Mystic Star
New member
I would give Caitriona a 55 gallon drum of Summers Eve and some Clorox, for Chrissake
Troll Kingdom
This is a sample guest message. Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!
Christmas Giving: It's the thought that counts!
- Thread starter Kerb Crawler
- Start date
curiousa2z
Be patient till the last.
You are being very rude.
This thread has nothing to do with you.
This is KC's Christmas-gift thread and your post is entirely out of line.
This thread has nothing to do with you.
This is KC's Christmas-gift thread and your post is entirely out of line.
Kerb Crawler
Closed Fist of the Badlands
Well, it's officially 2 hours into Christmas day and I'm still waiting for the fat man's frantic footsteps on my rooftop as he realizes we don't have a chimney. (I also covered up the pet door in the garage with a wooden plank, so it should be a fun challenge for that fat bastard to figure out how to squeeze his sweaty ass in here.)
At any rate, I figured I'd take a couple minutes to actually PLAY in my own thread.
Here we go:
Jack: Of everyone here, I've known you the longest and actually had the pleasure of meeting you in the really-real world earlier this year. That having been said, I'm having the hardest time coming up with a gift for you. So, I think I would set you up... let's say $100,000 to help with bills and bullshit so you can quit your job and just concentrate on your music and other creative pursuits/hobbies. Hopefully, this would afford you to more fully realize any opportunities that a touring schedule would provide. My wife and I would also treat you and your fam to an extravagent dinner the next time you're in NM, and hopefully, this time, we'll have more time to visit.
curiousa2z: I think I've enjoyed playing with you the most here. You're sharp, fun, witty, well-read, cultured, interesting, and beautiful -- all traits I appreciate in a good woman. Your present from me is to travel the world, while you're still young, and see all those beautiful places and people and art and mysterious points of interest you've heard tell about and read about and longed for. And don't worry about the bills back home, they'd all be taken care of until your return, whenever that might be. My only request: Swing by NM sometime, wontcha? We'll do lunch.
Oh, and you're forever on my comp list once I get my series of books published.
Menty: For fuck's sake... who here DOESN'T love Menty? Dude, you are the shit, sir, and when you're on, you're fucking ON, and no one can touch you.
Anyway, for Christmas, I would pay your way to get back home, a decent flat of your own, and send you the ENTIRE Sandman series in the new "ABSOLUTE" format for your collection and enjoyment. All I ask in return is that you DON'T stop being you. And I look forward to future correspondence with you.
Big Dick McGee: You're a nut, dude. Totally. And I've come to respect you. You've got a comics background like me, and I think it's cool that you're digging on the golfing action right now. I know you're wanting to get to Scotland to play a few holes, so, for Christmas, I'd send your ass to St. Andrews Old Course. Perhaps you'd be able to rouse Wacky from his self-imposition and the two of youse guys could just go bonkers and nutsofreako on the course out there. I'd also send Laker Girl to caddy for ya. (You guys can make your own sleeping arrangements.) Oh, and I'd get Cait to finally send you those pics of her feet.
Miranda: I know you long to return to AZ and get back to your life before it was interrupted by that bullshit drama you told me about, so, to that end, I'd pay your way back to the Grand Canyon State, AND set you up in a BOSS apartment near the university, for the duration of your college years. Also, I'd have BlindGroping make you an awesome dinner upon your return, and The Question would graciously provide entertainment.
Laker_Girl: You're hardcore, and yet, I get a senstive side from you, too. (Most notably when you talk about your "kids.") I haven't talked to you too much, but I've read plenty of your posts and you seem a good sort. (I hope you come back soon.) Why some man hasn't scooped you up and "made you his own"/married you is beyond me, but who the hell am I to judge? We all have our stories, right? For Christmas, I would just have all your family bullshit RESOLVED so you can move on with your life and take care of Laker Girl. There's no one more important than you. I know you're fighting the good fight for these kids so they have a good solid upbringing and as much stability as you can muster - and I commed you for that - just don't lose yourself in the process.
I'd also send you to a day spa, for a break, and for THE WORKS, to be primped and pampered and made to glow and reconnect with the beautiful girl I believe you to be.
MM: You naughty girl; all over the internet with you, snaring hapless young men and women in your Troll net.... I'd offer my services as a poolboy, you know, but I fear that the missus would take exception with that, and I've yet to figure out how to shake off HER "trolling!" At any rate, my Christmas gift to you is all the poolboys you can shake a stick at (or all the poolboys' sticks you can shake!), a trunkload of erotic fiction, a couple sexy handguns, some finger food, and a lifetime's supply of your favorite tea. Oh, and Shatna and Will's Zenith fighting for your amusement/affection in a tub of green jell-o wearing nothing but a couple leopard print banana hammocks! And happiness.
