslam attempt and hits the chokeslam and powerbomb to win.

Marc Mero vs Goldust - They pretty mcuh dropped the "Marlena has the hots for Sable" thing already. But Mankind thinks Sable is his mummy now, so there's that. Mero's over-exaggerated facial expressions are annoying. A "FAGGOT" chant breaks out early. 1996! The match is slow to start and boring and the fans don't care about Mero. Goldust hits his sliding uppercut then Mero staggers around and runs into a backdrop over the top. It looked bad. Mero gets knocked off the apron onto the steel barricade. They should still use that steel barricade instead of the weird thing they use now. It was useful as a weapon. Mankind comes out to hassle Sable while Goldust hits the chinlock. Then just runs away again. Mero comes back to little reaction but finally gets the fans behind him with a somersault plancha. He gets his biggest reaction yet with his new move The Wild Thing (shooting star press) but Marlena distracts the ref and Goldust kicks out at two. You'd think it would make ore sense of him to debut his new move by winning with it. Goldust wins with the Curtain Call. Goldust touches himself in front of Sable after as she cries and tries to kiss her. Mero crotches him on the top rope, so I guess this feud is continuing (except it doesn't.)

Another look at Ahmed Johnson's kidney trouble. He says some thing, I guess. Faarooq comes out with Sunny for an interview. He says some stuff that's narly as hard to understand as Ahmed.

Jerry "The King" Lawler vs Jake "The Snake" Roberts - The newest member of the WWF is introduced before the match: the World's Strongest Man Mark Henry! He'll never last! And of course we get Lawler doing his "Jake is a drunk" comedy act before the match. He wears the sports shirt of a sports team to annoy the sports fans of Cleveland but who gives a fuck. This gets no reaction from the fans so Mr Perfect has to laugh extra loud on commentary to make it seem funny. And Lawler laughing at his own jokes. Jake finally comes out after five minutes. And even after Jake comes out Lawler starts talking again! He has a giant bottle of alcohol. Jake counters with his snake. Can we get to the fucking match? On second thoughts, I don't actually want to see them wrestle either. THEN LAWLER FUCKING STARTS TALKING AGAIN FOR FUCK'S SAKE. His microphone cuts out but he still goes on! Jake throws him into the ringpost a few times, Lawler throws a fan's soda in his eyes (Mark Henry: "What's the fan going to do for a drink now?"), Vince says they're "having a go" which is code for "this match sucks", Lawler hits Jake in the throat with a bottle RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE REFEREE AGAIN to win. Seriously I don't know if they were doing a storyline about terrible referees here or what but that finish was just as bad as the first match. Lawler tries to pour alcohol down Jake's throat after but Mark Henry makes the save. This whole thing was an abomination.

The Undertaker vs Mankind in a Boiler Room Brawl - Well, this is dfferent. The WWF hadn't done anything like this before at the time. The presentation is unique as there's hardly an commentary. Foley talked about this in his first (and best) book, how it was Vince's decision to let the actioin speak for itself. The boiler room part of the match was actually recorded the day before too. Taker stalks around the boiler room looking for Mankind. He gets jumped from behind. They hit each other with stuff a lot. I'm not complaining, they're far better at making it entertaining than the Public Enemy, for example. There's "transmission difficulties" from time to time which I assume are parts where they edited the pre-recorded match. Mankind shoots steam into Taker's face. They sure get a lot of use out of the boiler room setting and use every prop available. Mankind crotches Taker with a pipe. He hits the running knee strike with Taker up against a steel door. He hits an elbow off a ladder. We have more "transmission difficulties" and when we come back Mankind climbs up a taller ladder but Taker sits up and topples the ladder, sending Manking into some boxes and concrete. Taker nearly escapes but Mankind hits him with a chain. Taker sprays Mankind with a fire extinguisher but Mankind gets out first. It doesn't really matter, it's the first one to touch the urn in the ring who wins. Mankind barricades up the door to the locker room but Taker barges through. Makind throws hot coffee over Taker. Mankind tries to ambush Taker on the way to the ring but Taker clotheslines him and now normal commentary begins. Mankind pulls up the safety mats and piledrives Taker on the conrete. Taker gets back up on the apron with him and pulls the rope back to splat Mankind on the concrete. But Paul Bearer won't give Undertaker the urn! Makind gets the Mandible Claw in and Paul Bearer laughs evily. Bearer slaps Taker. Taker keeps crawling for the urn until Bearer hits him with it and gives it to Mankind. Yes I'm pretty sure that's a heel turn! This match is definitely worth watching if you've never seen it before. Some druids carry Undertaker out after because he's dead?

Shawn Michaels vs Vader - This match is famous for ending Vader's main event run already and for Shawn throwing tantrums during it. So let's look for those! Vader hits some strikes to start, Shawn comes back with a great looking plancha. Shawn uses his speed and agility to stay in control. Vader comes back with a powerbomb on the floor. Shawn bounces around into the turnbuckles. Vader misses a charge into the corner but hits a good clothesline. Shawn tries his skin the cat headscissors but Vader out-powers him. Vader tries to sit on Shawn but hits a knee. Then the moment where Vader is supposed to move out of the way of Shawn coming off the top but doesn't so Shawn kicks him in the head and yells at him. Vader drops Shawn throat first over the guard rail and wins by countout, but Cornette says it's not ending that way and challenges Shawn to continue. So the match restarts and Shawn does his usual comeback. Cornette tries to interfere but Shawn hits Vader with his tennis racquet and Vader wins by DQ. So of course the match restarts again. Shawn goes through his comeback again but Vader "kicks out" of the Superkick (I guess...didn't seem like he got his shoulder up in time.) Vader shoves Shawn into the ref and hits the powerbomb but there's no ref. A second runs in and counts three. Vader misses the moonsault, Shawn hits one of his own to win. The match was good but could have been better and Vader didn't come across as strong as I think they wanted him too.

So watch the final two matches and skip the rest of this.
 
19/8/1996

Nitro

Hacksaw Jim Duggan vs VK Wallstreet - Yes it's this match again. Duggan wins with a taped fist punch. I don't care. Gene talks to Hacksaw after and Hacksaw calls Hulk Hogan "Terry". It's a shoot, brother! Randy Savage comes out as Jim Duggan says "WHAT'S GOING ON!?" about fifty times. It's just Randy Savage, chill out. So Gene just talks to Savage instead. Savage says he has "fifteen thousand" stitches in his head because of Hogan. His head isnt' that big.

Replay of Giant's best chokeslam ever on Benoit.

Chris Benoit vs Earl Robert Eaton - Benoit beats Eaton up all over the place until Eaton hits a swinging neckbreaker, but misses a top rope legdrop. Benoit hits a diving headbutt to win. Pretty much a squash to make Benoit look good after Giant beat him in twenty seconds.

GLAICER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gene talks to Sting and Lex Luger.

Scott Norton vs Disco Inferno - Norton hits clotheslines and shoulderblocks and stuff. Disco begs off a lot. Norton no sells all Disco's strikes. Norton hits a shoulder breaker and wins with an armbar. Another squash. Why does no one use the shoulder breaker anymore?

Gene talks to Teddy Long and Ice Train. Teddy thanks the fans for the cards and letters wishing him a speedy recovery. I'm sure he got thousands of them!

Lord Steven Regal vs Dean Malenko - This seems more like something I'd want to see! Some great mat wrestling to start. These two are good at making all their moves look logical. The problem is when things slow down the fans don't care much as it's heel versus heel. Regal uses a Full Nelson. Another move nobody uses anymore! Malenko hits a German suplex, then one with a bridge for two. Regal hits a double underhook suplex. Regal gets some quick pinning combinations but Malenko counters with one of his own to win. Good match.

Gene talks to the Horsemen. Gene really does work hard on these shows! They get cut off by the hour two fireworks.

The Nasty Boys vs Public Enemy - These guys are fat. We get a split screen. The fans are into PE's table stuff. They end up going through the table themselves when the Nasties move and Knobbs pins Rock in the ring. Gene talks to the Nasties after about the NWO, again. Nasties just shout random stuff.

DDP vs Chavo Guerrero Junior - DDP is mad at Eddie so he's taking it out on his nephew (though he yells "little cousin" into the camera.) He squashes Chavo but pulls him up on pin attempts, then Chavo reverses the Diamond Cutter to a backslide to win. DDP gives him a Diamond Cutter after then whips him with Nick Patrick's belt. Another referee asks Patrick why he didn't stop. Gene talks to Patrick after and Patrick says if he was a police officer he would have waited for back-up against DDP and that's what he did.

Harlem Heat vs American Males - They show the clip of the American Males scoring an upset win over Harlem Heat for the Tag titles last September. I remember that! But they lose this time. Riggs hits a million dropkicks as usual but Stevie pins Bagwell with a powerslam.

Sting and Lex Luger vs Ric Flair and Arn Anderson - Except before the match Sting asks for the other two Horsemen to come to the ring, so Benoit and McMichael come out. Sting talks about how War Games is coming up and he wants him and Luger to team with Flair and Anderson against the NWO. Anderson wants to know if Luger can bring it or if he's all about jiggling pecs and if Sting cares too much about what the little kids think. Sting and Luger convince them they have what it takes for War Games. Everyone eventually agrees to the team up. So this match doesn't happen, obviously.

Paid NWO announcement. Hall and Nash are in Rome. They want to know where the Booty Babe has gone.

The Giant vs Randy Savage - No match as Savage attacks him with a chair before the bell. Giant is hardly phased and destroys Savage, but Randy kicks him low when Giant goes for a chokeslam. The rest of the Dungeon run out and take chair shots from Savage. Giant jumps clear over the top rope to chase Savage to the back!


RAW

Did The Undertaker expire last night in the Boiler Room Brawl!? No. Obviously not.

Kevin Kelly(!), Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross are hosting. Where's Vince?

Owen Hart vs The British Bulldog - This is a first round match in the tournament for the vacant IC title. JR mentions Undertaker will take on Goldust (AGAIN) at the next ppv so obviously he isn't dead. Way to ruin that mystery, Jim! Bulldog plays babyface with a monkey flip, dropkick and show-off front flip taunt. They hold the ropes open for each other on seperate occsaions to show sportsmanship. The picture flickers after Bulldog hits a press slam and JR says "my hands are tingling!" It's the power of the Undertaker! Some fans start chanting "NITRO SUCKS". Bulldog hits the powerslam but Owen gets his foot on the ropes. Sunny comes out and joins the announcers. Owen works over Bulldog's leg. Cornette in an inset promo says he doesn't want to watch his two wrestlers fight and Sunny is trying to steal his guys. He also claims "his" 650 pound Yokozuna will take out Shawn Michaels tonight. Lots going on here! Owen gets the Sharpshooter on (JR: "Scropion Deathlock!") Bulldog suplexes Owen off the apron to the floor. Bulldog is knocked down near Sunny and she claims he looked up her skirt. Owen wins by countout. Sunny throws her drink over Bulldog. He blames Sunny for the loss which makes no sense since she didn't do anything until after Owen had won. Sunny tries to turn Owen and Bulldog against each other after but Cornette comes out and calls her a "little slut."

Incombrehensible Ahmed interview.

Mark Henry comes out to talk to kids and stuff.

Vader vs Freddie Joe Flyod - Vader and Mark Henry face off before the match. Freddie Joe hits a clothesline and we go right to break. When we come back, Vader wins with two Vader Bombs.

Jim Ross talks to Mankind and Paul Bearer in the ring. Bearer says he was sick of carrying The Undertaker to success. The picture flickers again but Bearer says it's Mankind doing it. Mankind will meet Shawn Michaels at the next ppv Mind Games and that time he gave Shawn the Mandible Claw a few weeks ago was good forward planning! Bearer says the Undertaker has passed away, but the lights go off and his gong plays. The Druids carry out Undertaker's dead body. Why we he booked in a match with Goldust of he's dead? Bearer says all the vernim, maggots and worms are eating Taker's flesh right now. But dead Undertaker SITS UP and makes the corners explode with flames (so that's where Kane got the idea!)

THE STALKER is on his way to the WWF to HUNT MAN.

Final four battle royal - With Stone Cold Steve Austin, Savio Vega, Goldust and Sycho Sid. They were the final four other than Ahmed in that battle royal Ahmed won, so the winner gets a shot at Shawn. All three attack Sid and toss him out right away. Sid comes back in and chokeslams them all. Austin gets slingshotted out by Savio Vega. Austin cheapshots Vader after to set up yet another match between them (that didn't happen.) Savio hits his spinning heel kick but Goldust throws him over the top to win. This was pretty good as battle royals are always better with fewer people in the ring.

Jim Cornette again claims that Yokozuna is "back in the fold."

Shawn Michaels vs Yokozuna - Despite Cornette's claims (and the commentators talking like it's true) he doesn't actually come out to the ring with Yoko. Last night Yoko took on Steve Austin in the SummerSlam pre show but the ropes broke when he went for the Banzai Drop. Kelly calls this "a very impressive victory for Stone Cold" which is stupid as we just saw he only won because the ring broke. Cornette does come out during the match and attacks Jose outside the ring. Yoko hits the belly to belly but misses a splash. He blocks the superkick and hits a Samon Drop, but Shawn avoids a legdrop and hits the superkick to win. An entertaining four minute match!

This was a good RAW! It beats Nitro! In my mind, that is. Obviously Nitro won in the ratings.


20/8/1996

Hardcore TV

We start with a serious interview with New Jack. His youngest sister's son died in the neighbourhood because of a stray bullet in a shootout. He called Mustafa and said they had to win the tag titles because if they didn't there was no telling who would be next. He's going to use ECW money to get his family out of the ghetto. Then there's a video promo for the Gangstas. His delivery here was good but their matches are still garbage. Oh, then we go back to New Jack talking again. They didn't have the monye to get the kid a tombstone because they weren't tag champions. Laying it on a bit thick now.

Joey Styles talks as the camera does that thing I hate.

Shane Douglas makes fun of Pitbull #1's injury. He does that stupid "this is a shoot!" thing when it obviously isn't. I have no time for Shane Douglas.

An in ring tribute to Pitbull #1 is next, with Joey and Pitbull #2. Pitbull #1 has a big neck collor thing on by the way. Joey calls him Gary BECAUSE THIS IS A SHOOT. His doctors have advised him never to wrestle again. He says there's no way he'll ever give up wrestling. The idiot fans start chanting "he's hardcore." Yeah, encourage someone with a broken neck to keep wrestling! According to WikiPedia he did wrestle again, but not in ECW.

Before the match we get Joel Gertner introducing Douglas and Francine. And the fans chating "slut" at Francine for a while.

Shane Douglas vs Pitbull #2 - It's 24 minutes into the episode before they start wrestling. The fans chant "BREAK HIS NECK" at Pitbull. He hits a brainbuster and piledriver early, then a DDT. They brawl outside the ring and it's not very entertaining. They fight in the crowd too and Douglas uses a crutch. Pitbull misses from the top to the floor and hits the barricade. He gets busted open. He keeps fighting despite the blood and keeps kicking out at one when Douglas covers him. It really is a lot of blood. Douglas keeps using foreign objects but Pitbull keeps kicking out (like in the four way match.) Piledriver on a chair gets two. Pitbull starts no selling and makes his comeback. Douglas wins by using a chain multiple times then hitting two belly to belly suplexes. This had great crowd heat and an insane amount of blood but I found it all a bit hard to take. Pitbull gives Joel Gertner the superbomb after.

Still thinking of quitting Hardcore TV!


26/8/1996

Nitro

Billy Kidman vs Juventud Gurrera - No intros, the bell rings right when the show starts. Preferable to how ECW does it anyway. They just go for it from the start, including a sunset flip powerbomb to the floor by Juvi. Kidman hits a shooting star press for two. Juvi hits a top rope rana to win. Juvi talks in Spanish after and gets booed. He struggles to speak English so Gene just cuts him off.

Fucking Glacier. Why did they keep showing these every week? They must have thought at some point "surely we should wait until we know when he debuts?"

Jim Powers and Marcus Bagwell vs Kevin Sullivan and Big Bubba - Scotty Riggs is injured so Powers replaces him. And Teddy Long is managing Powers. This match is actually surprisingly entertaining as everyone works hard. Not that they're all good (Powers sucks) but at least it's energetic. Powers bounces Sullivan and Jimmy Hart into the turnbuckle ten times and pins Bubba with a crossbody...except referee Nick Patrick changes his mind and says Bubba got his shoulder up. So the match restarts and Bubba pins Powers. Gene interviews the Dungeon after and Bubba asks when Glaicer's actually getting here. About time somebody did! Sullivan accuses Gene of hanging out with Hulk Hogan and he still has issues with the Horsemen.

