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Who gives a single actual fuck about literally anything?

#29.5 - Tim returns to the sewers and says he needs a dental assistant. It can't be Susan because she still looks like a zombie even though her brain is nearly fully healed. "BRAINS!?"! says Susan, her zombie nature returning for a moment. Tim says Elaine has to be his dental assistant as they build an army of mind-controlled dental patients to go after Kramer. Elaine says sure, anything to get out of the sewers. George says hold on a fucking minute, he isn't letting his wife go anywhere with a man who has a button that can give her instant orgasms. Elaine says he isn't the boss of her and starts to leave. George grabs her arm and she slaps him. He starts crying. Zombie Susan and Newman's head are watching and Newman says "awk-ward!" in a camp voice. Tim says he'll give the orgasm button for safe keeping but he can't press it because it'll distract Elaine and it doesn't work from a distance of over a mile anyway. "That's okay, he never could give me an orgasm," says Elaine. Tim and Elaine leave and Jerry walks in completely naked. "You okay, Jerry?" asks Susan. Jerry appears to be in a trance. The camera zooms right in on his face and suddenly he's standing in Central Park storking his trusty murder knife with Uncle Leo beside him. "You must kill a Kramer supporter to show you are a man," says Leo. Jerry nods. He stalks a burly male Kramer supporter who is wearing a "KRAMERICA" baseball cap. He turns round at the last second but it is too late, as Jerry is one him thrusting the knife into him again and again. "AH HA HA...AAAAAAAAAAH HA HA HA HAAAAAA!" laughs Jerry as he is showered in blood. "I'm proud of you, my boy!" says Leo. "But now you must kill a woman Kramer supporter. A YOUNG woman Kramer supporter!" Jerry smiles. He sees a teenage Kramer supporter jogging through the park. He looks at his knife, still stained in blood. "I'm having unnatural thoughts about her," he admits to Leo. "To defeat Kramer, you must visit places in your mind that even Kramer would fear to," says Leo, nodding. Jerry starts to approach the girl with his knife...then flashes to another time and place. He is on some kind of starship wearing a Captain's uniform. The Bridge of the ship has a glass floor. Kramer is incased below the glass, alive but in agony. The Kramer Device is welded to his crotch, extending up through the glass and forming a huge joystick which Jerry is using to steer the ship with a crazed look on his face. "KILL THEM," he says. "KILL THE CATDOGS!" We see Elaine, George and Newman (who somehow has a new body) in gun pods on the side of the ship, firing out at fighters which are piloted by the Catdog aliens, blowing them out of the stars. "More!" says Jerry. "KILL MORE!" Kramer moans in pain as every time Jerry touches his joystick it sends a shock down the Kramer device and into Kramer's crotch. Jerry flashes back into the sewers. "None of that was real!" he says. "Leo, what was that? Why did I see...that path? Wait, I understand now. I was thinking of murdering Kramer supporters in Central Park. But I must resist that evil. We cannot defeat Kramer by becoming worse than him. We must do better." "Jerry, what the fuck are you even talking about?" asked George. "Leo's dead!" Jerry smiles. He sees Leo giving him a thumbs up. "Leo is teaching me from beyond the grave," says Jerry. "We must choose a path of kindess and empathy." "What about Tim creating an army of mind-controlled slaves to send to their deaths against Kramer?" asks Susan. "Oh yeah, that's pretty bad!" admits Jerry. Suddenly he has another prescient vision. He is floating in space, somehow. The planet Earth itself is approaching him, propelled by some ungodly power. But as it drawns closer Space Jerry gasps when he sees that the Earth is now shaped like Kramer's head. The entire planet has been transformed, all landmasses hideously deformed to render Kramer's insane visage. And, through some kind of space sense, Jerry knows that inside the core of the Earth itself are imprisoned millions of people. They are all that remains of humanity and Kramer is using their suffering to power the Earth...which is now a battle station. The Kramer mouth of Earth opens and it fires from it s a massive death lazer which destroys a whole planet: and Jerry knows it is the home planet of the Catdogs. He shives in fear as the death beam changes direction to vapourise him...and then he is back in the sewers. "I've seen what Kramer plans," he tells the others. "And it is worse than we could have possibly imagined!" In his Dark Tower, Kramer watches television with the Newman Gollem. They are watching a news report which states that the rest of the world has declared a state of emergency. Kramerica, now spanning all of North and South America, is considered a threat to all remaining nations. "Are you going to kill them all?" asks Newman. "I...I don't want to," says Kramer. "I really want no more death. I grow so weary, Newman, yet I cannot sleep anymore. I fear what I am becoming." "But you wanted this!" snaps Newman. "You used the Kramer Device to enslave so many...and I know what you have planned for the Catdgos. Remember, I have access to all the memories of future Newman's simulations!" "It is true," says Kramer. "Yet I wished all along there was a better way. I was hoping the devotion of the masses would be enough, but too many still oppose my message of love. I may have to kill them. I MAY HAVE TO KILL THEM ALL!" He starts crying. Gollem Newman sighs and presents him with a Jerry hole to relieve his suffering.
 
Mirah said:
Nothing matters
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#29.6 - Tim and Elaine are performing hideous painful dental surgery on an unwitting patient to convert them into a soldier for the anti-Kramer army. "No doubt they will die," says Tim, blankly. "But it will be for the great good." "Yeah, yeah," says Elaine, sighing. "All I care about is orgams are that orgasm button you created was invented. Are you sure you don't want to wrestle it from George's sweaty hands and bring me pleasure?" Tim considers it for a moment. "NO!" he says at length. "I cannot be distracted. I have a mission to stop Kramer. I must make up for all I've done!" "Whatever," says Elaine, trying to tigger her orgasm implant by stick a toothbrush up herself. Kramer is nearly breaking down in his dark tower. "Maybe I should kill myself?" he asks the Newman Gollem. "Maybe then everything would go back to normal!" "It's strange you're feeling all these emotions," says the Newman Gollem. "I thought the Kramer Device turned you into a remorseless dictator." "Me too!" says Kramer. "But I think deep down I've always just wanted to be loved, and that longing somehow infected my dictorial ambitions. I've been reaching out with my Kramer mind and feeling everything all of Kramerica feels...I think it's making me stronger but it's also making me feel more. I need...wait. I sense something!" "What doth though sense, my liege?" asks Newman. "The United Nations!" says Kramer. "All the world leaders are having a secret meeting in Paris discussing declaring war on Kramerica! I CANNOT ALLOW THIS. I...I must go." "Go, to Paris?" says Newman. "Yes..." says Kramer and suddenly he swings the Kramer Device through the air and behold! It cuts a gateway open through space, exiting in the secret UN meeting. "You're becoming so powerful," says Newman, fully erect. He presents a Jerry hole but Kramer doesn't even notice. He steps through the portal. The other Newman, Zombie Susan, Jerry and George are still hiding in the sewers. Newman the head in a jar is complaining that he doesn't have a body. "At least your wife isn't out fucking a dentist!" says George. "I have to go after her!" "But you have the orgasm button!" says Jerry. "I don't care!" says George. "SERENITY NOW!" He storms out to go and find Elaine and Tim. Jerry sighs. Uncle Leo appears to him. "It's time for you to walk amongst the people again," says Leo. "Okay, but I'm not killing anyone!" says Jerry. Left alone, Zombie Susan tells Newman she might have a body she can sew his head onto. She admits that she's been eating people to stay alive, but she's been trying to be good lately and only eating their heads. She presents several headless bodies to Newman that she's been hiding in a sewer nook. Newman says they are all beautiful and admits he'll probably destroy them all with heroin. Susan shrugs and says she'll just kill someone else and eat their head then. Newman says no woman has ever done that for him before. Zombie Susan quickly sews Neman's head onto a body, but he can't animate it. "Oh, maybe the body needs to be freshly killed," says Suan. She opens a sewer panel to reveal a sexy man trapped underneath. "HELP ME, PLEASE," he begs Newman's head. "THIS ZOMBIE HAD KEPT ME HERE FOR DAYS!" Newman looks aroused. Susan bites off the sexy man's head then sews Newman's head to the body. Newman stands up. "I LIVE!" he says. Susan spits out most of the sexy man's head then she and Newman make love amongst the blood and corpses. Kramer arrives at the secrety UN meeting. He asks them what the fuck they are doing. The world is better with Kramerica, he says. The president of France says Kramer is worse than Hitler. Kramer reaches out with his Kramer senses. "You are all so small," he says. "I could kill you all with a thought. I have been feeling many emotions, but there is one thing I feel most of all: Kramerica is good. It must live." The president of France declares war on Kramerica so Kramer pops his head. Othe world leaders scream. Kramer kills those who would oppose him. The rest bow down. The whole world is Kramerica now. Kramer steps back through the portal into his Dark Tower. "There is no going back now," he says to the Newman Gollem, a tear running down his cheek. "I have made my decision." He reaches out with his mind. "JERRY!" he says. Jerry, walking the streets of New York, hears Kramer's voice in his mind. Uncle Leo warns him not to engage but Jerry can't help but reply. "Kramer, you could still end all this," says Jerry. "You don't have to kill everyone!" "It was you who made me this way!" replies Kramer. "You and your Kramer Device!" "I was evil then, I'm good now!" says Jerry. "You could be good too!" "It is...too late for me, my Jerry," says Kramer. "I just popped the president of France's head." "Oh, nobody cares about France, big deal!" says Jerry. "You can use the Kramer Device to put everything back to normal and we can watch tv together again." "I...I could?" asks Kramer, tempted for a moment. "Just end it all, end Kramerica and go back to normal!" says Jerry. "END KRAMERICA?" says Kramer with disgust. "NEVER. Kramerica is all that can stop the Catdogs. And for you, Jerry...TIME IS UP." Kramer disappears from Jerry's mind and Jerry realises that Kramer has been guiding his steps. He is inside Madison Square Garden. Kramer Troopers grab him and throw him into a MMA cage. Jerry looks up at his opponent. "You!" he says. "PUDDY!" "Yeah, that's right," says Puddy, ready to fight and kill Jerry. "But I carved your heart out!" says Jerry. "I need no heart," says Puddy, exposing the gaping hole in his chest where Jerry cut out his heart in the woods. "Kramer's love keeps my blood flowing now." And then the referee rings the bell.
 