Cait: My sexy magic "genie" on more than one occasion... You're hella fun... and in another world I think we would have gotten into a lot of trouble together. (Read: Arrested for "crimes of passion.") LOL My Christmas gift to you is a digital camera (Ok... that's more for everybody ELSE than for you), and a $25,000 shopping spree to help with the upkeep and maintenance of your well-stocked erotica "dungeon." Also, I think you'd appreciate the possibilities of a cruise. Just you and a fuckload of sexy guys and girls traveling the oceans doing sexy things and having exciting adventures. No retirees or kids allowed!!! Anywhere you wanna go. On me. (I'm generous like that.)
And everyone else: I didn't "forget" you... There's just so many.... and I haven't had a lot of contact with you. Gagh, Wacky, Eggs, GTC, BG, TQ, #6, Shatna, ER... I enjoy your posts, immensely. And you guys have provided a wondrous distraction from an otherwise humdrum day at the office. Whatever your deepest desires are, my friends, something, perhaps, you never thought you'd have, afford, or enjoy.... Imagine that. That's my gift to you. Whatever it is. Don't worry about the price... you're worth it.
Winged Weasel: You'd get a spanking, but you make me laugh, so party on!
As for the Duals... You get one fruitcake to share among the lot of ya.
!!!MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU GOD-DAMNED FUCKING TROLLS!!!
~A FUCKING BOON TO THE FIRST TROLL TO PANTS SANTA!~
I should probably turn in before the missus thinks I'm peeking at my prezzies...
At any rate, I figured I'd take a couple minutes to actually PLAY in my own thread.
Here we go:
Jack: Of everyone here, I've known you the longest and actually had the pleasure of meeting you in the really-real world earlier this year. That having been said, I'm having the hardest time coming up with a gift for you. So, I think I would set you up... let's say $100,000 to help with bills and bullshit so you can quit your job and just concentrate on your music and other creative pursuits/hobbies. Hopefully, this would afford you to more fully realize any opportunities that a touring schedule would provide. My wife and I would also treat you and your fam to an extravagent dinner the next time you're in NM, and hopefully, this time, we'll have more time to visit.
curiousa2z: I think I've enjoyed playing with you the most here. You're sharp, fun, witty, well-read, cultured, interesting, and beautiful -- all traits I appreciate in a good woman. Your present from me is to travel the world, while you're still young, and see all those beautiful places and people and art and mysterious points of interest you've heard tell about and read about and longed for. And don't worry about the bills back home, they'd all be taken care of until your return, whenever that might be. My only request: Swing by NM sometime, wontcha? We'll do lunch.
Oh, and you're forever on my comp list once I get my series of books published. Menty: For fuck's sake... who here DOESN'T love Menty? Dude, you are the shit, sir, and when you're on, you're fucking ON, and no one can touch you.
Anyway, for Christmas, I would pay your way to get back home, a decent flat of your own, and send you the ENTIRE Sandman series in the new "ABSOLUTE" format for your collection and enjoyment. All I ask in return is that you DON'T stop being you. And I look forward to future correspondence with you.
Big Dick McGee: You're a nut, dude. Totally. And I've come to respect you. You've got a comics background like me, and I think it's cool that you're digging on the golfing action right now. I know you're wanting to get to Scotland to play a few holes, so, for Christmas, I'd send your ass to St. Andrews Old Course. Perhaps you'd be able to rouse Wacky from his self-imposition and the two of youse guys could just go bonkers and nutsofreako on the course out there. I'd also send Laker Girl to caddy for ya. (You guys can make your own sleeping arrangements.) Oh, and I'd get Cait to finally send you those pics of her feet.
Miranda: I know you long to return to AZ and get back to your life before it was interrupted by that bullshit drama you told me about, so, to that end, I'd pay your way back to the Grand Canyon State, AND set you up in a BOSS apartment near the university, for the duration of your college years. Also, I'd have BlindGroping make you an awesome dinner upon your return, and The Question would graciously provide entertainment.