Gene talks to Sting and Luger. They accept the challenge of Mongo and Benoit for tonight.

Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs Mike Enos - Enos catches Chavo diving over the top and gives him a fallaway slam on the floor. He hits a backbreaker in the ring and holds Chavo across his knee. Then uses an over the shoulder backbreaker. These two moves take up a while. Konan is sitting in the crowd in disguise watching. It's not much of a disguise since the cameras find him. Enos hits a Perfect Plex for two. Chavo kind of falls on his leg and gets a figure four on. Enos pokes the referee in the eye by accident. Dick Slater interferes to break it. Chavo pins Slater with a small package becaue the referee still can't see right. It's silly. Chavo talks about going for revenge against DDP.

Rey Mysterio Junior vs Mr. JL - Yep, JL is still around. We cut away to watch Hulk Hogan stealing a light outside. Hogan, Hall and Nash spray paint "NWO 4 LIFE" on a production truck. Meanwhile Rey and JL are stalling in the match becaue it keeps cutting away to show men spray painting. Then we take a break! The match finally speeds up a bit and Dean Malenko comes out to watch Rey. Then they start doing amateur wrestling in the ring. Bit random. JL is acting heelish now and cheapshots Rey. JL hits a sitout powerbomb. JL uses submission holds. Then they get interrupted by the hour two handover and fireworks. JL runs Rey into the guardrail but Rey hits a rana off the steps. Rey gets the pin with the West Coast Pop. Too long, too much stalling, too many interruptions.

Gene talks to Benoit and Mongo. Woman keeps feeling Gene up.

We take a look back at Hogan hitting Savage with a chair three weeks ago and what happened with Savage and Giant last week. Then Gene talks to Mach Man who will meet Hogan for the title at Halloween Havoc on October 27th. Two whole months away! So I guess Hogan won't be defending the title before then. What did Savage even do to desreve a title shot and why was it booked two months in advance?

The Giant vs Hacksaw Jim Duggan - These two had a surprisingly good match together before and they do so again here. Ted DiBiase shows up in the crowd. Giant no sells the taped fist punch and his the chokeslam to win. DiBiase holds up five fingers and says "next week."

Ric Flair and Arn Anderson vs The Rock And Roll Express - Anderson and Flair win a short match where the Rock and Rolls don't even get a comeback. Gene talks to the Horseman after, as always.

Glacier...

Chris Jericho vs Alex Wright - Yep, Jericho debuts on the same show as Juvi! Bischoff praises him highly. A good babyface vs babyface match with both guys getting a lot of stuff in. Wright hits the guardrail coming off the top to the floor so Jericho wins by countout. But then Jericho says he doesn't want to win that way (much to the disgust of Heenan) so the referee declares the match a no contest. The fans boo and Heenan calls Jericho a wimp. Probably not the best way to debut him.

The Steiner Brothers vs The Blue Bloods - Eaton and Taylor argue over who's going to start the match. Taylor puts Rick on his shoulders and Eaton comes off the top with a crossbody, but Rick rolls through for the win. Eaton gives Taylor a spinning neckbreaker after. The Steiner enjoy watching it.

Sting and Lex Luger vs Chris Benoit and Mongo McMichael - A brawl from the start. I'm always amused when Benoit and Luger work together. Such a styles clash. Benoit and Sting is always fun though. Hogan comes out with spraypaint but backs away from Mongo. Hall and Nash ambush Mongo. They destroy him and Hogan spray paints him. Hall gives Benoit the Razor's Edge and Nash powerbombs Sting. Spray paint for everyone! Flair and Anderson run the NWO off for a moment, but Hogan sprays something in Flair's eyes. SO MUCH GARBAGE is thrown in the ring at the NWO.

No RAW this week.


27/8/1996

Hardcore TV

We start with Joey Styles in the ring. His guest is Rob Van Dam. I should mention he has terrible dubbed music, like a lot of ECW guys. ECW never cleared the music rights for anything so WWE can't use the original music on the Network. It hurts the presentation a lot. RVD mocks Sabu by pointing at the ceiling. He will face a SURPRISE OPPONENT.

Rob Van Dam vs Doug Furnas - Despite hating RVD a minute ago, the fans do cheer his high flying moves and kicks here. Furnas sends him flying off the apron over the guardrail. RVD runs away from him through the crowd. Furnas takes a painful looking bump when RVD suplexes him on the apron. RVD hits him with some sick chairshots. They don't seem to be working well together. Furnas hits a DANGEROUS looking tombstone on a chair. RVD wins with a Van Daminator. Weird match. Entertaining because of the crazy bumps and stuff though. RVD says he respects Furnas and asks for a handshake but Furnas gives him a clothesline and German suplex.

Raven vs The Sandman - No, it's just a couple of minutes of Fan Cam footage, so I don't care.

Let's have more Joey talking.

SOMEHOW EVEN MORE ANNOYING camera work for "Lance Wright" talking about a video that's out now.

Louie Spicolli vs Johnny Smith - Spicolli hits a GOOD bridging German. Smith is a wrestler I haven't seen much of but he's quite Benoit-like in his offence. Spicolli hits his spinebuster. Smith hits a top rope elbow and wins with a sitout powerbomb (Joey calls it a tiger bomb.) Good match though Spicolli seemed to get blown up by the end.

Pulp Fiction bit. Fonzie says Taz is undefeated in shoot fights. Probably because he's never had any. Other people say stuff. No one is reading this so why should I even recap it lol. It goes on for a long time. It gives a lot of guys airtime, so that's good.


2/9/1996

Nitro

DDP vs Alex Wright - A typically solid (but short) DDP match which he wins with the Diamond Cutter. The move is really over with the fans. Gene talks to Nick Patrick after and again accuses him of being "slow on the call" in this match but Patrick says other referees bow things too and nobody hassles them and Gene is a liar.

Then Gene talks to Sherri and Colonel Parker backstage.

Harlem Heat vs Greg Valentine and Buddy Valentino - Valentino is a fat dyed blonde guy. Mark Curtis makes his referee debut here. Ted DiBiase comes out in the crowd again. Valentine cracks up laughing when Valentino hits a dropkick. Gene interviews Harlem Heat after and they're sick of those fat suckas the Nasty Boys sticking their noses in. Nasties attack them from behind and throw Stevie Ray into the steps and give Booker a spike piledriver.

HAHAHAHA GLACIER.

Dean Malenko vs Chris Jericho - Mike Tenay "The Wrestling Insider" joins commentary for this one. An "ECW" chant break out as Jericho hits kicks. Malenko takes over with a back suplex and brainbuster. Malenko puts a chinlock on because the camera is showing Ted Dibiase leaving through the crowd. Malenko uses a headscissors but Jericho counters with an electric chair drop. Malenko hits a good springboard bulldog. Malenko crossbodies both over the top. Jericho hits a springboard crossbody to the floor. Malenko hits a tombstone for two. Jericho gets the upset pin with a roll up after a good series of reversals. Very good match, much better showcase for Jericho than last week's debut.

The Giant vs Brad Armstrong - Surprisingly long match. The commentators speculate that Giant is distracted by something. Armstrong even gets a missile dropkick in before Giant hits a great chokeslam. He never did them like that as Big Show.

Paid for NWO announcement. It's just Hogan on his own being evil (but not racist at least!)

Hour two has Bischoff, Heenan and Tenay. Lots of NWO and Ted Dibiase recaps.

Randy Savage vs Ron Stuff - Yep, it's the return of the world's tallest jobber Ron Studd! Tenay explains that Ron Studd was trained by John Studd and that's why he took his name. See, that's useful information! The NWO arrive outside during the match. There's rarely a match without a cutaway now. Savage hits the double axe to the floor then the flying elbow to win. Gene talks to Savage about Halloween Havoc after. It's still nearly two months away. Gene is worried that Savage is going insane but Savae is happy to be insane.

Sting and Lex Luger vs The Steiner Brothers - Cut away right away to show the Horsemen searching for the NWO outside. The bell rings when we come back...then Nick Patrick calls for a DQ right away after Luger accidentally makes contact with him. LOL, that Nick Patrick!

The Four Horsemen vs The Dungeon of Doom (Kevin Sulliva, Big Bubba, Meng and The Barbarian) - Mongo and Sullivan completely fuck some stuff up early. Mongo should not be wrestling. Benoit and Barbarian exchange chops. Benoit gives him a German. Sullivan keeps going after Benoit. Meanwhile outside Sting and Luger are chasing Nick Patrick. He doesn't go into the NWO limo, but they see Ted Dibiase get in and throw a brick through the limo and steal a cop car to chase the limo. Those rogues! Meanwhile fans are going crazy for Ric Flair. i complain about him a lot I know, but he does have charisma coming out of the wazoo! Anderson gets beaten down and Bubba gives him some good punches.

Glacier. Again.

Anderson ges the tag out to Benoit. Him and Sullivan keep rolling around brawling. Bubba jumps off the second rope into Benoit's fooot. That spot always looks silly. Flair ends up pinning Sullivan with the figure four after Benoit convince Woman to help him. Then Hogan, Hall and Nash attack. They beat up everyone until the Giant comes out...and starts chokeslamming the Dungeon. Giant has joined the NWO and the fans are going nuts! Savage runs in with a chair and brawls with Hogan, but the NWO take over on him and he gets chaishotted and chokeslammed. So much trash thrown in the ring again. Savage gets spraypainted with YELLOW PAINT. NWO take over the announce desk after. A great, chaotic ending to the show, probably the most out of control NWO moment yet, even more so than that time the cops were going to shoot them! The Dungeon and the Horsemen fight back just as the show's ending. The NWO back away and security comes between them. Giant explains about how Hogan took him to his giant mansion and that's why he joined the NWO. Fair enough!


3/9/1996

Hardcore TV

Shane Douglas and Francine are at the beach to start.

Extra long opening sequence recapping the Douglas/Pitbulls feud.

Then Douglas talking again with Joey and the swaying camera.

Hardcore TV is easy to get through when you skip most of it.

Oh and it's "COULDN'T care less" not "COULD care less", Joey.

There's a lot of recaps on this show.

Rob Van Dam gets shouty and threatening with Paul E. Dangerously.

Miss Hyatt was supposed to have a cat fight with Laurie Fullington (Peaches) but Joel Gertner wouldn't let it happen becasue Hyatt had a broken arm. Missy beat him up with the cane but could barely swing it because of her arm so Sandman took over. Then Blue Meanie got beat up too. WHO GIVES A FUCK. Then eventually Sandman hit Hyatt in the back of the head with the cane and the fans cheered. WHAT THE FUCK? THIS IS FUCKING UNWATCHABLE SEXIST SHIT.

Taz shouting at the camera.

Louie Spicolli vs Devon Storm - Finally a fucking match. Louie wins with the death valley driver. Not great but at least it was a match.

Taz vs Tommy Dreamer - Taz violently destroys him on the floor to start, throwing him into the guardrail and hitting him with a chair. Dreamer uses wrestling moves(!) to stop the assualt in the ring. They do some mat wrestling until Dreamer punches him in the balls. Then he uses an armbar. Taz uses a cool bridging bow and arrow move. Dreamer uses a chair. Someone starts chanting "NO MORE CHAIRSHOTS" which is funny. Dreamer takes out "Team Taz" by baseball sliding a table into them. The referee stops Taz from using a chiar so Taz suplexes him on his neck. Taz suplexes Dreamer through a table and puts the Tazmission on. There's no referee. Fonzie goes to hit Beulah with a chair but Terry Gordy makes the save and RIGHT AWAY the Eliminators give him Total Eimination. How did they get there so quickly? The Eliminators and Brian Lee destroy some jobbers. This is really random. Bubba Ray Dudley does better but gets chokeslammed. Taz, The Eliminators and Brian Lee are left standing while Fonzie flows his whistle. Match was actually quite entertaining but the ending was typical ECW.
 
6/9/1996

RAW

They did a Friday RAW this week. RAW Championship Friday hosted by Jim Ross and Kevin Kelly. Okay!

Sycho Sid vs Hunter Hearst Helmsley - This is a first round match in the IC title tournament. Mr Perfect has been stealing HHH's ladies lately. Sid wins a virtual squash with a chokeslam and powerbomb. Then Perfect steals Hunter's girl. Not a good night for HHH!

Another update on Ahmed Johnson and his kidney!

Marc Mero vs Stone Cold Steve Austin - Another first round tournament match. Brian Pillman joins the announce team. He claims to have big news about Bret Hart. He says Bret and Owen have made up. Why does no one ever do the Stun Gun anymore? Austin pulls the referee in front of Mero and gets DQed. He gives Mero the Stunner after. Revisionist WWE history says Austin became an instant star after winning King of the Ring and making his "Austin 3:16" speech. In fact it took another few months as he's still just a mid carder feuding with Marc Mero at this point.

Slam of the week is Sid powerbombing HHH from a few minutes ago. How the hell did that get to be slam of the week so quickly? What if there was a better slam later on the show?

King's Court with Mark Henry. The upshot is that Lawler challenges Henry to a match, Henry says he hasn't been properly trained yet, Lawler calls him a coward, Henry accepts the match.

Mankind vs Alex Porteau - JR says Undertaker has been hospitalised lately. That's an improvement over being dead. JR drops the bombshell tha Diesel and Razor Ramon are returning to the WWF during the match. Let's see how that turns out! JR also mentions that Kurt Angle visited with WWF officials recently. Let's see how that turns out! Mankind wins with the claw in a squash.

We take a look at the "WWF Experience" in Toronto. Who cares? Sid and the Special Olympians had a tug of war against an elephant. Okay I do care about that. Sid should lead an army of special olympians. JR says this was an "inspirational moment." Yeah, animal abuse is real inspirational! I'm skipping the rest of this I don't care.

Bob Backlund says that he's bring back "the man who will win the WWWF champion in the near future!" And he's teaming up with a man he "has a lot of abomination for" to do it: The Iron Sheik! JR: "I thought the Iron Sheik was in a home somewhere!" Sadly this is pre "FUCK HIS ASS" Iron Sheik but he's still pretty funny just talking in his voice. He says Bob Backlund is a "six times WWWWWWF champion!" They go to break while the Sheik is still talking. This was much more entertaining than the guy they'll end up managing.

Shawn Michaels vs Goldust - Shawn will be in Playgirl magazine this week! Goldust's star has kind of fallen a lot form his debut nearly a year ago. He's cut down on the gay stuff quite a bit and doesn't seem as dangerous in the ring. Makind is hanging out in a boiler room and he has a surprise for Shawn. JR just keeps going on about Razor and Diesel and ignoring the match. They annoyingly go to an ad when Shawn is making his comeback. The match is fine but nothing really notable happens. At last Shawn is popular. He wins with a moonsault after escaping the Curtain Call in a nice finish. It's impossible for Shawn not to have an entertaining match. Makind and Goldust try to attack Shawn two on one but he runs away.


9/9/1996

Nitro

Pat Tanaka vs Super Calo - I shit you not, Tanaka has Goldberg's future entrance music! Amazing. Mike Tenay is on commentary because Super Calo is Mexican. Calo has a silver mask with black sunglasses. And a hat. Calo hits some cool dives. So we cut away from the match to see "youngsters" in NWO shirts handing out leaflets. Tanaka tries a gut wrench suplex off the top(?) and Calo falls on him to get the pin.

Mean Gene talks to Rick Steiner and Lex Luger. Steiner seems to be playing a drooling idiot this week as he claims he "had Lex beat" last week in their match which ended after about five seconds due to Nick Patrick. Gene basically says Rick is retarded.

NWO announcment: the NWO t-shirt is now available! All profits go to the Ric Flair retirement fund!

GLACIER finally debuted on WCW Pro. WHAT! After all that build up he doesn't even debut on Nitro!?

The Amazing French Canadians vs The Nasty Boys - The Amazing French Canadians don't even get entrance music. And they're definitely not mounties. Jacques insists on singing the Canadian national anthem in French first. That gets some heat! The Nasties intterupt. "The Youngsters" are still passing out NWO flyers. We hardly see the match because Larry is stealing a flyer to read. French Canadians hit some sentons like usual. They actually control the whole match and hit their WWF finisher twice before the Nasties use the flagpole to win. Gene calls the French Canadians "The Rougeau Brothers" after because he's stuck in the eighties. Nasties say there's a BIG MYSTERY about if they're in the NWO or WCW but they're in WCW because they want the tag titles. Okay! I didn't actually care but thanks for clearing that up.