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#29.7 - Kramer is in his Dark Tower with the Newman Gollem (who has had his arms and legs chopped off for some reason and now just rolls around on the floor), staring at a blank tv screen. "Aren't you going to watch the broadcast of Puddy killing Jerry?" asks the Newman Gollem, eagerly. "If I watch it, he's truly dead," says Kramer. "Schrodinger's death. As long as I don't watch...ha. Hah ha. HA HA HA HA. I still try to deny it to myself even now, Newman. But I have made my choice. Billions will die, all to stop the Catdogs and preserve Kramerica. My Golden Path has been set and I am already walking it. Jerry's death was the point of no return. But it has happened. There is no way he could survive single combat with my immortal Puddy zombie. The die is cast, Newman. I am more evil than Satan himself." And, as he says this, dark shadows form in the room around him. The doors of reality are breaking down, and demons are leaking out of Hell and into Kramer's presence. "Then why not watch the tape?" asks Newman, in awe of Kramer. "Because my Kramer senses tell me why shall have a guest here soon," says Kramer. "In fact, we will have two. We shall watch with them. Watch, as Jerry Seinfeld dies." The Newman Gollem frantically rubs his tiny cock against the the floor as he thinks of this. George rushes through the streets of New York searching for Tim and Elaine. They are in a dental surgery. A patient is tied to a chair. Tim's robotic dental device have his mouth pried open, trying to insert the mind-control chip into his teeth. "PLEASE, IT HURTS SO MUCH!" he cries. "It is a necessary evil," says Tim, grimly. "You must become a soldier in the anti-Kramer army. You will die, but for a great purpose. Try to relax." "NOOOOOOOOOOO!" says the patient. Elaine yawns. "It's funny, normally I'd be sucking you off while you torture this poor bastard," she says to Tim. "But now all I can think about is the orgasm button. I want to feel it, Tim. I want you to press it." "I gave it George, remember!" says Tim. "Well make another fucking one!" says Elaine. "It's all I can think of." "It was made by dark science which came to me in a dream sent by Satan himself, designed to provide the prefect, irresistable oragsm," admits Tim. "I can't recreate it. There is only one orgasm button, Elaine. ONLY ONE." "NOOOOOOOOO!" cries Elaine, and she punches the dental patient in the balls in anger. Suddenly they hear someone enter the dental pracitce. "It could be a Kramer Trooper," says Tim, handing Elaine a gun he's been keeping up his ass crack all along. "Gun down whoever walks through that door. Don't wait to see who it is!" Elaine points the gun at the door and fires as soon as it opens. The bullet narrowly misses George. "SERENITY NOW!" screams George. "What the fuck are you doing here you bald, impotent, piece of shit?" Elaine asks her husband. "I knew you'd be fucking Tim, I came to stop you!" says George. "George, there are more important things going on right now than me fucking your wife on this dentist's chair while this poor tortured patient watches!" says Tim. "I can't fuck anyone without the orgasm button!" says Elaine. "I have it here!" says George, desperately, holding it in his hand. "I could press it, Elaine, make you FEEL again!" "Oh, you'd like that, woulnd't you, fucknose," says Elaine. "You'd love holding orgasm power over me with the touch of a button. Go ahead, fucking press it. Our marriage will be over. I'll never speak to you again. I won't let you see the kids. But at least you'll finally make me cum." "I...I..." says George, his finger hovering over the orgasm button. Suddenly, there is a noise outside. More people have entered the practice. "It must be the Kramer Troopers!" says Tim. "You led them right to us, you fool!" George puts the orgasm button away. "We have to get out of here, leave the dentist to die!" he says, grabbing Elaine's hand. Elaine pulls away. "Fuck you, Costanza. Tim has the vital teeth implants needed to create the disposable army of slaves who can stop Kramer. You should hold the Kramer Troopers off while me and Tim escape. Sacrifice yourself. Do something good at last." "SERENEITY NOW!" says George. "Wait, where's Tim!?" He and Elaine look around. There is no sign of Tim. The patient laughs. "He snuck away with the vital teeth implants through a SECRET PASSAGE while you were arguing," he says. "He built this dental surgery with his bare hands! And now, you will both die! HA HA HA HA!" Elaine shoots the patient dead with the gun Tim gave her. "Shut the fuck up, tooth boy," she says. George looks shocked. Elaine points the gun at him. "If I'm going to die I'm killing you first," says Elaine. With no other way to defend himself, George presses the orgasm button at last. Elaine collapses to the floor, in delight. "OOOOH....OOOH GEORGE!" she moans. George looks amazed. "I did it!" he says. "I made you cum!" The Kramer troopers burst in and knock George out. George awakes in what was once Jerry's apartment but is now Kramer's thrown room in his dark tower. The first thing he sees in the limbless Newman Gollem rubbing himself against the floor. George looks away in disgust, but now sees Kramer sitting in front of him on a throne of bones, surrounded by dark shadows. "Oh, hey George," says Kramer. "Do you like my bone throne? I made it from those who opposed me. I could add you to it later if you want, George. But not yet. Not yet." "Where...where is Elaine?" asks George. "Is she safe? Is she...alright?" "Oh, I'm fine, Georgie Boy," says Elaine, walking out of the shadows. She is wearing a LEATHER BIKINI. There is a chain around her neck, the end of which is being held by Kramer. "No!" says George, taking in the scene. "I made you cum! I MADE YOU CUM!" "You were unconscious for quite some time," laughs Kramer. "I've made Elaine cum hundreds of times since then." He reveals the orgasm button in his other hand. He attaches Elaine's chain to the floor as Elaine purrs. "Press it, baby," she says. "I consent. ENTTHUSIASTICALLY!" Kramer presses the orgasm button and Elaine goes into full body orgasm. The Newman Gollem licks his lips. George is completely crushed, but then thinks of something. "Jerry!" he says. "Jerry will defeat you!" "I'm afraid not," says Kramer. "It's time to watch the fight." George is held in place by shadow demons and forced to watch a huge screen in front of him. It shows Jerry and Puddy fighting in the arena. Puddy pins Jerry to the ground and begins punching him in the head. He punches him again and again. George squirms in disgust but is unable to look away. Elaine laughs in pleasure. Kramer mashes the orgasm button to reward her. Puddy punches until Jerry's head is just a red mush, but then keeps punching. Eventually Jerry's head is completely gone, punched right into the ground, and only his headless corpse remains. Kramer, Elaine and Newman Gollem all laugh evily at George. The shadow demons start to drag George backwards. "Kill me, " whispers George. "It's over." "No," says Kramer. "You defied me for too long to be granted a quick death. I will destroy you utterly Costanza...then keep destroying you. Serenity never. You will live in my walls, watching all I do." And then the shadow demons drag George into the wall, his body disappearing. The last thing he sees is Kramer pressing the orgasm button again.
 
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#29.8 - "He's really gone," says Kramer, an insane grin on his face. "It's been 24 hours but it only just hit me. There is no Jerry. My adversary is gone. The man who could have killed me...the man who could have redeemed me. He's gone. HE'S ALL GONE! HA HA HA HA HA!" He punches himself in the face again and again, smiling a huge grin as he does so. His knuckles are bloody by the time he stops. He smashes a bottle and repeatedly stabs himself in the neck, blood spurting everywhere. The Newman Gollem - who is now a large slug with Newman's face and Jerry holes on his back - licks up some of the blood and rubs his tiny cock into the floor where more of it landed. Kramer's wound instantly heals, for he has achieved true immortality in this form. Elaine yawns. "Look, Kramer, it's great that you showed me the truth of the universe: that nothing fucking matters and embracing evil is the only way to have a good time. But if you don't press that orgasm button again soon I might get back with George!" Kramer and the Newman slug stare at Elaine for a moment in silence. Elaine then bursts out laughing and they do too. "I'm sorry, that was too much!" she says. "Get back with George! I'd sooner fuck Slugman!" George can be faintly heard moaning in agony from the wall. "Very good jest," says Kramer, and he presses the orgasm button hard. Elaine jutters on the floor. "Mmmmm," she moans. "You are right, though," says Kramer. "Nothing really does mean anything anymore. A huge part of Kramerica was about proving to Jerry that my way is best. About shoving it in his smug, comedian face. About making him realise that the only future he can possibly live in...is one in which he is MINE. That, and conquering the universe. I suppose I'll still do that..." "Oh, I forgot to tell you," says Elaine, coming out of her orgasm haze enough to be able to speak again. "Tim Whately is building an army mind-controlled by dental implants to oppose you. There's thousands in New York alone. You should probably murder them while pressing the orgasm button while I watch them die." "Hmm," says Kramer. "Tim is nothing, of course, he'll never be half the man my Jerry was. But you are right, something must be done. Let me talk to the Soup Nazi." A hologram of the Soup Nazi appears before them. "My Lord, this is an unexpected pleasure," says the Soup Nazi. "Of course it is," says Kramer. "Tell me, Soup Nazi, how many have died in your death camps?" "Hahaha, death camps?" asks the Soup Nazi, looking nervous. "I am teaching them to love you!" "How many," askes Kramer again, in a tone which tells the Soup Nazi not to lie. "Millions!" says the Soup Nazi, proudly. "I have killed millions in your name! And they deserved it, for not accepting your love! I have made their blood into a soup. A soup for you." "That must be a lot of soup," says Kramer. "Enough to drown all of New York while I and my friends watch from the dark tower?" "I would say so!" says the Soup Nazi. "But you would drown your own supporters too!" Kramer shrugs. "Who gives a fuck?" he says. "They mean nothing to me. I only need enough people left alive in the world to power the death engine that Earth will become when I wage jihad on the Catdog Empire. Wately's army must be drowned and if that means drowning ten million innocents so be it." "PRAISE BE TO KRAMER!" says the Soup Nazi. "I will mix the blood soup together so that none can survive!" "I'll transport it to New York when the killing time arrives," says Kramer, nodding, and the hologram disappears. "Awesome," says Elaine. "I can't wait to watch ten million people drown in fear." "Your children will be amongst those who drown," says Kramer. "They are in the city below us with your friend Mindy. Are you fine with them dying?" Elaine thinks for a moment. "Will you promise to hit the orgasm button with ten times the normal intensity at the exact moment my children drown?" she asks. "I will do so," says Kramer, smiling like Satan himself. "Then I hope the blood soup ocean is ready soon!" laughs Elaine. "The best part is," says Slug Newman, who is now humping Kramer's foot, "that nobody can stop you, master. Nobody!"