Laker_Girl: You're hardcore, and yet, I get a senstive side from you, too. (Most notably when you talk about your "kids.") I haven't talked to you too much, but I've read plenty of your posts and you seem a good sort. (I hope you come back soon.) Why some man hasn't scooped you up and "made you his own"/married you is beyond me, but who the hell am I to judge? We all have our stories, right? For Christmas, I would just have all your family bullshit RESOLVED so you can move on with your life and take care of Laker Girl. There's no one more important than you. I know you're fighting the good fight for these kids so they have a good solid upbringing and as much stability as you can muster - and I commed you for that - just don't lose yourself in the process.
I'd also send you to a day spa, for a break, and for THE WORKS, to be primped and pampered and made to glow and reconnect with the beautiful girl I believe you to be.
MM: You naughty girl; all over the internet with you, snaring hapless young men and women in your Troll net.... I'd offer my services as a poolboy, you know, but I fear that the missus would take exception with that, and I've yet to figure out how to shake off HER "trolling!" At any rate, my Christmas gift to you is all the poolboys you can shake a stick at (or all the poolboys' sticks you can shake!), a trunkload of erotic fiction, a couple sexy handguns, some finger food, and a lifetime's supply of your favorite tea. Oh, and Shatna and Will's Zenith fighting for your amusement/affection in a tub of green jell-o wearing nothing but a couple leopard print banana hammocks! And happiness.
Cait: My sexy magic "genie" on more than one occasion... You're hella fun... and in another world I think we would have gotten into a lot of trouble together. (Read: Arrested for "crimes of passion.") LOL My Christmas gift to you is a digital camera (Ok... that's more for everybody ELSE than for you), and a $25,000 shopping spree to help with the upkeep and maintenance of your well-stocked erotica "dungeon." Also, I think you'd appreciate the possibilities of a cruise. Just you and a fuckload of sexy guys and girls traveling the oceans doing sexy things and having exciting adventures. No retirees or kids allowed!!! Anywhere you wanna go. On me. (I'm generous like that.)
And everyone else: I didn't "forget" you... There's just so many.... and I haven't had a lot of contact with you. Gagh, Wacky, Eggs, GTC, BG, TQ, #6, Shatna, ER... I enjoy your posts, immensely. And you guys have provided a wondrous distraction from an otherwise humdrum day at the office. Whatever your deepest desires are, my friends, something, perhaps, you never thought you'd have, afford, or enjoy.... Imagine that. That's my gift to you. Whatever it is. Don't worry about the price... you're worth it.
Winged Weasel: You'd get a spanking, but you make me laugh, so party on!
As for the Duals... You get one fruitcake to share among the lot of ya.
!!!MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU GOD-DAMNED FUCKING TROLLS!!!
~A FUCKING BOON TO THE FIRST TROLL TO PANTS SANTA!~
I should probably turn in before the missus thinks I'm peeking at my prezzies...
Mandi
New member
You know, you guys have given me cooler, better, fake gifts than my own family gave me. I mean jesus, mom got me a Clay Aiken cd! Who likes Clay Aiken?! A five dolor makeup set that has colors only hookers would use, a five dollar manicure set, and an Interpol CD, that one is actually pretty sweet. Oh not to mention my father and my sisters haven't called. I hate this fucking holiday bullshit! God knows I put forth the time and effort and money to make sure everyone got cool meaningful shit. God I sound ungrateful.
Blindgroping
U mad 'bro?
What did you get people?
curiousa2z
Be patient till the last.
Kerb Crawler said:
OMG - Thank you so much KC for the wonderful Christmas gifts and thoughts.
I don't know HOW you knew travelling around the world is a dream of mine, though.... has Santa been devulging the contents of my List? And of course NM is on for lunch!
Kerb Crawler
Closed Fist of the Badlands
jack said:
Awesome, Jack! Thank you! Yanno.... we might be heading up that way in 2007... our desitnation will be CT, but we could swing by and say 'hi,' perhaps.
curiousa2z said:
I would enjoy that VERY much! Thank you, C2!
curiousa2z said:
What can I say, C2? We're kindred spririts. I just got you something I would appreciate myself.
Mandi
New member
Blindgroping said:
I got my mum five pairs of toe socks, the Serenity DVD, a new pair of slippers, a photo album set, and made her a scrapbook, took me weeks to make that fucker.
I got my stepdad a new flannel shirt, eight pairs of heavy duty work socks, and two pairs of flannel longjohns.
Got the neice and nephew sleds.
My sister and bro-in-law a $20 gift card from Wal-Mart. Hard to buy for them.
Got my grandma a squirrel feeder.
That's what I gave.