Who gives a single actual fuck about literally anything?

[CaptainWacky]

#30.17 - Things happen quickly from there, even things which take millions of years to play out, for Jerry and Newman's memories are restored by the sight of the golden glowing Kramer and they remember eventhing, for Newman this is countless lifetimes and personally gleefully ending every life in the universe and they grows silent and sullen, yet Jerry is young when measured against Newman and he instantly springs into action, telling Kramer that he possesses the Kramer Power and can shape reality itself, Newman tries to warn that this is a mistake but Kramer says he will use the power for good and Newman groands, asking Jerry if he cannot see, that they are trapped in this endless cylce of death and rebirth and nothing they do will ever improve life and it will all end in death and perhaps they are puppets of some greater power themselves, but Jerry slaps Newman and says they will get it right this time and if they don't they will just reset, and Kramer uses his powers to bring about the inevitable Kramerica and for a time there is peace and prosperity for the world, but eventually Kramer falls into decadance and hosts constant sex parties with Jerry, Elaine and George, with Newman refusing to partake, and the people starve and beging to protest Kramer and the evil part of Kramer resurfaces again, some relic from the Hell Devil Kramer once ruled over, perhaps, and the begins to execute protestors and Jerry laughs because he knows they can just reset and Newman scolds Jerry and Jerry slaps Newman down and says Newman murdered trillions and experience every death in detail and the cannot judge and Newman has to agree, and then Kramer stuff twon hundred protestors into a cage meant to only house fifty and they are pressed together into a horrible cube of flesh, and Kramer laughs insanely as he shoots a machine gun into the mass of humanity, and Jerry finally agrees with Newman the they must start over and they use their knowledge of the Golden Kramer Power to reset and they try to mentor Kramer to be better thsi time, but Kramer is a creature of pure id and cannot ever be fully tamed, and Kramerica always ends with holocausts of varying degree, so Jerry and Newman conspired to give Kramer less power and they arrange things so that Kramer is nothing but their slave, and Newman feels guilty about this but Jerry thinks it is necessary and they use their Kramer avatar to bring about world peace but now it is Jerry who is tempted towards fascism as he finds he can only get an erection and pleasure Elaine and Sue Ellen by turning the world into a police state where he has ultimate power but Kramer gets the blame, and so Newman tells Jerry they have to restart again and Jerry sighs and says maybe they are doing everything wrong and the only way to make the universe safe is to remove themselves and Krmaer from it, so Jerry and Newman retired to space with their enslaved Kramer but the Golden Kramer Power still resides inside Kramer, so rather than ejaculating the universe from their own cocks again Jerry and Newman bind Kramer in galactic chains and have him literally shit the universe out, and so the universe is born again from the rectum of Cosmo Kramer as it has always been destined to be, but Jerry judges it unworthy and, even as the universe exits Kramer, Jerry destroys it with his galactic fists and feet and then Newman, who hates that he has to do this but has no choice, feeds the rubble of the universe back into Kramer mouth, force-feeding him, and it comes back out of Kramer again, but Jerry is mad with his quest for perfection now and destroys the new universe almost as soon as it is born and the cycle reepeats, again and again, with time passing faster in the universes as they are born but every time life is ended by Jerry before they can understand what is happening and the universe is fed in and out of Kramer, on and one forever, and Kramer cries and begis Newman to kill him but Newman stuffs his own ears with dead universe matter so they he can hear not Kramer's cries and weeps himself as Jerry smokes a massive cigar and laughs HA HA HA HA as trillions died repeatedly and, eventually, the process is completely automatised with smaller cloned drone slave Kramers now feed the universe into the master Kramer who is himself a slave and destroying it when it is shat out again and again as Jerry watches, masturbating calmly, and Newman falls into a depressive coma until, eventually, Newman wakes up and finds that Jerry has now fallen into a wank coma, and Newman watches as the entity who was once his best friend Kramer is endlessly tortured, forced to consume the dead and digest them over and over and Newman can stand no more and he shrinks himself down the smallest he can make himself and he enters Jerry through his ear hole and he does pass into Jerry's brain and in there Newman walks the corridors of Jerry's mind searching for the shadow of a good man he can deal with, and he sees everything from all of Jerry's lives, all the dirty sex with Kramer, all those he killed, all the seventeen year old girls, and even experiences the hatred Jerry still holds for Newman and Newman becomes lost in Jerry's mind for a long time, unable to find anything good to bargain with, and he passes almost out of all knowledge and Jerry awakens again and begins to mastrubate once more as he watches Kramer's pain, without even thinking of Newman and Newman is jolted awake by Jerry's return to consciousness and he strides through Jerry's mind with new purpose until he finds the pure, original Jerry, before he even banged the shit out of a seventeen year old, and this Jerry loves his mother and father and cares about his friends George, Elaine and Kramer and has no knowledge of what he will one day become and Newman sits down with him and shows him visions of the future plucked from Newman's own mind and this shadow Jerry shudders in fear and the real Jerry, still masturbating, feels his cock begin to grown flaccid and he doesn't know why and when he lookes as the suffering universe-creation-slave Kramer in front of him he feels something that he has no felt for billions of years: he feels pity.