24 HOURS EARLIER

Jerry is in the arena with Puddy. Puddy grabs him around the neck and choke slams him to the concrete. He raisies his fist to destroy Jerry's face. Jerry closes his eyes, accepting his inevitable death. But it does not come. Jerry opens his eyes and sees someone holding Puddy. Jerry pulls himself to his feet. Puddy looks confused...before the person holding him snaps his neck. Puddy drops to the ground, deceased. The person who saved Jerry is revealed...and Jerry gasps in shock. Standing before him is Nina the Neanderthal. "Nina!" says the shocked Jerry. "You saved me! But why!" "Not out of affection, God," says Nina, the last word in a mocking tone. "We must go, fast. Puddy won't stay dead for long." They run out of the arena and hide behind a dumpster. Jerry still can't believe that the neanderthal he once imprisoned in a pocket dimension for thousands of years just saved his life. He wonders why Kramer troopers aren't chasing him after he escaped Puddy. Nina explains that she has reality warping powers and used them to create an image of Puddy killing Jerry, which is what everyone saw on tv. Jerry asks how the fuck she got reality warping powers. She says because of Jerry, of course. He trapped her for so long in the other dimension that she eventually became able to control certain aspects of it. When she broke free she found she could alter perceptions on Earth. Jerry asks why she would use those powers to help him. Nina says Jerry is the lesser of two evils and she made a mistake by letting Kramer have the Kramer Decvice. He must be stopped. He must be killed. Jerry says he was a different person when he tortured Nina for thousands of years and he has sympathy for Kramer, for the power of the Kramer Device has corrupted him more than it did even Jerry. Nina says Jerry and Kramer are just immature manbabies using the Kramer Device as an excuse for their dick-waving contest. This can only end in death. "Fine, I'll kill Kramer," says Jerry. "If it's the only way." "You don't understand," says Nina. "Not just Kramer. You must die too, Jerry. You must fucking die with Kramer to save the universe."
 
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#29.9 - Nina says that Jerry, Kramer and the Kramer Device are a sickening anti-Christ trinity and they must born in the sun itself to bring balance to the universe. Jerry looks sad and says maybe he could harness the Kramer Device for good. She slaps him hard in the face. She says Jerry is a third of the problem and she'd happily murder him right now and wearing his skin as a coat. But right now Kramer is on the verge of wiping out all life on Earth so they must stop him first. She asks Jerry to find his allies because they will be needed. Jerry accesses his prescient powers and sees Uncle Leo standing in an empty city, buildings collapsing behind him. Leo says the nuclear armageddon is coming and maybe Jerry can't stop it. And maybe he SHOULDN'T stop it. Leo has a huge erection visible through his pants and starts rubbing a tiny nuclear bomb he's holding in his hand against it. Jerry is disgusted but cannot look away. Eventually it explodes, destroying Leo's crotch and most of his legs. Jerry shudders and suddenly he sees where George, Elaine, Tim and Newman are now. He goes back to reality. He is crying. "George is being tormented inside Kramer's wall. Elaine has been turned to evil by an addiction to the orgasm button. Some of that may be the near future, I cannot tell, but it matters not. Tim is in a warehouse with an army he is preparing for death. Newman and Zombie Susan have become savage. All hope is lost." Nina slaps him again. "Take us to Tim's warehouse! His army can provide a distraction while we sneak inside the Dark Tower and kill Kramer." "But they'll die!" says Jerry. "Thousands of deaths..." "You really have changed," says Nina, with a mix of wonder and disgust. "There is no choice. Kramer must be stopped. Look into your prescient vision and says what he has planned." Jerry remembers Leo with his crotch blown off. "I daren't!" he says, but sees Nina about to slap him again. He waves her off and sighs. He pictures Kramer in his mind's eye. And then all he sees is blood, drowning New York City. Drowning America. "Okay," says Jerry, sadly. "We'll find Tim." Hours pass. Jerry and Nina sneak around New York, avoiding Kramer Troopers as they go. Nina uses her reality warping powers at times to hide Jerry, but she can only do so much. Eventually Jerry recognises something from his vision. They enter the warehouse. Tim instantly fires a flamethrower at them. "It's me, it's me!" yells Jerry. Tim turns it off. "Oh, sorry, Jerry! Thought you were a Kramer Trooper. I've fried so many of them!" Jerry notices a load of charred bodies around the place, but most of the space is filled by thousands of men and women, standing in silence, as if in a trance. "You control them all?" Jerry asks. Tim looks proud. "My tooth implants make them my mindless slaves. They will happily die for ME...I mean, to stop Kramer..." "Our plan must be accelerated," says Jerry. "Kramer plans to drown New York in blood." "And do you have a way to actually kill Kramer yet?" asks Tim. "I'll happily let as many of my slaves die as need to...but there has to be an end goal." "I...I don't know," admits Jerry. He did not tell Tim that he had been planning to try to reason with Kramer. There was no hope of that now that he had seen the river of blood. Kramer was..."What about Newman?" asked Nina. "What?" said Jerry. "Kramer is part Newman, is he not?" said Nina. "Do something nwith that." "I...I forgot," admitted Jerry. The Kramer side was so strong that he barely thought of the Newman DNA inside Kramer's sexy body. And yet..."Newman!" said Jerry, shaking his fist. An idea had formed. "We need to go to the sewers!" he said. "There's a trapdoor leading to your secret base right here," said Tim. "That will save time!" said Jerry. He and Nina went down. Then heard ungodly nosies behind a door. They entered to find Newman, his head now on a black man's body, and Zombie Susan fucking on the floor. A dozen corpses lay around the sewer room. "You're disgusting," said Jerry, shaking his head at Newman, who was too busy fucking Susan to even notice. "But you're going to help me save the world..."
 
#29.10 - Kramer looks out from his balcony at New York. Many people are crowded below, mostly praying to Kramer, asking for salvation. Some are being beaten to death by Kramer troopers for not being worshipful enough. Others are openly fucking each other while moaning Kramer's name. A single tear rolls down Kramer's cheek. "I can't believe I have to drown my city," he says. The Newman Slug pulls himnself over to Kramer, leaving a trail of cum on the floor. "Maybe you don't have to..." he whimpers. Kramer's face hardens. He stomps on the Newman Slug and it lets out a sickening scream. "Jerry is dead," says Kramer, firmly. "All I have left is the dream of Kramerica. A dream of death." He charges back into his throne room and angrily smashes Elaine's orgasm button She laughs with pleasure. "It's all meaningless," she says, as she writhes in pleasure. "Kill them all, Cosmo!" Meanwhile in the sewers Newman and Susan have finally stopped fucking. Jerry is trying to explain his plan again to Newman. Zombie Susan looks unhappy and growls at Nina. "You better not be after my man," she says. "My Newman." "He fucking digusts me and so do you," says Nina. "Your humanity returned when your dark creator died, yet you still consume human flesh!" "It tastes so good," shrugs Zombie Susan. "If I didn't eat them Kramer would kill them anyway. Me and Newman will fuck our way bloody all over New York, leaving no sport for Kramer at all!" "Not if my plan works!" says Jerry. "Newman, you need to do it. You need to somehow be merged with the Kramer/Newman hybrid creature, so that it has more Nemwan genetic material than Kramer genetic material!" "It makes perfect sense," admits Newman. "But I don't want to give up my new hot black body! Zombie Susan loves it! Mwahahaha!" "Force him to do it, Jerry," says Nina. "He's a cunt!" "I...I can't force him," says Jerry. "But Newman, if you take over Kramer's body, you can do so much good. Imagine how turned on Zombie Susan will be if you free the slaves and stop the killing." Nemwan looks over to Zombie Susan. She shrugs. "I don't support mass killings," she says. "Killing one or two people at a time for sexual pleasure? That's cool. But mass killing are exhausting." "And I suppose I'd have access to the time travel technology embedded in Future Newman's body," says Newman. Jerry thinks about this plot point for a moment and shudders in fear. He says a brief vision of Uncle Leo shaking his his head madly. "CHANGE THE SUBJECT, BOY!" says Leo, before fading away. "Well, you'll want to stay in this time with Susan!" says Jerry. Newman thinks for a moment and nods. "Anyway, we need to get going if we're going to enact this plan," says Jerry. He has a vision again, of New York drowning in blood. Unclea Leo is riding a surf board on a wave of blood. "SOUP'S UP!" says Leo. Nina slaps Jerry to snap him back to reality. Jerry falls to the floor. "Whoops, there goes gravity," says Newman. Zombie Susan starts wanking him off. "Get up you worm," says Nina, but she does extend a hand to help Jerry to his feet. She sighs. "I know you are having more and more visions as the moment of truth grows near. But you have to get it to together. Despite everything, despite all you've done, even to me...there is good in you, Jerry Seinfeld. Enough that you know the only hope for the world, for the UNIVERSE, is if you kill yourself, Kramer and the Kramer Device. Destroy the unholy trinity. You know it makes sense." "I..I do," says Jerry. "We must return to the warehouse. Tim will throw his arm at Kramer's dark tower. Many will die, perhaps all of them. As they do, you will use your power of illusions to disguise myself, Kramer, Newman and Zombie Susan as we travel up the inside of the tower. Kramer belives me dead, so there is a chance we will reach his throne room undetected. If we have to kill Elaine we will, and I will do it with my own hands. Freeing George is not a priority. All that matters is stopping Kramer for good, by dividing the Newman part from his body and leaving Kramer crippled. And then I will use the Kramer Device to fly myself and what is left of Kramer into the heart of the sun. Then, finally, I will have made amends." Nina looks at him in awe for a moment. She starts to move towards him then stops herself. Jerry has a prescient vision of her kissing him. She starts to move to him again, but he stops her. "I do not deserve it," he says. "The only moment of peace and comfort I will ever again know is when I see myself, Kramer and the Device melt." "I...I love you," says Nina. "I know," says Jerry, but he uses his remaing Jerry powers to stop himself from getting an erection and fucking Nina on the floor like an animal with Zombie Susan, Newman and the corpses watching and perhaps joining in. "The hour is here," he says. "To the warehouse."
 