Scott Norton vs Craig Pittman - Tony points out that both use an armbar finisher. Norton will take on Ice Train in a submission match on Sunday. Gee, I wonder who'll win here. Norton gets the armbar on easily and Ice Train throws in the towl for Pittman. Why is he allowed to do that? This victory is instantly declared the "power pin of the week". How? The week isn't over yet! It wasn't even a pin!

The Horseman ask Lex Luger where Sting is.

Juventud Guerrera vs Joe Gomez - Who booked this? A complete and utter styles clash. One of the worst botched ranas you'll ever see. Juvi wins with a springboard spinning splash. Terrible.

Gene talks to Nick Patrick who complains about all the lies told about him.

The NWO are still passing out flyers. Ted Dibiase is talking to someone in a limo.

Rick Seiner vs Lex luger - They have a friendly, technicaly match to start. Which is boring. Seriously Luger just lies on his front while Rick touches him. Looks like they're just stalling because of the hour two countdown. Then Rick hits a clothesline right before the handover. Rick catches Luger in mid air in a powerslam. He also gives Luger an overhead belly to belly. Man, Luger's getting owned. He's hit nothing the whole match. He finally hits a clothesline and powerslam of his own. Nick Patrick runs out and says the NWO have Sting. Luger runs to the back and is counted out. Well, fuck that match then!

We hear STING'S VOICE talking to Ted Dibiase from a limo, then Sting attacks Luger with the NWO! What a cunt! Luger is left alone and sad in the rain.

Everyone's sad about Sting turning evil.

We get a big recap about recent NWO activity. This takes up a lot of time. I know it was a huge storyline for them but I don't need to see it all again! We even recap what's just happened with Evil Sting.

Finally we go outside where everyone in WCW is searching all the cars and limos looking for the NWO. Including Rick Steiner with an umbrella.

Rey Mysterio Junior vs Billy Kidman - Rey's so good in the ring here. He effortlessly throws Kidman around with his legs. Kidman catches him with a dropkick when Rey is springboarding then hits a top rope splash for two. Rey hits a front flip sitdown senton to win. Just a minute or two long but any Rey is good to watch.

Meng and The Barbarian vs The Public Enemy - The announcers are still clinically depressed by Sting's heel turn. This seems to be no DQ so we get the annoying split screen and the announcers are ignoring it all to talk about Sting. The Leprechaun starts chasing Jimmy Hart and no one mentions it. And we cut away completely to Gene interviewing the Horsemen during the match! I see no point trying to recap the match when the show doesn't care about it at all. Barbarian goes for a splash from the top rope to the floor through a table on Rocco(!) but misses and goes through. Okay that was worth mentioning. Rocco moonsaults Meng through a table in the ring but Meng basically no sells and gets the tongan death grip on Grunge to win, which kills the crowd who were into the table bumps.

Gene talks to the Dungeon of Doom in the ring. Big Bubba's still mad at Glacier for taking so long to debut.

NWO paid for announcement, brother.

Randy Savage vs John Tenta - Savage is wrestling fat guys to get ready for the Giant. Tenta hits a dropkick as Bischoff is apologising for Heenan calling Meng "Haku" earlier. Macho goes nuts with a chair and hits two flying elbows, but Teddy Long comes out and begs Savage to come backstage with him. Savage arrives just as a limo drives off. There's a second limo but there's just a box of spray paint inside. The WCW guys spray paint the limo. That'll teach the NWO!

Bischoff, Heenan and Tenay talk for a while before Flair and Anderson take over.


RAW

The last RAW on a Monday was really good but the Friday show with Goldust challenging for the title was uneventful and Nitro has had big stuff going down lately, so let's see what RAW has to offer this week.

Faarooq vs Savio Vega - Another first round IC title tournament match. Faarooq dominates nearly the whole match but it's goes way too long and has an extended chinlock. Lawler claims Sunny has been "getting fan mail from Julia Roberts." I have no idea what he's going on about. The match just keeps going on and on with Savio getting minor comebacks then being cut off. Faarooq and his fat ass finally hits the Dominator to win. Sid has a staredown with Faarooq after.

Some wrestlers recorded get well messages for Ahmed Johnson. Some are boring, some are funny. On the funny side is Stone Cold planning to pound Ahmed's other kidney and Phineas Godwinn saying "happy birthday!" instead of "get well."

Shawn Michaels is interviewed in the ring. For some reason the Spanish commentator is doing the interview. Jose talks about Jim Cornette and he is not a good talker. Shawn doesn't say anything interesting. JR keeps continuing to claim that "Razor and Diesel" are coming back.

LiveWire starts this weekend!

The Stalker vs TL Hopper - Barry Windham used to be a big star. Now he's...wrestling a plumber. We go to split screen on this "big debut" right away to see Brian Pillman and Owen Hart claim that Owen and Bret are back together. Then JR publically apologises for claiming Razor and Diesel are coming back as the deal isn't done yet. Stalker hits a superplex to win. This was pathetic. He didn't even seem like he wanted to be out there.

Mr Perfect is still stealing HHH's ladies.

A replay of the Mark Henry/Jerry Lawler thing from Friday.

Crush vs Freddie Joe Flyod - Crush sucks. Clarence Mason does commentary and says he's not a manager, he's a lawyer, but JR makes him admit that he has a manager's license. Crush wins with a heart punch.

Replay of Backlund and the Sheik from Friday. They don't have enough material to fill this show so they're just repeating everything!

The Undertaker vs Salvatore Sincere - Salvatore's gimmick is that he's Italian and that he's actually INsincere. That'll put butts in seats! Undertaker was a dead body a few weeks ago but he's walking again now. JR says Sincere is undefeated but he's never been on RAW before so he must have only beaten jobbers. Taker actually gives Sal a lot here to sell the idea Taker is vulnerable after losing the urn. We get an inset promo from Goldust as he will face Taker in a "final curtain match" at Mind Games. Sincere gets loads of two counts and chinlocks. Sincere hits a powerslam and multiple elbow drops but Taker sits up. He hits a flying clothesline, chokeslam and tombstone to win. Probably the highlight of Sal Sincere's whole career.

Other than a decent main event this was a terrible RAW. Nitro easily wins.


10/9/1996

Hardcore TV

Replay of last week's closing angle. Then extended footage of Terry Gordy and Tommy Dreamer receiving medical care. It's a bit like when the Outsiders destroyed all those WCW guys. Then we get Joey Styles talking about what we just saw. Terry Gordy worried everyone because he'd just got his career back on track.

Terry Gordy vs Brian Lee - And now we go back to earlier in that same night and Joey's already given away that Terry Gordy wins. I don't give a fuck about this match. I'm skipping to the end. Gordy wins with the "Asiatic Spike" (thumb in the throat.)

THEN WE GET ANOTHER REPLAY OF BRIAN LEE INJUrING GORDY LATER. So would it not have made more sense to show the Gordy/Lee match before the injury angle last week? Do we need so many close ups of Joey's face?

Bubba Ray Dudley and Big Dick Dudley vs D-Von Dudley and Axl Rotten - Just guys hitting each other in the head with stuff. Bubba dives off a spaker onto his opponents. More chair stuff. The match is mostly Bubba getting revenge on D-Von by hitting him with stuff. Bubba pins Axl with a splash. This was what it was. Bubba beats up D-Von further after. I should note that the fans aren't into this as the storyline was built up over many months. It just isn't a good match when you're watching it in 2015.

More shilling of upcoming shows from Joey.

Raven and Lori Fullington. Raven talks.

More of Joey's fucking face. More recapping and replays. More shilling of future shows. This is not a good tv show to rewatch!

Shane Douglas and Francine are at a swimming pool making fun of Pitbull #1's phsyical therapist, who is hanging out with them for some reason.

Pulp Fiction bit. Featuring the hooker who Hugh Grant got caught with. Great!

I don't like ECW.


WCW Fall Brawl 1996

Tony, Dusty and Heenan host. We recap Sting turning heel on Luger. Last night the NWO smashed up a car. Those bastards!

Diamond Dallas Page vs Chavo Guerrero Junior - Chavo starts out aggressive, which is good, and he beats up DDP on the floor. But then goes to armbars in the ring. Chavo misses a dropkick with DDP caught in the ropes and takes an awkward bump. DDP hits a top rope clothesline. DDP hits a load of stomps and chokes. DDP's heel beatdown offence is pretty boring. DDP does his stupid exaggerated missed kick bump again. Chavo hits a bunch of stuff off the top for two counts. DDP throws Chavo into the second ring and the match continues for some reason. DDP gets a good spinning powerbomb thing for two. He hits the Diamond Cutter to win. Match had good stuff in it but also a long boring stretch in the middle. Shame it wasn't Eddie instead of Chavo (I guess Eddie's off in Japan or Mexico or injured or something.)

Gene does a special report on the entire NWO storyline. I've been watching it, I don't need a recap!

Ice Train vs Scott Norton in a submission match - If you like really huge guys doing submissions then this is the match for you! Ice Train hits a nice splash too, to be fair. Norton gets a crossarmbreaker on, which I find funny for some reason. Teddy Long teases throwing the towel in, but the referee says the guy in the ring has to quit. They hit a lot of power moves and Norton gets a Bostone Crab on. Ice Train gets the submission win with a full nelson.

Konnan vs Juventud Guerrera - For the Mexican Heavyweight title so Mike Tenay joins the announcers. Juvi trips over the steps on the way to the ring! Amazing! Konnan hits a German and presses Juvi over the top right away. This match is going to have a lot of moves. Juvi tries a rana off the rail but Konnan powerbombs him on the floor. Yep, a lot of moves. No story though! But at least it's not boring. They fuck some stuff up too. Konan (I've been spelling it wrong?) throws Juvi around, bouncing him off the ropes of the second ring. Konan hits more Germans. Juvi takes a walk around the ring to rest up. Weird. Juvi gets some stuff in including a spot where he just randomly backflips off the second rope then Konan dropkicks him. Konan hits a wheelbarrow suplex that gets a good reaction. Juvi hits his always painful looking 450 splash for two. Konan hits something like Samoa Joe's Muscle Buster for two. Tony calls the match a car wreck. Splash Mountain gets the win for Konan. They did a lot more stuff that I didn't recap. Too much, really. Again I can't hate the match because they were killing each other out there, but it had no story. Kind of like The Force Awakens.

Chris Jericho vs Chris Benoit - Jericho is the young up and coming happy go lucky babyface, Benoit is the established ass-kicking asshole. Fans are INTO Benoit and cheer like wild when he throws Jericho down by his hair. Benoit gets the Lion Tamer on Jericho. Jericho rolls through a powerbomb and hits a heel kick. Jericho seems to mess up his springboard moonsault to the floor. Could have been bad for both. Jericho hits a powerbomb for two. Tiger suplex gets two for Jericho. Fans are still reluctant to give Jericho anything. Benoit beats the shit out of him. Swandive headbutt hits. As always Benoit sells it like it hurt him. I hope it doesn't do any permanent damage! Benoit just keeps kicking him in the head but Jericho won't quit. Jericho hits a surprise Northern Lights suplex for two. Jericho hits a tombstone then lands on his feet when Benoit avoids the Lionsault and hits a clothesline. Jericho gets two with a top rope rana. Benoit crotches him on the top rope and hits a top rope back superplex for three. Very good match but they'd have some even better ones later.

Rey Mysterio Junior vs Super Calo - Fans don't care about it at first but start reacting once Rey starts flying, which seems to be a pattern to Rey's WCW matches so far. Calo hits a good slingshot powerbomb. He also hits a cool missile dropkick to Rey on the floor, then a senton over the top on Rey. This Calo guy is pretty good! He hits a cool headscissors off the top as well. He uses a short arm scissors. Then other submission moves. Rey hasn't hit much yet. Rey comes back with a dropkick as Tony starts going on about Calo having skateboarder knee pads on. Rey hits a sumersault senton to the floor. Calo counters a springboard with a dropkick. Calo goes back to working on the arm. They fight on the apron and Rey hits a crazy rana to the floor. Rey springboads on the ropes in both rings to hit the rana to win. A good match. Calo seemed to run out of steam a bit by the end but he showed a lot at the start and Rey is just so crazy smooth and agile at this point in his career.

Harlem Heat vs The Nasty Boys - For the tag titles. Harlem Heat still have Parker and Sherri doing the same thing in their corner. There's nothing really interesting to note about this match. They hit each other. Lots of punches and kicks. And chinlocks. The fans are into the Nasties for whatever reason and cheer for them when they go after Sherri. Which happens a lot. Saggs hits a piledriver! A wrestling move! Parker trips Saggs on the top rope. The finish sees Sherri hit Knobbs with Parker's cane. Way too long. Boring.

Macho Man Randy Savage vs The Giant - Savage attacks right away and goes for a slam on the floor but Giant falls on him. Giant uses a backbreaker and bear hug. Giant misses a knee drop. Savage does hit the bodyslam to a big pop. He hits the flying elbow but Hogan comes out to distract him. Nash hits Savage with a chair while Nick Patrick isn't looking. Giant gets the pin. Why does Savage deserve a title shot at Hogan next month again?

War Games: Team NWO vs Team WCW - If you don't know, War Games features a giant steel cage that covers two rings. It's pretty cool. But WWE will never do it because Vince doesn't want to use old WCW ideas. Mikey Tenay talks to Team WCW first and asks Flair who will be replacing Sting on Team WCW. Sting shows up and says it wasn't him who attacked Luger. Lex says Sting is a liar and he doesn't trust him. Michael Buffer does the introductions. Scott Hall and Arn Anderson start. They'll wrestle for five minutes, then someone new comes in then someone else every two minutes. Fans are INTO this going nuts for Anderson beating up Hall. Hall has good punches. Anderson works on his leg. He also gets a sleeper on. His spinebuster gets a big pop. The NWO win the coin toss so Nash in next. They throw Anderson into the cage. Luger is in next but he enters the cage before the clock has run time. Not sure if that was a mess up but who cares really. Luger runs wild on both Hall and Nash. Hogan comes in as Arn DDTs Nash. Flair is next to a big reaction. He puts a foreign object on to punch Hogan and low blows Hall and Nash in smooth fashion. He gets the figure four on Hogan as the NWO's fourth man comes out...Sting. He hits lots of Sting moves. Hall gives Arn and Razor's Edge. Hogan legdrops Flair. They seem to extend the two minute period to add to the drama. The final man for Team WCW is...also Sting! The real Sting! He gives all the NWO guys Stinger Splashes...then walks out on his team. The NWO take back over and NWO Sting puts Luger in the Scorpion while Hogan holds him in a facelock. Nick Patrick says Luger gave up so the NWO win. The beatdown continues after the match. The NWO destroy Luger as he cries for Sting. Savage comes out to save and gets Hogan alone but the Giant makes the save. Chokeslam as the trash starts coming into the ring. Elizabeth comes out and begs the NWO to leave Savage alone. Hogan spray paints her. Hogan calls them two pieces of trash and spits on Elizabeth. The post match takes up a lot of time. As a match this was nothing special but the crowd heat was crazy and this was the hottest wrestling angle in years.
 
16/9/1996

Nitro

Rey Mysterio Jr. vs Juventud Guerrera - Really great, smooth, fast-paced action here. Juvi looks a bit more restrained and less sloppy than he has before and Rey is typically great. Juvi does slightly mess up a springboard 450. Annoyingly we cut away to show NWO fans celebrating outside. We got back right as the finish happens: Juvi tries a powerbomb off the top and Rey reverses to a rana in mid air. A great start to the show.

Tenay talks to Mongo and Benoit.

A special look at Glacier. It's just the usual video but with him talking over it about Bruce Lee or something. An old master trained him to be Glacier in Japan. He's not a good talker. He should just have said "I'm ripping off Mortal Kombat" and moved on.

DDP vs Ice Train - Four guys in the crowd start a "DDP" chant. They have a perfectly fine match and then they cut away to show the NWO fans and we MISS THE FINISH. Fucking WCW! They tell us Teddy Long threw the towel in for Ice Train while he had DDP in a full nelson, but Teddy denies it. Showing us what happened would help! Turns out DDP grabbed the towel off Long while he was in the full nelson and heel ref Nick Patrcik rang the bell. It's a huge stretch so let's just move on.

