Volpone
Zombie Hunter
I am not happy with getting old. And everything I loved getting old. It's bad enough when I look at myself in the mirror and think "YEAH! You sexy bitch, I'm-a take a picture of you" and this hideous old crone peers back from the photo but...
Other day I went and saw "Paddington in Peru." OK movie. I don't begrudge the Tuesday discount price I paid to see it but... There's this riverboat captain in it and as I'm watching the movie I'm thinking "he kind of looks like Antonio Banderas--only really really old. Like Antonio Banderas' grandpaw. That's not really Antonio Banderas, is it? It, in fact, was.
Or Tony Hawk. Awesome iconic '80s skateboarder, from the golden age of skateboarding. I never really learned how to "ollie" but that's another post. Tony's pretty close to my age. Same hair and eye color and general appearance although apparently he is freakishly tall, according to Google. Point is, I relate to him. Well these days he's on TV during "Jeopardy!", advertising Geritol or some shit and he looks like he's a million years old. He looks like if someone took Tony Hawk, murdered him, dragged the body down a couple flights of stairs and then behind a truck on a gravel road for a few miles before coating him in salt and crudely mummifying him.
Or Neil Patrick Harris. Dougie freaking Howser. Barney from "How I Met Your Mother." Smooth and sexy and suited up. I don't even remember the context I saw a recent picture of him but he looks like Boris freaking Karloff as "The Mummy" these days. He looks like if you took NPH, laid paper towels all over his face, soaked them in Elmer's Glue and then sprinkled flour on them. I am not amused by any of this shit. Thank God George Clooney appears ageless.
Other day I went and saw "Paddington in Peru." OK movie. I don't begrudge the Tuesday discount price I paid to see it but... There's this riverboat captain in it and as I'm watching the movie I'm thinking "he kind of looks like Antonio Banderas--only really really old. Like Antonio Banderas' grandpaw. That's not really Antonio Banderas, is it? It, in fact, was.
Or Tony Hawk. Awesome iconic '80s skateboarder, from the golden age of skateboarding. I never really learned how to "ollie" but that's another post. Tony's pretty close to my age. Same hair and eye color and general appearance although apparently he is freakishly tall, according to Google. Point is, I relate to him. Well these days he's on TV during "Jeopardy!", advertising Geritol or some shit and he looks like he's a million years old. He looks like if someone took Tony Hawk, murdered him, dragged the body down a couple flights of stairs and then behind a truck on a gravel road for a few miles before coating him in salt and crudely mummifying him.
Or Neil Patrick Harris. Dougie freaking Howser. Barney from "How I Met Your Mother." Smooth and sexy and suited up. I don't even remember the context I saw a recent picture of him but he looks like Boris freaking Karloff as "The Mummy" these days. He looks like if you took NPH, laid paper towels all over his face, soaked them in Elmer's Glue and then sprinkled flour on them. I am not amused by any of this shit. Thank God George Clooney appears ageless.