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#29.11 - Kramer is standing on his balcony again. A mad look is on his face. "They will be here soon," he says. "I feel it in the Kramer Device. The final resistance from Tim Whatley's dental-implant controlled army. Laughable! I will drown them in soup blood soon. But perhaps I'll let the Kramer Troopers have some fun first. After all, I'll be drowning them too! I'll be drowning all of them!" "Mmm, who cares," says Elaine from inside. "Come back over here and fuck me." "In a minute, my dark love," says Kramer. "Here they cometh!" Tim Whatley's army march through the streets of New York. Some have guns, others are armed with blunt objects. All have murder in their eyes. Whatley is leading them, in some kind of protective bubble. "KRAMER!" he shouts up at the Dark Tower. "I developed this protective SUPER BUBBLE using TOOTH DECAY ENERGY so that I can watch as my army kills yours and then cast down the very foundations of your Dark Tower! You never take proper care of your teeth and I will make you PAY for that and, to a lesser extent, for the millions you've killed and enslaved. Begun, the great dental war has!" And Tim's army spring into action, striking the base of the Dark Tower with implements and even just firing bullets into it and stuff. Kramer laughs. "Pathetic!" he says. "UNLEASH THE KRAMER TROOPERS!" The Kramer Troopers are launched out of the side of the tower, sending them crashing right down into the middle of Whatley's army. Some die on impact. Others use their energery whips to begin to whip Whatley's soldiers to death. Kramer watches, eagerly. "Not fast enough!" he says, impatient with how long the whips are taking to kill the opposing army. "Demons, LOOSE!" The dark demons who have been living in Kramer's throne room begin to file out, exiting through the floor and the walls and even ceiling. They pass by Kramer making hideous evil sounds as they effortlessly pass down the side of the Dark Tower, directly into the throng of violence below. They begin ripping apart everyone, tooth soldiers and Kramer Troopers alike. They flay people alive and rip the very souls out of others as their physical bodies die in agony. Kramer looks orgasmic. "Yes, hahahaha...YES!" he says. "I need to fuck something!" He goes back into the throne room and picks up the wounded, pathetic form of the Newman slug. It still has one Jerry Hole on its back, the rest having closed up. Kramer prepares to fuck it when Elaine cries out. "What about MEEEE!? You haven't pressed the orgasm buttom in half an hour! I'm starting to have human feelings again. Numb me, Kramer. NUMB ME!" Kramer nods and sticks the orgasm button in the Newman slug's Jerry Hole. He begins to fuck it, with every thrust pressing the button and causing Elaine to orgasm. "No, this isn't enough!" says Kramer. "It's time for me to finally penetrate Elaine." He rips the orgasm button out of the Newman slug then throws the slug as hard as he can against the wall. The slug cries out in pain then moans in agony as it slides down the wall. Kramer sticks the orgasm button inside Elaine as she enthusiastically consents. He begins to fuck her, and the tip of his Kramer cock hits the now internal orgasm button as he does. "What's...what's happening?" whispers a voice from inside the wall, next to wear the slug lies. It is the voice of George Costanza, still imprisoned by Kramer's magic. "I can't help you, " whispers the Newman slug. "Newman?" asks George. "I'm so confused. I don't know who long I've been here. I can hear Kramer fucking Elaine. I heard them saying something about drowning our kids in blood. This is a nightmare. George is...George is getting upset." "Like I said, I can do nothing," says the Newman slug. But bother it starts to slither away, it rips the wallpaper over George's part of the wall a tiny amount. Kramer and Elaine do not notice, as Kramer is currently cumming inside of Elaine while still hitting the orgasm button. "THIS IS ALL THERE IS!" cries Elaine, experiencing the greatest orgasm in recorded human history. "THIS IS RIGHT. THIS IS WRONG. IT DOESN'T MATTER. NOTHING FUCKING MATTERS. THIS IS ALL. I AM THE ONLY REAL PERSON. MY ORGASM IS THE ONLY THING WHICH EXISTS. KEEP GOING, KRAMER. KEEP FUCKING GOING!" Meanwhile, Jerry, Nina, Newman's Head and Zombie Susan have not been idle. They are making their way up the inside of Kramer's Dark Tower, with Nina's reality warping powers Newman's head has been broken off his black body and is being held by Zombie Susan. "Do you still love me even though I'm only a head?" he asks her. "No," she says, in disgust. Despite Nina's illusions, the inside of the Dark Tower is still full of demons and Kramer Troopers, and the all the elevators are full of dead bodies. They have to go up the stairs, but they are attacked from above and below. Zombie Susan flies into action, clearing a path for Jerry. Nina holds off the attackers below. Jerry stores Newman's head in his pants, as it is vital to his plan. "GO!" says Nina. "End this madness once and for all." "You can't hold them all off forever," says Jerry. "It doesn't matter," says Nina. "Just get Newman's head to the Kramer/Newman hybrid. Tip the DNA balance. I...hate you, in many ways, Jerry Seinfeld. But you are also my God. My creator. I love you as much as I hate you." "Well, good luck with all that!" jokes Jerry, heading up the stairs as Nina fights impossible odds below. Kramer and Elaine are lying next to each other on the floor. Elaine is weeping. "Thank you, Kramer," she says. "You have shown me the truth." "Giddy up," says Kramer. The sounds of battle rage on below. "By the way, I have a surprise for you." A secret door in his thrown room opens and Mindy and the kids step out. Elaine gasps. "But...but why?" she says. "And what is this I'm feeling..." "Oh, I thought you could murder your kids yourself while I mash the orgasm button," explains Kramer. "Having them drown in blood while you aren't even present is so impersonal! Speaking off, I bet the blood soup is just about ready..." "Kill them...myself," says Elaine, who has not actually killed anyone since joining Kramer's side, let alone her own children. Just as she speaks the wallpaper behind her tears. George falls out of the wall, covered in ectoplasm. "STOP!" he says. "Don't do it, Elaine! I know there's still good in you!" "There's nothing in her but orgasms!" laughs Kramer, but Elaine does look conflicted. "Now where did I leave that orgasm button..."
 