The NWO fans have surrounded the WCW merchandise table!

The 1-2-3 Kid is in the front row!

Konan vs Super Calo - Tenay joins the announce team even though he wasn't there for the opening Mexican vs Mexican match. Calo hits a crazy dive early. Konan gives him a double arm suplex off the top. This is all in the opening minutes. Konan hits a powerbomb, Calo comes back with a springboard plancha. Basically they're both going all out here making the most of their tv time. Calo tries a headscissors from the top and Konan lands right on him. That had to hurt. Calo hits his crazy senton to the floor, then the missile dropkick to the floor. Can you imagine a RAW match having this much stuff in it? From 1996 or 2016. Konan gets some two counts then wins with the power drop.

Tenay talks to the Kid. He asks Tenay who won War Games. What a dick!

Hugh Morrus vs Brad Armstrong - Armstrong's pretty good in the ring but he's basically a jobber. Morrus stalls a lot. Armstrong gets the upset(?) win with a cradle after Morrus uses a cocky cover following the moonsault.

Mike Tenay talks to Randy Savage to start hour two. I guess Mean Gene has the night off. Tenay right away tells Savage last night was the most humiliating night in his career. Savage is great at coming across as genuinely insane.

Randy Savage vs Scott Norton - The NWO (including NWO Sting) show up in a limo backstage. Savage attacks in the aisle. His hits the double axehandle to the floor. Norton hits a samoan drop to take over. Norton destroys him with power moves. Savage throws Norton into the guardrail a few times but Norton DDTs him. Norton hits a shoulderbreaker and Savage rolls out of the ring. Then Savage gets DQed for using a chair. You'd think it would make sense to give Savage a win considering he's got the title match next month but nope!

Glacier vs Big Bubba - Finally the Nitro debut of Glacier! And there's even a storyline and everything since Bubba's been bad mouthing him. Glacier has a fancy light show entrance with snow. The lights stay on during the match. Bischoff marks out for his karate. Glacier misses most of his kicks. Bubba hits a spinebuster but stops to mock Glacier and takes a lot of kicks and leg sweeps before Glacier hits a spin kick for the win. Glacier did have some good moves so let's see if they modify his act to make it last for the long term...

Sting comes out to the ring unannounced. Bischoff is mad at him for not looking at the hard camera. Sting is angry because everyone doubted him last week. He brings up how he's given Luger the benefit of the doubt loads of times for the last year when Luger was fucking around with the Dungeon of Doom. It's a good point! He says everyone who doubted him can stick it. He's a free agent but he'll pop in when you least expect it.

Ric Flair and Arn Anderson vs Chris Jericho and Marcus Bagwell - Flair and Anderson don't come out right away because Elizabeth is refusing to come to the ring with them. Waltman presses a button and NWO leaflets fall from the ceiling all over the arena. Unfortunately this gives the fans stuff to throw in the ring, which they do. Jericho and Bagwell are good white meat babyfaces, the problem is the fans are cheering the Horsemen. So they keep doing face spots and getting booed and the fans keep throwing balled up paper into the ring. We got outside to watch the NWO (including Waltman and Fake Sting) listening to tape of Sting upset. Anderson gives Jericho a DDT on the floor, Woman rakes Bagwell's eyes, Arn gives him a DDT, Flair gets the pin with the figure four. Patrick seems to be favouring the Horsemen here which doesn't really make sense when they're NWO enemies.

Chris Benoit and Mongo vs Lex Luger and Nobody - Luger was supposed to team with Sting but that isn't going to happen now. So it's two on one. They beat down Luger. Benoit gives him a lot of chops. It's interesting that the much smaller Benoit gets to beat the shit out of Luger without it being made a big deal. This is just one long beatdown of Luger until he makes his usual comeback and gets Benoit in the Torture Rack but Flair and Anderson run in. Luger gets destroyed four on one. That'll teach the NWO! I guess the point is that Sting isn't making the save. Bischoff says Waltman will be called "Syxx" because he's the sixth member even though he's the seventh.


RAW

The IC title tournament rolls on! And are Diesel and Razor returning to the WWF!? Plus Bret Hart!

Jake "The Snake" Roberts vs The Sultan - Jake chases Jerry Lawler away from the announce table before the match. Lawler returns hiding behind the Sultan and Bob Backlund joins the commentary. The Sultan is Fatu in a mask that covers most of his face, in case you didn't know. Lawler claimst he Sultan's tongue was cut out in Iraq and now he's in the USA where they have freedome of speech and he can't talk! Oh the irony! The match is pathetic as Jake can hardly do anything and Sultan has nothing. Seriously he doesn't hit a move the whole match. Lawler throws a miniature bottle of alcohol at Jake to distract him and The Sultan gets the win with the Camel Clutch. Terrible debut.

Brian Pillman and Owen Hart are backstage and Pillman claims he'll have a big reveal coming this Sunday. Owen says Bret is a new man and they're back together. Steve Austin walks in and says he'll be there too because he wants Bret to answer his challenge.

The Smoking Gunns vs Boby Holly and Alex Porteau - Bulldog, Owen and Cornette come out to watch as they'll face the Gunns for the tag titles on Sunday. How did they earn a title shot? Then JR claims that Razor Ramon and Diesel will be LIVE on RAW next week. Bart hits Bulldog's running powerslam to mock Bulldog, which all three commentators miss. Porteau gets the "hot" tag to Holly. Sunny shakes the rope to crotch Holly on the top. The Gunns hit the Sidewinder but are distracted by Bulldog and Owen and Holly rolls Bart up for the upset win.

We got to President Gorilla Monsson to talk about the Razor and Diesel situation. He says that Kevin Nash and Scott Hall are under contract to another company and won't be here next week. JR throws down his headset in anger.

Lawler in the ring with Jim Cornette and Vader. Cornette is having a "public workout" with a jobber ahead of his match with Jose Lothario on Sunday. Cornette uses a wristlock but Tony Williams (I forgot I decided to start respecting jobbers) reverses it. That happens a few more times until Vader has had enough and destroys him. Cornette ties him to the ropes and slaps him around.

Owen Hart vs Marc Mero - IC title tournament semi final. JR is back but upset that Gorilla called him a hoodwinker. Pat Patterson joins commentary as he was the first ever IC champion. The fake crowd heat is really obvious here. It was the last show on a long taping. We get a split screen with Gorilla and JR arguing. The match is fine but not particularly exciting. Owen hits moves then goes back the chinlock. Owen uses his cast to knock Mero out of the ring but Mero beats the count. Mero hits his somersault plancha and Kelly pronounces "plancha" wrong. JR calls Mero "a high flying son of a gun!" Mero pulls Owen's cast off and punches him with it (right in front of the ref) to get the win.

WWF toured South Africa. Bret Hart was there and he calls Brian Pillman a liar. He won't be at the ppv on Sunday but he hasn't forgotten about his fans. It's weird how they'd spend weeks saying Bret was going to be at the ppv then tell you at the last minute "actually he won't be."

Sycho Sid vs Faarooq - The other semi final. Sid sure takes his time getting to the ring while the commentators plug call-in show Live Wire debuting this Sunday. The most fan friendly programme in the history of the WWF! Fuck the NWO, we've got Live Wire! Faarooq hits a powerslam early but Sid no sells and hits some of his terrible punches. The fake heat machine is into it anyway! Faarooq comes back with a side suplex then hits the chinlock as Ahmed says something in split screen. JR keeps hyping up Razor and Diesel next week. Faarooq jumps off the top for no other reason than so Sid can powerslam him. Then they both lie around on the mat for a long time. Faarooq hits a headbutt from the second rope with his helmt. Sid escapes the dominator and hits a chokeslam. Faarooq uses a chair while Sunny distracts the ref, Sid uses it in front of the ref to lose by DQ. Sid is dumb.

No Shawn or Mankind on the whole show even though they're main eventing a pay per view on Sunday! Why? They hyped Razor and Diesel more than Mind Games!

Nitro wins, obviously.


17/9/1996

Hardcore TV

We start with footage of Sandman hitting all of Raven's guys with his cane, then stopping when his son stands between him and Raven. He goes to spank his son (that's how you deal with a brainwashed child!) but Raven gives him a DDT.

If you think we then go to lots of Joey Styles recapping stuff...you'd be right! So I skip it because I don't care.

Raven has a birthday party for Tyler, with The Blue Meanie dressed as a jester. Tyler keeps telling him he sucks. Joey asks why in the hell are we watching this. I ask that a lot when watching ECW.

Footage of Shane Douglas screwing The Gangstas in a weapons cage match with the Eliminators. Joey talks, more fan cam stuff, I'm skipping to the actual matches.

Shane Douglas vs Louie Spicolli - We get a really long entrance for Douglas with his arguing with fans and stuff. Sixteen minues in (of a 38 minutes show) the match starts. Well, it doesn't really start, because we get more stalling and Shane threatens to walk out. The fans chant "she's a whore" at Francine. Spicolli bounces Shane's head off the mat and turnbuckle. Douglas hits a low blow. He uses some bad looking submissions. Spicolli hits a spinning neckbreaker. Douglas takes over again with a distraction by Francine. Douglas strangely hits a dive from the top into the crowd. Doesn't really seem in his character. They fuck up a tombstone reverasl spot. Spicolli hits a nice spinebuster and Northen lights suplex for two. Shane reverses an Irish whip into a table outside the ring. Spicolli goes for the death valley driver but Francine just walks into the ring and saves Douglas and he hits a neckbreaker and belly to belly to win. Okay match and Shane had great crowd heat. But you have to go through a lot to get to the good part. Spicolli sells a neck injury after and is carried away on a stretcher.

Joey's high school buddy Lance Wright (who cares?) does his first ever tv interview with Shane Douglas. Joel Gertner takes the mic from him. They argue. Gertner slaps him. Wright attacks him so Douglas gives him an armbreaker and puts him in a full nelson. Pitbull #2 makes the save.


In Your House: Mind Games

JR, Vince and Perfect host.

Savio Vega vs Justin Hawk Bradsahw in a strap match - Sandman, Tommy Dreamer and Paul Heyman are in the front row. Sandman spits beer on Vega and Vince acts like it's a shoot. The fans chant "ECW" as Vince calls them a local organisation. This didn't result in an invasion angle or anything. They whip each other a lot and JR says "government mule!" Bradshaw hits the Clothesline from Hell. They do the same finish as every strap match where the heel touches three corners with the face touching them behind him and then they fight over the fourth and the faces wins. They did the exact same thing in Vega's strap match with Steve Austin but while that match was great this one was nothing.

Jose Lothario vs Jim Cornette - "Razor and Diesel" attack Vega from behind while this is starting. Of course we don't see their faces. Pathetic. What were the WWF thinking? Joes wins in seconds with a punch. Nothing to see here, move along.

Mr Perfect picks Faarooq to win the IC title match tomorrow night on RAW. Let's remember that. Brian Pillman comes to the ring. Pillman calls Philadelphia a sewer. He points at all the scum in the crowd. But the ECW guys have already left! He brings Owen Hart to the ring. Owen says Bret is senile and didn't show up and suggests it's because he's scared of Stone Cold Steve Austin. This is dragging a bit but Stone Cold comes out to save it. He utters the classic "if you put the lette S in front of Hitman then you've got my exact opinion of Bret Hart!" And that's the bottom line because Stone Cold said so!

The Smoking Gunns vs The British Bulldog and Owen Hart - For the tag titles. Cornette isn't there because he was knocked out by Jose. In fact we see Clarence Mason tricking a woozy Cornette into signing Bulldog and Owen's contracts over to him. Bart is angry at Billy spending too much time with Sunny, but Vince then says "I'm not so sure about that" and steps over his own storyline. Bulldog and Owen have defaced Sunny's giant poster! What dicks! Clarence comes out to stand in Owen and Bulldog's corner. Owen works face against Billy despite just heeling it up with the audience minutes earlier. JR and Vince argue about Razor and Diesel. Bulldog hits a babyface dropkick which you don't see much from him. Bulldog and Owen work on Bart's leg. Bulldog tries to start a "BARTS SUCKS BILLY" chant. What the fuck! Bart just gets destroyed and takes an enziguiri from Owen. Finally the Gunn take over on Bulldog with a bit of cheating. Gunns hit the Sidewinder but Clarance distracts the ref and Bulldog breaks it up coming off the top (without the cast now.) Fans are cheering Bulldog and Owen. Billy shoves Bart after they accidentally clash and Bulldog hits the powerslam on Bart to win the titles. Sunny fires the Smoking Gunns after!

Kevin Kelly talks to Mankind and Paul Bearer in the boiler room.

Mark Henry vs Jerry "The King" Lawler - Lawler spilled coffee on Mark Henry on Superstars. WHAT A BASTARD. Lawler does his outdated "bad mouth the fans" thing on the way to the ring but the commentators speak over most of it. Mark Henry is wearing a ridiculous American flag singlet. JR says right away that Henry isn't trained to wrestle yet. So why the fuck have him in a match? Lawler stalls to start by talking more and claiming Henry won't be able to get out of a headlock. Henry does actually get a good reaction from the fans when he counters the headlock to a hammerlock. They do some really basic stuff. Henry hitting a press slam gets a good reaction. Lawler uses his invisible foreign object. Henry no sells and gets an over the shoulder backbreaker to win. The New Rockers attack Henry after for some reason. He just throws them out of the ring until Triple H attacks too. He press slams Hunter over the top onto the Rockers. Again this gets a great reaction so despite the fact that Henry obviously couldn't wrestle at all yet (and couldn't for many years!) you can't really call this a disaster.

They announced the next In Your House event where Undertaker and Makind will meet in a "buried alive" match which is "unsanctioned" whatever that means. Vince says if Mankind wins the title tonight it won't be up for grabs in that match. Why not just say it will be? It's not going to matter after tonight.

The Undertaker vs Goldust in a "final curtain" match - What is a final curtain match? Who the fuck knows! This feud randomly started with a casket match and it's spluttered on since to give Undertaker something to do while Mankind is busy. Well they says "there must be a winner and it must be by pinfall!" about this match. Yet to start they...just have a normal match. Goldust hits a swinging neckbreaker but Undertaker sits up. Undertaker hits a suplex and the commentators say how aggressive he is. Taker hits the rope walk. Goldust throws gold dust into Undertaker's face behind the referee's back, even though the match is supposed to be no DQ. Why bother sneaking around behind the ref's back? The referee also counts when Goldust is choking him and counts out both when they're outside the ring even though the match can only end in pinfall. This is dumb. Goldust doesn't do much interesting when he's in control. Goldust hits loads of punches and kicks. And...a hip toss? Then he puts a claw on Taker's forehead. Taker hits some fast punches in the corner. Goldust gets a powerslam for two, Taker sits up and hits a flying clothesline, chokeslam and tombstone to win. So just a completely ordinary (not bad, but nothing special) match despite the silly gimmick name. The only story seems to be that Makind didn't interfere after the tombstone because he's getting ready for Shawn.

Kevin Kelly talks to Shawn who admits he's worried because Mankind is "the wackiest cat" the WWF has ever seen.