It is a start.

 

[CaptainWacky]

#30.18 - Newman returns himself to normal giant size. He is emotionally wrecked by what he experienced inside Jerry's mind, seeing that Jerry was once a good man, and tears fall from his eyes. And though Jerry is no longer able to maintain an erection, much of his cum is still floating through space, and over the years it has begun to form into one huge globe of cum. But Jerry's eyes now turn to Newman and he asks "what did you do, postman" with disdain in his voice. Newman says he did nothing more than wake up a part of Jerry's brain which has been asleep for a long time. Jerry said he can't stand human emotions other than the evil ones and asks if there is a way to completely wipe his brain clean and start over as someone who knows nothing other than torturing Kramer. Newman says this isn't possible, even though to his horror he suspects that it is and hopes that Jerry never reaches the same realisation. Jerry sighs and says it's over then, for while 99% of him still enjoys watching Kramer suffer and the constant death and rebirth of trillions of lifeforms, that 1% who feels some small pity for Kramer can't allow it to continue. Jerry and Newman wake in silence until Kramer begins to helplessly consume the newest created universe. Then, before he can shit it out again, they slit Kramer's throat and let him bleed to death. And Kramer whispers "thank you" before he finally dies. Then Jerry and Newman shrink Kramer's body down and compress all matter in the what was once the universe and is now all inside Kramer's guts and Kramer's great body itself into nothing but a single golden orb the size of a football. Then Jerry and Newman split the golden orb into two and each swallow once half of it, so that what was once Kramer will now always be with them. "What do we do now," asks Jerry. "Once again we are all that remains in the universe." "Maybe not," says Newman, spotting something in the void. "What is that?" Before them is what appears to be a planet, but one of liquid. It is mostly a kind of white colours, but also there is a tint of red in it. And Jerry and Newman are so in sync now that they both know what it is at the same moment: a planet born from the merging of Jerry's jizz, Newman's tears and Kramer's blood. "Do you think there is life on it?" asks Newman, hopeful, perhaps, of a new beginning. "Only one way to find out," says Jerry and they both shrink themselves down to human size and enter the jizztearsblood planet. They give themselves gills and swim deep inside, searching for something...and then they find it. A whole city underneath the "water" and, somehow, it resembles an aquatic version of New York City. Jerry and Newman make themselves invisible and enter this planet's version of Jerry's apartment to observe the life inside.