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#29.12 - Suddenly, a portal opens in Kramer's throne room. The Soup Nazi steps through. "It is ready, my master," he says, proudly. "The blood soup. I have brewed enough to drown all of New York." "Excellent!" says Kramer. "Open the portals. Drown them all." "But...is it necessary?" asks Elaine. George has crawled over to her now. The kids and Mindy are watching. "What is blood soup?" one of the kids asks. "Sounds bad!" "If Lord Kramer thinks it's good, it must be good!" says Mindy. When she blinks it is revealed she has "I LOVE" and "KRAMER" written on her eyelids. "We have to stop him, Elaine!" says George. "I...I just want orgasm..." says Elaine. "Wait, the button...it's inside of me! Of course!" "What does that mean?" asks George, excited. "Will it stop the blood soup portals from opening?" "Waat?" asks Elaine. "No! It means I can finger myself!" And Elaine starts fingering herself, touching the orgasm button inside and experiencing full-on orgasm button orgasms. The portals in the sky open and blood soup pours out. An ocean of blood. In the streets below, Whatley's arm and the Kramer troopers stop fighting for a moment as they see the blood falling. Soon they are swimming and drowning in it. The streets are flooded fast. The demons safely float to the top, but most of the people are drowned. Whatley, in his protective bubble, sighs with defeat. "I thought I could do something good," he says. "I was wrong. All I did was get all of New York killed. My bubble will not last long...why wait? Why not end it now! THIS IS THE END OF ME! TEETH!" He turns his bubble off and is soon choking on blood soup. He drowns, with the rest of his army. "You did well, Soup Nazi," says Kramer. "Thank you," says the Soup Nazi, a tear in his eye. "Soup for you! NEXT!" Kramer makes a handgun appear out of thin air then blows the Soup Nazi's head off with no delay. "Why!" asks George, shaking in fear as Elaine orgasms beside him. "He served you loyally." Kramer laughs madly. "Do you think I give a fuck about loyality? Do you think I give a fuck about ANYTHING? Find the Newman Slug and I'll fucking eat it in front of you. NOTHING MATTERS. I'm drowning all of New York in blood soup and you want to know why I blew one old soup Nazi's head off!" "I just don't understand this world anymore!" says George, slumping to the ground. "You know, we're living IN A SOCIETY! We're supposed to behave in a civilised way!" "Society broke down long ago, George," says Kramer, with some pity. "I was going to build something better, something greater. Kramerica. A paradise for the worthy. But HE is gone now. So I must burn it all down instead." Suddenly, the door is kicked open. Everyone spins round in surprise. A figure is standing in the doorway. "It...it can't be," says Kramer. He steps inside. It is Jerry Seinfeld. "JERRY?" asks Kramer, openly weeping. "You're alive!?" "Jerry, you need to stop him, he's going to burn it all down!" says George. "Mmmm, hi Jerry, I'm fucking high as fuck," says orgasming Elaine. "Hi, unca Jerry!" say the kids. "Mindy is our mother now, we think!" "This has to end, Kramer," says Jerry. "And there's only one way..." Jerry starts to open his trouser, but before he can, Kramer shoots an energy bolt at him with the Kramer Device. It circles around Jerry then traps him, binding his arms to his side. "You're not going to get out of this using what's between your legs!" says Kramer. "I just have something I really need to show you!" says Jerry. "You altered my perception of reality in some way so I thought you'd die," said Kramer. "I hate it when people do that!" "Kramer, this his to stop...WE have to stop," says Jerry. "Me, you, the Kramer Device, we're an unholy trinity, destined to spread death and destruction for as long as we exist. Kramer...we have to die." "FOOL!" cries Kramer, and he shoots Force Lightning out of the Kramer Device, draining Jerry's life energy. George shakes Elaine, trying to get her out of her orgasm-induced high. The kids clap as smoke rises from Jerry's burned body. "What a disappointment you are," sneers Kramer. "We could have killed them all together, Seinfeld. You once initiated the big bang and created the universe just to get revenge on me, and now you want us to die? WE CANNOT DIE! WE ARE GOD! THE KRAMER, JERRY AND THE HOLY DEVICE!" He lifts the Kramer Device high, apparenlty going to cave Jerry's skull in with it, but when he swings it down it stops in mid air. "What is this..." asks Kramer. "It won't kill me!" says Jerry, excited. His bonds break. "It remembers its creator!" And Jerry kicks Kramer in the chest, knocking him across the room. The Kramer device lies on the floor between them. They both dive for it, and grab one end. They try to wrestle it from the other, but the Device keeps slipping from them. "It is mine," says Kramer confidently. "For I am brave enough TO DESTROY!" Jerry hesitates for a moment, shocked by the hatred and evil in Kramer's eyes. Kramer gravs the device, then swings it upwards, nailing Jerry hard in the jaw. Jerry is hit so hard it knocks him up and through the ceiling, leaving a hole behind. Kramer smirks. He flies up, holding the device. Jerry has been knocked clean through two floor, and is now lying on the roof of the Dark Tower. Kramer stands over him with the Kramer Device held high, and to Jerry's eyes the shadows behind him appear to form demon wing. "Now Kramerica truly beigns!" laughs Kramer. "No," says Jerry, sadly. "Now it ends." And before Kramer can bring the device down, Jerry pulls Newman's head out of his underwear and throws it right at Kramer. Newan's head smiles as his head hits Kramer's, and suddenly the head distorts, forming a fleshy mask around Kramer's face, suffocating him. Kramer falls to his back, writhing in pain as the Newman facehugger appears to be about to end his life.
 
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#29.13 - Jerry watches as Kramer struggles. "This wasn't supposed to happen!" says Jerry. "The DNA balance was supposed to be shifted to the Newman side, but Kramer wasn't meant to die. Fight, KRamer. FIGHT!" And Kramer writhes more, then his face begins to become clearer. It is as if he is absorbing the Newman head into his body. Soon he just looks like Kramer again, and he rises to his fight, his eyes glowing red. "You FOOL!" he says to Jerry. "You gave me the strength to keep fighting! And now, I will bring about, KRAMERICA!" He reaches for the Kramer Device, which is lying on the floor between them. Jerry knows he'll never reach it in time. All hope is lost. Until a hideous noise comes from behind. Jerry turns round to see the Newman Slug dragging itself across the rooftop. Kramer laughs for a moment at the pathetic sight, but then realisation dawns on him. "No!" he says. "The DNA balance!" The Newman slug launches intself into the air and whispers "REVENGE!" as it passes Jerry's astonished face. It lands on Kramer and he against falls to the ground. This time his features change quickly and he now resembles some kind of half Kramer/half Newman monster. George and Elaine arrive the roof. "We stuck Mindy and the kids back in Kramer's closet and followed the Newman Slug up here, what's going on!" says George. "Newman is in control again...I think," says Jerry. Kranewman stands up. "Yes, it is I," he says. "The power of both Newman and Kramer flows through my brains, but it is I, Newman, who is in charge now. Slice us in half with the Kramer Device, Jerry. Make me whole again through division." "Do it, Jer!" says Elaine. "Then kill that bastard Kramer for trying to control me through orgasms! I hate when people do that!" Jerry nods, but hesistates as he takes the Kramer Device in hand. Sometimes feels off, but he can't figure out what. At this mental command, the Kramer Device transforms into a sword. He looks at the excited face of Kranewman in front of him. Perhaps it is doing what Newman wants which still feels wrong to him, after their long feud. He remembers the time Newman tried to smother him to death with a pillow when robbing his apartment for heroin money. But he can't let the entity who just drowned all of New York in blood soup live. He holds the Kramer Device Sword high above his head then brings it down, slicing Kranewman in two clean right down the middle starting at the top of his head. There is an explosion of light. Newman, fully himself again, is left standing, while the Kramer half lies on the floor, in some kind of coma. "It worked," says Newman. "IT WORKED! MWAHAHAHAHA! And now, I will reveal the FOLLY of your actions. For, you see, I..." but he is interrupted when Nina arrives on the roof, covered in blood. "You're alive!" says a surprised Jerry. "I had to kill fifty Kramer Troopers with my bared hands to get here, but I am," says Nina. "Now it is time for you to live up to your end of the bargain, Seinfeld. Take Kramer's body and the Kramer Device and fly into the heart of the sun. End this madness forever." Jerry nods grimly. He bends down to pick up Kramer's body...but Kramer jumps up, awake, and grabs the other end of the Kramer Device than Jerry is holding. We see the world throughg Jerry's eyes and the last thing he sees is Kramer's smiling face. Then the world goes dark...

Jerry is standing in his apartment. It is completely back to normal. He looks around, confused. He walks over to the fridge and opens it, finding normal looking food inside. He stand for a moment, trying to think what's wrong. "This isn't right," he says to himself. "But...everything is normal. Was I...just on the roof? With Kramer? But why...why can't I remember..." Suddenly his door swings open and Kramer slides into the apartment, looking like the Kramer we all remember before the evil.

Kramer: Hey buddy!
Jerry: Kramer! What's going on! I swear I was just on the roof with you!
Kramer: Oh, that must have just been a crazy dream! You look like you just woke up!
Jerry: A dream...maybe. I remember someting about soup in the dream...and blood...
Kramer: Blood soup? That's not a real thing! Don't ever mention "blood soup" to anyone, Jerry. They'll think you've gone bonkos.
Jerry: I ddin't actually say blood soup but...anyway, I can't remember the details. It's all fading. It really does feel like waking up from a dream.
Kramer: And isn't this better than whatever you were dreaming about? Isn't being here, with me, in this apartment, what you really want?
Jerry: Well, I don't know about that! You do eat all my food! But...yeah. It feels natural. Jerry and Kramer, together in my apartment. I suppose you're about to tell me about some crazy scheme you've come up with!
Kramer: This one isn't crazy, Jerry! It's toilet paper you can eat!
Jerry: No one wants to eat toilet paper, Kramer!
Kramer: Because it doesn't taste good enough! Haven't you ever been sitting on the toilet for half an hour trying to pass a particularly troublesome stool when you've thought to yourself "boy, I could really use a snack right about now!" Toilet paper you can eat is the solution!
Jerry: YOU'RE the one who's bonkos, Kramer! I'm going to have some cereal...

Jerry goes over to the kitchen and pulls out a spoon, with his back to Kramer. He notices something in the back of the spoon and stares at it. It appears to be a distorted image of Uncle Leo...and he is trying to say something. Jerry is horrified by what he sees, but cannot look away. He leans in to read Leo's lips and mouths them to himself. "Don't beleive his lies," says Jerry. "Don't believe KRMAER's lies!" He turns around in shock to find Kramer standing there holding a huge kitchen knife. Kramer sighs to himself. "Guess we have to reset," he says, then drives the kitches kinfe through Jerry's chest and right into his heart. "Giddy up."
 
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#29.14 - Jerry is back in his apartment again. He looks around, confused. He walks over to the kitchen and shudders at a knife on the counter. He picks up a spoon. Was he suppsoed to do something with a spon? Something about...Uncle Leo? Just as he thinks that, Kramer slides in, smoking a cigar.

Kramer: Hey buddy!
Jerry: Kramer...what's going on? Weren't we...on the roof? Uncle Leo was there...or was he in a spoon? Then you had a knife...
Kramer: Oh, that must have just been a ccrazy dream! You look like you just woke up!
Jerry: Maybe...but...what day is this? What am I doing here?
Kramer: Just hanging out with your best friend Cosmo Kramer! Your only friend.
Jerry: What about that guy with the glasses...and that girl I used to fuck...
Kramer: Oh, they died, long ago. It's just you and Kramer now, in this apartment. Forever. Giddy up!
Jerry: ...why are you smoking a cigar?
Kramer: Because I'm a bigshot, Jerry! A huge shot! I just came up with a brilliant idea! And oven you can set to cold and use as a fridge!
Jerry: What are talking about.
Kramer: You cook your food, then you turn it to cold and it becomes a fridge!
Jerry: But you'd have to take the cooled food out when you used it as an oven!
Kramer: That's waht the back-up fridge is for! You used THAT as a fridge while you're using the ovenfridge as an oven!
Jerry: Kramer, that's so wrong it's breaking reality!

