Qpid - Picard is preparing to make a boring speech to archaeologists. Vash shows up in his quarters and they kiss. Picard acts awkward in the morning when Crusher comes by. Vash is hurt that Jean Luc didn't tell his friends about her. Riker hits on Vash, of course. Picard continues to be embarrassed, Vash continues to say "he never told you about me!?" to everyone. It's all a bit boring? Q shows up, at least. Q wants to give Picard a gift for helping him the last time. Picard finds out Vash is going to visit some forbidden ruins, they have a fight, blah blah blah it's boring. Q makes fun of him and says Vash is Picard's weakness. Picard starts his speech but everyone starts turning into Robin Hood characters. Picard and the other main characters are transported to Sherwood Forest in full costumes. Data is bald! Worf instantly says "I AM NOT A MERRY MAN" which...I mean, it's funny, I guess, but would Worf really say that? It's a bit silly. They're attacked by stock Robin Hood villains.
Q shows up at the Sheriff of Nottingham and says Maid Marion (Vash) will be executed tomorrow unless Picard saves her. Guy of Gisborne asks Vash to marry him and she slaps him. Geordi's playing his lute and Worf walks over and smashes it against a tree and says "sorry." This is funnier than the "merry man" line because it feels more natural! Picard says he's going to rescue Vash by himself to not endanger the crew and orders Riker to stay behind. I WONDER HOW THAT WILL END. Vash shocks Q by agreeing to marry Guy. Picard shows up to rescue Vash. She doesn't like how he takes command so she hands him over to Guy. Q goes to Vash and tells her he finds her interesting, but also finds a letter she was sending to Riker to rescue Picard. Vash and Picard are both to be executed but Riker and friends show up to rescue them anyway. Q eats grapes during the fight scene. The men fight with swords but Troi and Crusher just hit people with jugs. Picard kills Guy. If this was a Rick and Morty episode, Q would have revealed that Guy and all his men were all real people who the Enterprise crew just murdered. Everyone is sent back to the Enterprise except Vash. She shows up in his Ready Room and reveals she's going to travel with Q now. Why would Q be interested in travelling with a human? It's not really clear, but I guess they thought it was a good way to get rid of Vash.
Fuck me that was shit. It's a comedy episode that isn't funny (aside from a couple of Worf moments.) It's the laziest, most pointless use of Q yet. It might as well have been a Holodeck malfunction episode. Vash is still pretty good and still has some chemistry with Picard, but all they do is have a lame argument about him not telling his friends about her, then she goes off with Q for some reason. Ira Steven Beher will write some great episode of DS9, but he'll also write many more terrible comedy episodes and this is just the first of them. Somebody should have stopped him.
SCORE: 3.5/10