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Where is the Random Thread of Randomness stuff that doesn't belong in other threads thread?

Today's inspirational thought: Life is like the Grand Canyon--with enough time and constance, even the littlest things can beat you down and wear you away, leaving a giant hole at your core.
 
And on a lighter(?) note, a favorite joke of mine. It's probably better spoken, but I think it will work in writing:

Two businessmen were traveling for work. One waited at the train station cafe while the other got their tickets. The first man comes back to the table, blushing and laughing nervously. "What's up?" asked his friend. "I just had a Freudian Slip," he replied. "What's that?" the other man asked. "That's when you mean to say something but you accidentally say something else that's on your mind. The girl at the counter had an amazing chest so when I meant to ask for two tickets to Pittsburgh, instead I said I wanted 'two pickets to titsburg.'" After a short laugh, the other man said "Oh, that happened to me this morning at breakfast. I meant to ask my wife 'would you please pass the butter?' but instead I said 'you bitch, you ruined my life.'"
 
OK. Also a quick story from when I was young enough to hang out in bars with beautiful people to try to get sex:

So the beautiful people are hanging out in a bar, trying to get sex and the girl I want to have sex with and a guy who went to the University of Georgia (UGA) are playing darts. He's got sandals with a big UGA "G" on them, so I compliment him on is cool Green Bay Packers sandals. He replies by throwing a dart at my foot--and instead hitting the girl. I'm sad that I never got sex with that girl. I probably could've if I were not inept around women. I can think of at least 3 times that I had an opportunity but missed it.
 
It occurred to me, just now, that I play a lot of solitaire of late. Immediately after that it occurred to me that "playing solitaire" would be a good euphemism for masturbating.

...aaaand UrbanDictionary already beat me to it.
 
One of the things I respect about Daniel Craig is how he managed to work in imagery from the Fleming novels. Obviously he got to do "Casino Royale" but...the scene in "Casino Royale," where he kills a pair of black enforcers in a stairwell? That's pretty much straight out of "Live & Let Die." And the scene in "Quantum of Solace," where he and the heroine stagger along, covered in dust? I can't actually remember any detail on the scene because it wasn't a great movie, but that scene is almost certainly a nod to "Moonraker," where Bond and the heroine are almost killed by being buried when the Bad Guys blow up a cliff above them.
 
Volpone said:
And on a lighter(?) note, a favorite joke of mine. It's probably better spoken, but I think it will work in writing:

Two businessmen were traveling for work. One waited at the train station cafe while the other got their tickets. The first man comes back to the table, blushing and laughing nervously. "What's up?" asked his friend. "I just had a Freudian Slip," he replied. "What's that?" the other man asked. "That's when you mean to say something but you accidentally say something else that's on your mind. The girl at the counter had an amazing chest so when I meant to ask for two tickets to Pittsburgh, instead I said I wanted 'two pickets to titsburg.'" After a short laugh, the other man said "Oh, that happened to me this morning at breakfast. I meant to ask my wife 'would you please pass the butter?' but instead I said 'you bitch, you ruined my life.'"
Click to expand...

As a customer was going out the door that his wife had just walked through he reached backwards to catch the door but accidently touched my chest as well.

It was freaking awkward. Did he not know I was right behind them? Ugh.

It doesn't help that he also gave me a side hug the day prior that was cringe worthy.
 
Things you think you know, that you've seen a million times, and then when it's gone you realize you never noticed: Did video rental places have public restrooms?
 
Mirah said:
As a customer was going out the door that his wife had just walked through he reached backwards to catch the door but accidently touched my chest as well.

It was freaking awkward. Did he not know I was right behind them? Ugh.

It doesn't help that he also gave me a side hug the day prior that was cringe worthy.
Click to expand...
These days…a younger guy approached me at the gym and said he really admired…my car (lmao). I have an Audi S5 Sportback now and we were talking about sports models in general, blah blah. I think he wanted to caress my car. The best part of the conversation was the end when he said he could picture me driving that thing for all its worth at times. Damn straight I do.
 
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