Shawn Michaels vs Mankind for the WWF title - Druids bring Mankind to the ring in a coffin. Again I'm not going to try to recap everything here because they do A LOT in this match. Mankind starts aggressively and takes both over the top with a clothesline then pulls up the mats around the ring but Shawn dropkicks the mat backinto him and jumps on it in a cool inventive moment. And that's in the first minute! Shawn slams the back of Mankind's head into the concrete. Shawn hits the flying elbow early but when Mankind sees the superkick coming he dives out of the ring. Then they do the famous "worked shoot" spot where Shawn fakes a tantrum, referencing the real trantrum he threw against Vader last month. They fight stiffly on the mat. Mankind moves the Spanish table but Shawn dives over it to attack him. He suplexes Mankind leg first into the steps. He slams the leg into the casket too. This is far more wild than the so called no DQ match we just had with Taker and Goldust. He violently goes to work on the leg with a dragon screw legwhip and figure four. JR has to keep explaining what's going on because Vince obviously doesn't have a clue. Shawn uses a half crab. Mankind comes back by dropping Shawn throat first on the top rope. Mankind stabs his leg with a pencil to get the feeling back. Great stuff! Mankind hits his running knee in the corner and sells his leg. This is much better than those Dean Malenko/Rey Mysterio matches where Dean would work the arm for twenty minutes with Rey getting nothing and not selling when he got to his comeback. Just saying. They go back and forth and Mankind hits the tree of woe double axe handle twice. Mankind tries the running knee with Shawn agains the ring steps but Shawn moves and Mankind takes his over the steps bump. They fight over a suplex on the apron and Mankind ends up running into the ring post. Mankind gets hungin the ropes but gets the Mandible Claw on from there in a classic spot. Shawn hits Mankind's hand with a chair and works on the fingers. It makes sense! Mankind comes back by backdropping Shawn to the floor and hitting an elbow from the apron. He gets two counts with a double arm DDT, piledriver and amateur roll-up. He tries to roll Shawn into the casket for some reason and Shawn makes his comeback. Mankind crotches him on the top rope and tries a backdrop suplex to the outside through the Spanish announce table. Shawn twists his body in mid air to land on top. And remember the tables here look like real tables, not the fake looking break-away table they have now. Shanw superkicks a chair into Mankind's face back in the ring and the referee has to count slow because Vader is late with his run in (cause the DQ.) You can kind of see why Shanw threw tantrums with Vader. Paul Bearer hits Shawn with the urn. Sid comes out to get rid of Vader with terrible punches. Mankind gets the claw on but Undertaker comes out of the casket and destroys Mankind. Over-booked finish aside (and as over-booked finishes go it was a fun one) this was a fucking great match. Foley said it was his best ever in his first book (he might have changed his mind later but I don't care about later years Foley) and I can see why. And consider that it had no build-up at all and they didn't have a rematch or anything! Just insane that something so great was a throwaway main event.

This is a one match show but watch that one match.
 
23/9/1996

Nitro

Tony and Larry mention right away that most of the top WCW stars are on tour in Japan leaving the show vulernable for the NWO to take over.

Kevin Sullivan and Konan vs Brad Armstrong and Juventud Guerrera - What a random face team. Sullivan refuses to tag in and makes Konan do all the work. Sullivan tags in after Konan powerbombs Armstrong and gets the pin. Sullivan and Bubba beat down Konan after. They tell him it's an initiatation and then Konan looks happy. Umm, yeah, let's move on.

The NWO talk about how Macho Man is the only big star here so they'll beat him up. Fair enough.

Chris Jericho vs Mike Enos - Enos is a big guy. You never really noticed that when he was Blake Beverly. He uses his power to throw Jericho into the top rop and guard rail. He suplexes Jericho into the steps as well. He sues a bear hug and boston crab to work the back. Then an over the shoulder backbreaker like he's Mark Henry or something. Jericho comes back and doesn't sell his back at all despite being fucking suplexed on the steps! Jericho tries a top rope rana but Enos reverses to a powerbomb from the second turnbuckle. Jericho rolls through a powerslam to get the pin. This was pretty decent but you can kind of tell they just let the wrestlers go out there and do whatever they wanted on Nitro. That's fine because it can result in great matches and makes things more random and spontaneous than RAW, but you get some weirdness from it too?

Glacier vs Pat Tanaka - Tanaka has Goldberg's entrance music and that will never not be funny. Glaicer gets his full entrance with the lights and snow again. The lighting stays on during the match again too. They do some fake looking stuntman stuff. Glacier no sells a powerbomb and wins with a spinning kick. The question is what will Glacier do when he has to wrestle in a proper match.

Harlem Heat vs Public Enemy - Tag titles are on the line. PE in a regular tag match...and it's a long one. Not terrible but not interesting either. Booker hits some nice kicks in amongst the slowness. The NWO are shown arriving in limos. There's a completely fucking up spot where Rocca is kind of on Booker but Booker's shoulder is up and Rocco's on the rope and the referee just stops counting and everyone looks confused. Obviously that was supposed to be the finish because Rocca gets a small package right after to win the titles. Really? These guys the tag champions? They celebrate in the crowd.

Hour two!

Randy Savage vs Greg Valentine - Savage gets his ass kick, grabs a chair and hits Valentine with it to lost by DQ. Because we can't have Savage win a match going into a ppv main event! The NWO hit the ring and destroy Savage. Elizabeth looks worried again as Savage takes a Razor's Edge and powerbomb and the garbage rains in the ring. Giant gets to be funny on the mic which is good because he's a funny guy. He does an elaborate ring introduction for Hollywood Hogan. He gives Savage two legdrops then Nash whips him with a Slim Jim. Hogan talks to the "NWO-ites" but he's mostly booed. He makes fun of Macho Man's bald head, which is hilarious, and spray paints Savage's bald spot. The NWO scare Tenay and Heenan away and force Bischoff to do commentary with them. Ted DiBiase brings out his new head of secruity "Vincent" who is of course Virgil. Got to get that fuck money! Bischoff wants to take a break as the NWO keep bullying him. Needless to say this was a hot angle.

NWO t-shirt advert. Now in Giant size.

The NWO bring out the new NWO NASCAR car. They have a CONTROVERSIAL NASCAR driver to drive their car but I don't know anything about NASCAR so I'm not mentioning this.

Jim Powers vs M Wallstreet - Didn't he used to be VK Wallstreet? Giant does the introductions. The NWO make fun of Powers being on steroids! That's gold. Nash, Hall and Syxx go down to watch the match and Dibiase stays on commentary with Bischoff. The NWO just beat up Powers for fun and Giant puts himself in the match. Nick Patrick comes out to referee because he's evil. Giant gets the pin with a chokeslam as Hogan dances around backstage singing "hooray for Hollywood" and spray painting walls. He runs into the Nasty Boys and gives them his hotel room key.

Hacksaw Jim Duggan vs Ron Studd - Well it doesn't happen as the NWO beat up Studd on the way to the ring. Hall calls the NWO theme "the soundtrack from your favourite adult movie." So instead we get Syxx making his debut against Hacksaw. Duggan just no sells Syxx and beats him down. Duggan his his clothesline but Giant gives him a weak chokeslam on the floor and Syxx gets the pin.

NWO Sting vs Bo Ladue - Fake Sting wiins with the Scorpion as the NWO continue to do commentary and terrify Bischoff.

Hogan claims his friend Gene Hackman wants a ringside seat for Halloween Havoc.

High Voltage vs The Amazing French Canadians - This is part of the NWO tag team trounament, whatever that means! The Canadians sing the Canadian national anthem. Badly. USA, USA! Hall and Nash come down and put themselves in the match and the French Canadians just leave. Even those this show is unique and has been very entertaining in places, it's starting to drag now due to the lack of actual good wrestling. This is just a long squash match with Nash and Hall slowly running through their moves. Nash gets the pin with a powerbomb. Hogan calls Mike Tyson a "sissy".

We get a replay of the Savage beatdown to end. Hogan invites the NWO to be in his new Three Ninjas movie. Lucky them! Then Hall asks Giant "is Andre really your dad, man?"

Well, this certainly went all the way with the NWO takover and it was chaotic but as I said it dragged by the end.


RAW

A famous episode of RAW for reasons which will become clear.

Marc Mero vs Faarooq - The final of the IC title tournament. Mr Perfect joins the commentary team (still JR, Kelly and Lawler) and is suddenly singing the praises of Marc Mero. Pat Patterson is the special guest referee. Fat-ass Faarooq hits a surprise enzugiri early. Mero hits the somersault plancha and a nice double jump moonsault (JR: "THAT WAS A MEROSAULT!") Faarooq knocs Mero off the apron into the guardrail as Ahmed calls in. Ahmed says "it'll be a cold day in HELL for the whole WWF World Federation when I get back!" Umm, doesn't that mean it's very unlikely that he'd coming back? Faarooq hits a samoan drop from the second rope. Patterson sends Sunny to the back for choking Mero, which gets loud boos. Faarooq uses a chinlock but they have been working hard so I'll let it go for now. Faarooq stupidly goes to the top rope and Mero hits a rana. JR compares his match to last night's main event, which is ridiculous. Sunny comes back with her LOADED PURSE and gets into a cat fight with Sable. Patterson goes out to stop them and JR says "The QUEENS of the WWF are outside of the ring!" because hahaha Patterson is gay. Mero hits him with the purse then hits the Wild Thing to win. A good match, as Mero seemed to be trying really hard to make it seem important and Faarooq did a bit more than usual for his fat-ass. After the match Mero gives all glory and honour and thanks to his Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Umm, okay. And to his "best friend and lover" Sable. Okay! Then gives special thanks to Mr Perfect who ruffles his hair. Remember last night Perfect predicted Faarooq would win and didn't seem to have an connection with Mero.

Last year, Jeff Jarrett lost the IC title to Shawn Michaels after the Roadie tripped Jarrett. Jeff Jarrett will be EXPOSED later tonight.

Mero is congratulated with a bunch of babyface losers.

Vince McMahon INVESTIGATES Jeff Jarrett's singing career. Basically Jarrett was on his way to WCW so they're doing this angle now that they planned last year without him. So it can't actually pay off at all as Jarrett isn't with the company so it's all very petty. And really who gives a fuck if Jeff Jarrett didn't really sing a country song over a year ago. Fuck's sake. What a waste of airtime. Who'd watch this shit when you've got the NWO running wild over on Nitro? The real Double J will be with us next week. Can't wait!

Owen Hart and The British Bulldog vs The Body Donnas - Clarence Mason is on commentary explaining how it was fine for him to steal Bulldog and Owen from Jim Cornette. An "ECW" chant breaks out as Taz jumps the guard rail and waves a "SABU FEARS TAZ" sign. JR: "THEY WRESTLE IN A BINGO HALL!" We go to commerical and then pretend it didn't happen. Cornette appears in split screen to shout at Mason. Also there's a match going on and it's pretty good! Clarence tries to tell a story but Owen has already made Skip submit to the Sharpshooter so he's cut off.

Handsome Dok Hendrix is standing in front of a door with "RAZOR" and "DIESEL" stickers on it. They refuse to talk to him.

Austin joins commentary to tell Kevin Kelly to SHUT UP. Austin shits on the life, career and family of Bret Hart and wishes his parents had practiced safe sex.

The Stalker vs Hunter Heart Helmsley - Nobody gives a fuck about The Stalker. Nobody. He works over HHH's arm to no reaction. For a long time. JR keeps going back to Razor and Diesel. Perfect (who has been stealing Hunter's girls of later) comes out to watch. HHH keeps raking the eyes and stuff. This match is long and terrible. JR is so bored of the match that he wants to bring out Razor and Diesel already. Austin "Why the Hell does Barry Windham have all that paint on his face? Everyone knows who he is!" Oh Steve Austin, how I love you. Eventually Perfect steals Hunter's girl and Stalker hits a superplex to win one of the worst matches I've seen on RAW since I started doing this.

Jim Ross is in the ring to close the show. They cut him off twice by going to commerical. Then JR goes into his famous worked shoot interview. He has no loyalty to the World Wrestling Federation! His delivery here is great. He tells the story of his employment with the WWF, how he came here to be the lead play by play man but had to wear a toga on his first day. He outs Vince McMahon as the egotistical owner of the WWF and talks about being fired after he had an attack of Bell's Palsy. He takes credit for all the guys leaving and coming to the WWF and now he's going to bring back one of your favourites...Razor Ramon! A big cheer at first...then the fans notice it's some fat guy dressed as Razor Ramon. We go off air with Savio Vega attacking Razor. Even though the story here is JR fucking with the WWF by bringing in a fake Razor, it still makes them look desperate and Nitro destroyed them on the ratings on the night with their cutting edge wrestling tv. But this was actually an entertaining episode to watch now!


24/9/1996

Hardcore TV

We start with Joel Gertner in the ring and the fans chanting "FAGGOT." Why was this popular? Oh yeah, the nineties.

Sandman vs Devon Storm - Sandman's edited entrance is sad. Storm hits a somersault plancha to start and canes Sandman. Storm has some jobbers (Bad Crew) with him who also hit Sandman. Sandman is busted open. Imagine someone blading in a throwaway tv match these days. Sandman comes back by caning everyone (even the evil referee I couldn't be bothered mentioning until now), Storms hits a moonsault, Sandman kicks out by caning the ref, hits Storm with a DDT for three. Not much of a match but the mutants loved Sandman caning people and bleeding.

The Gangstas vs The FBI - It's the same as every other Gangstas match ever. They hit people with stuff, sell nothing, win with a powerslam and top rope chairshot.

Sabu and Rob Van Dam vs Doug Furnas and Dan Koffat - I've got a feeling I won't be able to recap everything that happens in this match so I'm not even going to try. Furnas throws RVD around again like in their entertaining match a few weeks ago. Sabu dives over the top rope into the crowd on Kroffat. Furnas gets a Liontamer on Sabu. RVD is still being a dick to Sabu. It's a storyline that plays throughout the match. Sabu uses a chair for a springboard and Arabian facebuster. RVD refuses to tag in one time but eventually does. RVD and Sabu both hit dives. Kroffat hits good snap suplexes on Sabu. I bet the snap suplex is something the WWE has banned now. Sabu hits him with a double jump rana but Kroffat comes back with a cobra suplex. We annoyingly cut away to see Jole Gertner on shakey cam and Tommy Dreamer with bleeding kunckles letting Beulah burn him with a candle. You were doing so well, ECW. RVD hits some of his moves. He sets up Furnas on a table for Sabu, but Sabu crotches himself on the rope then puts Furnas through the table himself. Joey claims RVD shook the rope to crotch Sabu but we didn't actually see that. Something goes wrong at ringside as the fans are all looking at it and the match slows down but we don't find out what it was. They kind of fuck up a few spots but not too badly. Furnas hits a good Frankenstiner on Sabu. Kroffat gives Sabu an inverted suplex from the top and Joey suddenly claims that Taz must have gone to Kroffat and told him to hit that move. That's a huge stretch! Lots more stuffi including chairs being thrown at heads. Kroffat's nose seems to be injured by one. Sabu hits a move he hits earlier in the match, suggesting to me that they're running out of stuff to do. Lots more stuff and two counts with no tags being made. RVD hits a frog splashon Furnas. Furnas gives him a big German. Joey keeps acting like every suplex is a "Tazplex". The match goes to a time limit draw. Furnas and Kroffat were good opponents for Sabu and RVD because they could keep the match from falling apart with their wrestling moves. Having said that, it did still fall apart at the end as they were obviously just doing stuff to fill time before the time limit. The fans chant for "FIVE FUCKING MORE" minutes but Kroffat and Furnas leave.


30/9/1996

Nitro

We start with Larry badmouting the town they're appearing from. Why does he do that? Eric Bischoff cuts a promo on the NWO start. He's sick of the NWO's crap because WCW means a lot of things to a lot of people. He says the biggest mistake he ever made we bringing Hogan into WCW.

El Technico and Juventud Guerrera vs The Public Enemy - "El Technico means technical wrestler!" according to Tony. He looks ridiculous. Juvi takes a good bump to the floor. PE hit a senton on El Jobber to win.

Mike Tenay talks to Mongo, Chris Benoit and Debra. I hate Mongo but he's clearly the best talker of the three. What even happened to Gene Okerlund?

New World Order paid announcement, except they don't have to pay for it anymore. Apparently that was a never before mentioned stip in War Games. They're hanging out in Hogan's hotel room and NASTY NICK HOGAN is there. As a child. Not a car crashing asshole. Scott asks him if he likes race cars. Spooky.

Dean Malenko vs Alex Wright - Malenko stole Rey Mysterio's mask on Saturday Night but we don't have a clip of that or anything. Good mat wrestling to start which gets "boring" chants from the crowd. Malenko steps up the violence then works Wright's leg. Wright gets booed when he hits European uppercuts. How racist. Wright scores the upset pin with a pinning combination after Malenko misses a crossbody.

Randy Savage had a match with Big Bubba on Saturday Night which he lost by DQ (of course) then beat up Nick Patrick as Miss Elizabeth watched. Tenay interviews Savage. Except Savage doesn't come out!

Slim Jim presents Halloween Havoc (which explains why Savage has to bein the main event) and Macho Man advertises a Slim Jim sweepstakes in various monster outfits. Savage gives it his all, of course, but look how uncool he is compared to the NWO. Then RIC FLAIR appears in the advert with some girls wanting to win the sweepstakes. Then he just walks away again. That was insane.

