Menu
What's new
Troll Kingdom

This is a sample guest message. Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

Emotionally available

Consumer

Consumer

Elder Statesman
"Emotionally available" man.

Mmm...odd term.

I'm struggling with this, because I've run into a lot of women who both WANT this in their partner, but have a hard time really pinning what it is down. I seem to be "it" off and on, depending on my level of sadness or depression.

As one of the "freshly divorced", it seems that they all expect me to be a bit of a bastard. Well...I'm a bit of a bastard ALL of the time, but they like it. I'm in touch with my feelings, probably too much so considering all of the pain they cause me. They all seem to want that. Even with the bastardy.

Why?

Ok, ladies, here are my opinions:

A man should not cry in front of their lover/lovers. Not more than once a decade at least. Exceptions for really SAD movies, but even then it's just a few tears and you excuse yourself to the bathroom.

A man SHOULD be able to tell you that you (the woman) have annoyed him, crossed the line in some way, or otherwise caused trouble in a level and rational manner. We should also accept that you'll do the same in an irrational manner (but you have breasts, so we give you a pass on this).

A man should also be able to tell you when you've pleased him and when he's happy.

A man should be able to use the words "lust", "like", and "Love" at appropriate times and know the difference between the three.

A man should also be able to tell you BEFORE it's "break-up" time when the relationship is in trouble and be willing to hash out the issues with you. That also means he has to have some idea what those issues are.

I am a poet. I can't turn off my feelings. I want to at times.
Now, excuse me.

-SB
 
Being emotionally available only when you are sad or depressed is not healthy for a relationship.

We'll take your anger, too. Just not at the end of your fists.

We want your joy and happiness as well. But we grow tired of you sharing that with other people and rarely with us.
 
The problem is that quite a lot of men share no emotions at all and kinda expect women to be able to read thoughts.
Also, rather a lot of men are completely inarticulate when it comes to problems in relationships. They pointblank refuse to discuss problems and find appropriate solutions.
Very often men are a combination of both the above. That type of man will always give a women the feeling that she only gives but never receives anything back. Sooner or later the woman will inevitably withdraw because she's completely burned out. It's an act of self preservation.

What we really wish for is someone who will treat us as their equal. Someone who confides in us and is trustworthy. Someone who will not only listen to our problems but help us find a solution. Someone who will not take a relationship as a matter of course but realize that it requires hard work from both parties involved. Someone with whom we can take refuge from RL at times and whom we in turn will protect whenever necessary.
And a few flowers or chocolates now and then won't harm either ;)
 
The Call Of Nature said:
What we really wish for is someone who will treat us as their equal. Someone who confides in us and is trustworthy. Someone who will not only listen to our problems but help us find a solution. Someone who will not take a relationship as a matter of course but realize that it requires hard work from both parties involved. Someone with whom we can take refuge from RL at times and whom we in turn will protect whenever necessary.
And a few flowers or chocolates now and then won't harm either ;)
Click to expand...

Equal, yes, but who will also treat you AS a woman (see your last sentence). I can respect a woman for her intellect, wisdom, and courage, but I will also treat her as I see the proper "role" for a woman would dictate too. Not a lesser one, but it IS a different one.

Many feminists (and I've spanked more than a few) get this very confused. I'm not accusing you of this, just an observation.

Women want "alpha males" who are strong enough to be gentle, and secure enough to listen. That we can also take over, get things done and make a decision and handle the consequences of those decisions are also things that are very "primal attractants" too.
I'll listen to you, nod, and make my own decision. If it's wrong, I'll fix it. However, you might not always get your way...I'll have to build enough credibility for you to trust me when that happens.

-SB
 
sorry, I'm German, so no French outfit. If you're my cup of tea, we can negotiate about French kissing, though.

What tea type are you? Milk or lemon? Darjeeling or Assam or Chinese? Green or black or white?

As it's evening over here I'd prefer a light Darjeeling, organically grown, tips, second flush (first is a bit too tame imo), with neither milk nor lemon.
For breakfast (assuming you're American and have morning there now) I'd recommend an Assam first flush orange pekoe with a drop of milk.
 
Actually, my dear, that's part of the appeal. Lots of little buttons draws out the suspense. I am a patient man, although I also enjoy making my partners very Impatient...and needful. You may end up cursing every button.
 
highly unlikely. I'm not interested in sex. I prefer a good book and a decent cup of tea over a man any time (ok, with the exception of 2 men on this planet, maybe).
 
You offered to recommend the tea on your own initiative, Fräulein. You might surprise yourself at what you'll find yourself doing (and enjoying) around me.

However in the spirit of your response, I'll share the tea with you and we can discuss books for hours. Good conversation can arouse me more effectively than even the most provocative outfit.

As for where you place your priorities and preferences, I respect a woman who knows what she wants. You can do far worse than tea and books.

Of course, you haven't met me.
 
indeed, but I have "Making Money" by Terry Pratchett (currently at page 267 of 476), a plate of homemade whole-meal rolls with fresh butter and honey, a pot of tea and a warm quilt. What more would a woman require in a cold night? (yes ok, a hot water bottle, maybe...)
 
Honestly, Ms. Nature, I can't think of a thing to add in the situation you describe.

However, I can think of something you might enjoy (if not absolutely require without the proper conditioning and training) the next morning, something that will last far longer than the warmth in the tea or the rolls.
 
verily, Mr Consumer, you speak words of great wisdom. I shall indeed require two things tomorrow morning which are a matter of training and conditioning (though a climatical one) :
long unmentionables and handknitted socks.

It's getting cold here in the nights. And I go to work by bicycle, no matter what season or weather.
 
I really just want a physically available man. That is what I told myself a year ago and now I have found myself in the middle of a relationship. WTF can't we just have sex?
 
Because, Ms. child, and I say this with the utmost gentleness: anyone worth making love to will fall in love with you sooner or later. The ones who just fuck are not worth the time, are ignorant of themselves, and miss 90% of the experience.

You don't strike me as that sort of woman.
 
It looks as if we're the two extremes, LC: while you seek a purely sexual relationship, I could never have one. I'm just not able to sleep with a man whom I don't love (and not interested in doing so, anyway). For me, sex is not just the mechanical act itself, a building and releasing of tension, but rather a physical expression of the uttermost emotional closeness.
There is a Native American legend which says that originally humans had 2 heads and 4 arms and legs each. They were perfect, almost god-like, so that some spirit got envious, split them and scattered the halves all over the planet. Ever since, the halves are wandering around, searching for their missing part. In very rare cases they find each other and become perfect again.
That's exactly what I need for good sex: the feeling that we are in fact one, not only physically, but in every aspect of our lives. Without that feeling, masturbation is propably the better solution. At least I can be sure it's done by someone who loves me.
 
While I agree that making yourself "emotionally available" is the key to having a meaningful and rapturous sex life, I don't think it's necessary all the time. If you have a long-term partner, being emotional with them helps your sex life as communication of your desires and courage to express yourself are essential to maintaining good sex. However, there can be what I consider "masturbatory" sessions with partners where there is no real emotional connection, just a good physical one. That raw, no-talking, lustful, throw-away encounter can sometimes be very fun. Let's face it. You can't communicate with a dildo or a pocket pussy. Why should you have to communicate with another person where you don't want any emotional connection? I get plenty of emotional connection from my partner. Everything else is really just elaborate masturbation.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top