And it is. Somehow Jerry's vision begins to distort. He sees his apartment not as how it should be, but as some dark and evil throne room. Demons swirl around it. Jerry ducks down in fear.

Kramer: What's wrong, buddy? You eat some magic mushrooms by mistake, thinking they're regular mushrooms? We've all done that!
Jerry: Kramer...what are you.

Jerry nows sees Kramer with red skin and devil horns. And Uncle Leo is standing beside him, smiling and nodding. Jerry tries to talk but no words come out. Uncle Leo is now holding the kitchen knife. He has a huge erection. He begins to saw through the erection with his knife. "You better reach out with your prescient Jerry vision if you don't want to see this!" says Leo. Kramer lunges for Jerry, but time appears to slow. Jerry reaches out with his mind and sees his apartment as nothing but a facade. He and Kramer are standing in an empty void.

"I...I remember," says Jerry. "This isn't real, of course it isn't. This is...the future?" "The future as it should be," says Kramer. "Just you and me, together forever. No other life in the universe to get in our way." "You...you killed eveyrone in the universe so we could be together?" asks Jerry. "Giddy up," says Kramer, sinisterly. "But we were just on the roof..." says Jerry. "We were both touching the Kramer Device and then..." "Doesn't matter," says Kramer. "We're here now. We're here forever. This is Kramerica, Jerry. This is the dream. It's true that when I thought you were dead I was going to kill everyone and end the universe. A little voice in my head kept telling me to. But when I found out you were still alive, everything changed. The universe will never end, Jerry. It will go on forever, a perpetual existence...just me and you. Now let me murder you again so we can reset and go back to the apartment. We've done it seven hundred and forty eight times!" "I sense something more," says Jerry, reaching out again. "It's not just us. Something has to be powering this. The Kramer Device alone can't create immortality. I feel it..." "Don't you go there!" says Kramer. His hands turn into kitchen knives, and he dives at Jerry, but Jerry goes transparent and Kramer passes harmlessly through him. "You can't hurt me anymore," says Jerry. "I'm touching the Kramer device too." And Jerry transports them through the facade of the void to the core of this Kramerica universe...

They are in a huge caven. Jerry knows somehow that it is the centre of the Earth. There is a mass of flesh in its centre. Massive, writhing. And, sickeningly as it is, Jerry realises that it is made of people. Humans, gelded together into some hideous living flesh. And they have faces. He begins to make them out...

"Okay, you got me," says Kramer, impassionately. "I needed a million living humans in perpetual agony to keep our paradise running. They've been trapped in here for a million years...I haven't checked on them for a while, I will admit. They weren't all melded together the last time. But it is needed! It is necessary, Jerry! TO KEEP OUR LOVE ALIVE THEY MUST ALL SUFFER!" Jerry notices Elaine's face in the flesh, crying out in agony. He sees Newman too, and Newman manages to mutter the words "I was so close. So very close to manifesting my design." "You kept our friends alive," says Jerry. "Their pain is the most potent of all," says Kramer, defiantly. Then Jerry spots George's face in the flesh. "George is...George is getting upset," the thing that was once Costanza moans. "Kill George! Kill us all!" Jerry can feel in his mind that he can extinguish the lives of the living flesh if he can just reach inside...but Kramer stops him. "We need this!" he cries. "It's the only way the universe makes sense! Don't kill them! Don't kill us!" And now Kramer is crying. "This isn't love," says Jerry. "And I suspect this isn't real, either. We're in the Kramer Device, aren't we? You somehow used it to trap us in a vision of the future. One possible future. It doesn't have to be this way, Kramer!" "But how else can it be!" says Kramer. "This is what I am..." "You can choose to be something else, something better," says Jerry. "As I did." Kramer things for a long moment. "You know, I don't hear the voice in my head anymore," he says. "Telling me to do bad things. I just do them because...I thought I had to. But...maybe..." He smiles. "Giddy up!" he says, taking Jerry by the hand. The living flesh cries out in pain for a moment, then falls silent forever.

Jerry and Kramer wake up on the roof. They are both lying on the floor, holding the Kramer Device. George, Elaine and Nina are crowded around them, with Newman standing back in the shadows. Jerry and Kramer stand up. They both look changed in some hard to define way. "What now," asks Kramer, looking at Jerry then down at the Kramer Device. "Now," says Jerry. "We die."
 
#29.15 - "What do you mean?" asks George. "You're going to die?" "We have to," says Jerry. He cradles George's face with his hands. "My sweet Costanza. Oldest friend. I never would have become the creator of the universe without you in my life. I am sorry to be leaving you. But there is an evil in me, and in Kramer, and in the Kramer Device. The only way to break the cycle is for that dark trinity...to die." "He's right," says Kramer, sadly, as George begins to cry. "We must burn in the fires of the sun itself." Newman snorts at this. Kramer gives him a look. "You okay, buddy? I know you and I did some evil stuff together when we were sharing a body, but that has to end. Jerry and I have to be heroes now." "Then do it," says Newman, with scorn. "BURN." He walks away. "I can't believe I'll never fuck you again," says Elaine to Jerry. "When was the last time? The day I got back from my honeymoon? Ah, memories. Wnat a quick blowjob before you and Kramer burn?" "You haven't changed a bit!" says George, angry. Elaine presses the orgasm button and melts in delight. "You can divorce me any time you want, bitch," she says. "I'm proud of you," Nina says to Jerry. "Maybe you are a worthy God after all. Perhaps with your evil finally gone this world can be saved. Perhaps..." But the blood soup sea levels continue to rise. Jerry holds out the Kramer Device with one hand and Kramer holds the other end. They nod to each other. "Go in peace!" says Jerry. "I will not say 'Do not weep!' For not all tears are an evil." Jerry and Kramer beging to float in the air and then they begin to fly. They leave the rooftop far below. The glimpse down and see all of New York drowning in blood. "That's a shame," shrugs Jerry. "I can't believe it's finally going to be over," says Kramer. "Maybe there will be peace, Jerry. This who life I've been in conflict with myself. A voice has been telling me I'm meant for greatness. I believed it for a long time. This resulted in me doing...bad things. When I became Super Hero Kramer I blamed the murders I commited on the demon suit George's sexy mother made for me. But I will still in control, Jerry, on some level. I wanted to kill those people. I wanted to kill them all." "I have a different perspective, being eighteen billion years old," says Jerry. "Life, death, it's all the same thing. But suffering is real, I agree with that. And it is our duty to end all suffering by destroying ourselves and the Kramer Device!" "I'm finally Super Hero Kramer for real!" says Kramer. "Giddy up!" The accelerate their flight, flying straight for the sun. They begin to feel its heat on them. "I remember when I created the sun," Jerry sighs. "And now I die in it. Oh well, I guess 18 billion years is a good life." "It's like being back on the tanning bed!" says Kramer, excited. Their clothes catch fire and turn to dust in the sun, leaving them completely naked. The look at each others naked bodies as they continue to draw ever close to the sun...and both become aroused. "Let's go out fucking," says Jerry. "Elaine would be proud!" They have full-on, hardcore gay sex for eighteen hours in space as they fly into the sun. Their ejaculate will float in space forever. Finally they speed up again, to bring about their deaths. "It's happening, Jerry!" says Kramer. "My...my skin is melting!" "Mine too," says Jerry, nodding wisely. "Mine too." Their flesh boils until they are nothing but skeletons. But still they live. "How is this possible?" asks the Kramer skelton, as they travel to the centre of the sun. "Wait, I know the answer. The Kramer Device is keeping us alive." "Yes," says the Jerry skeleton. "We have to wait until it melts before we can truly die." They both watch the Kramer Device. It starts to change in some way. Jerry begins to think that some of the evil it has collected over the years is being burned away, that it is returning to its original appearance. But it does not melt. In fact, Jerry feels power surging through it. "Is...is the Kramer Device growing stronger, Jerry?" asks the talking skeleton known as Kramer. "Of course it is," says Jerry, now understanding. "The Kramer Device is the fundamental power in the universe. Divine energy flows through it. It is stronger than the sun itself. If we remain here, in fact, it will leach all the energy from the sun and destroy it! The Earth will be plunged into darkness." "Well, that doesn't sound good," sayd Kramer. "We better go, Jerry! I guess we can't die ever!" "It seems that way," says Jerry, and is disturbed to feel himself getting an erection, even though his penis has been boiled and no longer exists. "We must go now...wait, what is this?" He looks closer at the Kramer Device and says letters beginning to form on its side. They are so faint as to be impossible to read, but they are there. Jerry stares deeply into them, trying to make them out. But the sun itself begins to struggle with the power of the Kramer Device. "The sun is dying, Jerry, I can feel it!" says Kramer. "We have to go!" "I need to read this!" says Jerry. "The last secret of the Kramer Device could be revealed to us!" "No time!" says Kramer. "Giddy up!" He drags the Kramer Device and Jerry with him. Jerry finally gives in and her and Kramer fly out of the sun holding the Kramer Device between them. The sun regains its stability and the letters on the Kramer Device disappear. Jerry and Kramer regrow their flesh, their healing powered by the Kramer Device. Soon they look completely normal again. They fly back to Earth and to New York. It is still completely flooded in blood soup and many bodies can be see floating in this new sea. George, Elaine and the others are still standing on the roof. Jerry and Kramer land. "Why are you all still here, it's been a day!" says Jerry. "The whole city's flooded, we've got nowhere to go!" says George. "Why are you two still alive?" asks Nina. "And why does THAT still exist?" She is talking about the Kramer Device. "Turns out we can't die!" shrugs Jerry. "Then everything is doomred," says Nina. "Why doen't we just beuild the Earth and try to be good!" says Kramer. Nina slaps him. "YOU SHOULD NOT EXIST," she spits. Laughter is heard behind them. Everyone turns around. The luaghter is coming from Newman. "I think this has gone on long enough," he says, smugly. "It's time to reveal the truth. It's time you learned that you are all mere puppets, DANCING to the tune that NEWMAN PLAYS!" Elaine sighs and presses the orgasm button.
 