Eddie Guerrero vs Jim Powers - Does anyone managed by Teddy Long ever win a match? Let's see if Powers can do it here! Nick Patrick is the referee in a neck brace. The match falls apart near the start as Powers sucks. He takes control and uses a deadly chinlock. The NWO fans in the crowd start a loud chant. More chinlocks. Powers eventually hits am superplex for two. Powers seems to mess up a roll up so Eddie hits a German suplex and Powers lifts his shoulder at two, but Patrick counts three anyway. This seemed more like a fucked up ending than part of the Patrcik being biased storyline. One of the worst Eddie Guerrero matches I've ever seen and he wasn't to blame. Patrick and Teddy Long argue after and Patrick challenges him to become a referee if he thinks he could do a better job. I guess it was part of the story then, but I don't see why Patrick being with the NWO would mean he'd help Eddie.

The Nasty Boys show up at the NWO hotel room. Hall and Nash are mean to them. Saggs starts "talking out his ass" like Jim Carrey in Ace Ventura doing and Eric Bischoff impersonaton and it cuts away quick. Apparently Bischoff threw a fit over this for real which is hilarious because it was so lame.

Mike Tenay talks to Arn Anderson, Woman and Miss Elizabeth. Anderson tells Elizabeth off for not sticking with the Horsemen.

Hugh Morrus vs Brad Armstrong - The feud continues! I guess. We have the hour two countdown during the match. It's the most exciting thing to happen in this match. Armstrong's babyface comeback gets no reaction. Morrus hits two moonsaults to win, which does get a reaction at least.

Bischoff leaves the commentary team after the match. Apparently this was a shoot because he was so angry at Jerry Saggs!

Chris Jericho vs Arn Anderson - Tony joins commentary and says he's behind Bischoff 100%. Woman slaps Jericho outside the ring to help Arn take advantage. This gets cheers even though Jericho is supposed to be the good guy. Jericho misses the Lionsault and lands Anderson hits the DDT for the clean win. This did nothing for Jericho, the young rising star.

Lex Luger vs M Wallstreet - Has Wallstreet ever been in a good match. He's boring as fuck with his abdominal stretches and chinlocks and sweating in every match. And Luger is...Luger. The most exciting thing that happens here is Wallstreet putting his feet on the ropes. Tony mentions that Luger lost the TV title to William Regal on Saturday Night a month ago. That's the first I've heard of it. Luger gets the submission with the Rack.

Tony presents the Sting motorsports car in an attempt to suck up to Sting or something.

The Faces of Fear vs The Rock and Roll Express - Morton uses an exciting sleeper on Meng early. Why does Meng says "firstofall" all the time? That's what it sounds like to me. No one in the crowd gives a shit about this match, which is insanely long and boring. Morton gets beat up a lot. Gibson eventually gets the "hot" tag to come in and is pinned 30 seconds later from a Barbarian kick. No idea why this went so long. Public Enemy brawl with the Faces of Fear after, but Faces easily take over and destroy Johnny Grunge's knee.

Nasty Boys are still eating food with the NWO in the hotel. Nasty Nick likes race cars. There's some NASCAR guy there who cares.

Rick Steiner vs Chris Benoit - Yes your main event is a Rick Steiner match. And we still haven't found out what happened to Randy Savage. Steiner hits a German suplex and Benoit takes a great bump. Benoit hits his usual intense stuff. Steiner catches him in mid leap frog with a powerslam. Debra distracts Nick Patrick and Mongo hits Rick with the briefcase to give Benoit the pin. This was a decent match but as a main event it was lacking.

ANOTHER NWO bit (these are really wearing thin) and Elizabeth is with them now. Hogan is telling her he can make her a movie star. Finally Macho Man shows up and yells at Elizabeth for setting him up again. SON OF A BITCH. Umm, that doesnt' really work. Then it just ends without the NWO hearing Savage shouting I guess.

Bad Nitro with all the top stars away or only appearing in pre-taped segments.


RAW

Recap of Jim Ross shooting and brining out Fake Razor Ramon. Despite all this, JR is still hosting the show with Keven Kelly and Jerry Lawler! You'd think Vince would have replaced him.

Jake "The Snake" Roberts vs "Stone Cold" Steve Austin - Jake is wretling shirtless now, so I guess he lost weight since the time he was wrestling in a vest. Or he just doesn't give a fuck anymore. Austin is GREAT as the cocky asshole heel. He keeps punching Jake and mocking him, but Jake comes back with a big punch of his own and Austin sells it well. Simple, effective stuff! Austin also sells fear of the DDT well by running out of the ring when Jake goes for it. Jake starts arguing with Jerry Lawle and Stone Cold tries to sneak up from behind but gets punched. Austin comes back with many elbows to the throat. Jake doesn't take any big bumps or anything but Austin is entertaining beating him down and Jake sells well (lying on his back as usual.) Austin goes to the top but gets crotched. Austin holds onto the ropes to block the DDT, but Jake comes back with one for two before Austin gets his foot on the rope. Lawler distracts Jake by spitting booze at him and Austin hits the Stunner to win. This was good! Best Jake match I've seen in 1996. Austin and Lawler beat down Jake until Savio Vega makes the save with a leather strap to set up a strap match at the next ppv. Didn't this randomly happen last month as well but Savio ending up wrestling Bradshaw instead?

Hunter Hearst Helmsley hits the ring to cute a promo on Mr Perfect. He challenges Perfect to come out and meet him in the ring. Then HHH joines the commentary team for some reason.

The Godwinns vs The Grimm Twins - The Grimms are Ron and Don Harris in one of their many crappy gimmicks. I still don't get why the WWF doesn't have the rights to the "country boys" music the Godwinns used when Hillbilly Jim sang it and he's worked for WWF/E for years. Perfect does an inset promo where he accepts HHH's challenge. Phinea pins one of the Grimms with the Slop Drop, if anyone cares.

Double J EXPOSED! The Roadie sang 'With My Baby Tonight', not Jeff Jarrett. I can't believe it! Why are we supposed to care?

Fat Razor Ramon vs Savio Vega - Here we go. This guy is no Scott Hall. JR tries to put him over as a young athlete here to kick ass and take names. The problem is that this guy isn't a great athlete. Gorilla joins commentary to argue with JR. The fans chant "FAKE" at Razor. His selling looks weird. He hits Razor's fallaway slam and keeps doing Razor taunts as JR and Goriall says "KEVIN NASH AND SCOTT HALL" a lot which is surely going to remind viewers that they can see those two guys on Nitro. Razor hits some hilariously bad punches. The match is long and boring and all Razor's moves look like shit. He keeps going back to the armbar because Scott Hall used to do it sometimes. The match is terrible. Poor JR having to call this guy a "great athlete" all the time on commentary. He also badmouths Doink! Fake Diesel comes out and pulls down the rope on Savio for the DQ. Razor hits Savio with a bad Razor's Edge after. Diesel hits a powerbomb and strangely Jerry Lawler doesn't recognise his old dentist. JR claims this is very embarrassing for the WWF. How was the the WWF being made to look bad supposed to translate into ratings?

Undertaker's in a cemetary that Mankind was at earlier and blah blah blah rest in peace.

Shawn Michaels and Jose Lothario vs Vader and Jim Cornette - This was supposed to be the main event at Mind Games but was cancelled, explain why Michaels/Mankind had no build up. We learn that Sunny is no longer mangering Faarooq, leaving her with no one. Vader looks impressive throwing Shawn around. Shawn pulls Vader crotch first into the ring post but misses a crossbody and takes a great bump over the top rope. Cornette tags in when Shawn is down but takes so long to get in the ring that Shawn has tagged Jose who punches Cornette a few times. Vader tags back in but Jose tags in Shawn and he goes to his usual finishing sequence but Vader ducks the superkick and hits a good clothesline for two. Crash Bandicoot presents the Slam of the Week which is Sid destroying the New Rockers. Shawn gets his knees up on the Vader Bomb and hits a big slam. He tries another (after Conrette distracts him to stop the superkick) but Vader falls on him then hits a powerbomb and Vader Bomb for the clean(!) win. You'd think that would get Vader a title shot. Entertaining match! The commentator's instantly claim it was Shawn' schedule that beat him, not Vader. Sid saves Shawn from a further beating and Goldust runs out for a big brawl.

I'd say RAW was a better show than Nitro this week, even with Fake Razor shitting the place up.
 
1/10/1996

Hardcore TV

Taz vs Johnny Smith - We start the show with Taz on his way to the ring. There isn't even any talking before the match! Johnny Smith gets booed for some reason. He's a British wrestler who worked for All Japan in the nineties. He looks like somebody I'd creat in Create A Wrestler on WrestleMania 2000 for N64. He's generic but technically sound. Fonzie blows that whistle a lot. Taz hits a German suplex and Northen Lights suplex. The whistle blowing is seriously detracting from the match. Taz works the arm. Johnny makes a bland comeback and hits a Diamond Cutter. He gets a German suplex for two. He hits a missile dropkick and kips up but hurts himself. Taz hits a t-bone suplex and Tazmission to win. The match was solid but Smith didn't do much to get the fans behind him. Taz tells Smith he respects him and released the Tazmission early so he woudn't throw up. Then he badmouths Sabu.

Now we get Joey talking with the shakey camera. Johnny Smith was injured against Taz. He'll get another match with Taz on Saturday night but this is just hyping a future show which isn't on the Network so it's time to start skipping.

More Joey talking. I hate his face. Sorry if that's shallow or something. He talks about the WWF In Your house event which ECW invaded. ECW is just like Howard Stern. Of course they show fan cam footage from the show which should have been proof that ECW and WWF were actually working together. Joey claims the camera was snuck in. We see him on RAW as well. At the time this probably didn't fool a lot of fans with the internet less popular.

More fan cam stuff. I don't watch this shit.

Stevie and the Blue Meanie dress as the Public Enemy and say they're just doing what the WWF did with Razor and Diesel. This impersonation just consists of the wearing PE jerseys.

Joey Styles mocks Vince for introducing fake Razor and Diesel.

Tommy Dreamer, Steve Williams and Terry Gordy vs The Eliminators and Brian Lee - Williams looks impressive to start. Tommy gets beaten down. Its just clips rather than the full match but at least there's plenty of action. Williams press slams Saturn and clotheslines everyone. Gordy gets his spike on Brian Lee but the Eliminators hit him with Total Elimination for the pin. The time is given at twenty minutes and we saw less than five.

Hey it's Joey Style talking again.

A Shane Douglas interview is not something I enjoy either.

Finally we got the Pulp Fiction bit. Nothing really to note.


7/10/1996

Nitro

Harlem Heat regained the tag titles from the Public Enemy on Saturday Night. Okay.

Harleam Heat vs Public Enemy - Yet for some reason this is non title. Why would Harlem Heat get a rematch but not the PE? Rocco threatens to punch Sherri outside the ring but gets attacked by the Heat and beaten down. We cut away to Randy Savage advertising t-shirts (he sure recorded a lot of adverts while his life was falling apart) and then Elizabeth trying to get into Savage's dressing room. Rocco gets destroyed for a long time. Sherri even punches him. The beating goes on and on. Eventually the NWO come out in the crowd and stand around and talk a bit. Razor calls Harlem Heat "two hillbillies" then makes fun of their entrance music. Meanwhile chinlocks. Rocco finally tags in Grunge to no reaction. Rocco hits a double bulldog. Sherri distracts Nick Patrick for an age while Parker shakes the ropes to send Grunge through a table and the Heat uses a chair on Rocco for the pin. Seriously Patrick just looks at her for like two minutes.

Jeff Jarrett arrives at the building. That guy can't sing!

Diamond Dallas Page vs Jim Powers - Page wins with the Diamond Cutter. Page kicks Teddy Long in the bum after. Nothing else to say.

Mike Tenay talks to Randy Savage. The same Randy Savage whose life has been a ruin for the last few months. And he brings a racing car driver out with him and talks about some NASCAR crap. WHO GIVES A FUCK. The NWO car crashed and didn't finish the race. The fans don't react to this at all, by the way, so it's not just me being out of touch twenty years later. Finally Elizabeth comes out at the end and begs to talk to Savage but he walks away.

The Faces of Fear vs High Voltage - Benoit and Mongo come out to watch for some reason. Faces of Fear win a total squash with a Barbarian big boot.

Glacier vs Mike Wenner - Glacier's entrance with the lights and snow still gets a reaction. It's a long entrance. The match is just a bunch of pre-prepared Glacier spots and a noticable "BORING" chant is heard (probably only from one guy but you can hear it!) He wins with a kick.

We got to hour two with Bischoff, Tenay and Heenan. Bischoff declares right away that Jeff Jarrett is part of the NWO.

Jeff Jarrett vs Hugh Morrus - Jarrett keeps strutting. Heenan asks Bischoff where he went when he stormed off last week, but he doesn't answer. Bischoff weirdly keeps going on about "the fat lady singing" during the match. Morrus hits a powerslam but misses a top rope legdrop. Jarrett gets the win with the figure four. Tony interviews Jarrett after and says it's obvious Jarrett is in the NWO. Jarrett hits back by saying he disagrees with Hogan's claims that he made the wrestling business as men like Jarrett's father actually made the wrestling business. This is supposed to be a fired up babyface promo but the fans get bored and chant "NWO!" So the upshot is that Jarrett isn't in the NWO but he's still Jeff Jarrett so nobody gives a shit.

Arn Anderson vs Renegade - A slow, boring match which has the fans chanting "DDT" a few minutes in wanting it to do end. Anderson's career was drawing to a close so he couldn't do as much in the ring and Renegade has never been much good. Anderson works over the arm but Renegade hits clotheslnes with it and doesn't sell. Anderon hits the DDT to a big pop to win. Anderson keeps beating up Renegade after but Lex Luger chases him away.

Lex Luger vs Squire David Taylor - Despite just being in the ring, Luger goes backstage again and has a proper entrance. Taylor hits Jeeves with an uppercut on the way to the ring. Steven Regal is apparently touring the world defending the TV championship. Luger has an inset promo in his own match saying he wants the TV title back and he'll beat Arn Anderson at Halloween Havoc. Luger wins with the Torture Rack as you might expect. Anderson attacks Luger with a chair on his way backstage.

Rick Steiner vs Chris Benoit - The injured Scott Steiner is in Rick's corner this week. He sure has huge arms. Benoit has Mongo and Debra. Rick throws Benoit around with a powerslam and belly to belly suplex. Benoit is as usual fucking intense even when just hitting kicks. Rick hits him with a release German. Benoit takes over and Scott Steiner grabs Nick Patrick by the neck brace. We cut away to show the NWO limo arrive. Hogan and Giant get out. Benoit uses chinlocks which is a bit unsusual for him. Benoit hits the diving headbutt. Steiner catches him coming off the top with an overhead belly to belly. Top rope bulldog gets two. Mongo tries to give Benoit the briefcase but Rick gets it and hits Benoit with it to win.

Ric Flair vs Randy Savage - I forgot Flair is still the US champion. Hogan and Ted DiBiase are talking with the Nasty Boys and have some "NWO paperwork" for the Nasties to sigh. Flair doens't show up for the match as the NWO are destroying him backstage. Elizabeth is there looking scared (like always) and Giant chases her out into the arena. Hogan attacks Savage from behind and destroys him with a chair. Giant tries to carry Savage up the stairs into the ring but falls of the stairs and drops Savage. Oops. They beat up Savage more in the ring and force Elizabeth to watch. Savage takes multiple legdrops as fans hit Hogan with garbage. Hogan spray paints an outline of Savage's body. Just the latest in a long line of "Randy Savage gets destroyed" moments! Hogan declares that he owns Elizabeth's body and soul. This goes on for a while until Hogan decides to destroy the broadcast booth just for fun. Syxx comes out in the NWO monster truck(!) but fails to actually destroy the broadcast booth.


RAW

Kevin Kelly and Jerry Lawler host as Jim Ross hasn't shown up yet.

Marc Mero vs Diesel - JR comes out talking to Diesel then joins commentary. Diesel takes a good bump over the top from a Mero dropkick then Mero hits a dive. Diesel drops Mero throat first on the top rope and hits a big boot. Isaac Yankem/Kane is much better in the ring (at this point anyway) than fat Razor Ramon. Fat Razor does an inset promo in a terrible Razor voice then comes out to the ring. Mero randomly hits Razor with a somersaul plancha and both of them destroy Mero in the ring. This is still very embarrassing and desperate as it's like they're recreating the NWO in a really lame way.

Sid talks about Goldust. Tonight Goldust dances with the devil and the game we play is that Sid is the master and the ruler. Then he laughs. This made no sense!