(Dolphin versions of Jerry, George and Elaine are inside the apartment. A dolphin version of Kramer swims in, sliding through the cum and blood in the water as it does.)
Dolphin Kramer: Well, I'm out!
Dolphin Geroge: You're out?
Dolphin Jerry: Already?
Dolphin Elaine: You wanked your Kramer cock?
Dolphin Kramer: It was that lady dolphin across the street! You guys better be careful or she'll get you too!
Dolphin Jerry: Oh come on, we can control ourselves, right George?
Dolphin George: ...I think it moved.
Dolphin Elaine: George, it's not appropriate to get an erection with me in the room!
Dolphin George: I can't help!
Dolphin Jerry: You're not master of your domain!
Dolphin George: I'm not master of my domain!
Dolphin Elaine: This is going to be the easiest money I ever make!
Dolphin Kramer: I wish I was master of my domain...
Dolphin Jerry: Don't feel so bad, Kramer, that female dolphin was hot!
Dolphin George: Yeah, I'll be wanking over her soon and lying about it!
Dolphin Kramer: I should have been strong...I should have been MASTER OF MY DOMAIN.
(He slams his flippers down on Jerry's kitchen counter.)
Dolphin Elaine: Kramer, calm down...
Dolphin Kramer: I'm...I'm sorry. Jerry, I don't know what came over me. This contest really messed with my mind. I hope I didn't damage anything.
Dolphin Jerry: It's okay, Kramer, I think the kitchen is fine.
Dolphin: George Maybe denying ourselves masturbation was a mistake. I wank eighteen times a day, most days. My mother often walks in on me. Oh, the shame...
Dolphin Elaine: I just fuck Puddy whenever I get horny!
Dolphin Jerry: Well, let's forget it for now.
Dolphin Kramer: I'm going to leave for a while...thank you all for understanding.
Dolphin Jerry: We love you, K-Man!
Dolphin Kramer: Giddy up!
(Dolphin Kramer swims/slides out, but we see on his expressive Dolphin-face that he is still hurting inside. He enters his own apartment and takes a wooden box out from under his bed. He caresses it.)
Dolphin Kramer: The wizard who gave me this said it would make me all powerful....but I thought I wasn't meant for such power. Not worthy. And maybe I'm not. But I want to be...master of my domain...
(He opens the box. The Kramer Device is inside.)
TO BE CONTINUED

 

[CaptainWacky]

#30.19

"Need we watch any more?" sighs Newman. "It would seem Kramerica is inevitable in any reality." "You gave me emotions again and yet you are the one that gives up on life?" asks Jerry, with disgust. "I thought you were made of sterner stuff, Newman. Besides, these are our children." "Your dolphin children born of cum, blood and tears," agrees Newman. "Perhaps they will be different from the humans. Perhaps..." But Jerry points at what is happening with the dolphins. Time has passed.

(Dolphin Kramer slides into Jerry's apartment. Dolphin Jerry and Dolphin Elaine are fucking on the couch.)
Dolphin Elaine: Oh Jerry, Jerry, JERRRRRRRY!
Dolphin Jerry: I'll tell you what, this isn't bad!
Dolphin Kramer: You guys are fucking?
(Dolphin Jerry and Elaine are surprised by Kramer.)
Dolphin Jerry: Kramer, you can't just slide in here whenever you want, what if I was fucking a real woman and not just Elaine!
Dolphin Elaine: Hey!
Dolphin: Jerry I just mean he's seen us fucking before. He'd stand over my bad wanking while we slept together!
Dolphin Elaine: Yeah, I secretly always knew that and enjoyed it.
Dolphin Kramer: What about the contest!
Dolphin Jerry: We figured George was just going to cheat anyway so we might as well fuck.
Dolphin Elaine: I was going to fuck JFK Jr. but he died in an air crash! Dolphins shouldn't fly!
Dolphin Kramer: So you're lying cheaters too...everyone is...
Dolphin Jerry: Kramer, calm down.
Dolphin: Giddy down? You're telling me to giddy down?
Dolphin Jerry: No, that's not what I said...
Dolphin Elaine: Kramer, what is that glowing pipe you're holding?
Dolphin Kramer; This is the Kramer Device. And it's going to make me rule the world! GIIDDY UP!
(Dolphin Kramer holds the Kramer Device high in the air. Power starts to flow through it and into his body.)
Dolphin Kramer: Hahahaha...AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAH HAAAAAAAAAA!
Dolphin Jerry: Uhh...
Dolphin Elaine: What is he doing...
Dolphin Kramer: I could kill you, Jerry. KILL YOU!
(Dolphin Newman swims in.)
Dolphin Jerry: Hello...Dolphin Newman.
Dolphin Newman: Do it. KILL HIM!
Dolphin Elaine: NO!
Dolphin Kramer: ...maybe I shouldn't.
Dolphin Newman: KILL THEM ALL!
Dolphin Kramer: RRRRRRRRRAGH!
(Dolphin Kramer flies into a rage and uses the Kramer Device to boil the oceans, ending all life on this aquatic Earth other than those in Jerry's apartment.)
Dolphin Jerry: What did you do, Kramer? What did you just do!
Dolphin Kramer: ...maybe I overreacted.