#29.16 - "HELLO...Newman," says Jerry. "What the fuck are you talking about?" "Hello, Jerry," says Newman, his smile so wide that he looks insane. "Long have I planned this moment, LONG have I played it out in my mind. When you will finally realise the truth. That Newman...is a new man." "The fuck?" asks Jerry. "I have been reborn, Seinfeld!" he says. "Reborn from Kramer's body, cut from him by the Kramer Device itself. Do you forget how powerful I was before? I had a body of metal, but now I am flesh again! I contained the chronal energy needed for time travel in my circuits, now it flows in my blood! When Kramerica existed, did you think it was just the Kramer half who was touched by the Kramer device? I was too, you fool! We are now a trinity, an unholy union as old as the universe itself! But I am not just one man, I am three! The Newman of your future, the architect of all that has been built here! The slug Newman, exiled from his body, but growing more powerful in his hatred of Kramer, in his thirst for revenge, reborn again and again in agonising pain...and pain makes you stronger, Seinfeld. You know that! And of course the formerly heroin-addicted head that experienced the joy of Zombie Susan's flesh, made stronger by straddling the line between life and death! So now you understand that I am a new man...and it is time for me to..." "Wait a minute," says George, interrupting. "Did you just say you have the time travel energy in your blood now? You don't need your TARDIS anymore? Can you just take us back in time and we can undo all this shit?" "Yeah, good idea!" says Elaine, spamming the orgasm button. Newman looks annoyed but smiles again. "Yes, you anticipated a mere PART of my masterplan, Costanza, well done. I will indeed take you all back in time, BUT ONLY to the very first day of Kramerica, the moment where Kramer and I were merged as one. For that is a fixed point in time which cannot be changed now, and even though Kramerica can be prented, the birth of Kranewman cannot. MUST NOT." "Fine, who cares, just take us back in time before we drown in blood soup!" says George. The blood soup levels are indeed rising. Jerry looks at Kramer. "What do you think?" he asks, but Kramer appears lost in thought, as if something is clicking in his mind but he's struggling to understand it. Nina, however, is not happy. "If you go back in time, it won't change anything, not in the long run!" she says. "You two...maybe you three now will still possess the power of the Kramer Device, the power that can destroy the universe! And this timeline will not be erased, you'll merely begin a new parallel universe! Nuclear war is inevitable in this timeline, the Kramer loyalists all over the world will strike once they realise their God is dead!" "Who cares, we'll be back in time!" says Elaine. "And I can lie in bed all day pleasuring myself with my orgasm button." "Then it is decided," says Jerry. "Send us back, Newman." "MWAHAHAHAHAHA!" laughs Newman. He uses his powers to open a time portal before them. Mindy and the kids just happen to arrive on the roof at this point and Elaine tells them to go straight home after they go through the portal so don't ask where they are. "I won't come with you," says Nina. "I'm going to stay here and try to save these people, even if you don't care about them, Jerry." "Is this...the universe I created?" asks Jerry. "Will I be going back in time to a different one?" "Don't care," says Nina. "Go fuck yourself, Jerry. Bye forever." And she jumps off the building and swims away in the blood soup. Jerry, Kramer, George, Elaine and Newman step through the time portal. They emerge in Jerry's apartment and find their past selves standing before them, all but Newman who is now sharing Kramer's body. Kramer is just about to declare the beginning of Kramerica but is stunned to see his future self. "No!" he says. "This cannot be! Newman and I in separate bodies! I fail!? Kramerica falls!? I will kill you all now!" and he pulls out the Kramer Device. But Jerry and Kramer have their own Kramer Device, and they no to each other and each hold it with one hand, shooting energy at the evil Kramer. The evil Kramer manages to counter with his own energy blast and they are locked in combat. But then Newman steps in, shooting Kramer Device energy out of his nipples and it joins with Jerry and Kramer's, the the evil past Kramer begins to stagger backwards in pain. His face begins to change, growing hideous to match the pain he is experiencing. Some of the energy from his own Kramer Device begins to drain, and it passes into Newman's nipples and he laughs as he becomes more powerful. Kramer looks worried, but Jerry takes the Kramer device from him and shoots a blast from it which opens a tear in reality. "No!" says the evil Kramer, weakly. "A portal to hell!" Jerry jumps forward, hitting evil Kramer in the chest with a flying karate kick, knocking him backwards through the portal and into Hell. Jerry shuts it behind him. "Now I understnad," he says. "This timeline's Kranewman was Satan all along!" "Uhh, what about us?" asks the past version of Jerry, who of course is still there with the past George and Elaine. "What's THE DEAL with there being two versions of us?" "We'll just absorb you into our bodies," says Jerry. "Don't worry, I created the universe, I know how to do it." "I'm the one who created the universe!" says past Jerry. "But you're right, if we merge together we'll remember all our individual experiences and become one!" They are all about to merge...when there is the sound of gunfire. Suddenly, the past versions of Jerry, Elaine and George drop to the floor, dead. They have been gunned down by many bullets. Jerry, Kramer, Elaine and George spin round to find out where the bullets came from...and find Newman standing before them with machine guns for arms. "Do I have your attention now?" smirks Newman.
 
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#29.17 - "Newman!" says Jerry, shaking his fist Meanwhile, Kramer is just shaking. "The violence..." says Kramer, trailing off. George and Elaine look down disgusted at the dead bodies of their past selves on the floor. "How are we still alive?" asks George. "You FOOLS!" says Newman, his face in a maniacal evil grin. "You are from a different timeline now! Only I, Newman, contain component atoms from this timeline! If fact, it is time for I to become FOUR!" He walks over to Jerry's fridge, still pointing his machine gun arms at the others. He opens the door and pulls out Newman's head from this timeline. If you remember he was still high on heroin now and stashed in the fridge for safety. The heroin-addled Newman head looks confused as New Nwman detaches his jaw like a snake to open his mouth wide enough to swallow the head whole. He burps after swallowing it. "I am now THE FOUR NEWMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE!" he says. "But why!" says Jerry. "Why kill us our past selves and claim all this power? What do you WANT, Newman?" "Want? I want to see through creation itself to find the answer to the ultime question. Nothing less than that," says Newman, sounding suddenly deadly serious and completely insane. "Long have I planned...as Kramer knows." "It...it was you," says Kramer, finally finding the power to speak. "The voice in my head telling me to kill...it was you!" "You man during Kramerica, when you shared a body, it was Newman behind it all?" Jerry asks his lover. "The death camps, the blood soup, killing Mickey and the Soup Nazi, it was all down to Newman?" "No!" says Kramer. "I mean, yes, partly. I mean, I was part of that too, I do love kiling people It gives me the jimmy chills! But yes, Newman was egging me on through that...but also before. Going back to childhood I have heard a voice in my head, telling me to kill. I used to kick homeless people to death to get it to shut up. I managed to suppress it, by becoming Kramer. Giddy up! For forty years I didn't kill...but then I became Super Kramer. The suit Estelle made for me, the demon...it wasn't that. The voice telling me to kill...it was Newman's!" "MWAHAHAHAHA!" laughs Newman. "Finally, you remember. Little Cosmo. You were just five years old when I first whispered evil thoughts into your ear. Just eight when you kicked your first homeless person to death." "How did you kick a homeless person to death when you were eight?" asks Elaine, astonished. "It was a baby!" explains Kramer and everyone goes "oh" as that makes sense. "I was time tracveling in my non-corporeal form, influencing your life all along, to lead to Kramerica, all so I could become who I am now," says Newman, proudly. "I will tear through the fabric of the universe with my bare hands. It is inevitable. I am Newman!" "Not if we stop you!" says Jerry, brandishing the Kramer Device. He offers the other end of it to Kramer. He hesitates for a moment, but then smiles and grabs the other end. "Together!" he says. Newman smirks. He holds out his hand. Suddenly this timeline's Kramer's Kramer device, which everyone forgot about, flies across the room and into Newman's hand. "I have my own Kramer Device, AND the power of four Newman's flows through my chronal-enahnced blood...you do not understand my power!" says Newman. Jerry and Kramer shoot out an energy blast, but Newman merely holds his Kramer Device up and it absorbs the energy blast. "My turn," says Newman, and he lets out a terrible blast from his Kramer Device. It knocks Jerry and Kramer flying backwars and they hit the wall of the apartment, leaving a huge crack in it. "He'll kill us all!" says George. "Serenity now!" "Oh, I have no desire to kill any of you," says Newman. "Well, maybe Jerry. I want you all alive, I want you to SEE...the lie about life! MWAHAHAHA!" And he turns and walks right out of the apartment. Elaine and George run over to Jerry and Kramer to help them up. "Well, THAT happened!" says Jerry.

