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Where is the Random Thread of Randomness stuff that doesn't belong in other threads thread?

I am not happy with getting old. And everything I loved getting old. It's bad enough when I look at myself in the mirror and think "YEAH! You sexy bitch, I'm-a take a picture of you" and this hideous old crone peers back from the photo but...

Other day I went and saw "Paddington in Peru." OK movie. I don't begrudge the Tuesday discount price I paid to see it but... There's this riverboat captain in it and as I'm watching the movie I'm thinking "he kind of looks like Antonio Banderas--only really really old. Like Antonio Banderas' grandpaw. That's not really Antonio Banderas, is it? It, in fact, was.

Or Tony Hawk. Awesome iconic '80s skateboarder, from the golden age of skateboarding. I never really learned how to "ollie" but that's another post. Tony's pretty close to my age. Same hair and eye color and general appearance although apparently he is freakishly tall, according to Google. Point is, I relate to him. Well these days he's on TV during "Jeopardy!", advertising Geritol or some shit and he looks like he's a million years old. He looks like if someone took Tony Hawk, murdered him, dragged the body down a couple flights of stairs and then behind a truck on a gravel road for a few miles before coating him in salt and crudely mummifying him.

Or Neil Patrick Harris. Dougie freaking Howser. Barney from "How I Met Your Mother." Smooth and sexy and suited up. I don't even remember the context I saw a recent picture of him but he looks like Boris freaking Karloff as "The Mummy" these days. He looks like if you took NPH, laid paper towels all over his face, soaked them in Elmer's Glue and then sprinkled flour on them. I am not amused by any of this shit. Thank God George Clooney appears ageless.
 
Volpone said:
I am not happy with getting old. And everything I loved getting old. It's bad enough when I look at myself in the mirror and think "YEAH! You sexy bitch, I'm-a take a picture of you" and this hideous old crone peers back from the photo but...

Other day I went and saw "Paddington in Peru." OK movie. I don't begrudge the Tuesday discount price I paid to see it but... There's this riverboat captain in it and as I'm watching the movie I'm thinking "he kind of looks like Antonio Banderas--only really really old. Like Antonio Banderas' grandpaw. That's not really Antonio Banderas, is it? It, in fact, was.

Or Tony Hawk. Awesome iconic '80s skateboarder, from the golden age of skateboarding. I never really learned how to "ollie" but that's another post. Tony's pretty close to my age. Same hair and eye color and general appearance although apparently he is freakishly tall, according to Google. Point is, I relate to him. Well these days he's on TV during "Jeopardy!", advertising Geritol or some shit and he looks like he's a million years old. He looks like if someone took Tony Hawk, murdered him, dragged the body down a couple flights of stairs and then behind a truck on a gravel road for a few miles before coating him in salt and crudely mummifying him.

Or Neil Patrick Harris. Dougie freaking Howser. Barney from "How I Met Your Mother." Smooth and sexy and suited up. I don't even remember the context I saw a recent picture of him but he looks like Boris freaking Karloff as "The Mummy" these days. He looks like if you took NPH, laid paper towels all over his face, soaked them in Elmer's Glue and then sprinkled flour on them. I am not amused by any of this shit. Thank God George Clooney appears ageless.
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I'm older than most of y'all, some of you were teens when we met at TBBS/LoNAF/here. I can't even.
 
Weekend project:

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I'm calling it Pork Buttzilla, for pulled pork. 10 pounds, plugged with garlic slivers and dry rubbed to hell and back with a homemade thing consisting of brown sugar, garlic and onion powder, some cajun seasoning, smoked paprika, chili powder, a bit of cumin, plenty of freshly ground black pepper and red pepper flakes. In the fridge for now marinating itself and will probably go on the pit around 10-11pm tonight and will probably take 12-14 hours at 225-250°F. So I'll be babysitting it all night most likely.

Cost for the meat, 13 USD.
 
More on getting old:

One of my tires has a bad valve stem. I take it in to be repaired and in less than 2 months it's leaking again. I don't even know how modern car tires go together. My experience is with bicycle tires, where the valve stem is integral to the innertube. Car tires don't have a tube so I guess...it is a component of the rim? At any rate I was in a cash crunch so I'd pump it up, wrap the threads in teflon tape, wrap the thread cap in more teflon tape, and drive until the "LOW TIRE PRESSURE" light came on. I've never gotten around to getting one of them sexy little USB powered compressors so I've got an old manual pump in the trunk and after getting groceries, I pumped up the tire. And I gotta say, when you're under 40 putting 20# or so of air into a tire with a manual pump is enough to make you need a nap when you get home and get the groceries and laundry away. Or at least a break.
 
Catching up on e-mails. Of course this means a lot of slogging through junk--even after the filter culls a bunch and I delete a bunch more. The point is one e-mail wants me to put their organization in my will, which got me thinking about my will. If my brother outlives me he will NOT be getting my money. My parents were older and my Mom was the youngest daughter so there's a kind of "split-level"/"mezzanine" generation thing going, where my first cousins are 10-20 years older than me and their kids are 10-20 years younger than me (there isn't much in the way of living relatives on Dad's side) so I decided to divvy up my estate among them. The catch is, I like them less and less every day and want them to get my money less and less every day, but I'm at a loss for who I DO want to leave it to so I hit on an option: No one. Do it Egyptian Pharaoh style and bury all the gold with me. With booby traps and curses, obviously. But this got me thinking. The price of gold is something around $2,900 an ounce. There are 16 ounces to a pound. Assuming I ever realize my dream of being worth a million dollars and I convert it all to gold, I get buried with...something like 21#. And that's assuming there are no expenses involved in closing out my estate, burying me, and setting curses and booby traps. Not very impressive. Gold's a lot heavier than iron and 20# of iron is maybe the size of a dinner plate. Oooh. I could have a solid gold pro wrasslin' style championship belt made. Of course that would probably cost money too. I need to die with a lot more than a million dollars. Bah.
 
The local Masonic Lodge has been vacant and for sale for a number of years now. I should probably get a group together to buy it and turn it into a bar. I'm thinking The Black Lodge might be a good name for it.

The Owls are not what they seem. Gimme a funky floor and some red curtains and a midget and we're in business.
 
Colonel Kira's Left Tit said:
The local Masonic Lodge has been vacant and for sale for a number of years now. I should probably get a group together to buy it and turn it into a bar. I'm thinking The Black Lodge might be a good name for it.

The Owls are not what they seem. Gimme a funky floor and some red curtains and a midget and we're in business.
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You know the beauty/salon brand Aveeda? Big in the '90s? Their Minneapolis headquarters and main school is in an old Masonic lodge. It's pretty trippy. https://www.google.com/maps/@44.987...try=ttu&g_ep=EgoyMDI1MDIyNi4xIKXMDSoASAFQAw==

The vacant building next to it used to be a diner that was the location for the Christian Slater movie "Untamed Heart." Sad that it's a vacant building now.

I want an old firehouse for a strip club. Have the dressing room upstairs and, if it isn't too bad for workman's comp, have the girls slide down the pole onto the stage. Lots of spinning red lights and smoke machines. It would be hot. (Pun slightly intended.)

There's a small city near where I grew up called Eau Claire and if I had a hotel there it would have a wood paneled bar called The Oak Lair with a side bar full of taxidermy fish called the Muskie Lounge.
 
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