Newman pulls he and Jerry out of the apartment. "I've seen enough," says Newman. "All life is doomed to end in horror. Let's destroy this fucking planet." "Agreed," says Jerry and he and Newman grind the water planet down into nothing. They are once again alone in the universe. "You were right," laughs Newman, madly. "We might as well torture Kramer forever, birthing and ending trillions of lives with no mercy, because nothing fucking matters!" "Of course I was right," says Jerry. "But your hope...somehow it introduced doubt in my mind. It gave ME hope. Me, of all people..." They float in silence for a long moment. "Want to fuck again?" asks Newman. "Might as well, there's nothing else to do," says Jerry. Just as they are about to get their dongs out, however, then spot something. Something tiny on the horizon. "What is that?" asks Newman. "We are alone in the universe, and yet...a speck." "I see it," says Jerry. "Surely it can't be leftover debris from the Kramer torture experiment, it's too far away." They watch for a long time. The speck gradually grows larger. Eventually they can see it is round in shape. They do not speak. They are trying to figure out what it could possibly be. It becomes clear that it is a face. A face they both begin to recognise...

"But we swallowed him," says Jerry, not believing what he can see.
"No," says Newman. "This is another."

Soon all they can see in the void is the giant face of Kramer, coming right for them, his mouth opened seemingly in anger or possibly hunger. "GIDDDDDDDDDY UPPPPPPPP!"

 

[CaptainWacky]