ONE WEEK LATER

Elaine and Geroge are shown in marriaged counseling. George is complaining that Elaine keeps pressing the orgasm button instead of letting him pleasure her. Elaine says the button does a much better job. The female counselor says I heard that, sister, and high fives Elaine. Jerry and Kramer are in Jerry's apartment, sitting on the couch together watching tv. "Do you think Newman will destroy the universe?" asks Kramer, worried. "That man has haunted you your whole life," says Jerry. "You deserve to not think about him for a while. You deserve peace." "How can I ever relax?" asks Kramer. Jerry gives him a look as if to say he'll help with that. He starts to unzip Kramer's pants. The camera pans up to Kramer's face and we start to hear slurping sounds. "This is all I ever wanted," says Kramer, his eyes rolling back in his head as the slurping intensifies. "Giddy up!" The camera pans over to the Kramer Device which is lying on the floor. The letters which could nearly be seen when Jerry and Kramer were in the sun begin to appear again. This time they can be clearly made out. They read "CREATED BY NEWMAN 2099."
 
#29.18 - Newman is in bed with someone. "Soon," he says. "Soon my plan will finally be complete. And then I will know...what is real." The woman in the bed rolls over revealing that she is Mindy. "Ever since my future self from the other timeline merged with my present self I've realised that only you, Newman, can save us from the Kramer threat...and help me get REVENGE on George and Elaine. But tell me, MY LOVE, where do you come from? How did you get to become the world's greatest lover?" "Perhaps it is time, my dear," says Newman, nodding. "I shall tell you a tale..."

Newman narrates his origins: My story begins, for the purpose of your understanding, in 2089. Kramerica was over 60 years old by now, but it was not the Kramerica you witnessed in the other timeline. This Emperor Kramer was a much more benevolent ruler. He was not made of 49.99% of my DNA. His Kramer Device was gold and beautiful, and to look on it would bring tears to any man's eyes. It was the Kramer Device as it was meant to be. He used it to bring about world peace, he ended all wars and most violent. Yes, he had to kill 300 million people in order to do so, but it was worth. Killing millions to save TRILLIONS, for his Kramer Projections showed that if not for him there would be nuclear war soon and all would die, including all he COULD ever be born. Kramer was wise, and he rewarded his friends. He made me, Jerry, George, Elaine, Mickey, Sarah Silverman, The Soup Nazi, Jackie Chiles, Lomez and Bob Sacamano immortal. He kept the post office going just so I'd have something to do with my life. For, you see, Jerry and the others just LOUNGED around Kramer's palatial apartment all day pleasuring each other. It disgusted me! The mail never stops! I continued to deliver it, rain or shine. My boss, Wilford Brimley, appreciated it, for I was the only postman still working in all of Kramerica. Wilford suggested one day that maybe Kramer should put a ultra sophisticated computer chip in my brain to allow me more accurately calculate optimum postal routes. It was a great idea, so I took it to Emperor Kramer. "Giddy up!" he said, snapping his fingers, and already I could feel my brain capacity growing as the chip appeared in my brain. "Don't you want to join the orgy?" he asked. I looked, for a moment, as George walked around the room proudly with Mickey sitting on his cock. No, I said, because the mail never stops! I stormed out and began my planning. I was immortal, so I spent years running simulations in my head to plan my mail routes. I then found out that, while years had passed in my head, no time at all had passed in the real world! The chip Kramer had put in my head was more powerful than even he could have imagined! I began running other scenarios in my head, innocently at first. I ran one where Kramer and I were co-emperors of Kramerca. I had to admit to myself that I'd often wondered what that would be like. The simulaton was so real that when I was in it, I believed it to be real. I thought my life before was but a dream. Kramer and I ruled Krmaerica and it was glorious! I convinced him to take a harsher stand, to kill 500 million rather than the reasonable 300 million he had killed in my dream, to make sure there would never be any thoughts of rebellion. I corrupted him! And it was beautiful. And the sex, oooooh, the sex! We never let Jerry in to ruin it! But, eventually, Kramer grew upset with me. He found out I'd blown up Australia for fun and said we couldn't be co-emperors anymore. We thought and he killed me. That was when I woke up back in reality and realsed it was but a simulation. I ran more and more. They became more and more complex. I tried various scenarios, first where Kramer and I worked together and then where I would overthrow him and ruled the world by myself. He always won in the end. Even if I managed to kill him, his followers would nuke me or drown me in blood soup or something. There was seemingly no way to defeat Kramer...not while he held the Kramer Device, at least. Maybe I could take it from him...or maybe created my own. I ran simuilations where I manged to syphon off some energy from the gold Kramer Device and create my own twisted version, a mockey of everything the Device stood for. I became even more powerful in these simulations, so powerful that I would end up destroying the whole universe in the end. I began to run simulations WITHIN the simulations. I used my newfound powers to create simuilations even more powerful than the ones Kramer had allowed me to. It was within these simulations that the people I simulated first achieved sentience. I had created life. I was mad with power. Who wouldn't be? I made whole universes, I nestled universes within universes. I forgot my purpose for a time. I just wanted to see it all, to feel it all. I created universes with no Kramer and erased my memory of him, and my memory of the fact that I was in a simulation. Only when I died, after living billions of years as God of a whole universe, did I wake up back in the reality above. But now I had no way of knowing if I was back in the true reality or one of the simulation realities that had my reality nestled wihin it. I was lost in the multiverse and the only way out was to die, again and again. How would I know when I was home? The Golden Kramer Device. Even though I had simulated it before, its glow was unique. Surely I would know I was back in reality by the tears in my eyes as I gazed upon it? Finally, believing I was home, I travelled to Kramer's apartment. I looked on the Golden Kramer Device and found my eyes were wet! I was a changed man...until I witnessed Keramer's current orgy. I'd almost forgotten about them. I saw Kramer fucking Jerry up the ass...while Jerry wore a mask of my face. I was sickened! I felt violated! Yes, I had killed countless trillions and sexually abused many of them, but I'd never felt as sick as I did now! I made my decision, Mindy....

I decided to steal the Kramer Device. And, to do so, I had to invent time travel.

TO BE COTINUED
 
#20.19 - Newman's narration continues: Time travel, the impossible dream. I once, years before, approached Kramer to see if it was possible. I had wanted to go back in time and sexually abuse my younger self. A simple thing, really, all men have desired it at one time or another. But Kramer said time could not be reversed. He told me not to worry, he said like him I would live for all of time and, eventually, we'd live in another universe and another, and another, eventually living in a universe where I would exist simultaneously with my younger self and be able to sexually abuse the fuck out of him. Sickeningly enough I let this placate me at the time. But not anymore! I had to invent time travel, to steal the Kramer Device, to DESTROY KRAMER ONCE AND FOR ALL. My plan began to form: I'd steal the Kramer device but hide it in the past. ON THE MOON. Nobody would think to look for it in the past on the moon. Then I would go back in time myself and retrieve it. To do this, I had to invent a method of time travel so I threw myself back into my simluations. But it wasn't enough now just to simulate the world as it was. I had to simulate everything that had ever been and eveyrthing there could be! I had to recreate the universe in my brain 100% accurately, every detail from creation to now! I needed more processing power for this, so I killed a hundred men and linked my brain up to them. The simluations now...they were more real than real life. I got lost again for a few billion years, killing my way across the universe. I met the CatDogs for the first time, the simulated version of them which I can say with 100% faith are accurate to the real Catdogs, despite them not reaching Earth yet. I ran a million simulations inside each other, all trying to crack the time travel problem. I simulated myself in all those simulations, and the simulated me would invetibably turn out the same as the real me, receicing the chip from Kramer and running their own simulations unaware that they were IN a simulation. I met other Newmans at times, Newmans who believed themselves to be real just as much as I did. Some would try to kill me. Have you ever strangled a senteint simulation of yourself to death, Mindy? I have, so many times. It changes a man. But, eventually, I did it. I managed to simulate time travel accurately in my simulations. I excitedly return to the real world...or did I? It should have been my greatest moment of triumph, but I was plagued with doubt. How could I be certain I was back in the real world? I'd lived through so many simulations, some so real...what if I was merely simullating what it would be like to return to the real world and had made myself unaware of that fact/ Or, even more terrifying, what if I was a simulation myself, running off the hardware inside the head of some higher level Newman? Ubernewman. I...I could never know. Maybe I still don't! But when I snuck into Kramer's thrrone room at night, as he slept after fucking Elaine for 38 hours straight with three pensies he'd grown on himself, I looked upon the Kramer Device again. It was so beautiful, so golden. I ran the final simulation in my head, to determine how I would get to the point where I am now, finally about to recover the Golden Kramer device from the moon and end all Kramers, across all possible realities. I had to travel back in time first and influence Kramer's life, to make sure he'd grow up to be the Kramer of this reality. I had to create his Kramer Device too, using as much power as I could scoop from the Golden Kramer Device without my Kramer's knowledge. I did so, and put my brand upon it out of sheer arrogance. I had done more than any man ever had, even Kramer himself. And then...well, then I went back in time and all events played out as I had planned and I ended up in bed with you,, Mindy. Mwahahaha...HAHAHAHAHA!

"I don't konw if I understand all of that, to be honest," says Mindy. "I didn't think you would, my dear," says Newman. "So how about we mind meld and I let you access the chip in my brain which contains my memories of a trillion universes. How about I let you perceive the truth about life, as I understand it." Mindy shrugs and says sure. Newman sticks a cable in Mindy's mouth. Her eyes bulge open as she experiences Newman's memories. Her brain explodes, blood and brain matter spraying across the room. Newman shrugs. "I guess I should have run a simulation to see if that would happen...but who cares, it's only Mindy You'll still help me, won't you, kids?" Elaine and George's kids are standing in the doorway, completely impassive, unmoved by Mindy's gruesome death. "Yes, Unca Newman," they say. "We love you." "Call me...Daddy Newman," says Newman. "I'll be killing your parents soon!"
 
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