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Who shot Lily Allen?

There is one key suspect we have not yet considered:

PETER DINKLAGE, IMHO!

He shot her for having the UNMITIGATED AUDACITY to be taller than him, IMHO!
 
Lily Allen - Did Lily shoot herself, like JFK in that time-travel Red Dwarf episode? I thought this was certainly the answer, until I asked Professor Stephen Hawking. "No, Wacky, Lily Allen does not have a time machine," he said, burying a gun with his robotic arms.

Professor Stephen Hawking - Buried a gun with his robotic arms.
 
Jack Ruby Wax - Think Tuvix. And he/she/they were pissed about it. And Lily happened to be in the same aisle at Harvey Nick's. You can imagine the rest (I'm lazy).
 
I think we're all forgetting the very plausible plausibility that it might well have been Lily Allen's CAR who shot her, or probably not.
 
Megatron - We all know the leader of the Decepticons can transform into a handgun (well, Generation 1 Megatron could, and he's the only one that counts.) Most of us know he can also change his mass; transforming from a giant robot to a handgun a human can old. But the keen eye knows he can also turn into a handgun that another transformer (usually Starscream) can hold. This means the size of the handgun itself can alter. I suggest that after shooting Lily Allen, Megatron shrunk his handgun alt mode down to microscopic size. That would explain why no one said "hey, I just saw Megatron!" after she was shot.
 
Shakira - "Because hips don't lie...and neither do bullets!" is what she possibly could have said after shooting Lily Allen. We have no evidence that she did say this, but equally we have no evidence that she DIDN'T say it.
 
Ernie Hudson - He heard a rumour Lily Allen had been cast in his role in the new Ghostbusters (and that she'd seen shit that scared her white.)
 
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