Mr Perfect returns to the ring in two weeks!

The Smoking Gunns vs The New Rockers - Inset promo with the Smoking Gunns. Billy wants Sunny back. Sunny phones in and says she'll get back with the Gunns if they win the tag titles back. This is heel vs heel and neither team is over so the fans don't care. I mean they pump fake crowd noise in but you can tell they don't care. The Sunny phonecall is still going on. The fans chant "SUNNY"! Wouldn't it have made sense to turn her face and have her manage a face team now? Instead of using her as the host of Livewire? JR badmouths Vince McMahon. The Rockers beat down Bart endlessly. He finally makes the "hot" tag after Billy gets his boot up outside the ring. The fans just chant for Sunny. The Gunns eventually pin Leif with the Sidewinder. This went over ten minutes and was another "are they even trying to compete with Nitro?" moment.

Todd Pettingzoo investigates the real Double J: Jesse Jammes. The former Roadie is wearing a lot of make-up. It's a huge scandal the WWF has been investigating for fifteen months. Really. If Jeff Jarrett actually still worked for the company this would be fine as a way to set up a feud, but as it is it seems they're just saying "Jeff Jarrett can't sing! Don't watch Nitro!"

Jim Ross interviews Vader with Jim Cornette. Cornette thanks JR for his help in bringing Vader to the WWF as the vague "JR is leading a WCW invsaion" storyline kind of continues, maybe. Cornette points out that Vader derserve a rematch with Shawn because he pinned him cleanly last week. Can't argue with that. But instead Vader will face Sycho Sid in a number one contender's match at Buried Alive.

The Sultan vs Aldo Montoya - Well, at least we get Bob Backlund on commentary. Backlund: "I can't hear without my glasses on!" The WWF has forced Bob Backlund to wear sunglasses because he's scrutinising the plebians. Sultan wins an overly long squash with the camel clutch.

Sycho Sid vs Goldust - Sid is actually genuinely over with the fans without the need to pump in cheers. Everything that made Goldust unique a year ago has pretty much been removed by now. Sid fucks up an atomic drop. Goldust runs away from the powerbomb as Shawn Michaels calls in. Goldust hits some slap punches as Sid staggers about. It looks bad. Goldust hits a powerslam for too. Jim Cornette joins commentary but they mute whatever he says. Why? Sid hits the chokeslam and powerbomb to win a nothing match. Vader attacks Sid and hits a second rope splash but Sid no sells and chokeslams him.

Dreadful RAW. Nitro might have some low pointes but at least it has highs as well. RAW has nothing at the moment.


8/10/1996

Hardcore TV

Stevie Richards and Blue Meanie are dressed as Public Enemy in an "hilarious" parody. They just wave their arms around a lot. They talk in silly voices. I have no idea if this is how PE sound because I've never listened to any of their promos. They joke about Johnny Grunge being an alcoholic and Stevie gets serious and says Meanie can't be Johnny Grunge...because he's nowhere near as fat. Okay that was funny.

The Gangstas vs Blue Meanie and Stevie Richards - The Eliminators run in after a minute and hit Total Elimination on everyone, including a referee.

Joey Style recaps Raven's entire ECW career, for some reason.

Mikey Whipwreck vs JT Smith - The FBI and some more jobbers beat up Mikey to start, because you can't just have a normal match in ECW. Mikey has good armdrags. The FBI and Devon Storm's jobbers end up falling out and Mikey hits them with various dives throughout the match. JT hits a nice splash rebounding off the ropes. Mikey dropkicks a chair into his face and hits a rana on the floor. Mikey takes out all the bumbling jobbers by himself and pins JT with a top rope rana. This was reasonably entertaining!

Sandman and Tommy Dreamer vs Brian Lee and Stevie Richards - This is a tag match but Raven's ECW title is on the line, despite Raven not being in the match. It's the ULTIMATE JEOPARDY match and everyone puts something on the line if they lose the fall. If Tommy loses, Beaulah must leave ECW (which would be bad because she's actually pretty hot for a 1996 ECW girl.) If Sandman loses he gets caned. If Lee loses his head is shaved. And Stevie is defending Raven's title despite that being dumb. Okay! The match is pretty much what you'd expect with these four guys. Sandman falls all over the place like the drunken mess he is. They hit each other with weapons (supplied by the fans) and brawl in the crowd. Blue Meanie interferes and Stevie Steviekicks Sandman for two. Brian Lee headbutts Beulah. Dreamer DDTs Lee, Lori interferes, Lee fucks something up. Stevie is the only actual good wrestler in this match. Dreamer and Lee fight in the toilet. Lee ends up bleeding all over it as the mutants jump in front of the camera shouting "ECW!" Lee puts Tommy's head through a wall. Lee chokeslams Dreamer through four tables. ECW! Sandman strips his ex wife. ECW! Steviekick gets two. And another. Sandman hits a DDT to win the ECW world title. This was garbage.
 
14/10/1996

Nitro

We're in Memphis.

Brad Armstrong vs Dean Malenko - The fans are LOUD tonight. They both have one win over the other. There's a lot of NWO fans chanting. Malenko gets the pin with a roll-up variation in a good match.

The NWO arrive.

Hacksaw Jim Duggan vs M Wallstreet - Yes it's this match AGAIN! At least it has a hot crowd. Wallstreet sure loves the chinlock. He uses it a lot. Wallstreet tries to use Hacksaw's fist tape but Duggan hits his clothesline to win. HOOOOOO! Again the fans live it so who am I to judge.

Hugh Morrus vs Jim Powers - Tony thanks "Mr. Lawler" for helping promote this event. Apparently what happened was Lawler went on Memphis tv and said WCW would flop in Memphis. He was very wrong. Even this crowd don't care much about Jim Powers, but they do react a bit when he bodyslams Morrus. Nick Patrick counts slow because of his neckbrace and Teddy Long objects. The fans finally get into it by being Patrick. Powers has it won with a small package but Patrick's neck hurts too much to count. Morrus hits the moonsault to win and Patrcik does a normal count. This took too long to get to the Patrick part. The fans actually chant for Teddy Long after.

Lex Luger vs Greg Valentine - Luger is taped up from the chair attack by Arn Anderson last week. Luger tries a suplex but his back hurts too much and Valentine works the back. Ted DiBiase and Vincent appear in the crowd. Valentine keeps methodically working the injury and Luger sells in his Luger way. Luger makes his comeback but can he get the Rack? He can! The fans go nuts! Luger collapses from exhaustion. This was entertaining!

Nick Patrick wanted to fine Randy Savage a million dollars for attacking him, but Tony announces that the fine is actually five hundred dollars (and Savage will miss the first five matches of 1997 but let's see if they remember that.) Patrick is angry! Was he the masked referee on NWO Saturday Night (whatever that is?) He calims he's in much better shape than the masked ref and it was probably Randy Anderson.

Teny and Heenan host hour two. Where's Bischoff? Off being a secret member of the NWO somewhere? No, he's just going to try to interview Randy Savage. Savage wants to do Halloween Havoc with Hogan here tonight! He says "ass"! Bischoff shows him a video of Elizabeth sitting on a swing. It's the swing that Randy built for her! Elizabeth actually does good acting here. She says she's sorry and wishes Randy could find a way to forgive her. Randy looks broken after and just walks away in a daze. Wow, good acting from Savage too! This was all pretty convincing and I wonder if the real life split between Savage and Elizabeth helped them fake emotions here. IF, INDEED, IT WAS FAKE.

NWO t-shirt advert.

Heenan tells off Bischoff for showing that video of Elizabeth to Savage and says it'll hurt him going into Halloween Havoc. It's almost as if Bischoff is secretly working for the NWO or something!

Eddie Guerrero vs The Cheetah Kid - Eddie cuts an inset promo promising to kick DDP's butt at Halloween Havoc. Mike Tenay claims that Cheetah Kid has been one of the biggest stars on the independant circuit for more than a decade. Sure. Eddie wins a short, decent match with the Frog Splash.

Lee Marshal phones in with the road report. But it's twenty years out of date!

Jeff Jarrett vs Big Bubba - Jarrett is over like rover because we're in Memphis. The fans chant "DOUBLE J" in support of Jarrett. But he can't even sing! Jimmy Hart interferes to give Bubba the advantage. Jarrett takes out Hart but Bubba gives him a spinebuster. Bubba tries to use the megaphone but Jarrett dropkicks it back into his face to win. If only they could have done every show in Memphis, Jarrett could have been world champion!

Harlem Heat vs The Faces of Fear - Benoit and Mongo come out to watch. Barbarian hits his crazy top rope overhead belly to belly on Booker. Meng does a sexy dance at Sherri. Nothing much else happens until Hall and Nash make their way out through the crowd. Harlem Heat and the Faces team up to stand up to Hall and Nash and they back away.

Eric Bischoff talks about Randy Savage and says if Savage makes it to Halloween Havoc it's over for Hogan.

The entire NWO come out, including scared looking Elizabeth. Despite there being a lot of NWO fans in the crowd the garbage still comes flying into the ring. Hogan's been out filming his new movie the 3 Ninjas, brother. He talks about pushing Savage's buttons and calls Elizabeth the greastest actress in the world for making Savage cry. The Nasty Boys come out in NWO shirts holding their NWO contract. Knobbs says they haven't actually signed the contract yet because they thought it was going to be for more money. Hogan says they shouldn't have the shirts on yet as he hasn't signed the contract. Then the NWO beat up the Nasties and rip the NWO shirts from them. The Nasties get spray-painted. Hogan says it's a preview of what will happen to Savage at Halloween Havoc, brother. He talks about how Elizabeth always wanted him, brother. Hall and Nash take over the announce desk. They reveal that Harlem Heat aren't really from Harlem, they're from Texas! Meanwhile Savage is backstage watching the Elizabeth video again. But not masturbating. We assume.


RAW

Just Jim Ross and Kevin Kelly this week as Lawler is wrestling later. Kelly reveals that Vince McMahon will be returning next week to host RAW with Lawler. JR name drops Kevin Dunn.

Vader vs Phineas Godwinn - Vader batters him with Vader Strikes. Sid comes out to shout some stuff at Vader. Phinease gets some offense from the distraction. He ever hits a slam (to no reaction.) Vader blocks the Slop Drop and hits the Vader Bomb to win.

Jim Ross talks to Mr Perfect in the ring. So many empty seats in the arena, it's really sad. Perfect says he's 100% perfect and ready for his big return to the ring with HHH next week. I sure hope that has a satisfying pay-off!

Jake "The Snake" Roberts vs Jerry "The King" Lawler - Of course Lawler talks about Jake being a drunk before the match. JR rips into Lawler's broadcasting skills. They talk over Lawler's comedy, which shows how bad it is. Jake comes staggering out holding a bottle in a brown paper bag. Jake tells Gorilla that he isn't really drunk and the announcers spoil the surprise. Jake hits the DDT right away and pours whisky over Lawler to finally end this feud.

Another fucking Jesse Jammes segment. Seriously who cares.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs Freddie Joe Floyd - JR doesn't give a damn what Kevin Dunn says, he's going to be "setting" at ringside next week. HHH handcuffs his girl to the ring so Perfect can't steal her. The girl just giggles because she's not a real person. Perfect comes out and somehow has a key to the handcuffs. How? Who cares. The girl leaves with him. Perfect got the key from a previously unseen security guard. HHH hits the Pedigree and isn't supposed to get the pin so Floyd has to kind of kick out of it. Oops. HHH chases Perfect but gets punched out and counted out. Sure hope this has a satisfying pay-off!

Sunny reveals a giant poster of herself in the ring and JR talks about this being a waste of time.

There's been videos of Mankind digging a grave for the last few weeks that I haven't mentioned at all. Sorry.

Faarooq vs Alex Porteau - Faarooq still has the stupid gladiator outfit. And a fat ass. JR points out how embarrassingly bad Faarooq's headgear is and blames Vince McMahon. Faarooq wins a total squash with the Dominator, which was apparently named "The Tiger Bite" here.

Ahmed Johnson and Faarooq said stuff to each other on Livewire. I'm not sure what.

Shawn Michaels vs Stone Cold Steve Austin - Undertaker is standing over the grave too. I DON'T CARE. JR says there's been no bigger match in the history of RAW than this one. Uhh, that's either not true or it shows how bad RAW is. Obviously both these guys are great but Austin isn't a main eventer yet. A year later they could call this a huge match. They do good chain wrestling. Cornette does an inset promo calling Michaels a geek. There's some story going on where JR banned Cornetter from Livewire. Sid does an inset promo where he laughs a lot. Shawn and Steve do a really nice pinfall reversal sequence, ending with Shawn walking the ropes to escape a backslide and going for the Superkick. Austin hits a Stun Gun. Shawn escapes the Stunner. The match is only just getting going when Vader runs in for the DQ. Savio Vega tries to run in to help but Austin just gives him a Stunner right away. That was funny. Sid comes out and chases Vader off. Razor Ramon and Diesel come out to watch too! Shawn and Sid collide and end up arguing. This would have been a great match with more time.

Nitro wins. This was the lowest rated RAW ever at this point too.


15/10/1996

Hardcore TV

Last week, Tommy Dreamer took another ridiculous bump and Sandman won the title. This takes up a few minutes, then of course we got Joey Styles talking with the horrible zoom ins on his face. He talks to Lori who is sitting on the floor scratching her arms. I think we're supposed to think she's a heroin addict? Sandman is at a press conference in Boston (supposedly?) but he walks off because Raven has left the country with Tyler.

Taz vs Johnny Smith - This is a submissions match. Fonzie mentions Smith's "bloodlines" before the match, as he's related to the British Bulldog. Fonzie's whistling continues to detract from the match, as they do good wrestling. They do some amateur wrestling, then Taz cheap shots him from the amateur position. They both use submission holds. Taz does a nice bridging bow and arrow thing. Smith uses an armbar and STF. Smith hits his missile dropkick, kip up, clothesline combo. The whistle shit nearly kills the match. Taz hits a wheelbarrow suplex and gets the win with the Tazmission. Another good match between the two. Taz says that his path of rage is "raw" (see because he was on RAW.)

The Eliminators vs The Samoan Gangsta Party - I thought the Samoans were wanted for attempted murder? The Eliminators win in about two minutes with Total Elimination. Next?

Shane Douglas vs Pitbull Number 2 - Pitbull messes up his press slam piledriver thing. The fans chanted about Francine being a whore and having herpes. Pitbull is just all about hitting moves and not so much about storytelling. He work the neck in various ways. So I guess that is storytelling. Douglas takes over and hits a brainbuster. The Eliminators come out eventually and give Pitbull Total Elimination. Douglas hits a top rope elbow for two. Pitbull no sells and hits the fallaway slam from the second rope. He gives Francine a running powerslam and Douglas throws powder in his eyes. He puts a dog collar on Pitbull then puts him in a full nelson. Pitbull powers and Shane keeps trying to break his neck. He shakes Pitbull 1's neck collar as Joey does a fake gasp. The entire locker room runs out to chase Douglas off because he's gone too far. Joel Gertern tires to announce Douglas the winner and Tod Gordon punches him. They do a good job making this seem real. Gertner tries to speak again and Paul E attacks him.


In Your House: Buried Alive

Vince, JR and King host. JR's microphone doesn't work to start.

Stone Cold Steve Austin vs Hunter Hearts Helmsley - This was supposed to be a strap match with Savio Vega but he's injured so HHH takes his place (in a normal match) to make it heel vs heel. Austin says "and that's the bottom line" too many times in a pre match promo then comes out to his new music. Hey, that's good new music! He should keep that. JR's mic keeps cutting out. He blames Vince. HHH hits an arm drag to start. Austin argues with fans. Someone comes out to fix JR's mic. Austin comes back with his own arm drag and flips HHH off. To cheers! The fans chant for Mr Perfect. Austin has so much fucking charisma and intensity. Austin works the arm as JR tells Vince to call the holds. Everything Austin hits looks so good that the fans just naturally cheer him. HHH hits a knee to the gut. HHH hits his moves and JR's mic keeps cutting. HHH is not exciting on offense at this point. They reverse sleepers until Austin hits a jawbreaker. HHH comes back with a knee and a fist drop from the top rope(!) for two. They clothesline each other and Mr Perfect comes out. He steals Hunter's girl and Austin tells him to get the fuck out of his way. Austin throws a drink over Perfect, who takes his jacket off. HHH stupidly goes after Perfect instead of hitting the pedigree, but the suplexes Austin on the floor. He goes for he Pedigree on the floor but Austin catapults him into the ringpost then hits the Stunner in the ring to win (to a face pop.) Good match mainly thanks to Austin who was on fire at this point.