#30.20

Jerry and Newman try to speak but are awed by the sheer mass of the Godhead Kramer. Its mouth approaches them and soon space is dark again, but the darkness is the mouth of Kramer. Jerry and Newman are consumed, but not swallowed. They stand on Kramer's tongue. They hold each other. "We were wrong," says Newman. "About everything. About the nature of reality itself. If a Kramer like this could exist, somehow, in an empty universe, what more could be out there?" "Maybe he's a Kramer from one of the universes our Kramer birthed," says Jerry, not quite believing it himself. Newman shakes his head. "I AM KRAMER," they hear, in their heads. The Godhead Kramer is communicating with them telepathically. "I have scoured all realities for the remaining Seinfeld and Newmans, to end them all. You may be the last two." "Ha!" laughs Newman. "We thought we were the last life in this universe. Truly, we know nothing. You are right to kill us." "Let's calm down with the killing us!" says Jerry. "Where do you come from?" "I barely remember my original universe, in truth," says Kramer. "All I remember is the hideous betrayal I suffered at the hands of you too. I was once a God to all the people of Earth, they worshipped me and I was kind to them! I remember that! But my Jerry and Newman couldn't stand to see me happy, so they imprisoned me in another reality and ruled in my place. I returned to my reality and warred with them, and unfortunately ended all life in that universe along the way. I killed the heretics in that universe and every other I travelled too, after perfecting multiversal travel! And now I find you too, alone in a void, and I know not what you have done, how many lives you have ended. All I know is...it's KRAMERING TIME!" "Have you ever considered that all this is a simulation?" asks Jerry. Newman seems to have accepted his fate, but Jerry isn't quite ready to die, apparently. "What would it matter?" asks Kramer. "I have found Newmans and Jerrys who have created simulated universes...even Kramers too. I killed them all. Everything in their simulations too. ALL MUST DIE so that I have my vengeance. I suppose you're trying to make me consider that I might be a simulation too, or some shit. What does it matter? I think. I feel. I'm real, whatever I'm made of. I have considered all possibilities. And now...I kill you both!" "Oh well," laughs Newman. "I lived trillions of yeras, billions of lives. It had to end one day. I hoe you enjoy consuming me, and the Golden Kramer Device inside of me." "And the KRAMER FRAGMENTS inside both of us," says Jerry, in one last gambit. "What do you mean?" asks Kramer. "You have consumed a Kramer yourselves? How perverse! I will fry him from the Hell of your stomachs!" "We loved our Kramer," says Jerry, sincerely. "We took some wrong steps along the way, I will admit that. But we kept him close to us. We never let Kramer go." "That's true," says Newman, thinking about it. "Even when we were torturing him in sick and creative ways, we never quite let go of Kramer. The three of us need each other." "LIES," says Kramer. "You are trying to suggest that the three of us are soem kind of Holy Trinity!" "Why yes, yes we are," says Jerry, finally accepting this truth. "None of us know how all this started, how the original Golden Kramer Device was even created. All we know is that there's always been a Jerry. There's always been a Newman. And there sure as shit has always been a K-Man. GIDDY UP. " You mocketh me!" says Kramer. "I willeth slayeth thou!" "It's...it's true," says Newman. "I have travelled many realities myself. I thought of them as layers in a simulation, but, like you said, how does that differ from multiversal travel? Always I found a Karmer, a Newman and a Jerry, together. We are why anythign exists. The three of us, together, a holy trinity of madness and creation. I once consumed an entire universe myself and still felt empty afterwards. I can only imagine how you feel, with all you have seen." "I..." says Kramer, finally moved. "I'm so lonely. All I do is kill. Maybe...maybe the three of us could be together." "And what, have a threesome in space?" asks Jerry. "Come on. We'll only fuck up again. Newman and I are pure evil, you were right about that, Kramer. But we do need to exist, in some fashion, fo the universe to go on. So how about...how about you do eat us, Karmer. But then you give yourself amnesia, and return to Earth in a universe where it still exists. You could live a happy life with George and Elaine...without us. But we've still exist as energy...." "In my ball sack!" says Kramer. "It all makes snese."

Suddenly the three of them are standing on a section of rock in the empty universe. Kramer is human sized now. "Turn is onto golden orbs and put is your ball bag," says Newman, looking at Jerry, tears forming in his eyes. "End this, once an for all. And never, NEVER let us out of you scrotum." "First we create one last universe," says Kramer. "The only one there will ever be." And, together, the three of them easily bring a universe into existence. Earth appears in it and humanity begins again. They moved things forward to the present day again. Jerry and Newman look at each other. "So this is the end, my friend," says Newman. "I know we will be together forever in Kramer's ballbag but it won't be the same." "Maybe we can fuck in there," shrugs Jerry. "Sorry I was rude to you in that hallway the first time we met." "Sorry I killed trillions of sentient lifeforms in revenge," says Newman. They frantically make out for a few seconds as Kramer watches, masturbaiting. "Enough," he says at last and, without even letting them think about it, shrinks Jerry and Newman down into golden orbs. He swallos them whole, and the remaining Golden Kramer Energy and Kramer from their universe along with them. They become his new testicles. And then, Kramer vanishes.

In New York City, George and Elaine are watching television together, when a familiar figure slides into their apartment. "GIDDY UP!" it says.