British Bulldog and Owen Hart vs The Smoking Gunns - Nobody cares about the Gunns without Sunny. JR's mic is still going wrong. And this is another heel vs heel match and it doesn't have Austin in it for the fans to get behind. They should probably have ended the "JR's mic doesn't work" thing by now because it's getting annoying. Unless it actually wasn't working for real and they just worked it into the storyline. Owen and Billy do a good sequence. JR says that Sunny "missed too many trips to the woodshed." JR is kind of creepy sometimes. The match has perefectly fine wrestling but neither team is playing face or heel and the fans don't care so it's just kind of happening. Owen hits a missile dropkick. The Gunns accidentally collide at one point and argue. The Gunns beatdown Owen for a minute or two. The Gunns go for the Sidewinder but Bulldog pulls Bart so that Billy misses the legdrop on Owen and Owen hits a spinning heel kick on Bart to win. But Bart took way too long going for the legdrop so it didn't look as good as it could have.

Jim Ross gets in the ring to cut a promo on Vince cutting his microphone off. He says Bret Hart will be back on RAW tomorrow night thanks to JR going to South Africa to talk to him. JR doesn't return to the announce table after this.

Kevin Kelly was talking to Faarooq on the Free For All. Ahmed said some stuff too and hit Faarooq with a 2 by 4 (off camera), injuring him. Mr Perfect joins the announce team.

Marc Mero vs Goldust - Goldust gets the shot in place of Faarooq, just because he didn't have a match I guess. Mero hits several different arm drags and a leg drag. Lawler badmouthing Sable's looks is insteresting considering how he'll be literally wanking over her less than two years later. Again I'll point out that Goldust has cut all his gay stuff and is just another guy really now. Goldust hits a weird chokeslam/powerbomb thing to take over. He hits some generic heel stuff and chinlocks. No gayness. Except! He takes the mic and says if the fans don't shut up he'll stick his tongue down their throats. Okay! That's gay! Thanks! Mero hits the Merosault for two. He counters the Curtain Call (Vince: "The Final Curtain!") but gets backdropped to the floor. HHH comes out to stare down Perfect and Perfect ends up punching Goludust. Mero hits the Wild Thing to win. Mero was a good babyface at this point and Goldust played his part, so it was an entertaining match.

There's a "MASTER OF THE POWERBOMBS" video about Sid and Vader. REMEMBER THAT.

Sid vs Vader - Sid is over like rover with the fans. A fucked up looking Shawn Michaels joins commentary. Sid's punches are ridic. Vader's are better. Shawn is so obviously on something here that Vince must be feeling awkward. Sid tries a sunset flip(!) and Vader sits on him. Vader catches Sid jumping off the top rope. Shawn does put over Vader here despite that tantrum he threw at SummerSlam, so at least he's being professional while obviously high. Vader hits a second rope splash then pulls Sid up at two for some reason. Sid gets his knees up on the Vader Bomb. Vader hits a low blow to escape the powerbomb while Cornette distracts the ref. Vader can't get Sid up for his powerbomb and Sid hits a chokeslam for the clean pin. So after all that talk of it being "THE BATTLE OF THE POWERBOMBS" neither man hit a powerbomb during the match. Sid and Shawn have a tense discussion after but then shake hands. Sid gets fireworks for his win! Match wans't great but the fans were into Sid and they were right to give him the win while he had momentum.

The Undertaker vs Mankind in a Buried Alive match - In case you don't know there's a grave at the top of the aisle and to win you have to bury your opponent alive. Mankind smacks his head against the guardrail early and Taker follows with a dive from the top rope to the floor(!) This feud has been great for improving Undertaker in ring. Mankind tries to suplex him into the grave but they small package each other down the dirt hill then go back to the ring. Taker chokes Mankind with the microphone cord. Taker whips Mankind over the guardrail then hits a flying clothesline over it. Taker tries his rope walk but Paul Bearer shakes the rope to crotch him. Mankind uses a "sharp instrument" on Taker's forehead. Taker gets it and uses it too. Makind hits Taker hard in the head with a chair after Bearer distracts. He hits his running knee with Taker against the steps. Mankind gets Taker in the grave but Taker pulls him in too. Mankind throws dirt in his eyes. Taker hiptosses Mankind down the hill onto the concrete. Mankind hits his piledriver back in the ring. Taker does his fast gut punches from his knees. Mankind hits a double arm DDT on a chair. Taker sits up and hits a chair shot to the back and legdrops the chair onto his face. Mankind gets kind of backdropped into the steps. Taker kills Mankind with the steps and hits the tombstone. He carries Mankind to the grave but Mankind gets the Claw on. Mankind tries to hit him with the urn but Taker chokeslams him into the grave and covers him with dirt to win. Taker keeps burying him but a masked man breaks a shovel over Taker. He digs Mankind out and tries to bury Taker as the lighting goes funny. Mankind, Bearer and the masked guy take a long time trying to bury him (use a shovel!) so Goldust, HHH, Bradshaw and Crush come out to help. They finally fill up the grave. Mostly. It gets boring. Seriously, it's full enough, just stop now. This has literally lasted five minutes. No wonder they used diggers in the future. After ALL THIS lightning stikes the gravstone and Taker sticks his hand out to show he's alive. Anyway, it was another strong and violent match between these two!

Pretty good ppv, actually.
 
21/10/1996

Nitro

Chris Jericho vs Bobby Eaton - Jericho's doing his entrance where he lets the fans pat him on the chest. Aww. Syxx and NWO Sting hang up an NWO banner so we take an ad break. Eaton is no longer a Blue Blood and is just Bobby Eaton now. We keep cutting away from the match to show the NWO banner as they encourage the fans to chant "NWO." They fuck up a powerslam. They both use rest holds. This isn't really doing much to take the fans' attention away from the NWO. Jericho finally elbows the ringpost for a bit of excitement. He slaps Eaton full force in the face for some reason, but Eaton hits a neckbreaker and a top rope kneedrop for two. Jericho hits a missile dropkick to win. Awkward match that got entertaining in the last two minutes.

Tony talks to Jericho after while Syxx mocks him. Jericho is not a good interview yet as he stumbles over his words. He'll take on Syxx at Halloween Havoc.

Dean Malenko vs Jimmy Graffiti - Graffiti is Jimmy Del Ray. He's not a giggolo anymore, he's a...graffiti guy. He would get "you look stupid" chants today. I don't see this gimmick lasting long. He hits Malenko with a floatover DDT that the Rock would later use. NWO Sting is filming this with a camcorder, just because. Malenko catches him coming off the top and puts him in the Cloverleaf to win. Match was perfectly fine in terms of wrestling but of course the fans had no idea who Jimmy Graffiti was and therefore no reason to care.

Diamond Dallas Page vs - Craig Pittman - The Teddy Long/Nick Patrick fued continues here. Pittman gets his Code Red on but Teddy Long stupidly distracts the ref and DDP hits the Diamond Cutter to win. Patrick rightly points out to Tony after that Teddy Long was the one in the wrong for getting on the apron. Tony accuses him of being the NWO referee and Patrick implies that he got rid of Mean Gene for making accusations again him.

Jeff Jarrett vs Ron Studd - Ric Flair comes out before the match, after Jarrett struts. Flair shows him how to strut but the fans boo Jarrett's strutting. Flair shakes his hand. I guess this was supposed to be Flair endorsing Jarrett but it didn't quite work. The actual match is nothing at all, Jarrett just hits a suplex and gets the figure four on to win. Tony talks to Jarrett after and Flair comes out and says he likes Jarrett or something. The Giant is watching. He was supposed to take on Flair on Sunday but Jarrett will take Flair's place.

Hour two! Will something good happen? Stay tuned!

Lex Luger vs Roadblock - Roadblock is a guy carrying a road sign on his back. Apparently he shot on the One Man Gang after jumping into the ring because he was turned down by the WWF when he first wanted to be a wrestler. So that's interesting! He is awkward in the ring. He sets up for a piledrive but Luger won't let him hit it. Luger eventually just starts no selling and hits a powerslam. He gets him up for the Rack on the third attempt, which gets a big pop, then just drops him like a sack of shit. This was an entertaining bad match.

NWO t-shirt ads are still a thing by the way.

Road Report is an automatic skip.

Harlem Heat vs The American Males - American Males sure like the dropkick. Bagwell shows some fire before Hall and Nash come out in the crowd to take attention away from the match. Not that Harlem Heat are ever very exciting in their beatdown segments. The finish looks blown a Booker hits a sidekick off a distraction and Bagwell fails to break up he three but Nick Patrick doesn't call for the bell right away. So it's either part of the Patrick storyline or foreshadowing Bagwell turning heel or just a fuck up. Or all three.

The Faces of Fear vs The Fantastics - There's been some random wrestlers appearing tonight! The Fantastics are an eighties tag team who...wear bowties? I guess. Cool spot where Meng backdrops one of the Fantastics into a powerbomb by Barbarian. Fantastics finally get some double teams in including a double back suplex on Barbarian. Meng kicks one of them in the head to win.

Bischoff keeps getting information from the back about some exciting stuff coming up. He's basically saying the real Sting will appear without actually saying it.

Replay of the whole Savage/Elizabeth thing from last week. Bischoff keeps apologising.

NWO Sting vs J.L. - He's not even Mr. J.L. anymore! The NWO come out through the crowd. NWO sting wins with the Scorpion in seconds. But THE REAL STING comes out in a trenchcoat. He gives Fake Sting the Scorpion Deathdrop (not yet named!) and beats him up while the rest of the NWO just watch. Finally the NWO surround Sting and Ted DiBiase invites him to join. Hall says he knows all about imposters. Ha! Sting says that the only thing that's for sure about Sting is that nothing's for sure. Then walks out. So he hasn't joined the NWO but he hasn't completely rejected them either.

Randy Savage is supposed to wrestle Chris Benoit but Savage doesn't wrestle because he's hardly wrestling these days despite having a ppv main event on Sunday. He shows up in street clothes and Bischoff talks to him. Eric apologises for last week again and shows Savage another video. It's Hogan on set of the Three Ninjas and he fires the director and says the NWO is taking over the movie. Giant is going to direct. Somehow I doubt that Three Ninjas' IMDB page will back this up. He has Elizabeth and orders her to fool Randy into thinking she loves him. Elizabeth keeps telling Hogan to stop. Hogan yells at Elizabeth in the trailer. Why were they filming all this anyway? Why would they want to let Savage in on their plan to use Elizabeth to screw him? Bischoff says this tape proves Elizabeth loves Randy for real. Savage finally speaks and says he's realised how fragile friendships and relationships can be. But he's also realised how fragile LIFE can be. So he's basically threatening to murder Hogan on Sunday.


RAW

Bret "The Hitman" Hart returns to RAW tonight! Mr Perfect returns to the ring! Well, one of these things will happen anyway.

Sycho Sid vs Owen Hart - I love Owen's entrance music. Cool spot where Owen nips up when Sid shoves him down and Sid just shoves him over the top rope with onehand. Then Sid does some terrible selling for Owen. Seriously Owen gives him a missile dropkick and Sid slowly falls over then just stands up like he doesn't know how to sell at all. I love Sid as a character but he sucked at the actual wrestling part of wrestling. Owen goes after his leg. Sid comes back with a chokeslam out of nowhere but Bulldog runs in and clotheslines him to stop the powerbomb. Owen and Bulldog double team Sid but Shawn Michaels runs in (and slips on the mat) to make the save.

Still photos of the Buried Alive match, courtesy of WWF Magazine. They don't mention that it took ten minutes for the heels to bury Undertaker.

The Godwinns vs The Smoking Gunns - The Gunns continue to get no reaction without Sunny. Jim Ross joins commentary and tells Vince he should have fired the audio guy from last night. Just the standard match between these two. The Gunns combine on the apron and Henry pins Bart with the Slop Drop.

The Hall of Fame is coming on November 16th. Inductess are Pat Patterson, Superfly Jimm Snuka (oh dear) and Vincent J. McMahon.

Mr Perfect is warming up backstage when Hunter rolls a box into his knee!

On Livewire, Steve Austin claims he went to the Dungeon in Calgary and whipped Stu's ass.

Jim Ross interviews Bret "The Hitman" Hart in the ring. Vince says we all want to know what Bret is going to say. APPARENTLY Vince didn't know what Bret would say for real but I kind of have a hard time believing that. Bret says that a rival wrestling organisation made him a great offer. Bret drags out revealing if he took the offer or not while Vince looks worried at ringside. Bret says he'll be with the WWF forever and Vince looks relieved and starts clapping. If Vince did know what Bret was going to say then this was some great acting from him. Bret says that Shawn beat him fair and square at WrestleMania and he respects him, but there's something about Shawn that bugs him. He suggests that Shawn might be more popular than him and the fans boo, then suggests that Shawn might be cuter than him and the girls cheer. He says he's accepted the challenge of the best wrestler in the WWF today and at Survivor Series he will face Stone Cold Steve Austin. Backstage all the heels are watching (including the great TL Hopper) and Brian Pillman starts cheering about Bret's return and Austin glares at him. Bret says "ass" and the fans go crazy. Bret talks about spending time with his family. He tells the heartbreaking story of his nephew who died and dedicates his return to him and to giving little kids a hero. He can't dance or pose for "girly books" but he's the best there is, the best there was and the best there ever will be. GREAT PROMO, great segment. Best thing on RAW for a long time.

Todd Pettingzoo and Jerry Lawler talk about the Karate Fighters tournament. Yeah...

Hunter Hearts Helmsley is supposed to be taking on Mr Perfect, but Perfect comes limping out with Marc Mero and Gorilla Monsson. Jim Ross wants to find out what's going on as someone holds up a "HUMP HIS FACE, GOLDUST" sign. The doctors won't allow Perfect to wrestle tonight. He says Marc Mero will take his place, but HHH will only agree to it if Mero puts up the IC title. HMMM...

Marc Mero vs Hunter Hearst Helmsley - Mero uses armdrags. Hunter pulls Sable in front of him to block Mero's sumersault plancha and Sable slaps him. HHH hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Mero hits a Samon drop and goes up for the Wild Thing but HHH pushes the referee into the ropes to crotch Mero. Mero comes back with the Merosault for two. The referee is bumped. HHH gets a chair but Perfect grabs it off him. Perfect hits Mero with the chair and HHH hits the Pedigree to win the IC title. SHOCKING SWERVE. So why was Perfect stealing all Hunter's girls?

RAW was more entertaining than Nitro this week.


22/101996

Hardcore TV

Last weak Shane Douglas shook Pitbull's halo and Joey Styles went "Huuuuh!"

Joey and the close ups of his face talks about what happened. He refused to interview Shane Douglas on this show.

2 Cold Scorpio vs Chris Jericho - Jericho's been in WCW for months so I guess this is an old match they had "in the can." I'm fine with that because it's a good match! Good fast chain wrestling to start. They do a knucklelock spot with bridges and monkey flips. It's classic stuff! A "Bischoff sucks dick" chant starts. Jericho goes armdrag crazy. Scorpio gets more aggressive and heelsih and hits some hard kicks. Scorpio hits a powerbomb and top rope legdrop for two. Jericho comes back with his springboard dropkick on the apron. Scorpio dropkicks Jericho on the top rope and sunset flips him down for two. Jericho misses the lionsault but hits a rana for two. Scorpio misses a moonsault and Jericho hits a splash for two. They botch something and Jericho hits the Lionsault for two. Jericho hits a powerslam off the top for two. Jericho misses a twisting splash and Scorpio hits a tombstone and shooting star press to win. A good match! Why can't ECW be like this all the time?

Joel Gertner interviews Shane Douglas and Francince, outside of Pitbull's hospital. They make fun of him for being a cripple. Shane says he's the real hardcore and the fans couldn't take it.

The Gangstas vs The Eliminators - Tag titles are on the line. I don't see any point trying to recap a Gangstas match. They hit each other with stuff, fight in the crowd, New Jack pins Kronus with a diving chair shot. Eliminators attack after and give them both Total Elimination, then they put a table on the top rope and put a ladder on top of the table and Saturn hits an eblow (more like a knee drop) from up there.

End of the show seems to just be an advert for an upcoming show.
 
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